how to cope?

[gem82]

my bf and i met in 01. we hadnt started dating til jan 08 tho. he had been in a relationship for the whole time. he had 2 kids with her, and i knew about them. this is where i guess karma sets in. he would tell me that they were broken up. she was living on the other side of the state. i honestly did love him. i loved him from the moment i met him. so needless to say, we would hang out and would end up being together. i eventually found out that they were broken up but trying to work things out. i felt like an ass. fast fwd 8 years. him and i got together in january. we got pregnant right away. i thought things were amazing. in march i found text messages to a girl saying that he f'd up and if he hadnt he would have been with her. i took her number, and confronted him about it. he got very defensive and we fought. i called her and we talked. she assured me that nothing was going on and i let her know our situation. she said that they had dated in 98 for a few months but that was it. he knew i called her. it disipated and i let it go, but it never left the back of my mind. 3 weeks ago (feb 12th, 09) , i found another text that was sent to "someone he used to work with" (under a mans name). it said "nothing. i was just thinking of you." so i called it. it was the same girl. she told me everything. he had started sleeping with her in feb 08. it stopped for a bit after i confronted her before. it started back again around sept 08 and happened again 3 weeks after i had my son via c-cection AND was taking care of his 2 girls from his previous relationship. i couldnt even medically be with him, and he goes to her. then again on dec 23. merry f'n christmas to me. then jan 17th. (she kept logs) they have been friends with benefits since 98 and i never knew. he was cheating on "lucy" with me and "mandy". we never knew. she only lives 12 miles away and is on his way to work. she even has a fiancee that lives with her. i want him to know. i havent done anything yet, but im so afraid my better judgement may sometime fly out the window. i should have known better, but i jumped in anyway. i think i wanna save everything. how am i supposed to get past this hurt? its very quickly switching to anger. i just feel like im to blame for this. its so embarassing...like im not good enough or what not. i made him my life for so long, and this is what i get. any help?

[troubadour]

You should have known better... no question about it.