Yes. It was Wrong

[dreamlover]

You can only gain forgiveness by asking for it from the person you've wronged.

 

Which means that you'd need to tell your H about your affair, and seek forgiveness for it.

 

It would also be a good "first step" towards becoming that honest person you want to be.

 

The forgiveness that I was referring to was not only the forgiveness that I'd ask my H when I confess. but also to fogive all th wrongs that my H has done to me, and the dishoest to my H and myself.

 

I want to say something for all the WSs, althoug I am fairly new here, but I have notcied that all the BSs only think that the WS should be blamed for EVERYTHING just because the WS had a A.

 

If I may, I'd like to ask you, all the BS here: Please stand in front of the mirror ask yourself why YOUR wife or husband cheat? Is it ALL his or HER fault?

[dreamlover]

The first person she wronged was herself.

I did the same thing.

I lived a lie, so I wouldn't have to face the fact that I didn't love my SO, I didn't love this life I thought other people envied.

I let myself down first and it was the affair that brought that to my attention.

I then tried to figure out why?

Why did I do this horrible, terrible thing?

I am unhappy I thought.

Now I am trying to figure out why.

Why do I resent him so much?

 

Dreamlover-You will make it through. Just remember whatever decisions you make they are the right ones for you regardless of the outcome!!!

 

Lostsoulmate, Thanks for your understanding. It is good to know that I am not alone. I hope we will find the answer and be happy again.

[jwi71]

If I may, I'd like to ask you, all the BS here: Please stand in front of the mirror ask yourself why YOUR wife or husband cheat?

 

She wanted to cheat. Her choice. Not mine. Not yours. Not Santa Claus. Hers.

 

Is it ALL his or HER fault?

The choice to cheat is ALWAYS 100% the WS fault. ALWAYS. There are ZERO exceptions. Period. So yes, it is ALL on the WS.

 

The WS, unhappy in some tenet of the M has choices. What's wrong with communicating? And if a one-on-one chat doesn't work, seek, no - demand MC. And if the spouse refuses...then what you have is a spouse who knows of the unhappiness and REFUSES to change/work/improve the M. So divorce him/her.

 

See...its a very simple progression. All very open. All very honest.

 

No need to cheat.

 

Question to you...why cheat when you can divorce?

[Chrome Barracuda]

Why they cheat???

 

WTFF????

 

CHEATING WAS HER CHOICE!!!!

 

instead of not talking to her ex boyfriend she did it anyway's and when i gave her a chance to come clean with me and be upfront and honest and be a real woman. she caved and F-ed him anyways!!! and guess what according to her this was a man she told me treated her like crap and did all types of wrong to her!!! and guess what she went back for seconds! \

 

So Am I to blame for her spreading her legs lying on her back for another man???

 

YOU need to look yourself in the mirror and wonder why did I destroy my personal intregrity and destroy my life with this affair. Why did I choose to do this???

 

Something is broken inside of you!!! it's 100% on the WS not the BS.

[dreamlover]

Dream,

 

The more you try the easier it will get to understand what it is you really need.

 

If you are really determined to not tell him yet about the affair, you need to at least let him know that you are unsure about your love for him, if yo haven't told him already. He needs to know that you are no longer sure if you still love him. That much he deserves from you. Just ask yourself this: if the table were turned, wouldn't you want him to tell you if he is unsure about his feelings for you? Wouldn't you want to be given a chance to make a decision whether you want to stay in a loveless marriage or start a new life and find love somewhere else?

 

Don't get me wrong, I by no means not telling you to hide the affair from your husband. I still believe that you need to tell him everything. He deserves to know.

 

I agree kaly. I did tell him I am not sure if I still love him many times and for a long time even before the A. Thank you.

[dreamlover]

Why they cheat???

 

WTFF????

 

CHEATING WAS HER CHOICE!!!!

 

instead of not talking to her ex boyfriend she did it anyway's and when i gave her a chance to come clean with me and be upfront and honest and be a real woman. she caved and F-ed him anyways!!! and guess what according to her this was a man she told me treated her like crap and did all types of wrong to her!!! and guess what she went back for seconds! \

 

So Am I to blame for her spreading her legs lying on her back for another man???

 

YOU need to look yourself in the mirror and wonder why did I destroy my personal intregrity and destroy my life with this affair. Why did I choose to do this???

