Is Your Relationship Viable For the Long-Term or Will it be Short-Lived?

[Touche]

I kind of agree with both of you.

[keechie]

I'm impressed Keechie. And you guys may be viable in the end if you can work on what you brought up above.

 

Please do check back. I sure would like to be proven wrong on this one!

 

Good luck, Keech!

 

 

Hi Touche,

 

I said that I'd come back after a couple of months and make an update.

 

My boyfriend and I have talked about a lot of things over the past couple months (mostly our own fears and uncertainties), and quite a bit has changed. Remember how he had asked me to live with him, and I wasn't sure if I was even ready at all?

 

Well, we are moving in together this summer, and we are both absolutely sure that it's the right decision for us. He also mentioned that he'd like to see us engaged by the end of the year. Of course, he isn't going to tell me when, and I didn't ask and I don't want to know!

 

It's hard to explain, but since we've talked, it's like our dynamic has been more positive. We have had small arguments, but the difference is that they've been productive rather than hurtful. I do hope things continue this way, (though I have a good feeling they will, since we are both more conscious of each other now). Haha, it's amazing what communication can do for a relationship!

 

That's all. Thanks again for your advice.

[dont_understand]

I'll give this a go.....although I am actually posting about my ex who recently broke up with me. I'm 25, he is 27. He had never had a relationship before me although he had dated a lot, and when I met him I was only 6 months out of an extremely abusive 6-year relationship with the father of my son. I got pregnant very young and my son is five. I am very well-established - have a great job and maintain a nice living arrangement for me and my son. I am also very independent. There are some cultural differences between us...he is catholic and Italian....I am Anglican and Canadian. I felt this might be a problem in the beginning so I discussed it with him and he assured me that his family would not have any problems with my having a son nor did he. However, he did delay my meeting them. We were dating 11 months (and dated for a year) before I met his parents. This usually was the centre of all of our arguments as it caused a lot of insecurity on my end and I began to feel like he was ashamed of me. Again, he assured this wasn't the case and that he couldn't wait for me to meet his family. However, in the European culture, meeting the family is a big deal and I may have pushed the issue too much rather than letting him do it when he felt ready.

 

Anyway, to make a long story short...I guess I kinda got pushy about where things were headed for us and I think it spooked him and he went running. Saying our breakup is a result of him just not being ready for a serious relationship and that all the things he thought he could once handle, he realized he couldn't (ie. my son, my ex being in the picture, etc.). It's been two weeks...we went NC for 8 days to give space and recently started to talk again. I really love this man and feel like he is just freaked out about commitment (he has told me before he is a commitment phobe. In fact when I met him he said he had no desire for a relationship and then he pushed for one). He has told me how much he loves me but just isn't mature enough for a realtionship or whatever the case may be. Now he may only be trying to be polite, but I believe him. The way he looks me, I can just tell. I saw him the other night and we were intimate. We're not getting back together...we're not even calling it dating....would that make us "friends with benefits"? I am prepared to date other people and let him do the same, but we have an undeniable chemistry between us. We got along great and have so much fun together. He even got on with my son so well and enjoyed spending time with him. I am hoping that this time and space will help him to feel less trapped and give me some time to improve myself so that appear so "needy or aggressive". I feel like I may have pushed him away with so many questions. I knew that he had already made huge gains with me and his commitment fears and I feel like I was too impatient.

 

I truly believe in sticking to something you believe in, and I believe in us. I really feel like this guy is the "One", which is why I may have come on too strong. Is there any chance that this realtionship could flourish again or am I just setting myself up for heartbreak?

[BWLoca]

Well, I'll bite...sounds fun!

 

I'm 25, he's 30. We met online in March of last year, and after meeting a few times, became a couple in November. We live about an hour and a half drive away from each other and see each other about 2-3 times per month. We talk, text message or email each other every day. He has been in 3 long term relationships, each 3 years or more, though all three cheated on him. The longest relationship I have been in was one year and I ended it.

Both of our parents are happily married.

Nothing about love has come up, which is fine, but I think we are progressing nicely.

Problems: I may have a lower sex drive than he does. So far it hasn't been an issue as we don't see each other that often to really know. He thinks his is pretty average and I would rate my own as low to average.

Also, he can be really blunt and I'm pretty sensitive which causes a few problems here and there but we're both improving.

Thoughts?

[transamb0y]

here is some information

 

ages me (male) 25. she is 22

I have never been married or in a very long-term relationship.

