LDRs

[Rollercoasterr]

I actually think that him leaving this time was the hardest we've ever had. Must be because the engagement is still so new. Naturally you're going to want to spend time together to be happy and stuff, but we just don't have that luxury right now. I applaud anyone who can be in an LDR marriage(that means you, Island Girl), because I just can't do it. I'll plan my wedding to perfection, and hopefully by the time that K1 visa is approved everything will be ready to roll. I just dont think I could handle being a newlywed with a husband in another country. But I'm very much looking forward to having a husband that has that cute little accent. It makes me melt.

[Island Girl]

Yeah. *BIG sigh*

 

We didn't plan on having to be LD for much longer after our marriage either.

 

Circumstances and the legalities worked against us.

 

That last time - saying good bye after finally being together again (there was a 3 year gap) - was THE hardest.

My heart is still wounded years later and it won't heal until we are together again.

 

So I know exactly what you mean Rollercoaster.

 

We had thought it would be AT MOST 6 months at that time. Now here we are almost 3 years later again.

 

It absolutely completely 100% sucks beyond all reason.

 

But we have no choice.

 

What is the alternative? Giving up? Would that be an option for you? I think the answer is unequivocally no, right?

And so we go on feeling as we do, holding fast as we do, and praying that the end of the day to day torture is finally upon us.

 

I know there are people out there who are going to think I am over dramatizing the feelings or the situation.

But trust me. Anything I write here is under dramatic if anything.

[Trialbyfire]

IMO, if anyone's going to embark on an LDR, both parties either have to be "all in", dedicated to making things work to the nth degree, or both parties have to be people who don't really want to have full-time partners, satisfied with minimal contact.

[Rollercoasterr]

I would never give up my fiance. As much time and dedication as I've put into this relationship(roughly 6 years), you can bet that I'm 1000% sure. You have no choice in the matter of who you fall in love with. They could be 3 miles, or even 3000 miles away, but you just can't help it.

 

I DO think that it takes a certain maturity level to be in a successful LDR. You can't sweat the small stuff. He doesn't text every hour, big deal, you want to go out with your friends one night, go ahead and do it. Just because you're in an LDR doesn't mean you need to be sitting by the phone, or glued to your computer all night long. You have to keep a certain amount of normalcy in your life, or otherwise you're going to become bitter, people will distance themselves from you, and pretty soon you'll be freaking out over every little thing that goes wrong.

 

The first time around with my SO was dreadful. We were young, we were immature, and we didn't know how to approach the whole LDR thing and what to do about it. Naturally, it ended. But years later, we've matured and grown into adults(most of the time), and we have a lovely relationship, and I just know we'll have a good marriage. Every time he's called me today he's talked about us getting married, and he kept repeating it last night before I fell asleep.

[Island Girl]

BTW we do on occasion stress out completely and take it out on each other.

 

I am more prone to this than he is because I have always been the "fire" in the relationship. I am way more high strung. He has always proclaimed himself to be the "water". He is an islander after all and so he is way more laid back.

 

But he can still get full up sometimes and boy can we clash in those moments.

Thankfully resolutions are quick to be had now. It only takes about ten to fifteen minutes to get to the bottom of any conflict even if it just nerves.

 

Lately since the pressure is now on for the interview and plans that have to be resolved logistically we are both running at maximum stress level.

 

I can't wait until this is all finally OVER.

 

But, as is my nature, I am already starting to worry about AFTER the interview - his plane ticket to get back - how that will happen - and the fall out once he gets here.

Most of you know that my mother HATES him and will probably cease communication with me once he gets here.

 

So in one respect I will be gaining but in another respect I will be losing in a very painful way.

[Rollercoasterr]

I'm like a little ball of stress most of the time. He keeps me sane. We usually end up arguing a bit before a visit, but it's no big deal. Just nerves. And we both know it is, so we don't even attempt to take it seriously. I do, expect that there will be quite a bit of stress on both of our ends when it comes to getting the visa straightened out.

[Island Girl]

I would never give up my fiance. As much time and dedication as I've put into this relationship(roughly 6 years), you can bet that I'm 1000% sure. You have no choice in the matter of who you fall in love with. They could be 3 miles, or even 3000 miles away, but you just can't help it.

 

Exactly.

 

There are those who approach life in a very different way. Unfortunately for me my mother is one of those. She had a checklist of sorts when she met and decided to marry my father.

So she just doesn't understand that I am VERY different from her in that very basic way.

 

I DO think that it takes a certain maturity level to be in a successful LDR. You can't sweat the small stuff. He doesn't text every hour, big deal, you want to go out with your friends one night, go ahead and do it. Just because you're in an LDR doesn't mean you need to be sitting by the phone, or glued to your computer all night long. You have to keep a certain amount of normalcy in your life, or otherwise you're going to become bitter, people will distance themselves from you, and pretty soon you'll be freaking out over every little thing that goes wrong.

 

Absolutely.

 

You can not just cease having a life just as you wouldn't stop living if your boyfriend/fiance/husband were with you all the time. You still will (if you are in a healthy relationship) do things separately.

It should be the same way.

 

You just don't lose track of the fact that there is a SO and in a mature LD you don't do things that will cause the distanced partner to feel even more insecure or worries.

 

It basically boils down to the fact that you take care of each other's feelings.

 

The first time around with my SO was dreadful. We were young, we were immature, and we didn't know how to approach the whole LDR thing and what to do about it. Naturally, it ended. But years later, we've matured and grown into adults(most of the time), and we have a lovely relationship, and I just know we'll have a good marriage. Every time he's called me today he's talked about us getting married, and he kept repeating it last night before I fell asleep.

 

I was unaware that you had tried this before together.

 

I am glad the two of you found each other again at the right time to make this work.

 

That is so sweet - that he kept mentioning getting married. The two of you are feeling complete bliss I know.

Congratulations! Because I just can't say it enough. I just LOVE happy endings!

[Rollercoasterr]

We were together for almost a year the first time around. But just from the way we both acted we knew it wasn't going to work out. You can't be 1000 miles apart from someone and act like a silly high school kid. Thank god we've both come a long way. And I do mean a long way.

 

I just talked to him. He's in Pennsylvania now. He just keeps getting farther and farther and I keep telling him to turn AROUND!