 

Something is broken inside of you!!! it's 100% on the WS not the BS.

 

In fact. I did stand in front of the mirror and asked myself many times, I see a lonely, hopeless and helpless woman who happened had oppurtunity to escape from the disappointed real life.

 

I cheated and had valid reasons, and I now know it is a wrong choice.

 

But we are not talking about the A ONLY, there are some reasons behind the A in the marriage that both parties comtribute. I do not know if one will go cheat if they are fullfille with their marriage.

[Chrome Barracuda]

You can have an awesome marriage and still cheat!!!

 

Th choice was yours to make. No one put a gun to your head and made you sleep with someone else. it was premeditated. And brazen. Right now your a bit foggy i see that but don't go blaming others for your failings. Dont give me the marriage was bad that i had to cheat. The choice was yours to make, your not a victim here so just remember that the A was something you choose.

 

I've been in bad relationships but nothing inside me said, cheat on her. if that was the case i would have just left if it was so bad. You could have worked out your individual issues.

 

Your husband didnt deserve his wife stepping out on him, but now you got to make things right. but in order to do that you need to confess and be remorseful, stop focusing on what he did to hurt you, because right now that isnt important. focus on one task at a time. He can change but it takes 2. If your gonna be there to help him through it, then it could happen.

 

But i see a whole lot of blaiming others for your own actions.

[jwi71]

I cheated and had valid reasons, and I now know it is a wrong choice.

 

Would you be willing to tell us what these "valid" reasons were?

 

But we are not talking about the A ONLY, there are some reasons behind the A in the marriage that both parties comtribute. I do not know if one will go cheat if they are fullfille with their marriage.

All humans on this planet know disappointment.

We all, at some point in time, feel hopeless and powerless and weak.

Some people choose suicide. Others turn to the bottle. Or an A. And in every case, the one suffering not only does NOTHING to address the problem - they compound the problems 100 fold. Its how YOU CHOOSE to ACT that counts - not that you have "issues". ****, I have plenty of issues and I DONT cheat.

 

And ALL marriages, all R(elationships) have problems. ALL OF THEM. ALL of them leave us wanting to some degree. No one is ever 100% happy all of the time. And its how YOU handle them that counts. That's YOUR character speaking...it isnt problems in an M...its about how YOU react...

 

YOU need to STOP obfuscating and excusing and blaming the BS.

YOU cheated. Not your H...YOU. Own it.

 

This salve of blaming the BS you apply to YOUR pain ...its a placebo. Its defensive in nature for ACTIONS that have NO defense. And in this you seek to avoid 100% RESPONSIBILITY of YOUR actions...and the aftermath. And in this you do NOT fully grow. You do NOT change.

[AnthonyF]

I don't know if reading some of these responses will help in the long run as they seem tinged with hurt, sadness and animosity from their prior A's or being cheated on.....

 

No one knows your marriage or what really went on. Was it wrong? Yes. What you need to do is decide what you want to do going forward and what your H will do. Be honest with him that you need more if you want the marriage to continue and work together and be honest and fair. Don't ask for unreasonable/unattainable goals. If he doesn't want to do anything about the snoring or get professional help, leave.

 

Again though, I see no reason to tell him about the A. But do move your ass and try to get this marriage on the right track....

[Dexter Morgan]

I cheated and had valid reasons.

 

BOOM!! That right there says it all about you.

 

Got a newflash for you, there is NO valid reason to cheat. If any "reason" exists at all, then its time to leave the relationship.

 

Now I think, with that statement, everyone can understand WHY you are a cheater. You feel entitled when things don't go your way.

 

Man do I feel really bad for your husband.

[lostsoulmate]

Dreamlover

 

Things will work out for both of us.

 

I know how much you are hurting right now. More than words can express. I am there too.

 

Please know that you are not a bad person, you have no character flaws, you simply made a mistake.

 

Yes, it is a mistake that hurts other people. It is still a mistake (in my eyes). I know others here will chastise me for that. Oh well.

 

Good luck! I really mean it. I know it is hard. Keep your head up and keep yourself busy. If you are going to try and make it work, dive head first and try.

 

Stay strong for yourself.

[bentnotbroken]

In fact. I did stand in front of the mirror and asked myself many times, I see a lonely, hopeless and helpless woman who happened had oppurtunity to escape from the disappointed real life.

 

I cheated and had valid reasons, and I now know it is a wrong choice.

