Elilmomma Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 I need some good advice about my marriage. My hubby's mom passed away last year and now we have his neice and his brother living with us along with our 2 daughters. Hubby's brother is very disprespectful to me he curses at me and yells and Hubby don't do anything about it, all he says is that his brother and his neice have been through alot and I don't understand cause I still have my mother. Among our many other problems with out marriage he never has my back with the kids. Ever since his mom died he has been treating me like crap. I want out of this , but I don't know how. My oldest daughter is miserable she never wants to stay at home , she wants to stay at my moms. What can I do to save myself and my 2 daughters? How can I make hubby see that using his mothers death as a crutch for his brother is wrong and he shouldn't talk to adults or anyone like that? His brother and neice are really getting in between our marriage and ruining his relationship with his own daughter. Hubby just tells me that I am being mean to him , and that I always take my daughters side. It's not true though, if I yell at one I yell at them all if they are all wrong. Please someone I need help, I am about to break !!! Legally I am not responsible for his neice or brother , hubby is the one that has legal custody my name is not on any legal papers. I wish there was a way that I can take my girls and leave once and for all... I don't know what to do? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elilmomma Posted March 8, 2009 Author Share Posted March 8, 2009 I can really use some good advice on how to deal with this situation Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 The only advice I can think of is that you follow your daughter's lead and go to your parents. Tell him you're going to stay away until they go. Full stop and end of story. Link to post Share on other sites
wuggle Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 Agree with Geisha, your husband's brother has no right to be disrespecting you and your husband should not allow it. If your H refuses to sort this out you should get out of the way until he does. You and your children should be your husbands first concern, regardless of circumstance. Link to post Share on other sites
LovieDove24 Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 Elilmomma, I gave you some sound advice in your previous thread, did you read it? I will post it again because I think its important to hear in case you missed it. And now I also have a question for you...you say your hubby has become verbally abusive to you since his mother died, but in your previous thread it seemed like hes been doing it long before that, which one is it? Here's my previous post: Women who are in abusive relationships often stay with their partner for several reasons despite all the logical arguments in the world (And don't try and fool yourself that just because its verbal its not abuse, it sure is). The driving force behind this is that, over time, the abuser has set such rigid rules in place that the woman feels completely and utterly powerless inside and out. The first rule set in place by the abuser is to erode the partners self esteem so certainly over time that she is no longer able to think logically. She truly believes she does not deserve anything better. The Second set of rules put in place by the abuser is to isolate his victim enough so that she has no resources for an "out" and so her support system of family and friends is eroded. Lastly, the abuser makes threats to maintain a sense of fear in their partner that things will only get WORSE if they leave. It makes the woman feel as if "putting up" with things at status quo is FAR better than anything else. Elilmomma, what you need to remember is that God put you on this earth with a reason and a plan. Truly, every humans divine right is to be happy. Possibly joining a church could be a good place to start to gaining a support system. You are going to need exactly that in order to successfully get out of this verbally abusive relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 To the OP, I have seen others give you advice as have I, in some of your other threads.....If you want to find some kind of peace in your life and be able to move forward with things, YOU are going to have to take charge of your life. If you don't, you will continue to be treated the way you have. I'm not sure what kind of advice you are looking for, that others haven't already given you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elilmomma Posted March 10, 2009 Author Share Posted March 10, 2009 I know that I have to move forward with my life but I'm not sure how to do it. I am not working , but have been looking for a job. I have nowhere to go and no money to leave with. Both of our names are on the lease, we are renting a house from my cousin and I just put him and his neice and brother on my section 8. So I have no idea how I can leave. I don't want to be anyone's doormat or punching bag anymore I am so done. Maybe I am still suffering from ppd, maybe I'm just want to make sure that I'll be doing what's best for me and my daughters. I don't want them to grow up thinking my relationship is right. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 Isn't there anywhere, where you live, that could give you some free legal advice? (In the UK, we have what's known as a "Citizen's Advice Bureau" that assists people with preliminary questions on legal points, depending on their situation.....) Could you find something like that and get some concrete advice? It would be a start.....! Oh, it goes without saying: Tell NO-ONE!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elilmomma Posted March 13, 2009 Author Share Posted March 13, 2009 Hubby finally heard for himself how disrespectful his little brother talks to me. He finally put him in his place, wow it's about freaking time. It's a shame that it took hubby this long like he didn't believe me when his brother used to talk to his own mother before she died disrespecful as well. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 Its good your hubby has put his brother in his place...hope this doesn't make you feel like its the start of him changing his ways...its probably just to make you think he is to keep you where HE wants you longer....in other words giving you false hope. It still might be best to go ahead and check some things out as far as getting some help and talk with someone about getting you out of there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elilmomma Posted March 14, 2009 Author Share Posted March 14, 2009 Oh yeah I am still gonna find out what are my options to leave, but I am glad hubby finally heard the way his brother is for himself. I know I have to get myself and my 2 girls out of here, but it's gonna take time, It doesn't change the way I feel and how hubby treats me. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 He has leagal custody of his brother and his child? Excuse me, but how old is his brother? Why does your husband have legal custody of him? Is his brother mentally ill or a minor? Where is the mother of that child? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elilmomma Posted March 14, 2009 Author Share Posted March 14, 2009 His mother died last year and he is 12 years old, he has legal custody of his brother and his neice who's mom died when she was only 3 so hubby' s mom had legal custody of her until she died last year. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 Oh, wow, what a said story. So the niece's mom died and then her aunt died. How old is she now? You said her mom died when she was three. The kid is only 12, so it's not that important what he says to you. I mean, he shouldn't disrespect you, but it's not like a 40-year old brother being mean to you. He is just a very confused child who lost his mother. He's a litle bit older than your daughter. On the other hand, I feel sorry for you to be responsible for two children who aren't yours. Either try to establisha good relationship with them or move out and save everyone from the misery. Can you move in with your mother? Where are the fathers of these two kids (the niece and your husband's brother)? How come his brother is so young? How old is your husband? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elilmomma Posted March 14, 2009 Author Share Posted March 14, 2009 Their fathers are not around, and hubby is 38 years old. And just so you know his little brother does not respect anyone with authority and he was like that even when his mother was alive, his mother let him get away with it that's why he is the way he is now. Hubby's neice is 13 years old and it was her Grandmother that was taking care of her after her own mother died. I do feel bad for all the bad stuff they had to put up with in their lives, but that don't mean that they should get away with everything. Hubby should treat them the same way he treats his own daughters. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elilmomma Posted March 16, 2009 Author Share Posted March 16, 2009 How do I tell my hubby how I am feeling and that I am thinking about getting a divorce when he is so difficult to talk to? or do I just wait until idk for the right time? Hubby's neice came to me last night ans was crying her eyes out cause of all the stress in the house, she's miserable , my daughter is miserable, his brother is out of control and I am lonely, sad and depressed. My hubby and I have not had sex in months. Idk how to tell him help, he refuses to listen to me at all.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elilmomma Posted March 17, 2009 Author Share Posted March 17, 2009 How can I make my hubby listen to me to make him understand how I feel and how lonely and depressed I am? How can I make him understand that we need some alone time and I need some sex in my life,without him yelling at me calling me selfish? How can I make hubby understand he needs to disipline his brother and step-up and be a father and spend some time with the kids? I am in need of some advice on this Link to post Share on other sites
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