LoveLace Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 ...but we've established a good friendship after knowing each other many years. He sent some mixed signals a while back but he had a girlfriend and clearly stated he was faithful to her; at that time he told me to promise him our friendship wouldn't be effected, so I did...but in the past I've told him all the wonderful things I think of him. However we've continued to hang out on a sporadic basis...he and I both have pretty wacky schedules... Anyway he had been sick so on Valentines day I texted Happy Vday and hope he feels better...he was out of town but immediately came back sounding pretty appreciative that I did that...couple weeks later he tells me in an email that he broke up with the woman a couple weeks ago...which would have been before Vday; anyway he said we'll get together on a Monday soon because that's our only mutual day off usually. I said sorry about the break up and that I'm all ears if he needs me, but I didn't ask for detail....everytime he breaks up with someone, he whines that he'll be lonely forever and all that...and it drives me crazy because he can have any woman he wants... I don't want to think this means I have a shot, but it's definitely the time to let him come to me, and in the mean time don't wait around because there's enough in my life to keep me busy for sure. But everytime we hang out I wish I could have a chance with him. Now that he's single, I'm afraid it'll totally bum me out that I don't have a chance with him; I don't think I'll be able to keep it inside after so long; yet I can't resist his company and he's such a supportive friend to me. But eventually, you'd think I'll crack... Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Is there a question here? I agree with your hypothesis, LL. It's definitely time to let him come to you if he's interested. You have to learn to stop chasing men. If they're interested, they WILL let you know. You will have NO doubts. As for continuing to hang out with him, knowing your feelings, I don't think it's wise. Your feelings for him will prevent you from meeting someone who will return your affections. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 LL, don't be the rebound or his emotional tampon. He needs time to get over his last love. Then, if he wants you, he knows where to find you, as referenced by SG. If you truly only thought of him as a friend, I would recommend that you be there for him. The only problem is that you want more from him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted March 4, 2009 Author Share Posted March 4, 2009 Well I haven't chased him, we've only hung out a couple times in the last couple months, and we always talk of hanging out again, but it's usually him calling when it comes down to that. Otherwise we've mostly been keeping touch through texting/email on a pretty equal basis. I haven't gone to see him play in months, even though his schedule is right there on the internet...even though I'm a huge fan of his musically I decided to cool it on the shows because our friendship went beyond that fan-to-musician thing; plus I'd rather do other things on a night off! He's semi high-profile around here and seems sensitive about people only being his friend because of that...anyway, I have a feeling we'll be hanging out next Monday, I don't know how it'll make me feel knowing he's single now; mean time I"m always meeting guys and open to dating which will never change; it's just that 99% of the time I'm either not interested at all or they don't stick around. When that changes then great, right now I don't think being his friend will jeopardize that chance. Either way, no sense thinking about it more for now...but it IS a bummer out-er... Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted March 4, 2009 Author Share Posted March 4, 2009 LL, don't be the rebound or his emotional tampon. He needs time to get over his last love. Then, if he wants you, he knows where to find you, as referenced by SG. If you truly only thought of him as a friend, I would recommend that you be there for him. The only problem is that you want more from him. I have no problem being there for him, as he has for me...I told him all about some crappy stuff I've had go on professionally, and he was quite encouraging and supportive in response; so when he told me they broke up, I did my best to return that and told him I'm here if he wants to talk, without asking for further details...if he wants to talk about her all night when we hang out next, I don't have a problem with that...I was his friend in the same manner when he went through a rocky marriage and divorce a long time ago...it's never bothered me...because he always listens to my problems, too...that's where I'm most appreciative of him as a friend. It is a problem since I think he's the most wonderful thing ever, but I don't plan to act on that...my worry is that I won't be able to keep it inside eventually...but I guess it's possible to hold it in forever, if a friendship is that valuable I guess you almost have to. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Do you spend as much time explaining yourself to the men you date? You seem to focus on minutiae, instead of hard, cold (or HOT ) facts. If there's one thing I have learned, it's that when a man wants you, you'll know it. (Even Molly Malaney learned that one!) So until you know it, there's no point in waiting, or pining, or chasing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted March 5, 2009 Author Share Posted March 5, 2009 Well the problem isn't me not knowing if he wants me or not. The problem is I think the world of him and have to keep it shut. I don't think there's much to explain about that, obviously it's hard but it's clear to me now that it's my only choice to ignore it...I've ignored it for several months now so I can do it again...when he seemed happy with his girlfriend, I never thought about us that way again...until learning he's single...so basically I should just keep pretending he's happy with someone else even if he's not...whatever works. I can still adore him to a certain extent. It's just a bummer sometimes and I guess I should expect that as long as I want to be the friend to him that I've promised I'd continue to be. Link to post Share on other sites
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