Can I get her back?

[KitWalker]

Hey guys,

 

Been reading a few threads through the forum and found bits and pieces relating to myself and thought that maybe I should post up my situation and see what you all come up with? I know that there are a few out there who have lost their loved ones and others who have won back the love of their life....I hope im one of the latter!

 

I'm 27yrs old and prior to this last relationship i guess I was a guy who loved women! I enjoyed going out with different ladies and doing different things! I never considered any of them seriously until I met "R". She was unbelievable! She was beautiful, sexy, had a great laugh, had sooooo many things in common it was freaky and most of all, we loved each other to bits!!!

 

Like some of the guys here, I became complacent. I didn't listen to her when she talked to me, we started to fight more than we did before and the sex just stopped! At first it didnt worry me too much as I figured she would come around, but as time went by she kept more to herself and I began to get angrier inside and kept more to myself. We didnt speak about it to each other and finally she told me that she wanted some space to work out things as she was in the middle of selling her house and things at work weren't going well. I figured it was the best thing to do as I noticed she was getting very upset and angry when she got home from work and it was affecting us. A week passed by and i decided to ask her what was happening with us? As we were just going through the motions of being together, but not really being together? We had gone from snuggling with each other when we fell asleep to lying in bed with a gap between us. She finally told me via email at work one day that she thought it would be best that we went our seperate ways. Apparently we were different in the way we'd been brought up. Eg. If we had kids and they were naughty, she believed in talking to them whilst I believed in giving them a smack!

 

She had always felt this way but had never prior to this, mentioned it????? Now I know that we belong together, we are so good together its uncanny! When people found out they were shocked that we had broken up! We've talked about marriage, family, future etc and I really thought and still do think, that we are meant to be! I've spoken to her mum and i've spoken to a couple of close friends who think that I need to give her space. To stop ringing her and sms-ing and emailing. Its hard cos I want to be a part of her life again and I know that I stuffed up in the first place and it was me being pigheaded that's caused this!

 

Im wondering if I should just totally back off from her and not call her at all? And wait til she gets back to me? But in doing that, am I in danger of losing her to someone else? She does talk to me still, but more reserved and she tells me that she loves me and that it kills her that we're not together...but i dont want to give up on my future wife and I really need some help in what to do here??? Have i stuffed it for good or do I have some hope?

[VASH THE STAMPEDE]

There is hope in your cries..You do need to give her some room,if is her sole desire to be with you it will fall into place in no time.

This time around play it safe and focus more on her.

[KitWalker]

VASH definately planning to play it that way! I just need that 'foot in the door' so to speak mate, as I know where I went wrong and i know what I have to do to fix it! Whether or not she will give me that chance to prove that to her I dont know.......you saying I should wait for her call then? No matter how long it will take????

[VASH THE STAMPEDE]

If I was in your situation I would wait about a week,if she call during that time great you might have your foot in the door.

If she does not call, call her see hows shes doing and surprise her with flowers or something.

[KitWalker]

I sent her 2 SMS msg's on Sunday asking her to give me a call (so I could ask if she wanted to go out and do something fun...NOT talk about all the probs we've been having). Spoke to her on the following day (monday) and she said she couldnt as she had to do an assignment and will be working all w/end to do it as she hasnt even started it yet and its due on monday morning.....I didnt push the issue.

 

Was initially planning to wait until Wednesday next week (15 oct) til I called her again to see if she wanted to catch up? But just recently thought that maybe I could send her a single Yellow (her favourite colour!) Rose to her work with no msg attached.....just the Rose.

 

What do you all think?? Do it or not?

[KitWalker]

Thought i'd give everyone an update.......

 

I sent her the Rose anyway, and didn't hear back from her. Sent an SMS on that friday arvo to say have a good w/end and good luck with her assignment, hopefully the flowers will get you through and you get to enjoy the sunshine!

 

She replied and said "thanks, i thought the flowers were from you".

