I NEED SOME ADVICE or A PICKMEUP!!?! cant seem to do it!!!

[mewbomb]

Well, I don't even know where to start with this one people. Looks like she really doesn't want to talk to me anymore, ever!?!!?

 

My ex got a dog a few weeks ago and said that she didn't want to have to split the two of us... so i tell her that i was willing to love and help her with the dog.

 

The other day i went over there saying, hey, lets go out for an hour and get some food and then we will go back and hang with the dog and watch a movie. The night was going well, she proclaimed, the happiness for me being there and we went into bed quite early, around 11pm on a friday night.

 

So, i try to um... make some lovin, and she said she was really tired or whatever, but she sure didn't seem like it before we got to bed, i thought she wanted to really!?!?! ok fine, she goes to sleep and says she can't wait to sleep late the next day.

 

So next day rolls around and it seems as if... doggy, wants to get out at 8 am.. ok... so maybe, i try again to love her and i get turned away, ok..somethigns wrong!?! She asked if we wanted to take a walk to the store with pup to get coffee and i agreed, but said.. can we go in a few??? trying to love of course.. She said she doesn't want to and starts with this doubting thing.. "i have these doubts about us i can't get rid of!" so i tell her, so, you want me to leave??? SHE ACTUALLY SAID YES!?!??!?

 

WOW!! SHe goes through the whole shabang of don't call me, email or send flowers or anything, it will just make this harder on the both of us. HOLY ****!!! I couldn't believe my ears at 8am in the morning.

 

I wasn't sure if all of this was seriously happening or her in a mood, or what.. but. here's the kicker.. .

 

Mind you, she tells me how much she loves being with me and all that... SHE DISCONNECTED HER PHONE!!! OMG!! is that really necessary, i mean.. . maybe i would call a few times, but if she didn't answer,,,, i would get the hint!!! and leave her alone.

 

But no.. its completely off!! does she have that big of a self control problem that she can't hold off answering or calling!??!?! i mean jesus...

 

Now im completely heartbroken and don't know what to do..... Some one please give me a little direction as i love this girl dearly and can't understand what is happening... how do i deal with this ***????

 

Thank you so much in advance!??!@#

 

I have to say that now, all i think about is that we didn't even talk or anything!?! That part is killing me... im so depressed and lost... nothing seems to make me feel better... I talk to friends and family, but i don't want to bother them with this... they are probably so disgusted with this girl to begin with!??!

 

I know all of you our there know the feelings im going through, please help,,,,, I NEED IT!?!?!

[Kimberly636]

I have been on the other side of this story it seems. I was with a guy for 5 years and then i started doubting his love and got really tired all the time. I didn't want to be with him anymore. I moved out, disconnected my cell phone, blocked his names from my e-mail list. I just realized that what we had was not what I wanted or needed at the time. Instead of a dog, i got myself a cat. Its something that loves you that cant talk back or do anything or say anything to hurt you. I needed to be alone for awhile, this was 6 months ago,I am still alone. My advice to you, don't bug her, it will make it worse, she may just decide that she messed up and find you, just make sure you are able to be found. If you annoy her you will push her away even further. If she don't realize that she missed you, forget her. You wouldn't want to be in a relationship where you were the only one in love would ya? Just give it time, thats all you can do.

[mewbomb]

I can't really seem to figure out what happened.. Kimberley, i think you are right, maybe you can give me some insight as to what happened to you?? i would appreciate it.

 

How did you guys break up? Did he try and contact you? (somehow)

 

I mean, its obvious that by disconnecting the phone that she wants to be alone/away from me. Thats for sure. But to cut off the phone when there was no fight or anything!?!? I think that is a problem.. . she can't leave it off when not using it, or not answer my calls... im not a crrazed person who will call left and right... ok....at first i called a few times...but after a while of her not answering.. i wouldn't call!!! What am i to do?

 

Did you not want to hear or talk to him???

 

I guess im really upset because i can't seem to figure out where it went wrong... up until the time she broke up with me, she told me all great things... love you so much.. can't wait to see you.. and for me.. it seemed genuine. I want to talk to her and see how y she did this to me? I DIDN"T DESERVE THIS!~!!@#

 

I know i shouldn't email, but how long do i have to wait. Its not like she is that far away, eventually i think i will see her somewhere, somehow. I know she still loves me and I hope to god that she regrets her decision and is miserable right now because of it. But who knows??

 

All i know is that i loved this girl better and more than any before, im not a bad lookin' guy and i know i will find someone new sometime, but s***... i really love this girl. It consumes me all day at work, on the bus, at home...where ever, i wish i could see her face!!

[mewbomb]

hey all...

 

just a little update to all of this, i havn't made any advances to her, just that first email with no response. Its been a month since we broke up.

