How do I feel Comfortable in my own skin, Without Drugs??

[SullenBoy]

It's tough. I don't believe in medications or therapy to cure you of depression or anxiety.

 

 

 

I'm 26 and i've been going thru some tough times lately. I've always had a low self-esteem but have been able to function thru out my life.

I just don't know how to feel comfortable in my own skin. I mean i know i'm somewhat handsome and a great, funny, caring, repsonsible guy but....Growing up with my mom, i always had this drive to please her and not piss her off, because she kinda had a temper. I just never wanted her to be displeased with me. I always felt bad if i couldn't do something for her. And i think that sort of turned me into a people pleaser. I'm Not good with compliments. Always been Worried about what people think about me, worried about my appearance. I mean, it taught me to be respectful to people and women, polite, open doors for women, thoughtful, caring , loving, funny, imaginative(i have a huge imagination, didn't have many friends growing up so i sort of made up my own world and put the lonliness into creativity) etc. BUT i've always been somewhat of a Fraidy-Cat in certain situations. Like walking into a crowded room or Speaking up when a waiter gets my order wrong, i mean just afraid to bring any sort of attention to myself, always feeling like i'm being watched or judged. I mean heck, i can't even feel comfortable walking out on the town with my girl because i'm always thinking, people are probably thinking, what's that cute girl doing with that average looking guy. I mean i'm not a lost cause. I am confident usually and can stand up for myself to a point, but i just want to know how to feel free of anxiety and fear and let my inhibitons run wild and just be a strong guy.

I mean, i know i'm strong. But only about certain stuff. I know everybody has problems in their lives and i'm not whining, i just want to get some advice on how to feel at ease with everything. How to go thru changing myself and how to transition without fear.

When you're a guy and you get older, you gain weight , your appearance changes or your hair starts thinning, how do i feel comfortable being me???

[Tony T]

It's impossible for anybody to effect the massive changes you require in yourself in a few paragraphs on an Internet forum. If that were possible, there would be a lot of counsellors out of work.

 

But if you want to do make every single improvement in yourself that you have mentioned above, go to an online bookseller and order: "Feeling Good" By David D. Burns, MD. He's also got a great companion to it called "The Feeling Good Handbook." Both of those titles are the best ever published that address everything about yourself you want to change or improve including depression and anxiety. Read the books and do the work and you'll be a new person in notime. If you want to find the books at amazon, just go to a good search engine like google and enter: "Feeling Good" in the search field.

 

Sorry I'm not a magician or I would wave a magic wand over you. But YOU are the one who will have to do the work. Good luck!

[VASH THE STAMPEDE]

I'm sorta the same way ,I'm usually the quiet one.Except I hold alot inside and become very angered,and when released its sometimes catastrophic.

you shouldn't feel like the world is judging you and if they do "so what" THEY DON'T KNOW YOU.

You sound like a very wonderful person,so forget about what people think its not healthy .You are depriving you self from being who you are.

[EnigmaXOXO]

You sound like a terrific person to me! And there is nothing wrong with a little humility so long as it doesn't turn into self loathing.

 

I share many of the same personality traits that you described until I got older and "grew" into my own skin. I think introspection and self-awareness comes easier as we get older and learn to accept ourselves for who we are.

 

You're a great person, so don't sell yourself short. That beautiful girlfriend wouldn't be with you if she didn't also see how really special you are!

[longlegzs80]

I too am a strong believer in not having to take medication for problems such as depression and anxiety. I find myself faced with the same issues where I have low self esteem, worried about what others think etc. I too am faced with a mom who has never said anything positive to say to me, and that is why I think the way I do and have low self esteem and find that my figure is not good enough etc. There is so much going on with me. But I can say it is really hard to stay strong. And you mentioned about fear. Not sure what to tell you on that one. I look at it this way though about being judged. If people can't accept you for who you are, then they are not worth it and not worth wasting your time over. Just do stuff with your girlfriend and try not to care what others are thinking. Sure it is hard, but that is a fear your just going to have to work on. Do't know if this makes any sense. But in many of your cases I can really relate to you .