11 months NC - 27 days to 1 year.

[BackonTrack2]

Hello All,

I am doing so much better. I was down for a few months, lost allot but in the end I think it was for the best.

 

I feel good, no more sadness at all, its actually unbelievable, once I started to get busy, it went away faster and faster, in conjunction with the 4 rebounds I had. Each took the ex away from my heart a little more and more, took 4 sexual partners, friends, families, and eviction notice.

 

Took allot, but I recovered, I feel good, I actually don't tear or cry, oh my god, I just realized, I went the entire day without thinking about her, it was only until I turned on my computer and went to loveshack did I actually remember. It feels like SO LONG AGO, its crazy< i remember the other day I was in my closet crying on the floor, having panic attacks and just going through what I thought was shear torture.

 

Now that I think about it, I put myself through that, it didn't have to be that way but I allowed myself to fall as low as I could, and now I'm climbing again. Faster and stronger, I love it.

 

I love pressure, but yeah I guess what I'm saying is that, it gets better, a year came in the blink of an eye, I still remember our last night together, kind of sad now that I think about it, my ex had problems with me, but didn't tell me and started fawking another, and became confused and I didn't care, I let her go and by the time I realized I loved her, I was showing it, trying to hard actually, but by that time she was fawking someone else for months and her friend told on her, my pride kicked in, faded out, but her "lack of a better term" cunt side surfaced, then subsided, its like she was fighting herself. She must of been angry hurt and scared.

None of it mattered, she had someone and the emmotions would fade out and she knew that, all she had to do was ride it out.

 

I don't know why she kept coming around, I honestly don't know, I think it was because of the money. I think that was part of the reason, the other part was, I think she cared. I think she thought she was in a better spot in life than me, I think she thought she was helping me.

 

All of that doesn't mean anything now, the way it ended, I found out she was fawking someone else for at that time 6 months, it sort of makes the entire relationship seem like a lie.

 

I don't believe in my heart she could of loved me, I think as she said, she was infactuated, still doesn't explain why she stayed 1.5 years. I started giving her money the last 3 months or so, I wonder wlhat she really wanted.

 

The only thing that comes to mind is once in the begining, she said "I could have a life with you, the next time this happens don't mess it up" and I told her I will remember her as he girl I messed up on.

 

But in the end, I didn't mess up, I was doing right, I got us a place, I was going to introduce her to the family, take her on trips, travel, explore the world, hang out with her friends, the whole nine yards, but it never happen. I had it all planned in my head, I only got as far as getting the place until certain information came to light, in hindsight her Best Friend told me, I think the best friend was out for SELF.

 

She saw a good man, doing good in life, her friend was cheating on him, he didn't know, so she told on her. Strange espcially since I only met her twice in life, I think my EX lied to the BF and told them we broke up.

 

That girl lied to everyone, she does all of that to maintain a false image of who she wants people to believe her to be. I don't understand why people live their lives in false-hood.

 

I honestly can't even spend time thinking about why she did this, or why she did that, I know in the end, she abanded me, for whatever reason(s) and haven't look back since. Left me alone and lost. That was a hard time for me, but I'm back so whatever, the year came and went really fast.

 

If I am to be honest to myself, no way she can forget. Strange though, haven' called to check in or anything, no word, even her friends are asking for her now. She must be extremely interwined with the OM by now, to the point where their lives are now one.

 

I wonder about her sometimes, I don't even hate her anymore. Took me about a year to get here. It wasn't even a big deal, I wonder why I was so messed up. I think its because I stopped fighting.

 

I just came to another realization, the ex, must be contempt in life, good for her. Took me about a year but I'm here now. I messed my own self up, picked the wrong one.

 

I don't even think I can blame her, she was doing what girls do, whoreish ones, messed me up good though. I didn't know that was going to happen. Emotions are dangerous.

[WiseOne1]

Congrats man, I wish I had guts like you, I just finally got rid of my ex for good, I mean 100% for good, its possible that we'll never talk again ever, yea I mean 40 years from now we still wouldnt have talked.

 

But i've only been on full blast NC for 3 days, and I hopeing to get where you are.

[BackonTrack2]

You know, the last few months of our relationship, the ex and I were not really together.

we weren't having sex, I just realized that. We did everything else, no sex though, I didn't notice.

Toward the end, I was getting upset....

 

If I was to backtrack, it happen in stages.

 

Stage 1 - She wanted to do things, I ignored her (lasted 2 months)

Stage 2 - She started to cry and call herself a whore after sex and unleashed an emmotional assult on me to the point where it started to hurt my head.

