Trialbyfire Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 I guess you're saying that the attitude of each person determines viability? If that's what you're saying I guess that's so. I'm confused though...not sure where you were going with that exactly. Yes, attitude is one of the important components for viability. Negativity can kill any budding relationship. Also, let's pretend you're a third party, reading the thread. Regardless of how realistic the person who's requesting advice is, if the person reading the thread has the same negative or positive aspects to their relationship that matches what's being posted, they can also look to the viability/non-viability stamp.
Author Touche Posted March 7, 2009 Author Posted March 7, 2009 Yes, attitude is one of the important components for viability. Negativity can kill any budding relationship. Also, let's pretend you're a third party, reading the thread. Regardless of how realistic the person who's requesting advice is, if the person reading the thread has the same negative or positive aspects to their relationship that matches what's being posted, they can also look to the viability/non-viability stamp. Are you saying that it won't then be a realistic conclusion on their part? Is that what you mean? (Sorry, don't mean to be so dense but I'm still not sure I'm getting what you're trying to convey here.)
Trialbyfire Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 Are you saying that it won't then be a realistic conclusion on their part? Is that what you mean? (Sorry, don't mean to be so dense but I'm still not sure I'm getting what you're trying to convey here.) I've broken it out two-fold. The first reference to attitude, is in reference to the member requesting advice. If they're extremely positive, regardless if they divulge a complete picture (which no one can through a post or two), it can help with the viability of their relationship. If they're extremely negative, it can kill the viability of their relationship. For that matter, most often, when someone is focused solely on the negative, they're trying to find a way out. The second reference, is for people who are just reading the thread, looking for clues for their own relationship. Whether or not the member requesting advice has given full disclosure, doesn't matter. It's the relationship similarities that define viability or not for them, as long as they factor in the indiosynchrosies of their own relationship.
bean1 Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 This sounds VIABLE at first glance but before I give my final world let me ask a couple of questions: Why didn't you have any relationships since high school. Were you dating? Give me a little more info on that? I had plenty of dates and boyfriends, just nothing serious or long-term! Did some travelling, multi-dating, etc. Wasn't interested in settling down.
Author Touche Posted March 7, 2009 Author Posted March 7, 2009 I've broken it out two-fold. The first reference to attitude, is in reference to the member requesting advice. If they're extremely positive, regardless if they divulge a complete picture (which no one can through a post or two), it can help with the viability of their relationship. If they're extremely negative, it can kill the viability of their relationship. For that matter, most often, when someone is focused solely on the negative, they're trying to find a way out. But if I think someone is trying to only portray the good or only portray the bad, I'd call them on that and ask more questions to get a true picture. As of yet, no one has posted all bad aspects of their relationship..but then, I wouldn't have expected that on a thread that speaks to the question of whether you're in a relationship that is viable or not. The all negative people probably already know that they're relationships are not viable. The second reference, is for people who are just reading the thread, looking for clues for their own relationship. Whether or not the member requesting advice has given full disclosure, doesn't matter. It's the relationship similarities that define viability or not for them, as long as they factor in the indiosynchrosies of their own relationship. Yes, that's true and I can see that. I was hoping that people WOULD look at these posts and apply it to their own situations wherever applicable and make their own assessments on the viability of their relationships.
Author Touche Posted March 7, 2009 Author Posted March 7, 2009 I had plenty of dates and boyfriends, just nothing serious or long-term! Did some travelling, multi-dating, etc. Wasn't interested in settling down. Sorry, bean but can you re-post your original post? I've requested for people to please re-post the original post if it's been more than just a couple of posts back. I'd appreciate it. And then I'll respond. Thanks!
Trialbyfire Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 Sounds good! I can say for my relationship, anything that's been bad has been dealt with, in that they've been resolved. I'm pretty quick to address issues when they show up and so is he, since we're both outspoken. Anything else is no big deal and doesn't become a big deal since the important stuff gets laid to rest!
Author Touche Posted March 7, 2009 Author Posted March 7, 2009 Sounds good! I can say for my relationship, anything that's been bad has been dealt with, in that they've been resolved. I'm pretty quick to address issues when they show up and so is he, since we're both outspoken. Anything else is no big deal and doesn't become a big deal since the important stuff gets laid to rest! That's so important. Letting things fester is about the worst thing you can do. It just erodes on a relationship. And I've said this before but the FREQUENCY of issues that come up and disagreements that come up are not really important. It's about the WAY they are handled and resolved (or not) that's important. That's what can make or break a relationship.
Trialbyfire Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 That's so important. Letting things fester is about the worst thing you can do. It just erodes on a relationship. And I've said this before but the FREQUENCY of issues that come up and disagreements that come up are not really important. It's about the WAY they are handled and resolved (or not) that's important. That's what can make or break a relationship. This discussion made me think back to my LD thing. Issues used to fester for days and days and days, where there rarely was resolution, his solution being that we just bury it, and when there appeared to be resolution, he would do the exact same things but twice as frequently. No wonder that thing crashed and burned so badly!
Author Touche Posted March 7, 2009 Author Posted March 7, 2009 My current relationship is viable. Good for you, JB. I didn't even know you had one.
