Is Your Relationship Viable For the Long-Term or Will it be Short-Lived?

[Amy35]

So if you want to know, just post giving me a little background. I must at least know your ages, whether you've been married or in another long-term relationship before and how long you know each other. (The last bit isn't as important but it does help me in gauging things.) Also, any other important information you want to give out...are there kids involved? Also, mention any current concerns but also tell me what's good about your relationship.

 

 

Ok I will have a go

 

Me: Female, 35, 4 children with ex husband, divorced. Him: 38, 2 children from previous LTR of 10 years.

 

Background: Me: Parents Divorced when I was 11. Raised after that in single parent family headed by my Dad. Edlest of 5. Left school at 16 with minor qualifications to earn money, previously worked in Customer Service Industry, now study at home (undergraduate). Left Bankrupt after Divorce but have now have no debts and slowly rebuilding.

 

Him: Parents still together. Youngest of 3. Left School at 16 pretty much same as me. Has become knowledgable in his field through experience. Had to sell family home after his LTR ended. Has savings. No debts.

 

We met online. He was the first one to come through....but took two weeks to meet, emails back and forth til the Date in June 08. Met....talked like we had known each other forever. Easy conversation....lots of "And you too!!!"

 

Slow burn I would say....although immeadiate attraction on both parts....wasn't til date 4 I think we kissed for the first time then OMG err like WOW....

 

He lives closeby....see each other approx 5/7 he stays over 2/3 times a week. We "date" ie Take time from the kids and have evenings out.....he tends to pay....or we share....like one pays petrol one shouts lunch if it's a day trip out.

 

Someone mentioned on this thread about using someone's name....I'll be honest and say at first I did call him "babe"....in fact I use that term for everyone....but lately I reserve that for him or use his name or use both....like say his name with Darling or babe afterwards....

 

We have the same life goals....to be happy, to run a successful business....our own and together. We each share a lot of the same interests...but find the one we don't share we have in turn become fascinated about.

 

The "Bad" (if you can call it that) I had an issue with expectations, which I have worked on and continue to work on). Also I can be impatient and a perfectionist. I don't half do something....I do it well and don't like anything that is in my eyes substandard. He is the same. Will work and work on a project or art til it's right. We have high standards. I'm working on not being a perfectionist. (SBT)

 

Him....he wouldn't always call to let me know if he was coming over or not....I used to get very annoyed. I felt it was disrespectful to keep me hanging on....we talked about this....and I no longer assume. (I was hoping he would mind read...sadly he has no crystal ball) We tend to look at our schedules at the end of the week for the next week or two so we know when we are seeing each other.

 

Lately though....when he talks about the future he talks about moving in....how great it would be to wake up together every day....he said that he sees the future with me being his wife. (I couldn't even respond to that other than with a nod of the head and a meek "Ok" ) He said that he never thought of marrying anyone before....but did always see himself getting married. I in turn said I wouldn't live with anyone again til I was married or at least engaged with a date set. No hang on....I said "I will move in with you the day after our wedding ;)" He said it was those "old fashioned traits in me he fell in love with (well apart from other things )

 

I think that's it....ask away if you need any more details...I would be very interested to see what the feedback is.

[Ariadne]

emails back and forth til the Date in June 08

we kissed for the first time then OMG err like WOW....

at first I did call him "babe"....in fact I use that term

same life goals.... to run a successful business

he sees the future with me being his wife

he never thought of marrying anyone before....

 

I help you Touche..

[Touche]

I help you Touche..

 

Thanks, go ahead. I can't now...too busy with work. But you'll just tell everyone VIABLE and everything is great.

 

I'll check back on here to post when I hve more time.

[Touche]

Ohh, can I play too?

 

I'm eighteen and he's nineteen. I've been in one other long-term relationship that lasted four years on and off. He's been in one that was three months on and off.

 

We've been dating seven months now, known each other for ten months, no children.

 

The Good: He has a lot of the same (unusual) interests/hobbies that I do, he makes me smile and laugh frequently when I spend time with him, he doesn't have any personality traits that press my insecurity buttons, and my love for him is healthier than my last relationship.

