Am i in love?

[NoraRose]

I am a very warm hearted and loving person naturally and have no shyness about sharing my affection towards people I love and care for. So I frequently give hugs and kisses to friends (male and female) and tell them how much I love them. As I said I like to give friends hugs and kiss but this is affection I gradually start to give not something I do after our first meeting. So now that you know how freely I tell people I love them you can help me with my problem.

 

I have been friends with Him for two years now and I have always held a special attraction to him. We started out as work associates and slowly become good friends and hanging out side of work as friends. Not to long after this he moved away and the last 18 months we have kept in contact and stayed friends. A few times he has come back into town and we would meet for dinner and hang out with friends and then go see a band together and just catch up. At this point we were hugging hi and bye and when he would go home we would occasionally say we missed each other or end a call with love ya. A few weekends ago he ended up coming into town and since my weekend plans had fallen through we made plans to hang out. Over the weekend our relationship left the friend zone into I’m not even sure what to call it. I can say it was amazing and the transition happened so naturally:rolleyes:. But this is were the problem starts… at the end of the weekend neither of us knew How to go forth with this new development so now we have both become shy and quite all over again like when we first meet, its like getting to know each other all over gain. I know I love him as a dear friend and I would be completely miserable if he wasn’t in my life but I don’t know if I LOVE HIM. I use the Phrase so freely with other people in my life that I can’t differentiate the love from love of my life love. My hart skips a beat when he calls I smile a lot more and am sad when I don’t here from him for a couple of days, but I don’t know if this means I love Him or I just like the idea that someone not only finds me personally attractive but physically as well:(. I’ve never had a long list of guys after me and the few relationships I have had have been merely curiosity and well curiosity. I have never went into a relationship were I was really into the guy and he was really into me. On top of not knowing if I love him or not, he lives a state away and seeing each other is hard because we both have responsibilities and neither of us has made it clear what we are to each other. I’m to scared to make any decisions and get hurt because my feelings aren’t reciprocated or that I’ll realize I don’t really love him any more then as a friend and hurt him. He’s been hurt by a lot of the women in his life and I don’t want to be added on the list. And even myself I have trust issues when I come to intimate relationships so I tend to be distant and aloof. I don’t know what kind of advice is out there but I could use it.

[Geishawhelk]

I am a very warm hearted and loving person naturally and have no shyness about sharing my affection towards people I love and care for. ......... I tend to be distant and aloof. I don’t know what kind of advice is out there but I could use it.

 

What's wrong with this picture?

[darby1]

Keep it chill. Don't feel obligated to force things into gears that are clearly going to happen naturally if it's going to happen at all. I had a similar cirumstance. Best guy freind of two years.. we slept together.. it got wierd and shy for a good 2 weeks afterward and then we were able to laugh about it and continue as the great 'freinds' we were. You do love him... but is he the "one", well I suggest letting time deside that. It would be ideal for you both if things worked out that way.. but you can't force it, nor guess what he is thinking. And you do not want to jeopardise the freindship either. He may be just as confused as you are. Let some time pass and then bring it up out in the open causually as you would with your freinds.. you are friends right? Keep up the freindship. Those relationships last the longest anyway.

[carhill]

What's wrong with this picture?

She's thinking it not feeling it. Oh boy, do I have experience being married to that

 

I know I love him as a dear friend and I would be completely miserable if he wasn’t in my life but I don’t know if I LOVE HIM

OP, I have a special friend. We're like twins. I would do or be almost anything for her. This is the critical difference, coming up..... When I hug her and kiss her, I don't want to "do" her. I don't feel sexually aggressive with her. I don't fantasize about having sex with her. I don't visualize her naked. I talk about her breasts as "girls" in a matter of fact way.

 

As a woman, your psychology is different, but the basics are the same. "In love" is a combination of sexual attraction and emotional chemistry. You "want" him and you don't want anyone else to have him. It's possessive, almost selfish.

 

How do you feel about him?

[NoraRose]

For GeishaWhelk:

Thank you for your question, it caused me to take a step back and see the whole picture. Its not that I don’t show affection, but that I don’t give over my whole self I always keep a little so I don’t get hurt completely. With friends I don’t worry about being hurt because I have very good friends who are honest and supportive but when it comes to an intimate relationship the percent for damage goes up and I pull into a shell because I am exposing a completely different side of my self and get scared. Even more so now that it’s a friend I really love and have so much more to lose.

 

For Darby1 and For carhill:

, Kind of what I’ve been doing, nice to hear someone else has the same thinking and we are friends

 

Your right, lol, i totally over think things. Everyone’s advice has been great and I’ve relaxed a lot. I really do like him and since I’ve posted this I’ve been able to get over my shyness and we’ve kind of gotten back to our normal ways of talking.