 

 

"there are never valid reasons to cheat. Only justified reasons. I am hurt, spouse won't do this or that, so I have the right to find it somewhere else. Yes, you have a right to have your needs met. No you do not have the right to deceive and destroy some one's trust. If needs aren't being met, speak up. If that doesn't work, leave. Simple. End one relationship before beginning another.

 

But we are not talking about the A ONLY, there are some reasons behind the A in the marriage that both parties comtribute.

 

There are problems in the marriage that both parties contribute to 100%. Marriage is about 2 people who don't do what is necessary to ensure a partners needs are met. But as stated above, there are no reasons for an A. You can tell yourself that until the cows come home, it isn't so. By saying that something pushed you into an A, implies that you weren't in control of your own actions. Notice I said actions. I can only speak for myself, but as a BS who didn't get her needs met, I thought about going elsewhere. I liked it if someone else paid me some attention. But that is where I control my actions. Yes, I needed to be held, encouraged, supported(especially during the death of my father) and made to feel loved and adored. Those things did not happen in my marriage. It is easy to look for it some where else. Hell, most of the time you don't even have to look. There are so many predators out there, that a wedding ring means nothing. I control my actions. You control yours. Look how much control you are exercising by not telling your H. Thoughts and feelings don't have to translate into actions

 

 

I do not know if one will go cheat if they are fullfille with their marriage.[/quote]

 

Even if one's needs aren't being met, doesn't mean they will cheat. And if you have been around here any length of time, there have been WS on here who said they had great spouses, but they just wanted the thrill. One a-hole even said he did because he could. You haven't owned anything yet. You confessed to a board of strangers and still laid the blame for YOUR A on your BS. You blamed issues in the marriage(which seems to be the norm) for making a disastrous choice. It will affect you in ways you haven't begun to fathom. Until you own all your mess, not your H, not the OM, but yours, you will remain in the stunted emotional place you are right now.

[Dexter Morgan]

Dreamlover

 

Things will work out for both of us.

 

I know how much you are hurting right now. More than words can express. I am there too.

 

Please know that you are not a bad person, you have no character flaws, you simply made a mistake.

 

No, she didn't. She knew what she was doing and she felt entitled to cheat.

 

Maybe you missed this little tidbit from her: I cheated and had valid reasons

[lostsoulmate]

No, she didn't. She knew what she was doing and she felt entitled to cheat.

 

Maybe you missed this little tidbit from her: I cheated and had valid reasons

 

This is just your opinion Dexter.

As the BS I know you don't/won't understand things from her perspective.

I do on the other hand, and you know it.

 

When a WS is hurt, whether that be from not getting what they needed/or being abused (emotionally or physically) from their SO, chances are a mistake can be made. It could be a simple mistake, like wrecking the car because their attention is on their pain. Or perhaps a bigger mistake, like enjoying someone other than their SO being nice to them.

 

I don't expect you to understand, in truth I don't care if you do.

 

I just want Dreamlover to know that what she and her SO have done to each other is not the end of the world. Things will work out, somehow, sometime.

 

She is not a bad person. She is just a person.

[Dexter Morgan]

This is just your opinion Dexter.

 

Uh no...that is her words.

 

 

As the BS I know you don't/won't understand things from her perspective.

I do on the other hand, and you know it.

 

Oh but of course. She feels she has good reasons to cheat, and I know why you understand that and support that type of thinking.

 

 

When a WS is hurt, whether that be from not getting what they needed/or being abused (emotionally or physically) from their SO, chances are a mistake can be made. It could be a simple mistake, like wrecking the car because their attention is on their pain.

 

wrecking a car is an accident....willingly making yourself available to another person outside of your marriage is not.

 

 

I don't expect you to understand, in truth I don't care if you do.

 

then don't respond:rolleyes:

 

 

I just want Dreamlover to know that what she and her SO have done to each other is not the end of the world. Things will work out, somehow, sometime.

 

Nah, with an attitude that she is entitled to cheat and she had valid reasons...then it will happen again when things just don't go perfectly her way. I don't think his snoring is gonna go away:o

 

 

She is not a bad person. She is just a person.

 

using dumbass excuses like snoring to justify cheating??? I'd hate to see what she'd do if he REALLY did something wrong....stab him with a fork?

