Totally broke my heart but can i continue ?

[Thebeetle]

Hi,

 

Now let me give you the background here; me and my gf have been going out for 2 years now;

 

Since I start going out with her I knew a couple of things about her that I accepted.

 

I knew she had a bad relationship with her parents and family and had been forced out of education because of it. As well she was the one who broke the news of her fathers "other" family which he had on the side. Basically the worse form of betray I have ever heard of.

 

On a few occasions early on in the relationship she came to stay with me for a week or two before going home. About 6 months ago she came to stay after her grandmother attacked her over revealing her fathers betrayal.

 

In these 2 years we've had a few arguments and we have had disagreements but never anything serious and there was always love between us and I could 100% feel it without any doubt in my mind.

 

I used to play an online game but not anymore and she took over my account for it and because she was going through a kind of depression she started to play a lot staying up late etc, I tried to talk her away from the game but in honesty I thought she deserved an escape from her world for a bit.

 

About 3 weeks ago I get an email from someone she plays an online game with saying that she is flirting with him telling him that she loves him, etc. I get very upset and nearly break up with her. We sort out the problem but last night I came across her email account open on her computer and I discover she has been sending various people she met online pictures of herself and she had written some very terrible and obviously untruthful things about me. That I was a monster who she hated and if any of this couple of people she had met online were to come over she would leave me in a second.

 

Now I really got upset and was going to throw her out and never see her again but after a long talk with her and because I love her so much I couldn't cut it off. We talked about all her problems and she said she knew she had a problem and she couldn't explain why she had written those things and she didn't really feel that way. I made her give up the game and cut all contacts with the people she had met online.

 

What I want to ask of you, is am a fool or am I being a bigger man. Am I being committed to her and helping her sort out her life problems or am I setting myself up to get hurt again. I told her I wouldn't be able to forgive her again, it was too much for me.

 

There was never anything physical between any of these random people and she had flirted with various different ones, I felt it would be different if it was one person she had been carrying on with for the 6 months or more.

[jnj express]

You should not be worrying about whether or not you are being kind or as you say the bigger man, what you need to concern yourself with is do you want to spend significant time , maybe the rest of your life with this woman who tells other that you are a monster, and spends time actually doing who knows what with other men over the internet.

[Thebeetle]

I think that is the thing for me, in the cold light of day can I get past that fact. I truly believe that she didn't mean what she was writing but had maybe written it after one or two of the more serious arguments we had. Like I was reading her diary or blog or something after we had a fight. It wasn't a long list of emails it was 2 or 3 over a year or so period.

 

The thing with all of this is I know maybe this is something everyone says but there was never any part of our relationship that got cold. The sex never dried up the love in her eyes for me was always there. I've been in a relationship where someone had cheated on me before and it was clear that there was something wrong there and I knew it was going bad.

[lostsunsets]

It is projection. She is projecting what her parents did on to you. She now looks at you as the authority figure in her live. And she hate authority figures, because they have been so cruel in the past. Explain this to her. Tell her you cannot live with her if she continues to do this to you. When you told her the first time that she couldn't have an on line relationship with this guy, you assumed the place of her abusive parents. She needs to get counseling as I don't think you can fix this. She will step it up in the future sometime, without help.

[Untouchable_Fire]

The thing with all of this is I know maybe this is something everyone says but there was never any part of our relationship that got cold. The sex never dried up the love in her eyes for me was always there. I've been in a relationship where someone had cheated on me before and it was clear that there was something wrong there and I knew it was going bad.

 

She needs therapy. Bad.

 

Girls with this kind of family background are usually crazy. I will not date any of them in a serious capacity.

 

Start removing your emotions from this relationship. Start looking for a new girl, and when you find her... dump this psycho!

[Thebeetle]

Simply put, over the last few days and this morning we have had a lot of long talks.

 

I've come to an understanding that what she did wasn't anything to do with me, what she did was something to do with a boost in confidence. She never wanted me to be involved at all and all the horrible and untruthful things that she wrote about me were about a person who didn't really exist, someone who she was creating to explain the problems she has had in her life.

 

There wasn't anything physical ever in these emails, these people were thousands of miles away and in a different world and she was using them to sooth the problems she had.

 

So I've been hurt and it really hurts, but we are going to start from the bottom with this relationship and build everything up again and also attempt to sort out her problems along the way as well.

 

This is kind of one of those things that you can't explain over words but honestly I do believe her and I simply care about her enough to get over this.

[ducknrun]

I've come to an understanding This is kind of one of those things that you can't explain over words but honestly I do believe her and I simply care about her enough to get over this.

 

That’s good to hear that you want to get over this and make things work, but what if she was lying? I can tell you that I caught my fiancé texting some other guy and I was devastated, but we talked it over and worked things out b/c it wasn't physical. Later I caught her cheating on me with the same guy. I have also been that type that always forgives a lot. I think you’re the kind of "nice guy" that feels responsible for making her better b/c her life has been difficult and you sometimes have to override what your truly feeling to get over what see did.