Trialbyfire Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 My current relationship is viable. The song by Billy Idol titled "Dancing with Myself" comes to mind. I hope I'm not out-of-line, in that you're also not being serious. If your relationship status has changed and I'm out of the loop, plse accept my apologies.
jerbear Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 Good for you, JB. I didn't even know you had one. I'm not on LS as much anymore. The song by Billy Idol titled "Dancing with Myself" comes to mind. I hope I'm not out-of-line, in that you're also not being serious. If your relationship status has changed and I'm out of the loop, plse accept my apologies. You know, you're funny. We'll see how the relationship goes. Like I mentioned earlier, I can determine her mood at the market close. Women in the financial industries are just :love: knowing the difference between basil and BASEL, makes their eyes open wide. :lmao: Yes yes, another one.
Author Touche Posted March 7, 2009 Author Posted March 7, 2009 This discussion made me think back to my LD thing. Issues used to fester for days and days and days, where there rarely was resolution, his solution being that we just bury it, and when there appeared to be resolution, he would do the exact same things but twice as frequently. No wonder that thing crashed and burned so badly! Let it go, TBF. Let it go. And I know you're going to say you have but yet, I believe you've brought it up a couple of times now. And remember this: As long as people commenting, aren't using this thread as a way to "expose" or "denigrate" people, I think it's a very useful thread. We should keep that in mind. But also, it's important to know when to let things go and when to just agree to disagree. Of course if it's about something big, something important then you might have a problem. That's why it's so important to talk about the big issues early on. The rest can be negotiable if you're (general "you're") reasonable people. If one person always has to have it his or her way, that's a really huge red flag.
Trialbyfire Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 I'm not on LS as much anymore. You know, you're funny. We'll see how the relationship goes. Like I mentioned earlier, I can determine her mood at the market close. Women in the financial industries are just :love: knowing the difference between basil and BASEL, makes their eyes open wide. :lmao: Yes yes, another one. If you can reach ACCORD with her...I'm excited for you!
jerbear Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 I think the relationship between you two is viable long term. You two seem to have a good friendly thoughtful conversations. As noticed between posts #146, #147, and #148. Anyway, I'm done for now.
Author Touche Posted March 7, 2009 Author Posted March 7, 2009 I'm not on LS as much anymore. Oh, ok. I didn't notice. Seems like you never left.;) You know, you're funny. We'll see how the relationship goes. Like I mentioned earlier, I can determine her mood at the market close. Women in the financial industries are just :love: knowing the difference between basil and BASEL, makes their eyes open wide. :lmao: Yes yes, another one. Good luck, JB! ACCORD, BASEL..I have NO idea what you two are babbling about! Stop speaking that secret language!
Trialbyfire Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 Let it go, TBF. Let it go. And I know you're going to say you have but yet, I believe you've brought it up a couple of times now. And remember this: We should keep that in mind. But also, it's important to know when to let things go and when to just agree to disagree. Of course if it's about something big, something important then you might have a problem. That's why it's so important to talk about the big issues early on. The rest can be negotiable if you're (general "you're") reasonable people. If one person always has to have it his or her way, that's a really huge red flag. I have let it go but the discussion brought it back to mind, so I posted it more for a reference warning for others. In other words...DON'T DO THIS, it will get you nowhere but down.
jerbear Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 Good luck, JB! ACCORD, BASEL..I have NO idea what you two are babbling about! Stop speaking that secret language! ACCORD is Honda's flag ship sedan and its closets cousin is the Acura RL. BASEL is a name commonly in the United Kingdom.
Author Touche Posted March 7, 2009 Author Posted March 7, 2009 I think the relationship between you two is viable long term. You two seem to have a good friendly thoughtful conversations. As noticed between posts #146, #147, and #148. Anyway, I'm done for now. ????????????????? What the? You're being even weirder than usual, JB.
Author Touche Posted March 7, 2009 Author Posted March 7, 2009 I have let it go but the discussion brought it back to mind, so I posted it more for a reference warning for others. In other words...DON'T DO THIS, it will get you nowhere but down. don't mean to laugh, TBF but I predicted your answer. I knew that's what you were going to come back with. But see here's the thing...if you really posted it as a "reference warning for others" as you say, and nothing more, then maybe you should have considered leaving this part out: This discussion made me think back to my LD thing I mean, you could have made the point without including that tidbit. I mean after all, most of the regulars on here know who you are referring to, since you've publicly talked about. So although your motives are a little suspect here, the message is a good one. And I don't want to get into a pissing match here. I'm not attacking at all. You've made valuable contributions to this thread. I'm just pointing out something that I don't want taking place on my thread. I hope you understand. JB, yep you were. I don't really know where you're coming from tonight. But, nonetheless, I am glad you found someone you're happy with.
jerbear Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 JB, yep you were. I don't really know where you're coming from tonight. But, nonetheless, I am glad you found someone you're happy with. Thanks.
Trialbyfire Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 I mean, you could have made the point without including that tidbit. I mean after all, most of the regulars on here know who you are referring to, since you've publicly talked about. So although your motives are a little suspect here, the message is a good one. That's a good point. I added that point for your reference but didn't think about the regulars. Also, didn't want the behaviour falsely ascribed to my STR guy or any of other guys I dated but didn't have a relationship with.
Author Touche Posted March 7, 2009 Author Posted March 7, 2009 That's a good point. I added that point for your reference but didn't think about the regulars. Also, didn't want the behaviour falsely ascribed to my STR guy or any of other guys I dated but didn't have a relationship with. Well, no one on here knows them from Adam so what difference would it make if they "falsely ascribed" the behavior to STR guy or any other guy for that matter? That was my point. But with your LDR they do know who you were referring to. You should have left it at this though : That's a good point. I added that point for your reference but didn't think about the regulars. I can respect that, TBF.
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