She has been in love and in a 1 to 2yr relationship. she has only really ever loved one guy before me. we have known eachother for about 1 and half yrs. we have been dating for about 1yr and 1month.

 

before we started dating I had asked her out for valentines day as a secret admirer. this did not go well as she thought it was someone else and turned me down. after that we stayed friends and became very close friends. then one day we talked and she said that she started to like me and if i still felt the same way. i did. we have been going strong and have had a little bumps now and then. well the past couple months our intimacy level has dropped. she say it is her libido and i believe her. we both live at our parents houses (she at her parents, me at mine)(i am saving for a house at the moment). I brought up a fact that she does not do things for me like she used to and that she never likes to do stuff with my family so she says that she just is not into what they like and i know that, but i asked her to just try everyonce and a while. i also told her that when i ask her to come over or want her to come over it hardley happens. i have rarely asked due to the fact that i hate to ask all the time and told her that. she said that i never mentioned it and that if i asked she would come over. i then said how come when my parents were gone and i wanted a romantic weekend i practically had to beg you to come over. she replied with that was one time. i can't think of other times for a rebutle but insisted that i do not want to have to ask for things all of the time. i know that the issues of her not wanting to come over and my family made her upset or angry with me. we talked it over and are trying to work things out and we always talk to each other about things. I am willing to give it my all and Lover so much and i know she loves me too. but i need some input and advice. if you need any more info let me know.

[Touche]

Hi Touche,

 

I said that I'd come back after a couple of months and make an update.

 

My boyfriend and I have talked about a lot of things over the past couple months (mostly our own fears and uncertainties), and quite a bit has changed. Remember how he had asked me to live with him, and I wasn't sure if I was even ready at all?

 

Well, we are moving in together this summer, and we are both absolutely sure that it's the right decision for us. He also mentioned that he'd like to see us engaged by the end of the year. Of course, he isn't going to tell me when, and I didn't ask and I don't want to know!

 

It's hard to explain, but since we've talked, it's like our dynamic has been more positive. We have had small arguments, but the difference is that they've been productive rather than hurtful. I do hope things continue this way, (though I have a good feeling they will, since we are both more conscious of each other now). Haha, it's amazing what communication can do for a relationship!

 

That's all. Thanks again for your advice.

 

Wow, this thread is still going? Thought it died. Anywho, thanks for the update keechie. Glad things are working out for you and that you're communicating better. That was quite a turnaround you made..from being not sure you want to live together to getting married before the end of the year. Best of luck to you.

 

I'll give this a go.....although I am actually posting about my ex who recently broke up with me. I'm 25, he is 27. He had never had a relationship before me although he had dated a lot, and when I met him I was only 6 months out of an extremely abusive 6-year relationship with the father of my son. I got pregnant very young and my son is five. I am very well-established - have a great job and maintain a nice living arrangement for me and my son. I am also very independent. There are some cultural differences between us...he is catholic and Italian....I am Anglican and Canadian. I felt this might be a problem in the beginning so I discussed it with him and he assured me that his family would not have any problems with my having a son nor did he. However, he did delay my meeting them. We were dating 11 months (and dated for a year) before I met his parents. This usually was the centre of all of our arguments as it caused a lot of insecurity on my end and I began to feel like he was ashamed of me. Again, he assured this wasn't the case and that he couldn't wait for me to meet his family. However, in the European culture, meeting the family is a big deal and I may have pushed the issue too much rather than letting him do it when he felt ready.

 

Anyway, to make a long story short...I guess I kinda got pushy about where things were headed for us and I think it spooked him and he went running. Saying our breakup is a result of him just not being ready for a serious relationship and that all the things he thought he could once handle, he realized he couldn't (ie. my son, my ex being in the picture, etc.). It's been two weeks...we went NC for 8 days to give space and recently started to talk again. I really love this man and feel like he is just freaked out about commitment (he has told me before he is a commitment phobe. In fact when I met him he said he had no desire for a relationship and then he pushed for one). He has told me how much he loves me but just isn't mature enough for a realtionship or whatever the case may be. Now he may only be trying to be polite, but I believe him. The way he looks me, I can just tell. I saw him the other night and we were intimate. We're not getting back together...we're not even calling it dating....would that make us "friends with benefits"? I am prepared to date other people and let him do the same, but we have an undeniable chemistry between us. We got along great and have so much fun together. He even got on with my son so well and enjoyed spending time with him. I am hoping that this time and space will help him to feel less trapped and give me some time to improve myself so that appear so "needy or aggressive". I feel like I may have pushed him away with so many questions. I knew that he had already made huge gains with me and his commitment fears and I feel like I was too impatient.