 

The Bad: Most (lately, all) of our disagreements turn into arguments. My previous relationship turned out horribly, and the pressure I feel not to have this one turn out this way sometimes overwhelms me and causes problems with us, because I'll freak out over things I normally wouldn't.

 

I guess that's it.

 

Sorry, NOT VIABLE. How you resolve conflict is a real BIGGIE in my book. Plus your ages factor in of course. Most relationships started at this age are temporary. Just enjoy it as long as it lasts and as long as things don't get out of hand with the arguing. But I don't you'll still be together by the time you're even 20 or so. Sorry.

 

Amy, I will get to you next.

[Touche]

Amy, I have some questions before I weigh in:

 

How long were you married? How long have you been divorced? Have you met each others' kids? If so, how do you all get along together? Why didn't he marry the woman he had kids with if he admires old-fashioned values? How often does he see his kids? How does he get along with his ex? What does he say about her?

[Amy35]

Amy, I have some questions before I weigh in:

 

How long were you married?

 

Six years....together since teens. Worst thing I ever did marrying him. I knew I shouldn't on the day. Funny....I wished I'd listened to my gut. Now though my appreciation of marriage and what it entails has increased. I know next time, if ever there is a next time....I will at least get the groom right!!! Don't get me wrong....my wedding day was lovely...I planned it to a tee. I just got one minor detail wrong....and that was the groom!!!

 

 

How long have you been divorced?

 

Officially 18 months. Filed Nov 06.

 

Have you met each others' kids?

 

Yes.

 

If so, how do you all get along together?

 

Him and mine, lovely. Me and his, Lovely. Get them all together....well it's noisy. One time on a day out wasn't a good day. Two of mine reacted to his eldest. Last time all together was good...everyone coped....but I am not rushing into "blending". And neither is he. We would rather take it slow so everyone gets used to the set-up/dynamic. We have days out....like to the Zoo....or they come to mine and play PS or XBOX...but not had everyone stay overnight in the same place yet. I am at Easter about to spend the whole weekend with Him and his two....should be interesting....I never have spent that much time all in one go with them. Seen them over consectutive days yes....but not overnighting. Will be my first time. Him...stays at mine regularly.

 

We plan to intergrate....but do it slowly.

 

Why didn't he marry the woman he had kids with if he admires old-fashioned values?

 

She wasn't the one. He said it didn't feel right.

 

How often does he see his kids?

 

As often as he can....normally thought it's every other weekend...although sometimes a few weekends in a row. No set schedule as such....but sometimes our schedules "marry up" so to speak and we get every other weekend alone

 

How does he get along with his ex?

 

Not at first no, she cheated. He was upset about that. Lost his home. Now though it's ok. I say ok....sometimes she does manipulate with the kids....but it's got a lot better in the past few months. He is starting to let her know when he is busy....like if we make plans on a certain weekend....he gives her notice but does say "I'm busy on such and such....but I can do either/or" and it seems to work for him. His ex baulked at this at first....change in dynamic....but it's going ok now.

 

 

What does he say about her?

 

Same as I say about my ex....that he cannot believe he wasted 10 years with her.

 

I can't believe I wasted most of my life with my ex. But then if I didn't have such a carp R....I wouldn't appreciate a decent, healthy one.

 

Hope this helps Touche

[Touche]

Before I comment I just want to say that it struck me as a little "off" that this man said his ex wasn't the one but yet he had two kids with her...? I don't get that but ok.

 

I think you're both very wise for taking this slow where your kids are concerned.

 

I'm not seeing any real red flags here. I think what you have is VIABLE. I wish you the best and I'm happy that you found a good man, Amy! Keep us updated, ok?

 

Blended family situations can be a REAL challenge as you may know and unfortunately they have a higher divorce rate which is why I said you're being wise not to rush to blend the families yet. Taking it slow will ensure you the best success I think. Anyway, good luck to you.

[Amy35]

Before I comment I just want to say that it struck me as a little "off" that this man said his ex wasn't the one but yet he had two kids with her...? I don't get that but ok.

