Best way to offer new friendship?

[SpanksTheMonkey]

Well long story kinda short I have a casual acquaintance I enjoy talking to them seams they do too been talking on and off when we see each other for quite a while.

 

So would like to try to become real friends maybe hang out talk such and such what ever friends do its been a while to be honest I'm rusty..

 

Whats the best way to go about this? Ive thought about just the upfront approach and its appealing but I don't want to make things awkward.

 

Thought about maybe a note with my # or something saying call me if you want to be friends but thats too 5th grade lol... I don't do this often as you can tell ha?

 

Anyways any advice much aspirated and yes its a guy I'm a female no who ha! not looking for dating or anything at the moment.

 

I just genuinely enjoy talking to this person and their company.. Thanks guys...

[SpanksTheMonkey]

Eek any one no ideas? just responding to save my lil thread from the No response bin lol..

[flash582]

Call them.

 

Find out what they like to do.

 

For example, if they like to go to the ball game, call and ask them if they would like to go see a game?

 

If they like chess .... ask them to teach you the game.

 

Making friends is all about mutual interests.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

Call them.

 

Find out what they like to do.

 

For example, if they like to go to the ball game, call and ask them if they would like to go see a game?

 

If they like chess .... ask them to teach you the game.

 

Making friends is all about mutual interests.

Yea I know see the thing is we haven't even gotten to the exchanging #s part were casual acquaintances still.

 

If I could break past that then I'm sure I could figure out the rest its just getting past that acquaintance thing with out the awkwardness ya know..

 

And then theres the fear of rejection to be honest even tho I'm only asking for friendship and I don't want to frighten him away thinking I wanna date em or anything..

[Squirtal]

Hi ya Spanks.

 

How do you know this guy?

Is it where you live...if it is..when you're chatting maybe you could say " hey fancy a coffee?"

thats what I did with my new neighbours when I first moved...we ended up having girlie nights every couple of weeks either at mine or hers.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

Hi ya Spanks.

 

How do you know this guy?

Is it where you live...if it is..when you're chatting maybe you could say " hey fancy a coffee?"

thats what I did with my new neighbours when I first moved...we ended up having girlie nights every couple of weeks either at mine or hers.

Hey Squirtal thanks for the reply Na they work at a place I like to shop at every now and then.

 

I know if it was a nabor thing that would be easer ha I just don't wanna come off as chasing him or nothing don't wanna freak em out ya know..

[Squirtal]

Bummer!!!

I know what you mean..its a hard one...what about next time you go in, as you're going say that you're going for a coffee and would he like you to pick up something for him...and a colleague if there is one there...build it up like that maybe?

It is a hard one becuase if you're not attracted to him then he may think you are so you have to go bout it quite discreetly.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

Bummer!!!

I know what you mean..its a hard one...what about next time you go in, as you're going say that you're going for a coffee and would he like you to pick up something for him...and a colleague if there is one there...build it up like that maybe?

It is a hard one becuase if you're not attracted to him then he may think you are so you have to go bout it quite discreetly.

Okies this is were I maybe have to be a little honest with myself and you I may be like him a tiny bit

 

BUT honestly I know it wouldn't end up like that and I'm not ready for that anyways.

 

On the other side like I said I realy do enjoy his company as a possible friend as well.

 

I like the coffee idea but isn't that a real dating thing? I think that would totally freak em out to be honest.

 

He gets kinda nervous around me as it is not in a neg way tho I think if that makes any sense lol..

[Squirtal]

You are funny.

Don't be shy about liking someone.

I guess it depends...it makes it all harder if you have a little crush because you'll be trying to work out what hes thinking by the actions you do..if that makes sense.

But...when I started going to a hairdressers frequently..the main guy messed my hair up..git...I used to pop in quite regularly on my way home from work and drop in a coffee or something.

Also another thing...depending on whether you have it or such..times like this Facebook or Myspace come in handy..while chatting say..oh are you on Facebook..oh add me..then you can start conversations up there.

Now it all depends on whether you like FB or not really.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

Thanks again squirtal thing is he seams to work a heck of allot Ive seen em there every day of the week to be honest really hard worker or no life like me not 100% sure yet lol.

 

But yea I don't think the man has time for face book I thought about that too every things so much easer on the Internet ha! I guess I'll have to just ask but I don't know the words to not make it look like I wanna date him?

 

If it comes out like that it will creep em out BUT on the other hand get across Id like to be real friends?

 

We have 1 mutual thing we both kinda like a sport so thats cool..Oh I'm just a chicken **** at the end of the day lol...

[SpanksTheMonkey]

You are funny.

Don't be shy about liking someone.

I guess it depends...it makes it all harder if you have a little crush because you'll be trying to work out what hes thinking by the actions you do..if that makes sense.

.

Total sense Squirtal total I do that on a reg basis not helping the cause I know I'm a notorious over analyzer anyways.. lol

 

Okies 5am here off to bed but thanks again and I'll pop in tomorrow

[WTRanger]

The age old conundrum of wanting to get to know a person because you like their company, but don't want it to go too far past friends street. I think this is almost impossible to avoid because one side always falls for the other. To want to be even friends with someone there has to be something that attracts you two together, you even admit that you might like him a teeny tiny bit. So the flame is set in motion and if it goes uncontrolled you have a raging fire that burns out of control.

