Psycho Girl has left me damaged

[redshoesgirl]

Hello everyone.

 

About two years ago my boyfriend (and his business partner) was working with a woman who took more than just a little shine to my boyfriend. She was obsessed with him, and with causing trouble and pushing me out of my friendship group (as the business partner's girlfriend was also my friend, and we have a circle of friends also involved in work - so basically she stepped right through the door and into my life). No one really saw how nuts she is but me. Although no one particularly liked her, they had to work with her so got along ok.

 

In the beginning she would send suggestive texts, emails and messages to my boyfriend, send things to the house in the guise of it being work related, she would call, act as if he was her personal agony aunt. She would always try to contrive opportunities where they would have to meet (never her and my boyfriend alone, it was always him and the business partner and her), or worse still, go out on a business 'meal' which she would then try and take on to a club. When they (boyfriend and business partner) had to go to an evening meeting or event she would always try and get back to the house. One night she even ended up staying, and stayed with my friend's boyfriend - in his bed! My boyfriend was on the phone to me giving me a running commentary about this nutjob cow, and how horrible it was for her to be there. At this point I might state that my boyfriend is immaculately polite and although steadfast in his will, he would not call someone out and make them feel bad because they themselves are acting badly. He would rather let the truth out naturally, and let their own stink rise to the top than tease it out for all to see.

 

So anyway, after the episode where she stayed at the house, she sent text messages and emails to my boyfriend saying how she cried all the way home because he was the one whose bed she wanted to sleep in, and that he must hate her now and blah blah blah. We were in bed when all the texts came through and we replied to them together, not knowing what on earth to say to this nutjob. I think we wrote something back like 'of course there is no problem, hope you feel better soon'. After that more texts and emails came, of which all were ignored. My boyfriend never replied to anything suggestive or inappropriate, he just ignored it all. The only reason he would speak or text or mail her was when it was work related.

 

Now, if I skip forward a few months, the business partner's girlfriend ends up through one thing and another getting a job with this psycho. And needless to say, the psycho starts to talk crap about me, and turns my friend against me. Don't forget that this cow had a couple of months previous slept in my friends boyfriend's bed, and apparently (as told to my boyfriend) ended up fooling around A LOT in the bed with him. A few more months pass, I fall out with my friend, the psycho tries more and more to exclude me from the group and starts the big rumours. She tells my friend that not only did she have a 'thing' going on with my boyfriend, but also that he sent her various pictures of himself, and a series of 'sexy' text messages. This would be fine for me to laugh off if only the content of these picture and text messages, when repeated verbatim to me by my friend, weren't the exact same messages that my boyfriend had sent to me.

 

Where the hell did this woman find out these things? Did she get his phone and read messages between the two of us? Did he maybe say these things to her once while out doing work stuff, just messing around I mean, these things that were said in the messages were hardly the most imaginative things, and they were the kind of things people joke about? Or did he send them to her. Did he think, when he met me, that he would go off the rails for a piece and just do a bit of fooling about? I doubt that, but it's always a possibility.

 

This thing has just left me churned up inside. When I spoke to my boyfriend about it he just said it's all rubbish of course, that we know this woman is a liar and a weirdo, she spins yarns all day long about so many things, she has lied about me calling her up and harrassing her before, about me sending emails that I didn't send, and the way she tells these lies are so convincing, it even got me thinking 'did i call her?' and questioning myself. She is a pro liar. But still, she has my head in pieces. Did my lovely, strong willed stead fast darling boyfriend do these things with her? From everything I know, he wouldn't. It goes against everything he believes in, everything he is. He thinks for one that she is fairly gross anyway, and a messed up person, not a good soul.

 

She sort of managed to get in all of our friends lives, one way or another, either by ending up in their beds (yep, more than one person fell for it) or in their company, but he never did. He kept away from her, but on the few occassions he did end up having to see her, she always did something that pissed me off...she licked his ear once. That just drove me insane. He said it was revolting but I instantly just flare up and want to rip her head off.

In the end I did do something to her, nothing insane like rip her head off but we had a major falling out. My boyfriend stuck up for me and told her to get lost, and now noone ever speaks to her anymore. My friend apologised for going over to the dark side and everything is harmonious again. But everyday I wake up and think 'did he do it? did something more go on?' and I ruminate and ruminate and I just feel bad for what I did to her when we fell out and I just wish the whole thing could be fixed, I want her to apologise and tell the truth so i can forgive her.

 

My boyfriend never got worked up about what was said about him (in addition to the text messages and things he was apparently always coming on to her, hugging her, making sure she was ok, taking her hand and putting it on him and saying 'can you feel me getting hard'...so much nasty stuff...she told everyone she named him the 'king of sexy texts' as he was so hot with her...just horrible stuff). He never broke down and said 'i didn't do it, i really didn't, i know it looks bad but i really didn't'. He just sort of expected to know it was all rubbish.