 

I did think that too....not so much off as if he was thinking he would one day get married....why he hadn't so far. That when he said he hadn't met the right one....she asked him a couple of years before she cheated if they could get married....he asked why? She said that she wanted to have an engagement party to get some presents....he said he wouldn't. He thought it selfish on her part.

 

She got pregnant around 3 months after they met....he said there was no question of her terminating, she was having the baby...so he stuck by her. He did say he wished it hadn't of happened so quick as he probably wouldn't have stayed with her. But he stuck it out as they had a child together. She decided a few years later that she wanted another child. Job done. Two kids. Mortgage on a family home.

 

I did say at one point when talking about it that he must of loved her at some stage....he said he thought he did.....till he met me....now it doesn't even compare. He said the most amazing thing is to tell someone you love them....to look them in the eye and know that deep down inside you really mean it...and that the other knows that too. I get that....I really do understand what he means when he says that. Because I feel the same.

 

My ex used to tell me he loved me....I hated to respond....Saying I love you back seemed wrong and trite. I didn't feel it for so long. And yet I did nothing about leaving him. We had 3 children then....and got married. Then for a time everything was ok....I accepted it....then later on...the more controlling he got....the less I loved him. The less I loved him....the more controlling he got. In the end the resentment factor was huge. We did have a shot at MC...but I later on found out that my ex was cheating on me at the time....so really MC was a waste in that respect...but it did open MY eyes to who he was and how little he respected me as a person. I got out soon after.

 

I think you're both very wise for taking this slow where your kids are concerned.

 

I'm not seeing any real red flags here. I think what you have is VIABLE. I wish you the best and I'm happy that you found a good man, Amy! Keep us updated, ok?

 

Blended family situations can be a REAL challenge as you may know and unfortunately they have a higher divorce rate which is why I said you're being wise not to rush to blend the families yet. Taking it slow will ensure you the best success I think. Anyway, good luck to you.

 

Slowly is our key word.....and boy did this man teach me about patience. Sometimes I do want to rush in....to all live together. But that isn't going to happen soon.

 

My ex moved in with his new GF shortly after meeting her....and the kids met her and her two children quite quickly. My lot were not happy about that so what me and my BF did is watch what happened with them....and his ex and her BF to a degree....and then we talked about the best way to approach the "Blending" aspect.

 

He is lovely Gorgeous....giving....respectful...supportive. We both give each other space and yet make time for each other. Sometimes it doesn't always work out with kids scheduling to get one on one time...but we are very lucky in the sense that as parents there are weekends we do have quality time together, either on days out or laying in bed all morning!

 

But....get this....one of THE best bits....is to find a man after all these years that darn well can make me orgasm when making love.... who knew it could be soooooo good!!! And he likes massages.....I darn well love those too (giving and receiving)

 

Many thanks Touche for your kind words.... and for taking the time to respond.

 

Amy.

[Touche]

You're very welcome Amy. It sounds like you have a lovely relationship with orgasms and everything!

[beefburrito]

okay so my exboyfriend was going out with this girl named sarah. she broke up with him on his birthday and he was hurt for about a week. they went out for 2 months by the way. he found another girlfriend and blah blah blah. then he met me. he asked me out and we went out for 9 months. when he was with me he would always talk about how in love he was with me. then he breaks up with me for sarah! apparently the last 4 months we were going out he was telling her he loves her and the day before he broke my heart he cheated on me with her. so 2 weeks after he broke up with me he asks her out. They seemed happy. then after a month into their relationship he calls me telling me he misses me. so we hung out behind sarahs back and we hooked up. he told me hes gonna leave sarah for me. i told him idk about the plan and all of a sudden he changed his mind and said "nvm i want sarah not u" so i told sarah that he cheated on her. she didnt believe me and theyre still together, its been 2 months now. and when i see them, they seem very happy. i havent talked to him since. o and sarah and him already had sex after 1 month and a half. me and him never had sex he said he would want it to be special. theres no kids involved. how long do you think they will last? and does he miss me? why did he leave me?

