Help! Whats wrong with me?

[Christine]

I really need some help.. Low sex drive! or shold i say non existant.

 

Hey..

I have been with my Boyfriend over a year and he's 5 years older than me.. We live together and have been for nearly a year. I had a rather high sex drive before i met him in the begginning of our relationship he quizzed me and quizzed me about my past sex life, when i told him for months at every moment we argued i was called a bitch a slag and a disgust. I love him very much but now i dont feel myself..

 

Things have gotten worse in the last 6 months, I feel like sex is dirty and wrong and i know it sounds stupid but everything he has said to me cant get out my head, I feel in constant pressure to have sex and it hurts when i try. I told my doctor and she gave me sme advice and we tried it but it ended and now its back to once a month if lucky.. I feel i HAVE to give in foreplay to keep him happy. He's not really all about sex but i always feel under pressure and i fell he's obsessed. I hate him looking at my body.. I feel ugly when i am nakid, I know i am not but i feel soo dirty.. He made me feel soo dirty about sex and now i have totally went off it!

 

I know there is no miracle cure for this and everything takes time but i really feel like i wont get over the things he has said and i will feel like this forever. Has anyone else went through anything simelar to this before? Anyone? Any suggestions really appreciated.

Last of all thank you for taking time to read this.

Hope everyone is well

Christine

[VASH THE STAMPEDE]

I'm sorry to tell you this ,but you made a mistake giving into telling him about your past experiences.Hes very wrong for verbally abusing you when information granted was given to him.

I know its hard but you have to forget the things he has said ,it's stupid for him to act the way hes acted.You should look into counseling .

[PurpleAngel]

I had a rather high sex drive before i met him in the begginning of our relationship he quizzed me and quizzed me about my past sex life, when i told him for months at every moment we argued i was called a bitch a slag and a disgust. I love him very much but now i dont feel myself..

 

There is NO excuse for calling you those things. No matter what your sexual past was, that was in the past and that’s where is should stay. I do think that perhaps it is always best that we leave the past where it belongs and this includes not discussing it with out partners, unless it effects them in some way (ie: Unprotected sex… etc) Anyway, he should have a little more f’ing respect for you, who does he think he is…. You should love yourself most and say… NO I don’t deserve to be called and treated like this. You know physical abuse and verbal abuse are not too dissimilar. They are both VERY destructive and disrespectful and should NEVER be a part of a loving relationship.

 

Things have gotten worse in the last 6 months, I feel like sex is dirty and wrong and i know it sounds stupid but everything he has said to me cant get out my head, I feel in constant pressure to have sex and it hurts when i try.

Psychologically you can not have this type of treatment and have it not effect you in some way. Sometimes mental pain and discomfort, by the things he has said to you can and will manifest physically into an illness or disease… please be careful and try to heal and reject the things he has said to you. Do not allow those words to enter your heart and mind and the deciding factors to your worth and whether you are dirty… etc… you are not.

 

I hate him looking at my body.. I feel ugly when i am nakid, I know i am not but i feel soo dirty.. He made me feel soo dirty about sex and now i have totally went off it!

 

My advice is that you go and seek some counselling to change these thought patterns, cos in the long run they can become very destructive in different facets of your life not only sexually.

 

I know there is no miracle cure for this and everything takes time but I really feel like I wont get over the things he has said and I will feel like this forever. Has anyone else went through anything simelar to this before? Anyone? Any suggestions really appreciated.

 

My ex went through something similar and he did not seek help at the time, once he had had a healthy sex drive, and mentality towards it. When we got together this had changed, his past girlfriend was awful to him and screwed him up so bad that he would have trouble all the time with it, even once in a very loving relationship. Ultimately this was one of the things that ended our relationship, not because I wanted it and he didn’t but after so long the issue had manifested into many other issues like, self esteem problems, self worth, and so on and so forth. He is now seeing a counsellor but realises that no matter how much he may have cared for his ex at the time, it ruined his life by not loving himself the most to walk out of there and say, ‘I deserve more from my partner, I need someone that loves me and cares for me no matter what’ and this doesn’t include talking and treating you as he does.

 

Unfortunately my advice to you is, get out of the relationship. It is very, very destructive. I know you love him, but we need more than love to stay within a relationship. Love is demonstrated in many ways and I don’t think that your partner is showing you the love you deserve. I am sorry you are going through this, but the first way to recovery is to step out of the one thing that is causing you most destruction. Go and see someone and talk about your issues.

 

If you need more information about how you can stop believing that ie: you are ugly and sex is dirty, let me know. I can assist.

[moimeme]

Love should help you grow, not destroy you. Anybody who could do this to you is not worthy of you. I have no idea why you are with this person but I agree that you need to end this relationship now.

[pinkroses]

about past sexual relationships, unless it has some significant meaning to your current one. I had a boyfriend who told me all about his intimate life with his ex-wife and past girlfriends, and it made me feel like I was being compared. I felt like I was in a relationship with several people; him and his past. He acted like he was more of a part of his past than he was a present person with me, and it left me feeling competitive and jealous.

 

No one has a right to know about your sexual history, unless you have contracted an STD or there are children you have you want a significant person to know about. I can't believe your boyfriend would judge you and call you names over things you did before you met him, what a complete jerk! Like he was such a perfect angel? Let him sit on trial and account for all he's done in his life!

 

As far as feeling bad about your body and about sex, no wonder. No woman can be herself and be happy in bed with a man who makes her feel judged, dirty and unworthy. If you have moved on, forgiven yourself for whatever regrets you have in the past, then your partner should do the same. I think the advice to get counseling is good, to help get your self esteem and your positive feelings about intimacy back.