 

I hadn't heard from her since and I miss her heaps! Don't want to tell that to her right now in case im pushing the issue and start to get in her face. Think its worth me trying to contact her to see if she wants to go out sometime? Or leave things be til she calls me????

[KitWalker]

Still no calls or msgs from her. I found out from her mum that she's going away on holidays for a week or two at the end of the month. I've been backing off giving her space and not trying to keep in contact with her, hoping that maybe this space will allow her 'breathe' and maybe decide to come back?

 

I know it may sound feeble, but I know that this is the girl for me, my future wife, so I dont want to lose her! The day she can come back to me and say "i dont love you anymore" or "i've met someone else".....that is when I'll realise that she's moved on and doesnt want to be with me anymore!

 

Keep your fingers crossed for me guys/gals! Will keep u updated!

[VASH THE STAMPEDE]

I wish you the best of luck.

[Bogo123]

this sounds really similar to my situation. im 24 and i feel about my ex just like you. We only spoke twice since we broke up 3 weeks ago, and i told her i wanted to get back with her and be a good bf but she wanted space and to be alone right now. Its killing me not calling her. But i have been holding off on calling her and just wrote her a letter letting her know how i feel. maybe ill try the flower thing too.

 

The worst thing you wanna do is to keep bugging her. That is only going make her feel irritated and you might push her further away. Keep cool and maybe text message her or write her a letter. I dont know about you, but talking on the phone just seems like it eventually leads to arguments and too much drama. good luck!

[KitWalker]

Thanks for the vote of confidence VASH! Its definately appreciated!

 

BOGO, been speaking to a heap of different people. Some say leave her entirely alone, dont msg dont call, nothing! If its meant to be she'll come back. Others say "out of sight, out of mind", so msg her now and then! What to do???? Dont want to lose her!

 

Spoke to her today on the phone as i HAD to call her in regards to some money I had to give to her as the bill has come in. Got chatting and asked when we could have coffee. Told me that she was 'considering' working overseas for a year when she gets back from her hols

 

She said she was going to be busy right up until she leaves but will see about the coffee and call to let me know. She leaves next wednesday...I'm hoping that she does call, anyone have any advice on what i should talk about? Should I be happy for her and not bring up our past relationhsip??

[UCFKevin]

Ouch. Overseas.

 

I would say she's not going to call. Just a hunch. I've been there. I AM there.

[VASH THE STAMPEDE]

I'm really sorry for you guys,I was hoping for the best but it unfolded a little different.

Damn dice.

 

 

If it doesn't go the way planned just move on and save your selves some sanity,ok.

[NatoPMT]

my bloke has moved overseas & i am still clinging on tightly to the leg of hope. how undignified.

 

Hi Kit, i'm sorry its not turning out for you, youve done everthing you could, if R still isnt wanting to meet you then you cant do anymore. the time between now & when she goes will be the hardest, from my (rather limited) experience. Leave it until she gets back off her holidays now, shes made it clear she needs to have some time on her own - can you respect this? if you dont, you might make her mind up for her if shes only considering it at the mo.

 

if she doesnt call, just text her the day before she goes wishing her a good holiday i reckon.

[KitWalker]

I've going to lunch with her mum today....see if I can find out anything that I don't know already. Am still hoping that this can come around....have to believe it will! Will let you know what eventuates, if anything!

[KitWalker]

Just to let you all know, that i've been keeping in contact with my ex's mum, she's been great listening to me offering bits of advice here and there and NOT letting this all on to my ex, who i dont think would appreciate it too much. My ex has a habit of keeping how she is feeling or what she's thinking to herself, doesnt tell 'anybody' about anything...especially about the two of us broken up! Her mum is none the wiser and although I havent been able to get solid and concrete info from her on how my ex is feeling etc, she has been the 'go between' person who has been asking subtle questions on how she feels toward me etc.