[lostsoulmate]

using dumbass excuses like snoring to justify cheating??? I'd hate to see what she'd do if he REALLY did something wrong....stab him with a fork?

 

 

Big stretch here.

 

I know, as she has explained, the hurt she has felt from her SO is much more than just snoring.

[Dexter Morgan]

Big stretch here.

 

I know, as she has explained, the hurt she has felt from her SO is much more than just snoring.

 

but she highlighted this as the BIG reason. get real. she seems impossible to please if snoring is a BIG factor in cheating.

 

Her husband, to me, is fighting a losing battle. he isn't going to be able to do anything right.

 

Better go get himself one of those strips to put over his nose that is suppose to stop snoring before she goes out and cheats again. cuz afterall....she has valid reasons to cheat

[Amybeth]

I want to tell you that my husband had an A and I happened to find out he did not tell me. He had this A off and on for 5 yrs !

 

You are right it happened as it was both of our faults - it does take 2 ...

 

At the beginning 19 years ago we loved each other alot. BUT things started to change as we had 2 kids, lots of stress in life and began to not appreciate each other and resent all the little things.

 

When I found out I was devestated ! D day was 10 months ago. In many ways it is the BEST thing that it happened and that I found out (we both think so). It has given us a 2nd chance at living life happy. I decided to stay with him as he was shocked how much I really loved him. We were just in some very bad habits. We finally got the opportunity to start over and really appreciate each other and listen to each other more than in many many years.

 

By the way - we were in MC for 6 months and we went to an IMAGO marriage weekend retreat. IT WAS GREAT AND REALLY TAUGHT US TO LISTEN TO EACH OTHER and understand eo's needs.

 

I was so angry that 5 years went by and 5 years of my life was "wasted" as I was not loved and "alone" for those 5 yrs.

 

Your H has a right to decide his life - what if it takes you 10 more years to figure out you want to leave your marriage???? Then you took all those years of his life away from him - never giving him the opportunity to make his own decision (which could be to stay with you and finally listen to you and finally really give you what you need).

 

It really could have a happy ending - one way or another...

Either way it will take alot of work

[Amybeth]

last thing... I wear earplugs to sleep !!

 

you can get them at CVS - they are pink and block most of the sound (I searched all over and found these)

[jwi71]

As the BS I know you don't/won't understand things from her perspective.

I do on the other hand, and you know it.

 

Wrong thinking. Stop hanging onto the labels of WS/BS and never the two shall meet. It simple isn't true. And you use it as an excuse - to us, to yourself, to others..."you simply don't understand". Why answer questions and probe oneself when the easy way of "you don't understand" is available?

 

Kinda like cheating. Why face the issue when there is an escape?

Its a theme and pattern that many, perhaps most cheaters exhibit.

(I do NOT think YOU follow that pattern after reading your history - but the OP is)

 

When a WS is hurt, whether that be from not getting what they needed/or being abused (emotionally or physically) from their SO, chances are a mistake can be made

In YOUR case...you made a stupid mistake. But in the VAST majority of cases, the A was preplanned, chosen and actively pursued. A's just don't happen by accident...many boundaries are intentionally and knowingly crossed. Its NOT a mistake. Its a plan.

 

Dreamlover had many options...and chose to cheat. She tries to deflect the pain and shame and anger on her BS. Its understandable. She's human after all. But ignoring the issue does NOT address the issue. And the core issue is: when given an unhappy M, she cheated. Period. She doesn't address the deficiencies in herself (cheating) and the M (whatever "drove" her to cheat)...then more sadness, butterness and anger is in her life.

 

Or perhaps a bigger mistake, like enjoying someone other than their SO being nice to them.

You are projecting YOUR situation here. YOU, IMO, made a stupid mistake.

Dreamlover did NOT.

If you want to discuss YOUR situation...start a new thread or PM me.

 

I don't expect you to understand, in truth I don't care if you do.

Dexter gets it.

Dreamlover..and to a degree yourself...not so sure...

 

I just want Dreamlover to know that what she and her SO have done to each other is not the end of the world. Things will work out, somehow, sometime.

Well, because dreamlover hasn;t face the issue yet and CHOOSES to NOT face it...I don't see much changing and/or improving in her life.

 

She is not a bad person. She is just a person.

Agree.

[Owl]

The forgiveness that I was referring to was not only the forgiveness that I'd ask my H when I confess. but also to fogive all th wrongs that my H has done to me, and the dishoest to my H and myself.