 

I truly believe in sticking to something you believe in, and I believe in us. I really feel like this guy is the "One", which is why I may have come on too strong. Is there any chance that this realtionship could flourish again or am I just setting myself up for heartbreak?

 

You're setting yourself up for heartbreak for sure. This is so NOT VIABLE.

 

Setting aside his commitment issues, the fact that you have a child and deal with an ex is an almost impossible situation to deal with for most people...even mature people. And did you know that the failure rate in these types of relationships is even worse than for a couple where no other kids/exes are involved?

 

Trust me, chemistry and love are absolutely not enough to have a successful relationship.

 

Your best bet is to find someone a little more mature and stable. I'm seeing you with someone over 30. Maybe even someone who also has a child/children.

 

Not too many twenty-somethings are equipped to take on a ready-made family, not to mention all that comes with their mate having to deal with an ex.

 

I respect you for wanting to stick with something you believe in and that you feel he's "the ONE" but does he feel the same way? I think you know the answer to that.

 

I wouldn't waste too much emotional energy on this if I were you.

 

Good luck to you though.

 

As for the other posters, I'll get back to you when I have more time. I'm sorry I can't get to you just now.

[mammax3]

Hi Touche,

 

Great thread. Lots to learn in all those 27 pages!

I'd be interested in which stamp you'd use once you hear my story.

 

I'll wait til you post that you have the time some more.

 

Thanks.

[Touche]

Well, I'll bite...sounds fun!

 

I'm 25, he's 30. We met online in March of last year, and after meeting a few times, became a couple in November. We live about an hour and a half drive away from each other and see each other about 2-3 times per month. We talk, text message or email each other every day. He has been in 3 long term relationships, each 3 years or more, though all three cheated on him. The longest relationship I have been in was one year and I ended it.

Both of our parents are happily married.

Nothing about love has come up, which is fine, but I think we are progressing nicely.

Problems: I may have a lower sex drive than he does. So far it hasn't been an issue as we don't see each other that often to really know. He thinks his is pretty average and I would rate my own as low to average.

Also, he can be really blunt and I'm pretty sensitive which causes a few problems here and there but we're both improving.

Thoughts?

 

Loca, have you had any discussions about moving closer together?

 

here is some information

 

ages me (male) 25. she is 22

I have never been married or in a very long-term relationship.

She has been in love and in a 1 to 2yr relationship. she has only really ever loved one guy before me. we have known eachother for about 1 and half yrs. we have been dating for about 1yr and 1month.

 

before we started dating I had asked her out for valentines day as a secret admirer. this did not go well as she thought it was someone else and turned me down. after that we stayed friends and became very close friends. then one day we talked and she said that she started to like me and if i still felt the same way. i did. we have been going strong and have had a little bumps now and then. well the past couple months our intimacy level has dropped. she say it is her libido and i believe her. we both live at our parents houses (she at her parents, me at mine)(i am saving for a house at the moment). I brought up a fact that she does not do things for me like she used to and that she never likes to do stuff with my family so she says that she just is not into what they like and i know that, but i asked her to just try everyonce and a while. i also told her that when i ask her to come over or want her to come over it hardley happens. i have rarely asked due to the fact that i hate to ask all the time and told her that. she said that i never mentioned it and that if i asked she would come over. i then said how come when my parents were gone and i wanted a romantic weekend i practically had to beg you to come over. she replied with that was one time. i can't think of other times for a rebutle but insisted that i do not want to have to ask for things all of the time. i know that the issues of her not wanting to come over and my family made her upset or angry with me. we talked it over and are trying to work things out and we always talk to each other about things. I am willing to give it my all and Lover so much and i know she loves me too. but i need some input and advice. if you need any more info let me know.

 

I don't know quite how to put this other than to say that she's not that into you. I mean you say you're willing to give it your all. But it doesn't sound like she is. Anyway, trust me, most 22 year old girls don't know what they want. (I was once one myself. ) If you're looking for long-term viability here, I'm not seeing it. Sorry.

 

Hi Touche,

 

Great thread. Lots to learn in all those 27 pages!