 

I previously wrote that my ex was considering going overseas for a year to work and then coming back, however info from her mum has advised me that she has decided against this! Much to my relief....

 

On friday night I "wrote" a 7page letter to my ex, explaining all my mistakes, errors, my apologies, the love I have for my ex and also 'burnt' a cd with songs of asking for a 2nd chance in the lyrics. I met up with my ex's mum on the saturday morning and gave it to her to give to my ex that day. She gave it that afternoon and I found out today that my ex has still not read the letter......

 

Her mum asked her whats her plans for the future and how, if anything, if I would be a part of those plans. My ex's reply was "I don't know".....

 

She leaves to go to a holiday in Thailand on Wednesday morning and she did tell me that we would catch up a few weeks ago PRIOR to her leaving. I haven't heard a whisper, email nor sms from her even a reply to a msg I sent to her?

 

Today I have sent an email and SMS (saying the exact same thing) to say:

 

I havent heard from you in a while, not sure if I will hear from you either. I hope you read the letter that I wrote you as I spent a lot of time thinking about it before I decided to do it and I think you owe us at least that. You'll be leaving on Wednesday and I hope you enjoy yourself and look after yourself. I want nothing but for you to be happy *** and if that means a life without me by your side, then as much as it hurts, I will accept it. The letter and this sms will be the last words from me, I have said and done all I can to try and get us together, it is your choice and up to you if that is something that you want, the letter explains it all. I love you with all my heart and I hope maybe one day you'll change your mind and we could be back together, better than before....xxxx

 

I had hoped this would end with a happy ending, however, I am not sure how this will go? Maybe she will change her mind once she gets back from her holiday, maybe I will never hear from her again....she told her mum that she needed to get away....

 

Really hurts that she's cut me off like this and more so that whilst we were together she kept in contact with all her ex's yet if I am her ex, she wont even talk to me????

[VASH THE STAMPEDE]

I don't know what to say,this is an extremely complicated issue.

I really think she done with the relationship.But thats what I think.

[KitWalker]

I think its hell complicated too Vash???

 

Just wondering....the following:

 

1. Why won't she read my letter I wrote her?

2. She talks to past ex's with no problem, why wont she talk to me at all?

3. She says she needs to get away....away from me? Away from others??

[Bogo123]

I wrote her a letter late last week, but only two pages (it was typed, single spaced) and also had some flowers sent to her work with a teddy bear and a note, asking for a second chance. I kid you not i was going to burn a cd also, but i didnt know many second chance songs. Im sending flowers to her front porch tomorow. who knows, maybe i'll run by on my lunch break and drop off a cd too. Yeah, this is pretty much my last effort. Ive done all I could.

 

Out of curiosity, if she didnt want to take you back right now, what are your plans? are u gonna break off all contact, or kinda hang out with her as much as possible and maybe rekindle something from that? Im still deciding what i am gonna do, provided she doesnt want to be with me.

[KitWalker]

She hasn't replied and tomorrow morning she leaves. I found out (not from her) that she HAS now decided that when she returns from her trip to Thailand, she will be departing in February for working holiday around the world for a year.

 

At this point Bogo, I think that I am going to cut off all ties with her. I know that shes talked about this working holiday away for a year to her friends and also advised them that she will be having a big going away party. Nothing has still been said to me about all of this, however, not sure if I would go anyway if I received an invite.

 

I have decided to leave her alone as I explained in my last email to her and that it is up to her now to come to me if she thinks theres a chance or if she wants this to work. As it is, I've decided to try and get over her and hopefully...'maybe' down the track she may realise how empty life is without the two of us together. here's hoping anyway!

 

You've done your bit BOGO, i think that maybe you should let up and see if she comes to the party? She nkows how you feel mate.....

[KitWalker]

Had to write here as I wanted to speak to someone, I know its not the same as talking face to face, but hey, im not fussy!

