Need Help!!!

[berry1204]

Here is the story for you...I started dating a guy 2 years ago and we have been broken up for about 3 months now. Things started off great. He was charming, showering me with gifts and just being wonderful. I enjoyed spending tons of time with him and we had a great time. However, I began to get a little smothered because he told me he felt physical pain when I wasn't around and that he didn't want to share me with anyone. Whenever I wanted to go out with friends he freaked out and would worry all night long that I was going to get back with my ex. I told him that I was with him now and I that I loved him, not my ex. I had done nothing for him to not trust me and was always reassuring him. He didn't want me to be around his roommate who was really cute because he was scared I would like him. He felt this way because an ex had cheated on him with a fraternity brother and he also lost his mom at age 19. The man has seen ends to everything. He told me when he found the right woman he was going to do everything to keep her. I began to get very smothered and ended up breaking up with him over it. His heart seemed to be in the right place but every time I talked to him about his behavior he said he just loved me so much and that is why he acted the way he did. I wasn't going out with friends all the time just usually once on the weekends. He felt my friends were a bad influence due to the fact that some of them had been unfaithful and that I would see that as acceptable behavior. I told him they were my friends because they were good to me and I can make decisions of my own. Anyway, we ended up getting back together because I missed him so much. He told me he was going to start dating other girls in order to get me back also. After we got back together things just got worse. He would give me presents all the time and if I didn't give him a certain reaction he thought I didn't appreciate him enough. I felt like our love had matured beyond the honeymoon phase so I didn't always do the little things for him like writing notes or leaving voice mails. I was secure with myself and secure with him. He told me he felt like I wasn't keeping up with doing things for him and that I was selfish. No matter what I did though he always needed more. If I wrote love you on an email he would as if i could write i love you instead!!! No joke! He found ols pics of an ex under my bed after we broke up and broke up with for them 3 times!!! He said that if I still had them then they must still mean something to me. We broke up over me spending time with my family because I am so close to them and he made me feel like my relationship with them was unhealthy. Anyway, I ended up cheating on him and feel like crap for it. I know it was my choice and no one made me do it. I never told him about it and never will. He broke up with me this last time because he things I just don't think there is anyone better out there. His self esteem is so low and I feel like crap for proving to him what he always thought the entire time. It was so hard to deal with someone who is so insecure. I need help, what do you think?

[ryce07]

i think this guy needs a lot more help than you do. he is very needy, to a point where his jealousy could easily become violent one day. you need to get out of this relationship while you can and if you really care about him try to get him some psychiatric help.

[tphillip]

To be honest, I think you should leave. Quickly.

 

You can't change him; only he can do that. And it sounds like life has dealt him a bad hand. It sounds like he needs professional help to try and deal with his insecurities and issues.

 

If you don't leave, IMO his controlling attitude will only get worse as he tries to hold onto you. Physical violence wouldn't surprise me from the stories I've read about people with this type of problem and behavior. He's already trying to stop you from seeing friends and other people. That's a big red flag in my book.

 

I know you want to spare his feelings, but I think if you stay you're in for a lot more bad than good.

[quankanne]

red flags!!! Tons of red flags!!!

 

Just reading this post makes me shudder, this guy is way too possessive of you. I feel bad that he lost his mom as a young adult, but that's no excuse to play the role of Sticky Booger in a relationship, especially to the point of telling you that your relationship with your family is unhealthy and cutting into your time with your friends. There has to be a balance between the time you spend with him, your family and friends, otherwise something's seriously wrong.

 

I'm sure he can be a nice guy, but if he's so insistent on complete control of your time, then he's no good for you (or anyone interested in a love match with him), period. An ideal boyfriend/girlfriend/mate is one who respects you and your need for relationships outside the one you have with that person -- i.e., encourages you to stay in touch with your friends and family because he/she knows they're important to you.

[Nostalghia]

First of all use paragraphs.

 

Second ....... LEAVE him!

 

Third, take up a hobby. If the f*cker comes back, repeat Second step!

[Goatsbreath]

I was just wondering this because I have some insecurity issues but not to the extent of your x-boyfriend. I have been cheated on quite a few times and I just have and a hard time understanding it. I was wondering if you think your boyfriends behavior was a contributing factor in the reason you were not faithful. Is it possible that you are more likely to cheat on someone like that- they somehow create their own worse fear. Just a thought. Have you cheated on many other boyfriends?