lexi29 Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 I am not sure where to post this- Last year my family (mom,dad, sister, bil nad my fiance) took a trip to the beach together. I rented a big house and we stayed a week. First trip we've all taken together and it worked out well. I wanted to do the same thing this year but try a different location. I talked it over with everyone and I went ahead and rented an ocean front house in NC. None of us have ever been there. Now I rented the house and picked it out by myself and paid the deposit. The rental for the week is around $4000. As a christmas present I invited everyone to go along and we agreed that each family would pay a portion of the rental. With me (since I wanted to give it to them partly as a christmas present) paying the largest share. My parents have agreed to pay about $1000. My sister and bil will pay what they can (probably about $500). I have invited one couple to go with us as well and told them that it would be several hundred dollars (trying to make it fair) if they wanted to go. My sister called me and asked if it was ok if she invites her best friend and best friend's husband. Now her friend is a teacher and and her husband works as well. My sister told me "well they will give you a hundred dollars toward the house" This really upset me as I am a people pleaser (and I like her friend and think it would be fun if she went) however I am insulted that someone would think it is ok to tag along on a week's vacation to the beach in an oceanfront house that costs several thousand dollars to rent and only offer the hostesss $100 toward the rental. You can NOT rent a hotel room for a week for $100, you can barely find a decent hotel for under $100 a NIGHT. And here we would be staying 7 nights in an oceanfront home on vacation. So basically they would be getting a free vacation. If they wanted to visit this area themselves, they would not even be able to camp in a tent there for $100 for the week. My sister thinks I am being unreasonable. She doesnt' get why if we are already paying for the house ourselves, that I expect her friends to pony up a nearly equal share (about what she and her husband are paying) to go with us. I worked hard to save the $ for the rental because a family vacation in a really nice place is something I really wanted and have been looking forward to. I just feel like I would resent her friends if they got to experience the same vacation I do, while only having contributed $100 (that won't even cover the gas money needed to drive there!) meanwhile I saved, and scrimped and worked hard to come up with $2500 for the deposit. I don't have anything against her friends but it just doesn't seem fair to me and now she's mad at me for being "unreasonable". Am I being unreasonable? Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 No, to sponge off someone elses vacation is unheard off. Come to dinner and dont bring wine, fine. Come to MY vacation and dont pay for anything? Get the hell out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lexi29 Posted March 5, 2009 Author Share Posted March 5, 2009 No, to sponge off someone elses vacation is unheard off. Come to dinner and dont bring wine, fine. Come to MY vacation and dont pay for anything? Get the hell out. Thanks, that's what I was thinking but felt like such an a$$ after my sister got upset about me wanting them to pay their share. If it were family (such as my sister lost her job and they didnt' have the money) I'd have no problem with paying my their share. But I wouldn't even do that for close friends, if they can't afford it well sorry but I dont' get a free vacation so why should anyone else? Link to post Share on other sites
curiousnycgirl Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 Lexi - Your reactions are bizarre - how can you articulate the situation so clearly here, and seem to upset those around you when you respond to them? The answer to me is very clear - you tell your sister that the rate she and her husband pays is reduced because you are giving them a christmas present, however you did not sign on to give her friend a present. I suggest you calculate the cost per bedroom, and tell her that her friends can pay that amount (assuming they would get their own bedroom) and that she and her husband can pay a lower amount. Out of curiousity - how many bedrooms are there? Make sure everyone doesn't end up miserable because you have too many people squeezed into too small space. Does that make sense? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lexi29 Posted March 5, 2009 Author Share Posted March 5, 2009 Lexi - Your reactions are bizarre - how can you articulate the situation so clearly here, and seem to upset those around you when you respond to them? The answer to me is very clear - you tell your sister that the rate she and her husband pays is reduced because you are giving them a christmas present, however you did not sign on to give her friend a present. I suggest you calculate the cost per bedroom, and tell her that her friends can pay that amount (assuming they would get their own bedroom) and that she and her husband can pay a lower amount. Out of curiousity - how many bedrooms are there? Make sure everyone doesn't end up miserable because you have too many people squeezed into too small space. Does that make sense? There are 8 bedrooms and 8 bathrooms so no one will be crowded. My sister knows how much the place costs (she looked it up online). She offered that she and her husband would give me some money toward it if they could. I honestly don't know why she is so upset that I expect her friend to pay more than $100 as her share of the