 

I want to say something for all the WSs, althoug I am fairly new here, but I have notcied that all the BSs only think that the WS should be blamed for EVERYTHING just because the WS had a A.

 

If I may, I'd like to ask you, all the BS here: Please stand in front of the mirror ask yourself why YOUR wife or husband cheat? Is it ALL his or HER fault?

 

I'll GLADLY take this challenge.

 

My situation occurred almost five years ago.

 

But what led to it started about a year before that. My wife was working...something she volunteered to do...her income was a nice supplement to everything, but not at all required. It was her choice, and I supported it.

 

Then she ended breaking her ankle, and was unable to work for a couple of weeks. During her "time off", she began playing online games...and quickly became very addicted. When she contacted her job about coming back to work, she informed them that her duties would have to be limited due to her ankle still being in a cast...they promptly let her go.

 

This was just one final trigger that started her down into depression.

 

She didn't seek another job, and I was ok with that for a while. But then her gaming began to take over completely...she was logging 16+ hours/day online in game. She didn't attempt to apply back at the school when it resumed. She began to withdrawl from the family completely...me and the kids.

 

She refused to seek treatment for her depression, no matter what I did to try to help.

 

She stopped cleaning the house (which we'd all worked with her on), she got to where the only thing she'd do was game, or occasionally do laundry. She became increasingly angry with the kids and I over the slightest things. I took up nearly all the slack of maintaining the home, even tho I was also working a full time job.

 

Things came to a head at one point, and I finally DID convince her to at least start coming to bed with me occasionally rather than staying up all hours gaming, but that took a tremendous battle, and was very grudgingly agreed to.

 

This lasted nearly a year...and towards the end of that time, she became romantically involved with a man she'd met in that same game she played online. This rapidly escalated into a full blown emotional affair.

 

No matter what I'd done over that entire year, there was nothing I could do to get her to work with me to fix the problems. It wasn't until the affair, until d-day, and until the subsequent fallout and end of the affair that she finally started to open her eyes and see what needed to be done.

 

We did IC and MC for nearly a year after all of this.

 

She made tremendous changes. She stopped gaming, she completely changed her focus from herself and her online friends to me, and our family. She began taking an interest in the house, and us, again. She had to learn to communicate with me, and with our kids.

 

Me? I really didn't change anything. I just encouraged the changes that she made. I'd been fighting to save my marriage all that time, and the steps I'd been wanting and fighting for were the ones needed to save our marriage.

 

Sorry...but I wasn't even a contributing factor to her choice to have an affair. There were no sweeping changes required on my side...the "problems" were all hers. And the fixes were all hers to make.

 

My experience on this site and others has shown me that while there may be problems in a marriage that require addressing...the problems that lead someone to choose to cheat as an answer are nearly always intrinsic to that person themselves...and they are the key players in fixing the issues.

 

Something else to consider...even if there are major issues in the marriage that led to your choice to cheat...once the cheating occurred, all those things became SECONDARY to the damage you've done to yourself and your marriage by your choice to be unfaithful.

 

And you have to treat that FIRST...because the marriage will die from that far faster than it will from whatever secondary infection may have contributed to that state in the first place.

[Dexter Morgan]

I want to say something for all the WSs, althoug I am fairly new here, but I have notcied that all the BSs only think that the WS should be blamed for EVERYTHING just because the WS had a A.

 

Nobody is saying that the BS doesn't share responsibility of the state of the MARRIAGE. What we are saying is it doesn't excuse YOUR CHEATING and it isn't your husband's fault that YOU cheated.

 

But we already know that you think its your husbands fault that you decided to open your thighs to another man.

 

 

If I may, I'd like to ask you, all the BS here: Please stand in front of the mirror ask yourself why YOUR wife or husband cheat? Is it ALL his or HER fault?

 

yes, its all HER fault that she CHEATED. If there were problems in the marriage, we both share those equally. But if there were any, I never knew. Its also up to both to communicate if there are any problems.

 

I sure as hell didn't get all my needs met in my marriage, but you didn't see me going off and sticking my d!ck in other women.

 

Why she cheated? I dunno...some people just can't be faithful. Some people just have to have a new face to f##k once in a while and aren't content with being with the same person over and over.

 

I thought I was being a good husband by staying home with our small children so she could go out and blow off steam with her friends. i felt good about that...I thought my consideration would be appreciated and reciprocated. Foolish me.