[Touche]

He left you because he's probably pretty young and doesn't know what he wants yet.

 

He won't last with his new girlfriend.

 

He may or may not miss you but it doesn't matter since he made his choice.

 

I hate to tell you this but you need to put him in your past. You should be with someone who is dying to be with you. Don't settle for less. It never works out if you do.

[Ariadne]

Touche! You should be a psychic! You are really good at this.

[semi spritzer]

Hiya all

I’m a late 30s gal seeing two yrs older male, not seriously. We’re both working, no kids. During our 7 years which we’ve split up four times, he ended it once and me three times. Whenever he has come back, he says he misses me, is all over me, wants to take me here and there, then as time goes on it doesn't materialise. We’ve not met each other’s relations tho he’s met my brother and one of my girlfriends. He is an only child. I have had two long rleationships, he has had one mid term and many casual ones. Last year he said he is ready for marriage and hinted at marrying me that he wouldn't restrict me going out with pals in the marriage. Since then he hasn't got himself together cos he is in a lot of debt.

 

We mostly cook meals and hang at each other’s places, watch films, discuss news topics etc. I would like to go out more tho it isn’t imperative. In the last two years I’ve become assertive if I feel taken for granted, I was meek before. Sometimes he critcises me for IMO minor things and I challenge him now cos I accept him as he is.

Both our parents seperated when we were kids so we each grew up with only one parent, his dad is now dead 12 years. He had a hateful relationship with his mum which he took out on me, I tolerated because I cared about him. They’re much better now.

 

What’s upsetting me is this - Four months ago we sat together as we were talking about pets, he mocked my parents' seperation (laughing that my dad's pet dog ran away just like my mum did). I got upset cos he thought it was good for a laugh and it wasn't easy for my dad to bring up two kids in my mum’s absence.

When I couldn't forget it I called him and said at least my parents were married before they had kids and this showed respect unlike his parents (recently he told me his parents were never married, I've always thought they were) to which he got angry and told me to F***-Off twice and hung up. I don’t really think badly of his parents but I was upset at what he said. I’ve never sworn at him tho he has at me before.

 

He dodged my calls afterwards for two months bcos he didn’t want to face my upset. When we eventually spoke on the phone (a month ago) he began arguing and threw stuff in my face that he didn’t care if I have only one parent in my life, it’s my family and my life, blah blah which hurt tremendously. He shouted he wanted an apology and said he wouldn’t apologise for swearing at me cos I kept shouting at him. I told him I don’t think he cares for me cos of what he said and I hung up.

 

Three weeks ago I phoned to apologise for what I said about his parents, he did the same for me that he felt ashamed after I explained my dad's struggles etc. He says he cares for me and wants to keep in touch tho he hasn't called. He does a houdini sometimes. I am still upset over him throwing my absent parent in my face and want an apology for this. Also if he doesn’t do same for swearing at me I won't see him again cos I think it’s off for a man to swear at a woman.

 

It’s been four months since we saw each other, I'm very upset with it all. Folks, am I making a mountain outta this?

[Touche]

Semi spritzer, there are so many red flags waving here that I feel like I'm at a Spanish bullfight. I mean really. No, you're not making a mountain out of a molehill. This whole relationship is a mess and a farce.

 

In your opening sentence you say you're not seeing him seriously so what's the big deal? Get rid of him. You've already wasted 7 years (on and off) with this creep.

 

You're too old to put up with his abuse and you two are like oil and water. You need to move on once and for all.

 

Need I say it? Sooooo NOT VIABLE.

 

Ariadne, I'm not psychic silly. It's really a matter of probability and knowing what it takes to make a relationship work. Certain things are indicators. Like I've said before, it's not rocket science.

[LovieDove24]

Ok here's one:

 

So we dated for three months when we were both 24 years old. We were both in college--me in my final semester and he going for his Masters. Then the **** hit the fan and I got pregnant and he left me. He told me he was terrified and that he thought he'd be an unfit father. I didn't hear from him for over 8 months, and I didn't try and call him not once during that time.