I'd be interested in which stamp you'd use once you hear my story.

 

I'll wait til you post that you have the time some more.

 

Thanks.

 

Thanks Mamma. Can't believe you read the whole thread!

 

Anywho, I would have responded to your situation now, as I have some time, but you didn't post your story. I never know when I'll be on.

 

I'll check again soon and respond when I get a chance. Looking forward to hearing from you.

[paddington bear]

Hi Touche,

 

the outcome of this has already happened, so I guess it's pointless asking, however I'm curious nonetheless if given the bare facts before knowing the outcome what your opinion would have been.

 

Him 36, me 36 both work in the same field. Him separated from his ex-wife, but not divorced, they have one child. Him and I work together and find we work together well and in a relaxed manner, he out of the blue starts to share private things about his life and thoughts to me. We laugh a lot and get on well together. He is impressed by my knowledge and ability and likewise.

 

He is in a very bad situation, one that I slowly realise he should get out of, due to terrible treatment and that I'm getting sucked into as well. He starts to call me a lot and send me text messages. He compliments me on what I'm wearing. Abruptly this stops and much later the reason why is explained. Another girl seduced him. He leaves the country and the incredibly bad situation he was in. After a few months this relationship breaks up and he moves back. His (ex) wife is so annoyed with him for leaving the terrible situation and her and the country that she prevents him from seeing their child.

 

He asks me out with him, dancing, drinks and so on. He tells me about the last breakup that he is 'so sick of relationships'. The asking out continues and the phonecalls sharing intimate details continues and I wonder if that was just a spur of the moment comment or a deeply held belief, otherwise why would he be asking me out on dates, calling me for long talks a couple of times per week? I gave him time, hoping if I hung around long enough he might change his mind.

 

He gives me the 'I'm not looking for a relationship right now' speech 'maybe in the future, but not right now'. I accept that, but still hope for the 'maybe in the future' part. Meanwhile ex wife starts edging back into the picture, access to the child allowed again. Ex wife wants him back, he does not want her back, but feels a sense of duty, so tries to be friends with her. Meanwhile we continue to spend a lot of time together, plan future projects together, can talk about anything, we get very very close. Other people comment on this and make assumptions about where our relationship as friends is heading i.e. towards more than friends. He gets jealous if other men approach me, yet never makes a move. He gets nervous when we are alone together in a setting such as an apartment or hotel room, as if he fears I will try to seduce him (or maybe likewise).

 

After spending every day living and working together with others for months, he abruptly pulls back. I get angry about this. We talk. I tell him that really I'm looking for more than a friend and that he is preventing me from finding someone who does actually want a relationship with me. He tells me that he 'really have to sort out my issues with relationships'. As often happens after a big argument, when you've made up, you get even closer.

 

During this time his ex is becoming more and more dominant in his life, and arranges things so that he must be involved with her financially and in many other aspects. He goes along with this and the closeness he had with me is not longer tolerated by her and so the friendship and trust between is slowly eroded until now it has been well and truly broken.

 

The end of the story is that of course, the ex wife, has got him back...more or less. But I guess that was obvious from the beginning right?

[Touche]

Paddington, I don't know that it was obvious from the beginning that he was going to end up with HER...what was obvious from the beginning to me, was the fact that he was never going to end up with YOU. So yeah, of course I would have called this one NOT VIABLE.

 

He kind of used you in between being "seduced" and playing games with his ex. You were an ego-stroking for him. He could always count on you to lift him up. Yet what did he give in return? Not much from what I can tell.

 

It's like they say...never make a man (or anyone) a priority if you're only an option. And that's exactly what happened here. You made HIM your priority but you were just an option for him in between "seductions" and other nonsense.

 

Be glad you're rid of this hot mess of a man and all his baggage.

 

Hope you are more careful about who you invest in next time.

[paddington bear]

Paddington, I don't know that it was obvious from the beginning that he was going to end up with HER...what was obvious from the beginning to me, was the fact that he was never going to end up with YOU. So yeah, of course I would have called this one NOT VIABLE.

 

He kind of used you in between being "seduced" and playing games with his ex. You were an ego-stroking for him. He could always count on you to lift him up. Yet what did he give in return? Not much from what I can tell.

 

It's like they say...never make a man (or anyone) a priority if you're only an option. And that's exactly what happened here. You made HIM your priority but you were just an option for him in between "seductions" and other nonsense.