 

I know what most will say, forget her, write her off...but thats not how i feel, and im not one of "those" guys.

 

Here is my QUESTION.:::::::::

 

I want to make an attempt... Maybe an email like,

 

Hey ****,

 

I probably shouldn't send this email, but i want you to know that if you want to talk, you know where to reach me. Hope you are doing WELL!! (always corrected my english)

 

FLAME ON!@#

 

any advice...will this, has this worked????

 

 

thanks

[mattdad]

Sorry to hear about your loss...

..I know it hurts like hell, I am feeling the emptiness as I type over my ex too, but...

I've had to begin accepting the fact that I may NEVER receive closure from this individual, just as sure as you won't get it from her...

The 'why's and 'how comes' only leave us obsessing over something that was never meant to be - if it was we'd still be with them!!!

I HAVE demanded open and honest opinions from my family and friends over this. I discovered that they had serious misgivings about this person, and didn't like the way she treated me.

Each step she falls a little more off the pedestal upon which I'd placed her, and she is looking less and less like a goddess, and more and more like another confused person simply trying to find the best for her and her children...

In time, I will forgive her and contact her with my impressions and thoughts - but only after I can honestly do it without expecting a damn thing from her in return!

In the meanwhile, surround yourself with friends and family that love you. When the urge to obsess over your relationship threatens to take over - go for a walk! Pray! Go lift weights! Go help the less fortunate! Whatever in the hell it takes to get your mind off her, do it!!!

You will recover far, far quicker if you follow this advice..

FYI..just counted up the times I've been through the broken-heart shuffle. Eight times and counting - getting better at it!!!

Good luck and keep us posted...

[mattdad]

She e-mailed me after church (the first time I hadn't shown up!), and I impulsively responded..bear in mind that we will NEVER manipulate someone into loving us. She never returned this last communique - you may title it what NOT to say!!

 

(hers)

Mike,

It was odd not seeing you at church. I missed you.

Dawn asked about you and told me to say hi - if I got the chance. I reread the letter you sent me and I do regret how I treated you. I know you need to

hate(sorry indifference) me right now but I hope someday you can forgive me and we can really be friends. I care about you and want the best for you

and it is obvious from your letter that I am NOT the best for you.

Stacey

 

(mine)

Stacey;

If you only knew what you did to me...well, let's just leave it at that.

I am undergoing a tough recovery on this one, but I will make it. It's not just you but also a veritable warehouse of past injuries that resurfaced the minute you gave me that news...all I know is that I MUST heal and grow from all of it, or my chances of a happy life are history. I've pretty much died this week.

I think all the pain I feel now has been stored up ever since you told me you weren't in love with me way back when. Knowing then what I know now, I would have ended it right then and there, and not compromised myself for the sake of a little non-sex!!! By the same token I will always wonder what it would have been like...

I'm hoping to get to the point where I can forgive you in time for your birthday but there's no guarantees about that. I miss way too much about being with you, for not only did I lose a lover, I lost a best friend.

I also sorely missed going to church - yet another small snippet of joy gone out of my life. I thought about going to early service, for I love the church and don't want to lose it, but didn't think I could handle seeing you again, at least not for awhile. I have bonded with a few of my 40 days of Purpose Brethren, and missed fellowship with them this morning.

The fact is I am in love with you and always will be in love with you. If I didn't care it would have been so much easier to walk away...

..but then again, I believe that I was in love with the non-Audey mom Stacey and not the Audey-mom Stacey. God, this is so confusing for me that I'll probably never get to the bottom of it. I only pray I can forgive you, forgive myself and move ahead.

You're off my speed dial but I still remember your number. In time this will fade, as did other numbers from lovers in my past...

I do hope to love again, and place Jesus on the throne instead of her. It was my fault that I placed you at such a lofty pinnacle - it was a position you neither requested nor desired (well, then again...!).

Bottom line - you warned me and I didn't pay heed to what you were saying. You're darned eyes got in the way!!!

So, there it is. The damage is done. I've been tempted to ask for a debrief of when we were together, but you were pretty sparing of compliments during our time together so...

We got into this with the idea that if it's God's will then it would occur. I only wish we'd have taken things a lot slower. Who knows what the future holds?If things don't work out between you and whoever...I can't say if I'd want to give it another go, but I am certain that my working and coaching would take a great deal of pressure off...I'm not holding my breathe but stranger things have happened!

All I know is that it is time to do the work inside of me that've been putting off. I cannot and will not delay it further. Maybe when I'm finished I'll be the man God truly made me to be, without a Yahoo to hide behind.

All I can ask is thank you for the brief momnets we shared, and please pray for me as I attempt this difficult transformation.