 

Then after our daughter was born he came sniffing back around. Slowly, I let him back in both my daughters and my life. We started spending every evening together playing "house." He would cook dinners for me, give me back rubs, and was great with helping with our daughter etc. When our daughter was about two months old, after spending so much time together raising her and "dating" each other again, I started to inevitably feel a connection. I asked him what he felt. He freaked out again. Said he feels that we only have our daughter in common and when she turns 18, what would we have to talk about?

 

Ok, Touche, Im pullin your chain here. I know this relationship is as un-fricken-viable as they come. He is the most scardy-commity cat I've ever met and I kicked his butt out of my house the minute he said that. He and I split time with our daughter now and he still tries to flirt but then I kiss my daughter, wave goodbye and shut the door in his face. Yayy for happy endings. Lol.

[fiona.clark]

I have been v good friends, with my boyfriend, for over 10 years before we started dating. He is 54 years old, Im 39 and although he has previously been I a committed relationship for long time, he has never lived with anyone. We are very intuitive of each other, on the same wavelength and have great chemistry. I get him and he gets me.

 

Both of us have been very hurt from previous relationships, and have bad childhoods, we can related to each other concerning each others emotional baggage. He says I understand him like no one else has done, when he really opens up to me most time he ends up in tears. This only tends to happen though when he has had a few drinks, otherwise if we talk intimately or about love he tends to laugh it off or make jokes.

 

Its like he is two people his outer shell is his humor and sarcasm which deflects anyone getting too close or hurtful, and soft squidgy insides is just crying out to be swept off his feet with love and too feel secure in love.

 

All his actions and words show he wants us to be together and to start a family.

[Touche]

Ok here's one:

 

So we dated for three months when we were both 24 years old. We were both in college--me in my final semester and he going for his Masters. Then the **** hit the fan and I got pregnant and he left me. He told me he was terrified and that he thought he'd be an unfit father. I didn't hear from him for over 8 months, and I didn't try and call him not once during that time.

 

Then after our daughter was born he came sniffing back around. Slowly, I let him back in both my daughters and my life. We started spending every evening together playing "house." He would cook dinners for me, give me back rubs, and was great with helping with our daughter etc. When our daughter was about two months old, after spending so much time together raising her and "dating" each other again, I started to inevitably feel a connection. I asked him what he felt. He freaked out again. Said he feels that we only have our daughter in common and when she turns 18, what would we have to talk about?

 

Ok, Touche, Im pullin your chain here. I know this relationship is as un-fricken-viable as they come. He is the most scardy-commity cat I've ever met and I kicked his butt out of my house the minute he said that. He and I split time with our daughter now and he still tries to flirt but then I kiss my daughter, wave goodbye and shut the door in his face. Yayy for happy endings. Lol.

 

Awww, Lovie sorry. I respect you though for not letting him jerk you around. And it's good at least that he's in your daughter's life.

 

Can I steal the "un-fricken-viable" line?

[Touche]

I have been v good friends, with my boyfriend, for over 10 years before we started dating. He is 54 years old, Im 39 and although he has previously been I a committed relationship for long time, he has never lived with anyone. We are very intuitive of each other, on the same wavelength and have great chemistry. I get him and he gets me.

 

Both of us have been very hurt from previous relationships, and have bad childhoods, we can related to each other concerning each others emotional baggage. He says I understand him like no one else has done, when he really opens up to me most time he ends up in tears. This only tends to happen though when he has had a few drinks, otherwise if we talk intimately or about love he tends to laugh it off or make jokes.

 

Its like he is two people his outer shell is his humor and sarcasm which deflects anyone getting too close or hurtful, and soft squidgy insides is just crying out to be swept off his feet with love and too feel secure in love.

 

All his actions and words show he wants us to be together and to start a family.

 

How long have you been dating? I must tell you that a 54 year old man who has never lived with a woman is a HUGE red flag. Huge.

[fiona.clark]

4 months, we are currently in a LDR but every time we spend time together he then retreats into his shell and for around a week after wards its like he is a different person. I remember his last partner commenting on the fact they never spent more than two nights together, as he needed his space. He is a workaholic that really needs his space ( I do to) and I understand that.