 

Be glad you're rid of this hot mess of a man and all his baggage.

 

Hope you are more careful about who you invest in next time.

 

Thanks Touche, that about sums it up I'd say!!! Ach well, you live and learn...or in my case the learning part seems to come hard

[Touche]

Thanks Touche, that about sums it up I'd say!!! Ach well, you live and learn...or in my case the learning part seems to come hard

 

You're welcome. Listen, at least you learn right? I'm like you in that the learning part doesn't come easy either but at least I've learned. I finally picked the right man 14 years ago. Just don't settle. Expect the best and you'll have the best. Not some half-assed relationship with a mess of a person. Good luck to you, paddington!

[BWLoca]

 

Loca, have you had any discussions about moving closer together?

 

 

Yes and no...there's a particular city that we both want to move to, and for the same reasons. When we first started talking to each other, we just happened to have that in common. However, there's never been any talk about moving together.

[redant]

Here's mine:

 

Late 30's both of us, no kids. We've both had long term relationships.

I'm ready to find the one and have a kid. He's in no rush. We've dated 6 months.

I have taken things slow don't want to fall hard. We spend alot of time together and

Have good times. We have both become closer and by his actions I see he cares.

I only get upset when I worry of our future. He likes to keep informed and seeks the truth. He's kind hearted, yet selfish and very self-sufficient.

 

I have not married because I did not want to when I may have had the chance and other reasons, but now I'd like to. I dated others, but then chose him, beacause I was attracted and he was interesting. He seems to have found something wrong with his exs. Although we do not discuss it much.

 

What's your take? Thanks!

[mammax3]

Hi Touche, thanks a lot. Here's mine.

My parents are divorced, and both remarried shortly after their divorce and are still with the same partners. I'm 32, was married and with the father of my 3 children for nearly 10 years all told. Although not a perfect relationship, I thought it was pretty good - but since can see we were too young and not actually a suitable match - no major issues to speak of until we split . We split up 2 years ago and since then I've been focussing on myself, my children and getting organized for a life without my ex. I went back to school and that's when I met Him.

 

His parents are divorced and he grew up in lots of different places, bounced from house to house with other family members but finally settled to his current city in his late teens. He's 37, was with his ex for nearly 10 years in a completely dysfunctional relationship and had one child. They broke up about 2 years ago. The dysfunction remains and they continue to struggle in their co-parenting relationship. He's working hard at getting settled and is going to school.

 

One of our greatest strengths is our ability to communicate openly and ask questions and be honest with each other. For example, if I am unsure about the intention or undertone of his comment, I will ask if he meant the comment the way I interpreted it, and he will explain how he meant it - I usually have put more meaning or a negative spin on it. We can talk about nearly anything, and often talk about everything. I'd also like to point out that we work closely together in ensuring that our kids come first (before either of us) and we also monitor our behaviors to make sure they're serving the relationship well - do you know what i mean? I try to avoid the things I feel led my previous relationship awry, and he takes the lessons he's learned and applies them to us.

 

We've been together for 3 months, but it definitely feels like longer (as we've been friends throughout the school year).

 

We haven't discussed any of the 'big' pieces (money, extended family involvment or parenting style) more because I'm trying to keep my heels cool and move slowly into the relationship - mostly for the kids, they don't need to see bfs, IMO, although they have met him and they all get along very well.

 

I feel that this relationship is without an intensity since I'm moving slowly and intentionally into it and TBH, that concerns me. I've never had a partner with whom I was friends first, nor did I ever need to be concerned about kids +relationships, so I'm not sure if this is the way it's 'supposed' to feel. I find him cuter and better as I get to know him and I really enjoy spending time with him.

 

Please weigh in! I feel that there are lots and lots of positives in our relationship (openness, willingness to learn and serve the relationship, communications, interests), but I'm not sure of the weight of the negs (my lack of emotional intensity, his persistent dysfunctional relationships, all the children, I'm not yet divorced, any emotional hang ups we might have).

 

Thanks again Touche.

[Touche]

 

Loca, have you had any discussions about moving closer together?

 

 

Yes and no...there's a particular city that we both want to move to, and for the same reasons. When we first started talking to each other, we just happened to have that in common. However, there's never been any talk about moving together.

 

I'm not seeing this one as viable either I'm afraid. You mentioned the difference in your libidos. That's not the main issue here. The fact that you've known each other for 6 months and see each other only maybe 2 or 3 times a month, IS. And what's even more problematic for me is the fact that there's been no discussion at this point, about doing something about that.