 

It's no secret that the more time you spend with someone the greater the chances of one side developing lopsided feelings. However it's just one of the risks that you have to be willing to take. To me, the reward of someone's friendship is by far greater than the risk of having the "let's just stay friends" talk. To me, honestly, if that does happen hopefully you two can me mature about it because in all reality the "just friends" talk should never be a reason to completely end a budding friendship. You just have to be open and honest about it.

 

I say go for it! Start small somehow. Is there a local park or some place near by that you two can go for a walk? Walking is pretty date neutral and a good way to get to know someone while being outdoors. Plus the walking will help ease any sort of silence that may pop up, you can just enjoy the sounds of the outside for a bit. Not too long though, but it does help ease the sometimes inevitable awkward silences that arise when getting to know someone.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

The age old conundrum of wanting to get to know a person because you like their company, but don't want it to go too far past friends street. I think this is almost impossible to avoid because one side always falls for the other. To want to be even friends with someone there has to be something that attracts you two together, you even admit that you might like him a teeny tiny bit. So the flame is set in motion and if it goes uncontrolled you have a raging fire that burns out of control.

 

It's no secret that the more time you spend with someone the greater the chances of one side developing lopsided feelings. However it's just one of the risks that you have to be willing to take. To me, the reward of someone's friendship is by far greater than the risk of having the "let's just stay friends" talk. To me, honestly, if that does happen hopefully you two can me mature about it because in all reality the "just friends" talk should never be a reason to completely end a budding friendship. You just have to be open and honest about it.

 

I say go for it! Start small somehow. Is there a local park or some place near by that you two can go for a walk? Walking is pretty date neutral and a good way to get to know someone while being outdoors. Plus the walking will help ease any sort of silence that may pop up, you can just enjoy the sounds of the outside for a bit. Not too long though, but it does help ease the sometimes inevitable awkward silences that arise when getting to know someone.

Wow thanks ranger helpful response actually makes sense! See even tho theres the small crush on my end just to be blatantly honest I know it wouldn't be reciprocated.

 

Don't get me wrong would be wonderful if it was but I'm a firm believer that you need to know your role in life anymore. And me being with him just isn't going to happen so Ive already excepted that.

 

So that being that I'll take the 2ed place prize and be happy with friends. I like the walking idea thanks I'm just very shy when it comes to this person for some reason.

 

I need to figure out a way to break past our reg standard issue convos which are the same almost every time. Its like neither of us know what else to say so he asks the same Q's over and over again! and I answer its sorta weird anymore but I don't mind most of the time lol..

 

On a side note I never know how to take the fact he has asked kinda personal ones to be honest. About my family and who I live with at the moment and so on and such seamed like its info gathering? I wouldn't ask a stranger those kinda Q's thats just me tho but its not done Ina creepy way.

 

Even gave me a small token gift once and properly introduced himself nice hand shake too so we are on a 1st name basis anyways lol.. ok I'm rambling like I do when I'm over tired sorry Thanks again ranger

[WTRanger]

Well, I'm going through what you are trying to avoid right now. I'm currently neck deep in feelings for friends drama, so I know what you are thinking. I will say this, the time that I spent with that girl is beyond amazing. Even knowing the hard landing I have had, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. I really have no regrets, maybe other than my timing. But I did what I did because I thought it was the best thing to do, so I can't overly beat myself up for it. I'll always hold out hope that I can get back to at least being friends with her and I don't want to accept some of the negative doomsday outcomes that sometimes pop up on this board. Maybe it's because I'm still relatively young and stupid. But dammit a man can dream can't he?

 

I'm just very shy when it comes to this person for some reason

 

That's because you like him. I'm hugely shy around girls I like. I think it's just part of being human.

 

And me being with him just isn't going to happen so Ive already excepted that.

 

Don't see yourself short so fast. This sounds like you are trying to convince yourself that it won't work between you two as anything more than friends to try to suppress your schoolyard crush on him. Just let things come as they do. Remember, if you jump into the river just before Niagara falls the worst thing you can do is try to fight the current. The best way to survive is to just let the current take you and work WITH the current and not AGAINST it. When you do go over the falls, again the worst thing you can do is fight the turbulent water at the bottom. When you work with the current you will find yourself safely upon shore. If you try to fight the current at any time, you will just needlessly tire yourself out and sink to the bottom with no hope of recovery.

 

I need to figure out a way to break past our reg standard issue convos which are the same almost every time. Its like neither of us know what else to say so he asks the same Q's over and over again! and I answer its sorta weird anymore but I don't mind most of the time lol..

 

This is where email or chat comes in handy, but be extremely cautious not to use it as a complete crutch. Just use it as an icebreaker in the beginning. Then once you get to know him on a more personal basis, it'll be easier to carry on a conversation in real life or even to ask him out for coffee. Who knows, he might even ask you out once he gets comfortable. You don't have to use your primary email, maybe create a new one just for him. This way, in case he does turn out creepy or what not he doesn't have your real personal address or chat name.

 

Too many times you'll see on this board to go in for the kill right away, but sometimes that works and sometimes the plan calls for a little bit more tact. Just take is as slow as you want to, but try not to get stuck in a rut. Just listen to your gut, and you'll do what is right.