MichaelKEH Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 I read those above stories; so very sad. My heart goes out to you guys. I too have gone through some similar things: and i beleive i have found the root cause of it. I started dating my Fiancee when i was 16 and she was 14, and I have been through hell and back -All of what you have described happening to you has happened to me -and more. The details of why on earth we are still together is kinda unimportant; suffice it to say the love has always been there -we are best friends and a great match personality wise. I think the real problem was that my wife was(is) a incredibly beautifull girl while i was not (until about 2 years ago) an overly attractive man. I think it is just natural that even if you love somone and are best friends -if that intense sexual attraction isnt there: it leaves you open to stray. This goes for Males and Females; our sex drives can go kinda dormant -sure we have sex, but it isnt great and it isnt totally thrilling, fulfilling, and satisfying. I'm not saying that you WILL stray; or that you will be looking -but the possibility will be there. As an A biology student and from life experiance I can say for sure that even if your sex drive is dormant: ITS STILL THERE. All that it needs is for you to meet the right "old friend" or "co-worker" and BAM all of the sudden its like your in love again: that intense passion and curiosity, the sexual desire, and everything else -before you know it, your straying (or your partner is). We covered this in my intro psych course, romantic love like you see in movies IS TEMPORARY and does not really exist: its a complex combination of emotions and physiological processes that happen when you meet somone new that your sexually attracted too and just 'click' -meaning they are attracted to you too. So you can have a great marriage or relationship and then all of the sudden it falls apart because somone strayed; the root cause of this is sex and physical attraction: you can make it dormant -but it doesnt go away, and it can be reawakened by the WRONG PERSON. Two years ago i came to this as a hypothesis: that the only way i could fix our relationship for good was to get in excellant physical shape; either that or i had to leave her for somone who was a closer match to me in appearances. So thats what i did: intense proper bodybuilding (I had been going to the gym for years; but if you dont do it right -you get nothing; just waisted effort... Take a look at "Stronglifts 5x5") and a proper diet, vitamins, minerals, etc. Last spring Shay stopped going to the gym (guess she was happy with everything) and our relationship was excellant. In the summer i maybe went too far (im kinda obsessed with fitness now -maybe because i was scarred so much b4) and did anabolic steroids -and now im just damn sexy. By last fall -Shay was starting to get a little fat, and i was prancing around as damn sexy pants... and I ALMOST STRAYED!!! Can you Beleive it!!?? the Hunted becomes the hunter! What a horrible thing to do -especially after she had done it too me; i know what it feels like! But hey, i was sexy and i wasnt attracted to her anymore. I got Shay on stronglifts 5x5 as well: and her body took to it amazingly, but of course she was always naturally beautifull. Now our relationship is at an all time high, in the last couple months we have had so much amazing sex; and its just been... magical. Being fit is awsome, and having sex with a fit and sexy partner is awsome. Liking how you look in the mirror is awsome. Experimenting sexually and being comfortable in our own bodies is awsome. I finally can make Shay cum during intercourse -we acheived that feat for the first time in January; after 6 years! PM me if you want to know what i do to get her to cum while we were having sex -its kinda embarrasing to just put on an open forum. So anyway, that is my suggestion to everyone who has lost the "spark" in their marriage. You should work out and get in shape: that will likely fix your sexual problems and if you are like Me/Shay -those are probably the only real problems you have. PS: I dont necessarily advocate the use of anabolic steroids -i did them once when i was all crazy into fitness (and i had already been working out heavily for more than a year); i had great results and was doing very good without them -but i am one of those crazy "must win, must be perfect, triumph or death!" kinda people. PSS: If fixing your love life isnt enough reason to get fit -there are also major benefits such as lowered blood pressure, lowered cholesterol, increased cardiovascular capacity, reduced risk of heart attack / stroke, increased lifespan & strength, and im sorry but now that i am fit -fat people are just ugly. PSSS: Once you get into eating healthy and going to the gym three days a week (making it a habbit) its actually not all that hard to maintain: you just have to make it a priority in your life. Also a good routine where you are getting stronger every week with trackable and noticable results really helps. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Your post freaks me out, no joke. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MichaelKEH Posted March 4, 2009 Author Share Posted March 4, 2009 Ya i reread that, maybe it is a little cynical. God have i turned into a jaded person at 22 years old? *Sigh* our first 4 years were pretty brutal (4me); maybe i have become a hard and jaded person. But i made a hypothesis that by being beautiful our relationship problems would end -and that appears to have held true. Too be honest about 2 weeks ago we went with some friends to a club, Shay got drunk and picked up two other chicks -one of them random, one a friend from grade school she just ran into. She went back out to the SUV and had sex with them.... i didnt even care. Or do i care -but somwhere deep down? Its hard to tell anymore, i am certainly not the person i was 6 years ago. Maybe the whole reason i got fit was that if she ever cheated on me with a guy again -i would be hot enough to go out and find somone new. People like beautful people. Or maybe i wouldnt even care if she cheated on me with a guy -i was kinda suprised i didnt care about the girl/girl thing. At least there have been no other guys in her life since i got super-fit two years ago, and this was the first girl/girl thing: who knows maybe i could come to like that. I still stand behind my above post that getting in shape couldnt hurt a relationship; and it has certainly made the sexual aspect of it much better for the both of us -not to mention the other obvious health benefits. I am not actually worried about Shay straying anymore; and she doesnt seem interested in other men at all: she has always been a little bi-curious, and im pretty sure that if i wasnt dating her when she was 16 she probably would have been dating her best friend -so the bar thing wasnt really that socking when it happened. Link to post Share on other sites
mendsley Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Im not really sure what you trying to say with your postings. Most come here for help or to help others with thier specific needs. I'm sure you mean well and being ripped is great but maybe you should post in the [COLOR=#990000]Physical Fitness, Health & Weight Management[/COLOR] section, i dunno. MIKE Link to post Share on other sites
theBrokenMuse Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 Your post freaks me out, no joke. Aw c'mon mental instability is fun! (.... sometimes. when it happens to others that are far, far, far away from you.) Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 I can't tell what the post is about. I am all for working out and getting in shape. Hell yeah, anything to improve the way you look and feel. I did not get the subtle advertising for the use of steroids. That's why I was like wow. I think I have a clearer picture here, after the second post. Get in shape so that when your girlfriend or wife cheats, you are attractive enough to shrug it off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MichaelKEH Posted March 6, 2009 Author Share Posted March 6, 2009 I can't tell what the post is about. I am all for working out and getting in shape. Hell yeah, anything to improve the way you look and feel. I did not get the subtle advertising for the use of steroids. That's why I was like wow. I think I have a clearer picture here, after the second post. Get in shape so that when your girlfriend or wife cheats, you are attractive enough to shrug it off. Hahaha I guess that is totally what i said isnt it? I didnt even notice the section on "Physical Fitness, Health & Weight Management", probably more of the correct spot to post in eh? I thoroughly enjoyed the broken muses post about my being disturbed.... LoL maybe a bit excessive anyway but maybe i could have used less emotional abuse from my current spouse in the past. Ya sorry to be a pain, i just wanted to make a recommendation of what worked for me: but after using your forum for some self-reflection maybe i dont know how well i worked for me (well other than improving me sex life) Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 That makes no sense staying with a woman who constantly cheats on you while you head off to the gym. Are you gonna return the favor and cheat on her if the situation arises? I mean you said she cant be faithful, are you gonna be? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MichaelKEH Posted March 6, 2009 Author Share Posted March 6, 2009 Ya of course! I have no intention of ever being unfaithful, that way i always have a clean concience and can sleep at night Thats important for a bodybuilder you know, need lots of sleep: eat like a horse, sleep like a baby, grow like a weed Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 What??? so why stay with that woman, there are std's out there seriously. She jeopardizes your life with her craziness and all your concerned about is working out? Tell me I'm not reading this? Your joking right? Link to post Share on other sites
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