 

Sorry, Loca. I'm just not sensing that this is viable in the long-term so I'm going to have to call this one NOT VIABLE.

[Touche]

Here's mine:

 

Late 30's both of us, no kids. We've both had long term relationships.

I'm ready to find the one and have a kid. He's in no rush. We've dated 6 months.

I have taken things slow don't want to fall hard. We spend alot of time together and

Have good times. We have both become closer and by his actions I see he cares.

I only get upset when I worry of our future. He likes to keep informed and seeks the truth. He's kind hearted, yet selfish and very self-sufficient.

 

I have not married because I did not want to when I may have had the chance and other reasons, but now I'd like to. I dated others, but then chose him, beacause I was attracted and he was interesting. He seems to have found something wrong with his exs. Although we do not discuss it much.

 

What's your take? Thanks!

 

What does that bolded part mean exactly? And how is he kind-hearted and selfish exactly?

 

Why hasn't he talked to you about past relationships much? What was the main reason for his breakups? Have either one of you been married before?

 

I do need a little more info, but my first gut instinct is this is the kind of man who will never commit. But I can't say for sure. It's just that I'm getting the feeling that if you want marriage and kids and you're already in your late 30's and he's in no rush, well...what can I say? I kind of think you're barking up the wrong tree to want those things with his particular man.

 

But I'm not sure. That's just my first instinct based on what you said here. Maybe you can answer some of my questions and I can weigh in some more.

[redant]

I didn't mean to bold the text. He helps me quite a bit around my house. Painting planting things. He always wants to be with me. He always makes plans even way ahead. He misses me when he's not with me. Selfish is that he doesn't always think of helping with luggage when traveling or just when I have to carry heavy luggage. He just seems to make sure he is good taken care of.

 

I just don't know how I can break it off with him. I would need help to get through I know. I'm horrible at break ups and I so enjoy his company!!

 

I do know his most recent ex was 1year and a half and she wanted marriage but he said he didn't love her. I don't know if I'm different although he claimed I was very different early in our rela.

 

Lately he has been quite loving and calling me his love.

 

The main thing is it's east to say break it off but it will be bad.

 

Just let me know your thoughts. Thank u.

[redant]

The weird thing is this is the best and most stable relationship I've had! My last 4 lasted only 5 mnths. In this one we don't fight much and seem to care for each other equally.

[BWLoca]

Thanks for your thoughts, Touche!

You could be right. I've had the same thoughts but not really sure if he has or not. I've actually brought up the issue before and he agreed with me that we should see each other more often. This happened right before I went on vacation so I haven't had time to see any results. So far, I think he's a good guy so I'm willing to hang in for a bit to see where it goes. At least until I'm positive it's not going anywhere...

[tigressA]

I'm 22; he's 24. We've been together for 18 months. I'm the first girlfriend he's had and he lost his virginity to me; I had dated 3 other guys and slept with them but all of those relationships lasted between 1 and 4 months.

 

Our relationship is mostly long-distance. We met at the same school; he graduated a few months after we met and he lives about 3 hrs. away. He drives up to see me at school every other weekend and I have spent all my school breaks over the last year at his family's house (still lives at home but has a full-time job); his parents love me. His parents have been married 26 years and the family's very middle-class; my BF never had to worry about money a day in his life--his parents paid for his entire college education. I'm a love child from a working-class background and know what bill-paying roulette is all about; I have thousands in student loans. My parents had a very volatile relationship and split when I was young and my dad had full custody.

 

I'm very emotional and express my feelings verbally and also believe that there's a reason for everything; I have to know what the reason is and why the reason is. He isn't too verbally expressive and doesn't need much of an explanation for anything; he is very physically affectionate with me and is very generous. We talk every night when we're apart, either online or on the phone. When we're together we'll go on walks/bike rides and play soccer together; we'll go out to eat, but we're also okay with just staying in and cuddling on the couch, with him watching sports and me reading a book. We're capable of making a lot of conversation but we're also comfortable in silence. Our sex life is good; I have no problem climaxing and he is always more conscious of my desires in bed than his. We waited four months after starting our relationship to have sex. We've talked about marriage and kids; we're both really iffy about kids but I definitely want to get married someday and he's not very keen on that--he's scared of the possibility of divorce.