 

But then there's how we met. We both had partners and we used to sneak out and see each other until 4am, staying with each other secretly until we eventually broke up with our partners and got together. If we both managed to do this to our partners and they never found out, what stops it from him doing it to me. Getting rid of the guilt or justifying it, because to him it was just a joke or a mistake, nothing for me to know or worry about. I just want to know. Because it has me in a grip. And I can't stop thinking about this thing. Maybe it is something else I am not happy about. This was all TWO YEARS ago! Can you even believe it? But it constantly plagues me.

 

My boyfriend now thinks it is a joke. He has told me over and over when I interrogate him that he hasn't a clue how she knew about the text messages that he sent me that she then repeated verbatim, he said he doesn't want to know either, that she is poison. She was like that though, you'd make some throwaway comment but she'd record it in her weird mind then bring it up months later pretending that it was a coincidence that you both said/thought/liked the same thing. Hope you understand what I am trying to say. She is a mixer, a meddler, gets in peoples brains. But still I think something might have happened. I am always going to the dark side. My boyfriend now says he thinks i must be in love or obsessed with this woman, and has said 'you actually want me to have done something, don't you?' as if i want some drama. is that it?

 

To add to all this I am taking citalopram for anxiety, i am very moody and tempremental, i never seem constant, satisfied and happy. there is lots of stuff in my past that is affecting me too. reading this back it seems my boyfriend is the only decent one in this sorry story, he did nothing, always stuck up for me, even when i did things i shouldn't have done (like hacked that woman's email accounts and sites - incidentally there was never any 'evidence' in any of these places and my boyfriend didn't even flinch once when emails and texts would pop up from her, he let me see EVERYTHING). Also, he would never have sent anything to a nut job woman that would put him in a vulnerable position. He is 100% cautious about all things and would never, ever let things circulate that could then be used in ammunition. But then that is another reason why I think he could pull off a giant massive deceit, because he is emotionally intelligent and clever and....I really don't want to be thinking or writing things like that about him. How can I ever make my way out of this?

 

Oh, and I meant to say, what I want, the thing that I want from all of this is to finally believe that nothing happened, my boyfriend and me were each others and no one elses from the day we met, it was our union and there is no blot on the landscape. I feel like I can't settle or be happy or get on with my life until I know that the one relationship I take seriously and hold dear in my life is unblemished, true and most of all free from this horror of a woman and all her lies.

 

So sorry for the long post. Can anyone help?

[SpanksTheMonkey]

Hello everyone.

 

But then there's how we met. We both had partners and we used to sneak out and see each other until 4am, staying with each other secretly until we eventually broke up with our partners and got together. If we both managed to do this to our partners and they never found out, what stops it from him doing it to me.

 

 

Oh, and I meant to say, what I want, the thing that I want from all of this is to finally believe that nothing happened, my boyfriend and me were each others and no one elses from the day we met, it was our union and there is no blot on the landscape. I feel like I can't settle or be happy or get on with my life until I know that the one relationship I take seriously and hold dear in my life is unblemished, true and most of all free from this horror of a woman and all her lies.

 

So sorry for the long post. Can anyone help?

It all makes sense if you just read between the drama! So your own relationship started off as a lie thats why you are having a hard time trusting him.

 

And now your chastising this other "physco cow" women for basically trying to do what you did steal some one else's man out from underneath them do I get that right so far?

 

Why do I have the uncontrollable urge to use words like karma and glass house here lol...

[redshoesgirl]

Yes, my boyfriend and I started our relationship in a weird way. I didn't move in and steal him from anyone, and neither did he. We didn't live with our partners and it wasn't like we were sneaking out of the bed we shared with our other partners to see each other while they innocently slept or any other dramatic stuff. We just used to hang out and go eat out and stuff, like pals. When we realised it was more we stopped seeing each other while we ended our reltionships with the other people, then when the dust had settled we set out together on the right foot. It was a nightmare between the time we met, till we ended our relationships and got together proper. But we had the respect to take our time and finish up in the right way with our partners. I feel bad still about it and always will.

 

What we did just happens sometimes, but what this woman, who was indeed a psycho cow, did was to make a beeline for something and try to tear it apart, was motivated by totally apalling behaviour. She used manipulative means and frankly downright pathalogical ways to get in and about with my boyfriend and friends, lying about all of us to each other and creating some messed up web that is the stuff of nightmares. I'm chastising the other woman for the way she played all this like it was some kind of game. She was a sadistic force and did so much nasty, messed up stuff. And yes, because I don't trust anyone or anything (admittedly because of who I have been in the past and how my parents have been) she snared me in a big, big way. Yes, she is still manipulating the situation 2 years on. I know, I am lame.

 

I have long thought I have all these anxieties and finding it hard to trust because of the way I have been in relationships previous to this, I have always ended up cheating or hurting the person. I don't believe in karma in the way that it is some divine force. I do believe my brain is messing up my emotions because of my childhood, how I have formed relationships, and yes, what you say, this is all coming round to bite me on the butt....pretty hard.

 

Thank you for your reply.