 

But really, whats the point of you asking "Is it all your WS's fault??" or wondering about it being all the WS's fault? YOU yourself are putting ALL the blame on your husband by justifying your cheating. You said it yourself, you have valid reasons....of which the BIG one was snoring.

 

That being said, you are an entitlement cheater. You will justify your actions til the cows come home, and if you think you have "valid reasons" and excuses for cheating, then you will ALWAYS have an excuse.

 

So why don't you just do your husband a favor and leave him? I sure wouldn't want to be held hostage by someone that feels cheating is justified and be in fear that if I didn't do things exactly right or perfect that my so-called SO would cheat on me because of it.

 

if thats the kind of entitlement attitude you have towards cheating, then leave the relationship. Because with an attitude like that, you have no clue what the word "committment" means.

 

get a divorce...your husband deserves better

[dreamlover]

Amybeth

 

Thanks you for sharing the light. I really need to know if it is possible at all to work out a marriage after all these mess.

 

Anthony, Thank you for your comments.

 

OWL:

 

I appreciate that you share your story with me. I am still in the middle of orginzing my thoughs, I wish my story was like yours that simple. It was more than one thing and it was way longer than one year that we had problems. I did not know where to begin.

 

I now agree that I should take full responsibility of cheating, the choice that I made.

 

Maybe I picked a worng example snoring as one of the problems in our marriage, I have a lot of other things, they looks small, but when all of them add up together, it become big issues. It takes 2 to solve them, I have asked my H to go to MC, he said that it is BullSh**. I told him that I wish he could remeber my Birthday, I told him that wish he sometime go see a movie with me. But he never did. Year after year, I gave up and shut down.

 

The only thing he made me think he cares are the $$ that I put on the back account, he only needs me when he physically need to F***. he never asked me how I feel about the sex. tellyou the truth, I HATE it.

 

Then I talked to him SERIOUSLY, let's devoice. he said that I am HIS, if I D him and if I will remarry someone else, he will kill him. I printed out the doc for D, he throw it away. I gave up plus I was not sure about the D. becuase of the kids.

 

he never wants to talk about our issues, he thinks that all woman compains about their H. he does not see the problems, he does not want to admit that there are big issues in our lives.

 

PLEASE, give me a break, I am telling you the truth, I know I sounded miseriable and sad and mad. I am not trying to see that it is all his fault that I cheated. I am writing out here to vent that how I was treated and what kind of man I have in my life. Before we married, he was a different man. When he think he HAS me, he become who he really is.

 

I have done all these before I met someone at work who listen to me, who cares about to know how I feel. I do not think I find the true love from the A. -- after all, I am carring all the heavy bagage with me all the time. But it was very comforting, a nice, peacful time in my life.

 

The A was just a best way for me to escape, bad choice I know. I did not even realize that I started an A, I did even know much about Affair after until lately when all is over. I know it is wrong to cheat.

 

I want to focus on my marriage, family and kids now, but I need my H to work with me, that is my big challenge.

 

Sorry for writing so long. I just need to find a place to vent and orginze my thought, and get some advice.

 

Anyone had a marrige as bad as mine? Is it still worth to give it a try?

[Dexter Morgan]

Anyone had a marrige as bad as mine? Is it still worth to give it a try?

 

No.

 

its my opinion that no matter what the circumstances....NO marriage is worth saving once one spouse has f####d someone else. Sorry to be so graphic, but thats the way it is.

 

People think of it in terms of infidelity and don't really visualize things. Basically what good is wanting to keep a spouse that spread their legs for another man and let that man up to his balls in her? What good is keeping a husband that was up to his balls in another woman and pumped away at her?

 

The reason for the graphicness is to make people think.....why keep a spouse like that?

 

Not only that, you are laying this all at his feet. So don't ask him "lets get a divorce"....just do it.

[lostsoulmate]

Anyone had a marrige as bad as mine? Is it still worth to give it a try?

 

Everyone here has had what they call a "bad" marriage. And yes, Dreamlover, if you can get him to "see the light" and help you help the marriage. It is worth a try.

 

If you feel like you have done all you can, are sick to death of feeling the way you do... You'll be going through the big D and I don't mean Dallas.

 

Good luck! I truly hope it all get better for you very soon. I know how it feels to be in limbo...scary.