 

The trouble is it still makes me feel insecure, I know its him and it has no reflection on "us", we have been through a really sticky period where I did get v clingy, needy and tried to move things on too fast and i scared him, but we worked through that through communication and understanding.

 

I know its just him when he needs his down time, and space to breathe, but it does kind of trigger my needy feelings and I start wanting to call him and text him just for affirmation that he his not rejecting me. ( which my mind tells me is stupid but my heart otherwise). He has told me that he is a very "trying" partner in relationships, its almost like he is testing to see what my response will be to things.

[Touche]

Fiona, based on what you've said here I really don't understand how you can draw this conclusion:

 

All his actions and words show he wants us to be together and to start a family.

/QUOTE]

 

What actions and words tell you this because truthfully I'm seeing just the opposite. He's practically shouting at you to not get too close.

 

If an invested partner and a family are what you're looking for, I think you're looking for it with the wrong man. I have to call this one NOT VIABLE. Sorry. But good luck anyway.

[semi spritzer]

Thanks for your reply, well I'm not surprised by what you said. I'll work on it, still not heard from him to he said he'd call two weeks ago.

 

Thanks again, keep up the good work;)

[Touche]

Thanks for your reply, well I'm not surprised by what you said. I'll work on it, still not heard from him to he said he'd call two weeks ago.

 

Thanks again, keep up the good work;)

 

You're welcome and thanks!

 

Sorry he hasn't called but maybe it's for the best this way.

[semi spritzer]

Yeah he hasn't called till now. His mobile is off and his land line just rings. I don't know if he's changed his numbers. I'm tempted to go round but think that might look drastic. I won't text cos that's cowardly and then I'll wonder if he got it, is he not replying etc which I don't want

 

TBH I would like more with him, I seem to be the one making attempts at reconciliation after bustups. He hides a lot cos he said he doesn't up to facing me if I'm upset, he seems weak in a way. Bustups with him have me crying after (in private). I would prefer he told me straight he's not interested rather than silent treatment. Two weeks ago he texted that his pal died (and said he'd phone but he'd phn in a few days). I phnd him days later after not hearing, he was 'on his way to meet a pal' but would phn. Since then his phones have been off.

 

His mum says he's still about (she didn't know it was me calling). I don't feel like he cares even though I care for him. I feel like crying, but at the same time I realise many folk are in the same boat. Sorry to go on, I still want an apology and for him to realise what he said. We are supposed to be grown ups

[trubella]

lol, read through this whole thread.. think i have a headache..

 

my situation..

 

im 25 the bf is 27, exclusive 4months now.. we've both have had LTRs in the past, although he's been married once while in the military (he was 21 at the time) i have never been married. my longest relationship lasted a year and a half.

 

he told me his ex wife seperated from him due to the distance while in IRAQ, eventually divorced him. he has 2 daughters from 2 different women. he supports both financially, he only gets to see the youngest daughter every other weekend, the oldest one lives in california but the mother refuses to let my bf see him, yet if hes ever a day late in sending her money for their daughter, the s--- hits the fan.

 

i have a 7yo son from a previous relationship(the father is deceased)

 

he is great with my kid, which is a plus to me.. i have yet to meet his youngest daughter.

 

although we only live 20mins away from eachother our schedules are hectic, we're lucky to see eachother twice a week.

 

the good: communication is great, there is no passive aggressive tendencies, we have yet to have our first argument, there are disageements but no shouting matches, we always come to a compromise.

 

we have tons in common, from music,movies, sports, hobbies, we connect with eachother in alot of ways. we are sexually compatible, best sex ive ever had by far. he pampers me, treats me like gold.

 

my concern, he is a musician- there are times where he has to do a show or he gets lost in his music, if he could stay in the recording studio all day he would i think.. unless im there to snap him back into reality.

 

sometimes it does get in the way, he is very close to being signed to a major label and i sometimes wonder if this will only get worse.

 

ill give him some credit he does try to make time for me when he can, we talk daily, we're very serious about eachother and plan to move in together this summer.