rent. I understand that the friends were invited but in my world, that doesn't mean a free ride. If my sister and her husband were paying for the rental they could invite whoever they wanted and not charge them. I truly do not understand her reaction. The only thing I can think of is that she really wants her best friend to go with us and possibly the friend can't afford more than $100 (but I have no idea how that could be true as both work and her friend is a teacher and probably makes more $ than I do) So I have no idea. Also I would not 'charge' her friend as much as my parents are paying (still a reduced rate) but I wouldn't give them a discount and let them pay less than my sister and BIL are giving me either because that negates the xmas present quality of the gift (I pay for the majority of the rental instead of splitting the cost evenly). While I like her friend and her friend's husband (and went to their wedding 2 years ago) I have no reason to give them the trip as a present as well, like you said. Also the figure my sister mentioned paying me is much more than $100 (and I gave her the part of the trip as a gift) so I don't understand why she thinks her friend should only pay $100 to enjoy the same trip and accomodations as the rest of us who are paying considerably more. I did tell her the comment about the fact that you wouldn't even be able to stay in a hotel room for a week for $100 (probably in this area about one night is all it would get you) and that seemed to anger her even more. I came out of the conversation feeling like a real b*tch and appologizing for wanting them to pay more but saying if they want to go on this vacation they have to pay their share. My mom agrees with me by the way and is appalled that my sister would suggest anyone going with us who is only planning to put $100 toward the house. Link to post Share on other sites
curiousnycgirl Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 Well there are multiple ways to look at this - you've already rented the house - and already come to agreement with your parents and sister as to what they will be paying - did you expect to "rent" out the other rooms or leave them vacant? Were there other people you were hoping would come? I'm sure that is how your sister is looking at it from that perspective. However you are looking at it from the perspective of why should you be subsidizing everyone's vacation. I see both sides - not sure what the right answer is. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 I honestly would have told her no..That this trip is a FAMILY trip. Why would she invite her bestfriend and spouse to this family vacation? Link to post Share on other sites
curiousnycgirl Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 That this trip is a FAMILY trip. Why would she invite her bestfriend and spouse to this family vacation? Well Lexi is inviting another couple as well - so I can see both sides. Reality is if you and your fiance have one room, your parents another, your sister and BIL the third, kids/fiance's son in the 4th - hey you have 4 more rooms - you could actually make a profit on this one! Link to post Share on other sites
She's_NotInLove_w/Me Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 Seems real simple to me; $4000 total cost and 8 bedrooms = $500 per bedroom... The OP told the couple she invited it would cost several hundred dollars if they wish to stay. Why would her sisters' best friend not be expected to pay the same? Sorry, but it just doesn't make sense why they would be able to stay for virtually free when everyone else is paying. The only exception I could see is if they are not financially capable, yet they were deserving of the getaway (in all of the traveling parties eyes), and ALL of the travelling parties were aware and agreed to them joining in and not having to pay... If I was on a trip and found out that a non family member paid a lot less than I and my other family members had paid, I would be very upset... it would be a total vacation mood spoiler for me! If I knew in advance, and everyone was in agreement, then perhaps I could see it. Good luck getting this figured out! Link to post Share on other sites
Author lexi29 Posted March 11, 2009 Author Share Posted March 11, 2009 I had decided that if anyone else is invited (sister's friends included) they can pay $500 toward the rent of the house. No, we are not using all eight bedrooms but I don't really feel its fair that I've saved several thousand dollars so I could go on this vacation with my family and my parents are paying $1000 to go and my sister and BIL probably about $500 and my sister thinks her friends should only pay $100 (for the couple, not each) While I like these friends of hers I think it would be more a hassle to have them there in exchange for their $100. I'm not making any profit, if no one else comes with us, I just have to pay more toward the house rental. But someone offering me $100 for the week when I've paid over $2000 just for myself and fiance to be there. No thanks. The other couple that I invited would have to pay $500 as well if they want to go. And they have no problem with that. You can't spend a week in an ocean front mansion for $500 so they think they are getting a great deal. My sister is still mad at me though. Link to post Share on other sites
curiousnycgirl Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 I am glad you took a stand. I think you are still being too kind, as you would still be subsidizing their vacations - but at least you put your foot down. Your sister will just have to get over it. Link to post Share on other sites
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