at 19

[JtTheWifey]

I don't even know where to start. I got married 3 months ago. I just turned 19, when I got married I was 18. Me and my husband met online, two years ago. He was seeing someone at the time, and so was I. After talking for two weeks, we both left the people we were with. I think the only reason at the time, that I was even the slightest interested in him was because I thought I could not have him. He seemed untouchable and being a girl, I always want what I can't have. After I realized I could have him, I did love him. He became my best friend, we were 'long distance dating' he lived in Lousianna and I lived in Illinois. He then went off to Basic training for the Airforce, he wrote me everyday, I had moved on. It was hard enough being in a long distances relationship would you could talk to him everyday, but I couldn't talk to him at all. So I started dating some guys around me. Nothing too serious just 'fun' basicly. He got out of training and went from there to school, and we agian could talk everyday. I, at that point had become very smitten with a guy i had been dating, and we turned it 'steady'. My husband (dave) found out about this and went AWOL. He came to Illinois and begged me to leave the guy I was with at the time for him. I was so shocked that I agreed. Nobody had ever showed so much emotion for me. I told him a week later that we needed to slow things down, and just become friends. I then, started dating the other guy again. Then when dave got actual 'leave' he came to see me, (at this point me and the other guy had broken up) me and dave found that 'spark' again. He purposed, and I accepted. I did love him, so much. He was my best friend. Three months later he came back up to Illinois and we got married. I knew the day I married him I was not 'In love' with him. The horrible truth is i wanted to get out, I did not get along with my stepfather and i knew i would be 'comfortable' with dave. My grandmothers second marriage was also basicly just 'friends' but they loved ecahother, they where best friends. And she was completely happy with that. So I figured I would be too, but she had also been married before and she was completely in love with him, with the butterflies and everything. And some people even told me i would end up falling in love with dave. So I moved from IL to AZ, and I am very close with my family. My mother is my best friend, and that was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, moving 1800 miles away from my family. But i thought that it would be fine, that everything would work out.

 

 

However, after 3 months, it is not getting better, actually it is getting worse. My depression has set it, and I am sleeping until 4 in the afternoon, we never have sex anymore.

 

I'm not happy when he comes home. I'm not happy when he calls me, I feel like he has become my room mate that i don't like. not my husband. I do not know what to do. I love him so much, as a friend that it will kill me to tell him that i don't love him, because he is completely 110% in love with me. I actually fear he would do something drastic. But I am not happy, which is not fair to me.

 

The times I have been happy, I don't know if I was really happy, or if I just thought I should be happy. I don't know how to save this, or even if it's possible. My friend mentioned consueling, but it's not an affair, and we're not fighting all the time; i'm just not in love with him. How can you fix that?

 

i hate that i have gotten myself into this situation, some people hare recommended that I go home for a couple weeks, and think it over, see if i miss him and go from there.

 

I have no idea what to do. I do not want to be divorced at 19 but... I feel like I have no other choices.

[Green]

you know what would probably save your mariage? A baby!!! lol just kidding. Well if it makes you feel any better he's in the military so maybe he was extra motivated to marry you so he could make more $$$. Anyways you made a mistake stop acting like a victim and just divorce him! just my opinion I hope you get some more responsed to think about good luck baby girl

[edgeof27]

 

I knew the day I married him I was not 'In love' with him.

 

However, after 3 months, it is not getting better, actually it is getting worse.

 

My depression has set it, and I am sleeping until 4 in the afternoon, we never have sex anymore.

 

I'm not happy when he comes home. I'm not happy when he calls me, I feel like he has become my room mate that i don't like. not my husband.

 

I actually fear he would do something drastic. But I am not happy, which is not fair to me.

 

I have no idea what to do. I do not want to be divorced at 19 but... I feel like I have no other choices.

 

JTW,

 

for both your sakes end this as soon as possible,

 

you are not happy, you are entering into depression, you think he may hurt you,

 

you were both too young,

 

you need help,

 

he needs help,

 

you cannot help each other,

 

get out,

 

go home to IL,

 

leave when he is not around, but let him know it's over for good.....

 

g....

[SmartWoman321]

wow- you have gotten yourself into quite a pickle. You need to file for divorce if you are not willing to try MC (marriage counseling). And, FYI- LOL- marriage counseling is not just for people who are having affairs. Its for anyone who wants to seeif a marriage can work. I suggest you do that first. If that doesn't work out, then get a divorce and take a few years to mature before you marry for the wrong reasons again. You don;'t want to be in a loveless marraige for 15 years like some of us have been- its even harder to get out, especially after kids come along. Married 3 months and you feel this way? Sheesh- you are supposed to still be in the honeymoon phase, all ga-ga and all that. Thats not supposed to wear off for about 2 years into the marriage! You are in a bad spot. My advice is MC or divorce now.

[quankanne]

listen to the friend that suggested counseling and get your butt an appointment. Because the marriage isn't the full problem, it's your outlook. Which isn't surprising, you made a huge leap at a very young, inexperienced age and now you're not sure how to adjust. And counseling will ideally give you the tools you need to make improvement where it's needed.

 

yeah, kiddo, you rushed into a relationship without realizing what it all entailed, but it doesn't mean you have to shxt-can your marriage just to "fix what's wrong." Because I guarantee you, if you DON'T get the tools you need through counseling, you're going to keep repeating your mistakes because you don't know how to deal with problems effectively and you're going to find yourself at 43 with four or five ex-husbands and kids from each one.

 

you'll figure out what to do as far as this particular relationship (your marriage) once you learn from counseling the different ways you can meet the challenges in your life.

 

good luck, and keep us posted, okay?

XXX

quank

[JtTheWifey]

listen to the friend that suggested counseling and get your butt an appointment. Because the marriage isn't the full problem, it's your outlook. Which isn't surprising, you made a huge leap at a very young, inexperienced age and now you're not sure how to adjust. And counseling will ideally give you the tools you need to make improvement where it's needed.

 

yeah, kiddo, you rushed into a relationship without realizing what it all entailed, but it doesn't mean you have to shxt-can your marriage just to "fix what's wrong." Because I guarantee you, if you DON'T get the tools you need through counseling, you're going to keep repeating your mistakes because you don't know how to deal with problems effectively and you're going to find yourself at 43 with four or five ex-husbands and kids from each one.

 

you'll figure out what to do as far as this particular relationship (your marriage) once you learn from counseling the different ways you can meet the challenges in your life.

 

good luck, and keep us posted, okay?

XXX

quank

 

 

I have made a appointment with a MC. Because after I posted this I realized that there is no way I can just love him as a 'friend' because the thought of him being with someone else, drives me crazy. There is no way I could picture my life without him, But there are still problems. Just like someone else had said, we should still be in the honey mood phase. We haven't had sex in almost a month, and I don't even seem to care. Which is weird, I have always had a major sex drive. To the point where I was having sex three times a day, everyday. I just know that we shouldn't be having these problems, already. I have never really believed in MC i don't see how they could help you, but i am willing to try with an open mind. Thank you for your input, everyone. It has really helped me.

 

And, for the person who said he might hurt me, he would never hurt me. He has threatened me with suicide before, when I left him for the other guy. That's what i meant by 'something drastic'

[She's_NotInLove_w/Me]

My wife and I have had a significant amount of MC over the last 15 years. Some sessions better than others. Some therapists better than others. Some outcomes better than others.

 

The key is to go in with an open mind, and no agenda. The goal is to have a better and more positive outcome for both of you. Aim for an overall improvement in your marriage and how you handle your communication and interaction in your relationship (both now and in the future).

 

Good Luck...