UKtom Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 hey to everyone who has bothered to read this thread but it's very important to me. i could really do with some solid good advice, maybe by someone who has experience in this subject. basically by complete accident i met a girl 2 years ago on the internet. she is from italy and we got talking that day. i thought nothing more of it apart from that she was easy to talk to and we got on... i mean she was only someone i had met on the net right... anyway we spoke again after that and we got on even more. it was innocent and neither of us were out looking for someone. i am not that desperate and i know she wasn't lol. after about a month or so we were talking quite often, we exchanged numbers and we realised how compatable on a communicational basis. i felt like i could speak to her about anything, that we were comfortable talking together for hours at a time. it was weird because i had only known her for sometime. as time went on, we grew more and more to like each other and to know each other. we spoke every day, emailed and txt all the time, spoke on the phone, spoke on an internet chat site. it got to the point where we would speak for maybe 8 hours a day sometimes. at this point i was infatuated with her, she was perfect personality wise. i consider her as my soul mate. it sounds maybe stupid to some of you but i know it. i have been in long relationships in the past in reality, but the 2 years i have spent with her have been better than any of them and i have not even met her yet. i love her physically aswel, she has something unique and sensual. there is only one of her in the world and i know she is the one. i also know this because being a guy, and guys will know what i am saying here, i have not slept with, kissed or been with anothe girl or desired to in the time i have had these strong feelings for her. i do not care of other girls, i only see her in my eyes. it is maybe crucial to say here that in 2 years we have tried to meet but it has failed twice due to money etc. anyway everything sounds so rosey and perfect right. well the problem is that within all of this i have MAJOR trust issues as she is so far away and i am kind of that way anyway. it got to the point that if she made a compliment i would question it, i would study everything. i KNOW that we are soul mates and that we would be amazing together in reality. i would spend my life with this woman and she feels the same. this distance is killing us though. it is causing so many problems now after 2 years that it is creating torment, pain, depression and the feeling of no hope. ut yet we still talk everyday, we still desire each other. if she was any other girl i had accidently met on the net she would have been gone a long time ago, but the fact is she is so special to me that she is a part my life now to big to let go. we are both quite stubborn in the sense when we are hurting we become cold and we hold things back. i think we miss the every day things any other couple maybe take for granted. seeing each other, being able to gaze into each others eyes, holding each other, catching her sweet scent and being there for each other. kissing and making love. the fact we are still here wanting each other every day for 2 years and to only have been able to talk must mean something.... but yea i don't know where to turn, i don't' know what to do to maintain this long distance relationship. if anyone could shed some light or give their opinion i would appreciate it very much. thanks for your time and sorry if it is a long ass thread. i could have written a hell of a lot more but i didn't cya and please post replies tom... Link to post Share on other sites
KikiW Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 "it sounds maybe stupid to some of you but i know it." Ok first of all, most of us know EXACTLY how you feel It sounds to me like you two REALLY need to meet each other in person. I understand money is an issue, but if at ALL possible, make this a priority. Go without beer, TV and hold off on the music purchases... whatever you need to do to put a little cash aside. Heck, if you both pool your money, one of you can come to the other that much faster. Set a tentative date so you both have something to focus on. As for your personalities (the stubborn, cold part), as long as you both recognize and acknowledge your behavior, you can work through it. "I know I am being this way again, just bear with me..." Or "Hey babe, I get the impression you're feeling that way again, am I right? What can I do to make you feel better?" My LDR is so awesome at that with me - we both have trust issues, but mine were much more severe... we used to describe my inner self as being locked behind a brick wall, and he worked really hard to earn my trust and chip away at the wall. It takes work when each person comes with baggage and issues, but if you're both willing, the reward is an incredibly deep connection with a really special person. Best of luck to you Link to post Share on other sites
Nicodaemos Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 yea, trust. important in any relationship, more so in an LDR. you cant sit there at the end of the day, see if the clothes are all rumpled after being over at a friends house, cant see the truth in thier eyes when they say that nothing happened, just a friend. I always used to say, i hope so, she tells me thats what it is, so i hope thats what it is. That was with a woman that i had married, but more for practical reasons, not love. We did both agree to stay commited to it, and maybe make things work, but i was betrayed. she told me she never did anything, bills were fine, alot. There was alot that wasnt true, who she was with, and what she did, how much was spent, alot. This time though, with the woman i have never met, only online, i trust her. she told me she was happy, i believe it. You have two choices with that. either believe it, physically, mentally, out loud, in private, any and everyway you can, believe it. or, dont, and be miserable and wrack yer mind about everything. even now, after knowing that some of what she said was only a half truth, and that some of it was absolutely false. I know this cause she said it to me straight later. about how she felt when i was gone. about how she felt about other women, even though there werent any. Im hoping that she worried herself away, i choose to trust. trust recieved freely, makes one more likely to give trust freely. hope yall get it worked well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author UKtom Posted March 3, 2009 Author Share Posted March 3, 2009 thanks for your comments guys. by the way nice hat nico (no sarcasum) true love is worth fighting for and maybe many people would say that i do not know what true love is seeing as i have never met her. well still being together after 2 years, still having the same commitment and desire to have each other in our lives without ever having a loving look, a comforting cuddle or a passionate kiss says a lot to me. but there is alwaysthat paranoia i have, what if it is fake, what if she is up to something. i run a million and one things through my mind. i am quite neurotic anyway but this distance is a killer i have learnt to deal with the worrying and paranoia but it is still not healthy for my life or our relationshoip. i will start to put money aside incase she doesn't earn a place on this trip to england with her university. she studies languages and there are a very select number of places on this 6 month stay here. she is very good at english though i must say. but if that fails i will have the money aside the same. if she does come then i have the money for other things, maybe many nights out or whatever or maybe i could be sensible with my money for once haha. but i think LDR's are very very difficult. they should not be entered unless you are willing to make many sacrifices abd if that person is special enough to you. i believe firmly in sincerity and trust, i have to have it in any relationship. it is key so it obviously tears me up inside being this far away. i am sure you all relate to it. but you know i would go through all of this torment and pain to have her in my life, to have my soulmate present. Link to post Share on other sites
eurasian Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Mate, if you love her and you are soulmates, hop on a plane and go there. England and Italy are a stones throw away, you can get tickets on Easyjet for around about 50pounds im sure. Do it, don't let it pass you by. Good luck, I hope you get to be with your love. Link to post Share on other sites
Author UKtom Posted March 6, 2009 Author Share Posted March 6, 2009 yea i should just get my ass on a plane or something if it is that cheap. i also need to renew my passport blah! well we have agreed that is she doesn't earn that place on the trip to england that lasts 6 months, i will go there in the summer. we have waited for 2 years, been together and still desire each others company just a much, so 3 months is nothing thanks for the replies people Link to post Share on other sites
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