 

She's leaving to go to the wedding in Thailand tomorrow morning (2am). I know which airline and theres only 1 airport. Im seriously contemplating just going down there and seeing if I see her before she flies off.... I dont know if this time away for 2 weeks will do her any good or make her realise that life away from here might be better?

 

Anyone here had someone go away for a year (or so) and come back to your arms? feeling really down at the moment as much as Im trying to fight it.....

 

[Bogo123]

time apart can be very good or bad. Either she will miss what you guys once had and realize she took you for granted, or she will slowly get used to you not being there and move on and you two will drift apart. I have never had a relationship where someone went away for a long time. hope evrything works out!

[KitWalker]

yeah the fact that there are two options she can take (either miss me and come back or enjoy herself and move on) is a bit of a bitch! Oh well....like a mate has said, gotta live your life, if its meant to be, she'll be back. I keep on praying!!!!

[bewildered]

Hey guys I'm a Kiwi and seem to be in much the same situation. Hope to hear something that makes sense out of this...

 

I met the most amazing person ever five years ago, she lived in another city and we had a long distance rerlationship for over a year until she made a move down here to live with me. After a year when I thought we were just so right and together she started to get pissed off that I was still paying the mortgage on my ex's house where my kids live and that I wasn't going anywhere in my career.

 

She said and still does that she loves me very much and I beleived her, but she needed to move back north and clear her head. Fair enough I thought. I worked 6 days a week and we talked sometimnes on the phone or by text messages.

 

Finally in july I bought a car and had enough money to want to meet up with her for a weekend or visit her at home. I mentioned this to a friend and he said she'd called the week before moaning a bout money and her new young man. I freaked, thinking it not possible etc.

 

I called her up and asked her and she confirmed that shed dated some guy a couple of times. more talk and it stretched to a couple of months, then about four. She said she was pretty fond of him, but he had broken it off. My guess was that she wanted to get more serious and he ran away. Shes 34 and he is 26. I'mm 44 with two kids so you can see the problem...

 

Anyway I visited her in a mad drive north and hung around, getting to stay on three nights out of nine. We didi sleep together and she told me she did still love me. She was very upset and sorry shed hurt me.

 

I said I wanted to try to get things back together and she came down and stayed twice over the last couple of months. Two weeks ago she had just returned home and we seemed to be moving cloiser together and starting to think about making it work. I didn't hear from her for a few days and called to ask Whats up?

 

Well something is up, Phil, it's over was her reply. She had been to a wedding and felt she couldn't make the commitment like she had just seen. She didn't want to piss me around any more. It's not me.

 

We talked for hours and enriched the phone company but she stuck to her guns over several calls.

 

Now I just spend too much time wondering and hoping - she is or was the love of my life and I wanted to marry her. She still wants to be friends and I have texted her twice and got one short reply.

 

She is keeping me well away while she moves on.

 

I'm so afraid that I really have lost her forever. What can I do that might work?

[KitWalker]

She'll be back at the end of the week, she's had two weeks away with friends for a wedding. No doubt she'd have had a ball and I prolly doubt that she would've had time to think much about the two of us and if it's something that she wants.

 

In saying that, I am "still" hoping that things would maybe get back on track when she returns? Slowly at first (obviously). I figured that if she calls, that I wont act all sad and make her feel guilty, but instead be happy and someone that she wants to talk to!

 

If she returns and hasnt called me (I've not contacted her the whole time she's been away), should I call her? Or should I just leave it and see if she'll contact me? If the rumours are true that she'll be going away overseas in feb, I dont have too much time...only a few months????

 

What do we all think?

[julieig]

i had a significant bf attempt to return after 1 year. i was still so in love with him ( i had broken it off) as much as i wanted to get back together i knew he wasn't going to ultimately be the guy i would marry. so i didn't have the guts to tell him there was no hope- i was living far away from him. i let him contact me a few more time to which i couldn't recipricate. i loved him so much that i couldn't lead him on although i already had. i just loved hearing from him. i was young and afraid.