 

Mike

[ThisGirlNameKD]

Well, I think it's obvious why she disconnected her phone....she asked you not to get in contact with her, and here you are thinking of how to email her. If you did have the chance to talk with her again, would you be trying to get back with her or back in her life? Or could you truly say good-bye regardless of how wrong you felt you were treated? Are you owed an explanation? You do have an explanation, and it's a simple one too: it wasn't meant to be. If it wasn't meant to be, it's just not going to be, regardless of how good it may have seem. Instead of looking at it thinking you weren't the one for her, think of it as her not being the one for you. Because honestly, would you ever want to be with someone who would drop you like a dime? I think not. Sometimes we learn what we truly want in a person not so much by what they do for us, but also what they don't do for us. So now you can add something on to the list of what you want in a woman: someone with courtesy and someone considerate.

[mewbomb]

I do not want to try and get back, really all i want is answers so i can let go for good. That is why i am not sure whether or not to send the email..

 

I am not sure if i can handle the truth but, I think that is the only thing that will have me let go!!!

 

Im guessing i still shouldn't send the email???

 

This is the worst.

[mewbomb]

Well, its been over a month since this ball or **** went rolling and here i am posting again!@#

 

Anyways... lately its been a little easier to handle, but on the other hand, ive been thinking about all of this just as much.. Kind

 

of weird how lately the thoughts are stronger but yet i feel her getting farther and farther away.

 

To all that have been reading my posts, thank you. All i really want to do is have one last conversation with her about how this all happened, so down the road, if i see her, i don't have to run like the dickens. I don't want to dread the time that we see each other.

 

Of course it would be uncomfortable regardless... but i need that convo...

 

Can anyone help me?? Should i send a letter to her... saying how I am ok with all of this... someone please help@#!

[caveman434]

Originally posted by mewbomb

Well, its been over a month since this ball or **** went rolling and here i am posting again!@#

 

Anyways... lately its been a little easier to handle, but on the other hand, ive been thinking about all of this just as much.. Kind

 

of weird how lately the thoughts are stronger but yet i feel her getting farther and farther away.

 

 

Can anyone help me?? Should i send a letter to her... saying how I am ok with all of this... someone please help@#!

 

 

i have zero experience with this as im still trying to get over someone for months. anyway, the fact that you have managed to move on is reassuring, gives me hope as well. but, are you really sure you want that closure message? what if she writes back with something ambiguous? maybe you should wait some more? good luck eitherway.

[mewbomb]

thanks for the reply man, I do need closure... specially when i think about what could have been all the time now. Cause I DONT KNOW WHAT HAPPENED!!!

 

Maybe she just didn't love me anymore... i thought she could have been more honest. Hey...stick in there man, keep busy... dont Drink too much... (i made that mistake)

 

Please don't sulk, cause this will effectyou longer than it has too. STAY BUSY>... change somethings in your life and YOU WILL BE JUST FINE!!

 

feel free to post

[caveman434]

i try so stay busy but theres not motivation, no interest. i find myslef thinking, what the point of it all anyway if i dont have her company. sometimes everything builds up to a crescendo that drops me back into depression. i guess there was a period in which all you could think about was her? specifically, how did you get past this?

( heres my story anyway http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t28186/ )

[mewbomb]

I am not totally through it, but, i was able to not think about her by just thinking, SHE is not the one for me. Would i want to be someone who doesnt want me???

 

DOn't get me wrong, i still think about her alot. As a matter of fact, her birthday is coming up and I really don't know what to do???

 

By the time B-day comes, it would be over two months we are broken up, should i make an attempt???? Anyhelp is greatly appreciate, if you have an questions, feel free to drop me a line.

 

ANy help o nthis is appeciate!!!!

[mewbomb]

have any insight on the birthday thing... i would love to just get over her, not sure if talking to her is the best thing.

 

But for some reason i feel that it will work. Can someone help me on this???

 

SHould i send her something for her birthday, what should i do???

 

Thanks in advance.

[Arabess]

Mew.....If you don't back off....she could very well mistake you for a stalker!! You can't make someone love you or respond to you if they don't want to. A relationship requires TWO people. She has no obligation to respond to you if she has said on MANY OCCASIONS for you to leave her alone. For now....I would CHUNK the birthday present idea. LET IT GO before you drive yourself nuts. Some relationships just don't pan out. Doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you....it just doesn't work for both parties anymore.

 

Mattdad.....Thanks for posting your email. It was beautiful!!

[Bronzepen]

Arabess is right. Mewbe move on. Your ex certainly has.

 

Maybe, your trying to find answers so that you won't make the mistake again in the future. But who's to say you did anything wrong or your ex for that matter. Things just didn't work out for whatever reason. Don't ponder on it. Find yourself another person, start dating again. Who knows, maybe the next person you date, you might find yourself shopping for a dog and breaking off ties.