Habibti Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 Good, because I am. I was reading a parenting book that talks about how completely normal it is to worry you're not ready and worry if you'll be adequate and making the right choice when you expect your first child. I'm not engaged "yet". He's planning to ask mom's blessing in a few months before we head off for vacation, we've been discussing some of the formal things. Like buying vs. renting, wether or not to go pre marital counseling, wedding budgets and etc. I don't have any doubts about him as a person, quite frankly he's been great but man am I scared ****less to be married. It's like..will we get sick of eachother? Will things go right? What if what if what if. Just venting really, not so much looking for advice..although maybe I'd like to hear from others I'm not the only one approaching marriage with trepedation. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 I recently started reading 'Marriage Shock: The Transformation of Women Into Wives' by Dalma Heyn -- wish I'd read it before I became a wife (now ex-wife.) It's available from bookcloseouts.com and other resellers, but the Customer Reviews at amazon.com will give you an idea if it's something you want to invest in. There are also some good questionnaires at marriagebuilders.com, which could be helpful as part of your pre-marital explorations and discoveries. Congrats on your upcoming engagement -- wishing you both much happiness Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 OP, life is lived one day at a time. When your time to die comes, it will be that one more day that you will yearn for. Like life, marriages are lived one day at a time. Best wishes for many days Definitely go to PMC, at least a couple months of sessions. You'll learn some great marital tools, as well as solidify your compatibility. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 I would call it off if I were you. If you marry him you are a future walkaway wife so just be kind and end it before it happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 :rolleyes: Wives don't "walk away" when husbands are fulfilling their wedding vows and properly contributing to marital harmony and bliss. :rolleyes: Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 While I would generally agree, I think the issue of walkaways and fulfilling vows is lost upon the OP. Reading an overview of her history, she's been on a rollercoaster for some time now. OP, just so you know, I wasn't scared of marriage at all. Divorce scares me to death Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 Divorce scares me to death Yes, indeed -- my divorce was the WORST thing of my life. But. Also the most liberating, as it turned out. And still the worst. Habibti, your fears and concerns are not unwarranted -- marriage is a HUGE commitment that requires dedication and, sometimes, hard work. But if you do undertake the best pre-marital available, and are not afraid to work through your doubts ahead of time, then...life can be really, really good Link to post Share on other sites
eclipseIDE Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 :rolleyes: Wives don't "walk away" when husbands are fulfilling their wedding vows and properly contributing to marital harmony and bliss. :rolleyes: Lol, of course its always the mans fault:laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 Lol, of course its always the mans fault:laugh: :rolleyes: No, of course it's NOT always the man's fault. (Who told you that piece of nonsense?) Husbands also walk away when wives do not fulfill their wedding vows and properly contribute to marital harmony and bliss. :rolleyes: Habibti, I think it is very wise of you to cover all your bases BEFORE either of you make those vows...to ensure, as best you can at this point, that neither of you feel the need to walk away at some future point. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Habibti Posted March 5, 2009 Author Share Posted March 5, 2009 Hey everyone, interesting responses. Thankyou. About PMC- it was already decided by us both without a fuss we definately would engage in that prior to marriage. Secondly, why am I a walkaway wife? Because instead of refusing to be naive and embrace the huge change I'm about to undertake I allow myself to look at things realistically, not ideally through rose colored glasses? I think I'd be much more likely to "walk away" had I gone into the subject without being scared of what I'm getting into. If I played this naive little role of everyday will be splendid and our love will always feel like this..I'd probably become very devestated when I learned of the responsibility involved and that you have to work at your love to keep it growing, make your bonds stronger. If anything, I think being realistic about it is the smarter approach, will make the transition easier, and overall any person in their right mind would have to feel this way. When I have my first child I'm going to experience the same thing- doesn't mean I'm a walkaway mother, it means I'm embracing and willing to face head on the changes and responsibilities I'm about to take on, and know that it is not to be taken lightly, it is no small thing and it's very tremendous. As wonderful as both will be . I look forward to it, I do. I'm not having doubts..I'm having concerns and worries that anyone SHOULD have in my opinion. If you don't have them it would make me wonder wether you're going into this with the right mindset and if you'd fold under the pressure during the times the pressure exists. Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 I think a certain amount of nerves and concern is perfectly normal. But if it's causing you that much anxiety, it may be a warning alarm that you aren't ready for marriage, at least with this man. Why don't you call off the wedding and stay in a relationship? Then you can see if the issue is within your relationship or just with the word marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
She's_NotInLove_w/Me Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 In this thread. the OP specifically states that she has no doubts about him as a person. Based on that, I think that it's perfectly normal to wonder if getting married is the right thing to do. If the OP was questioning whether to marry this man or not, that would be raising red flags with me... Link to post Share on other sites
Jo78 Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 but man am I scared ****less to be married. It's like..will we get sick of eachother? Will things go right? What if what if what if. I'm having concerns and worries that anyone SHOULD have in my opinion. Well, no. I have to disagree here. I don't think everyone SHOULD be scared ****less to be married and constantly ask themselves 'what if?'. A light case of cold feet, ok. Wondering if marriage (now or at all) is right for me, definitely a must-do. But the jitters that you describe would make me reconsider getting engaged. Link to post Share on other sites
Jo78 Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 Ok, I just read a few of your old threads. So you decided to marry someone who you met a couple of months ago? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t176721/ In that case it is definitely normal to be scared ****less, as you are commiting yourself to a stranger. There is no way you can know if you and he are compatible. In that case, your feelings are justified. But why would you do something stupid like this?!?! Link to post Share on other sites
I'm Joe Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 I say you should start experimenting with hardcore hallucinogenic drugs... your marriage worries will fade and new and exciting problems will face you. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 I say you should start experimenting with hardcore hallucinogenic drugs... your marriage worries will fade and new and exciting problems will face you. Back in the day they used to actually give couples ecstasy as part of marriage therapy. I'm not kidding about this. Link to post Share on other sites
Cherished Posted March 15, 2009 Share Posted March 15, 2009 Habiti, are you pregnant? Because you mentioned in your post about having children and if it is right for you, and reading parenting books. If you are, don't feel like you have to do so simply because you are pregnant. You can be a wonderful parent and it is better to be a single wonderful parent than to be in an unhappy marriage just for the sake of the child. If you are feeling any doubts about this man, then don't marry him. When you are in love, you know. You know when getting married is the right step, but if you are THAT nervous and scared, then you should NOT marry this man. Link to post Share on other sites
Tizzy Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 I was reading a parenting book that talks about how completely normal it is to worry you're not ready and worry if you'll be adequate and making the right choice when you expect your first child. I'm not engaged "yet". I guess I'm missing the link b/w the parenting book and you wanting to get married, but either way, none of my girlfriends who have gotten married were scared sh**less before doing so. I on the other hand was absolutely terrified at times by the thought of marrying my ex-fiance. Women's intuition at it's absolute best and I refused to listen to it, thinking like you that it was just pre-marriage jitters. Thank God that relationship failed before reaching the altar, as it almost did. I think having some jitters is normal, but if there's a nagging voice inside telling you this just isn't right, listen to it. Maybe you can't readily put your hand on the cause, but eventually the reason will come to light. Link to post Share on other sites
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