 

my other concern is his youngest daughters mother. when i met him he was fresh out of the relationship with her so he was still a little scarred by the whole situation and would talk bad about his ex often (she cheated and took advantage of him financially)

 

shes in her 40s and sometimes likes to stir the pot when it comes to money and visitation, so much for age equals maturity.. perfect example of this, my bf was due to have his daughter last weekend they discussed this beforehand and she dropped her off for a whopping 5 minutes!

 

he was due to have her for the whole weekend, she changed her mind about having her there because the bfs roommate had his kids there and she didnt want her around them.

 

she basically has my bf by the balls when it comes to money and visitation, she wants to keep this out of the courts but i think he is better off getting them involved so she cant determine when hes allowed to see their child.

 

i havent met this woman yet but i feel like there could be an issue in the future, she constantly calls for other reasons that dont relate to their daughter, she asks intrusive questions about me, but he tries to keep the focus on their daughter when she does this.

 

aside from those two issues i have no other complaints.

[treyfan88]

Hi all! I'm a newb here, I wanted this post to be my first one. *waves to all*

 

This game looks fun--more so because my relationship at first glance convinces EVERYBODY that my bf and I would never make it, lol. I'm so used to people telling me it won't work--I'm curious to see the responses here.

 

First, I'm 20. He's 30. We met online on a personality forum. We carried a long distance relationship (romantically) for about 8 months before I moved in with him. He's white. I'm black. He comes from a well-to-do family--my family is middle-class on one side and living on welfare on the other. Our 2-yr anniversary will be in October, although we've only been an "offline couple" for about 9 months.

 

I'm his first "serious" girlfriend. Prior to our relationship, my bf was only involved in superficial sexual flings with various girls. A former commitment-phobe, he's now thinking about marriage and settling down. He's a data-architect ("computer nerd") and VERY successful for someone his age. No kids. No ex-wife. Etc.

 

My first serious boyfriend (if you can call it serious) was in high school when I was 16. I didn't have any adult relationship experience until my current boyfriend. Haha, no kids--ex-husband, etc for me either. I'm a college student majoring in psychology. I work part-time to pay for my tuition, insurance, bills, etc. He's NOT my sugar daddy, lol. I'm about to take on a second job, actually.

 

Current problems come from outside influences. Mainly his mother. She's an anathesiologist (probably didn't spell that right) with three adult sons. She has a problem with me because I'm 1. black 2. "too young" 3. not good enough for her oldest son.

 

She has made my life a living hell. When we first met, she refused to acknowledge me and introduced me as my bf's "friend" to other people. She actually called up my bf while he was at work to demand my voice be taken off our home phone answering machine--she's makes a huge scene whenever my bf and I are going to visit my family. She called up my bf in hysterics, sobbing that he couldn't possibly be leaving to spend christmas with my family last year. She called him while he was AT THE AIRPORT and begged him not to go--even offering him a plane ticket back home. She even gave him the SILENT TREATMENT for MONTHS once my bf told her that he wasn't going to date anyone else but me.

 

I absolutely cannot stand his mother--and his mother cannot stand me. The longer we stay a couple, the more it dawns on her that she's going to have to deal with chocolate grandbabies, lol. And THAT really upsets her.

 

My family is completely cool with my bf. Just last month we celebrated my step-dad's surprise birthday party with all my relatives. My entire family was there and everybody made my bf feel welcome and loved.

 

It seems that his mother is coming around, but my bf sticks up for me and he vowed that he would not visit her until she got her act together and promised to treat me right. We're a strong couple, very much in love, and if we're together in another year, I'm sure we'll be married. We've talked about it a couple of times. I told him that he couldn't ask me to marry him until at least it was legal for me to drink alcohol at my own wedding! So sometime when I'm 21 I expect a proposal. We joke about it all the time--he'll pretend to be proposing just to tease me because he knows how serious I am about waiting until I'm 21.

 

We have so many differences in our relationships, it has made us stronger as a couple--and as individuals. We both had to grow up in different ways.