Stage 3 - I go away 2 months, She gives up ( I remember this call), it didn't suprise me, I knew it was coming. I started to call her and talk more to her (she was fawking someone now 4 months)

Stage 4 - The lies, I return home, she contiunes the relationship, acting guilty and now that I remember with a look like "I hope I don't get caught"

Stage 5 - Becomes confuse, I am wondering whats wrong with her (Lasted 3 months)

Stage 6 - The end, I am fed up, she is acting crazy, I tell myself "I have to get rid of her"

 

 

 

During stages 5-6, she mentions some things, I am wondering what the hell she is talking about.

She hinted at the new guy, she hinted she told her friend we broke up, I just wrote it off as she's crazy.

 

 

Thats what happen, just in that order.

 

What do I really think?

 

It was a progession to the end, I seen all of it, Never understood in its entirity what was going on. I didn't

know what the END result would be. For HER? I think she used me as a backup until she fell in love.

 

All the while I'm wondering whats wrong with her, come to find out, nothing was wrong with her,

she was just getting fawked and sucking cock with another man. Did everything to save that relationship,

lies, pretending, hell even got rid of me.

 

She must love him.

That cock must be good.

 

Wow, thats the honest truth, LOL, I got left for someone else, its one thing to breakup but to leave

for someone else, that just makes the last relationship seem like it wasn't even important.

 

I must of been a reboud, if I am to be honest with myself, I knew it wasn't going to last,

I didn't know I would of took it so bad, I wish she would of just told me, We would of still

been friends or not (who knows). I wonder why she choose that path, it must be all she knows.

 

Why do I feel sorry for her now? Why did it take me a year, why do I feel as if I am better

than her, knowning the things I know now? I don't think we were compitiable, its funny,

what I'm saying now is EVERYTHING, she told me in the break-up emails, I have come to the

same conclusion independently, it must be truth.

 

I feel as if, she was apart of my ascent into adult-hood, this feels more like a highschool relationship

where two people got seperated only to meet up in the future like 10 years from now, like this was a movie.

 

She wanted things I didn't have at the time, she wanted a life with me, I wasnt ready +

I never listen to her (she's stupid).

 

Then she wanted out and come hell or high water she was getting out, it didn't matter

who got hurt in the process, she did try to minimize the damage.

 

Life hit her before it hit me, I wonder if in reality she cushion my fall.

 

Now that I am thinking about it, it can't go away, I can only forget, like one of those

brain-washing movies where as a child, you was imprinted with a keyword and when you get older,

20 years down the line, they call and activate you. And you can't forget because its implanted

within you.

 

But that's fairly tale world and in reality, it doesn't work like that. The truth of the matter is

that OM didn't matter. It was me as a male who pushed her away. In reality the whore is a whore.

I did love her though, I doubt I'm going to let this go, not even when I'm married with kids.

I can't beleive I'm still analyzing an event that occured roughly 1 year ago. Everyday, your learn something

new.

 

I wonder how I will feel the next time I fall in love, I wonder if I WILL let it go, I wonder if, I will feel

the need to talk to her again. I liked the way it ended, we both hate each other.

 

Well I don't know what she's feeling, probably feels nothing and just moved on (maybe)

Probably feel the same as me ( it didn't work out, i loved him/her) - maybe

Probably is happy and sucking cock (who knows)

 

Well, thats it, done analyzing, done introspecting

This is what the year has thought me about life, relationships and women.

 

 

So Final Thoughts are:

"Listen dude, you would of married her, had a famly & kids and she would of been fawking the neighboor. She's dirty. Its in her nature. You dodged a bullet. Be happy".

 

Wise0ne. you da man.

[WiseOne1]

I'm currently in the mind frame that young girls my age just like thugs, crack heads, drug dealers and etc.

 

I stayed around because there's really nothing out there that's my age all girls my are confused between agent 17-32, so I jus have to settle for some ****. So I came to the conclusion that I can't blame my ex for being confused because all she is doing is the same thing the other 3 billion women on earth are doing.

 

You probaby don't see it that way but its been proven time and time again. Just google it andd you'll see atlest 6 million links.

[BackonTrack2]

I'm currently in the mind frame that young girls my age just like thugs, crack heads, drug dealers and etc.

 

I stayed around because there's really nothing out there that's my age all girls my are confused between agent 17-32, so I jus have to settle for some ****. So I came to the conclusion that I can't blame my ex for being confused because all she is doing is the same thing the other 3 billion women on earth are doing.

 

You probaby don't see it that way but its been proven time and time again. Just google it andd you'll see atlest 6 million links.

 

Wiseone, I don't know what to say or how to respond. I am not in any mind-frame. I am more in the mind frame of "what am I going to do tomorrow" I don't even question or think about that my past situation. Its more like "what happen to her?? she was nice, I miss the sex and company"