LoveLace Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 I've ran into an old high school friend twice this month. We were already friends on FB. Last night, I unexpectedly saw him when I visited my gf's bar/restaurant (who is also part of the old high school crew). We ate together and caught up on life because we really haven't done that even on FB. Turns out he's quite a successful, happy guy, not bad-looking; so naturally I'm thinking he's a potential bf. BUT, while on the subject of relationships, he said that he's not in the position because A, he travels 6 mos. per year for work and B, he does not want to get married and have children...he wants to save up for a sailboat he says and spend his retirement sailing away (I guess...)...all completely admirable things..an admirable guy in general. He mentioned a long-term relationship that ended over a year ago, but he didn't say why. My gf was quick to say he's quite a nice guy and definitely ideal for me. He told me his motorcycle was parked outside, and being it was such a beautiful evening, I suggested we go for a short ride, and he happily obliged. It was a blast because it's not something I do very often....anyhow he took me back to the bar (he was not drinking by the way), we hugged and I gave him a kiss on the cheek to thank him for the ride...he said "call me"....then he realized I don't have his phone #, so he said to contact him on FB and we'll hang out again sometime. I did and gave him my phone #. In return he gave me his, and said we'll "definitely have to do that again sometime." I"m glad for that, but what a risk, to get involved with someone who doesn't have the same goals as I. And we all know that you can't expect a person to change their mind all for you, especially when their current lifestyle and ambitions already make them happy. But I'm not against hanging out again because we seem to have a lot of common interests...and I believe one of them is each other. I didn't know about his goals until AFTER suggesting the bike ride....upon my disappointment, of course I didn't want to say, "nah I don't want to ride" after that; I enjoyed myself instead. It's too easy to ignore the conflict and just have fun with the company. This is the problem with trying to meet men my age, because if they haven't already made a point to have families, they probably never will....why, why, why ME!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Habibti Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 It sucks, but be glad you're friend was totally wrong. That he is not "ideal" for you. Because what you want and what he wants are two totally different things. Yes he has traits that are likable, but ultimately what's the point if you can't actually be together? It's a bummer though indeed. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 Lovelace, this man is all about himself, which is fine because he's honest about it. If you get involved with him, he won't change. If you're satisfied with never getting married, having a family or for that matter, even in a short-term situation, always playing second fiddle to the man in the mirror, then sure, why not? I think this will be an exercise in frustration. Move on and find someone who you can mutually give to and receive from. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 He'd be great for a superficial relationship; a relationship of "convenience", where you enjoy those things/attributes which you share in common but don't have interest or commonality for a deeper connection. Relationships come in all forms. It's up to you to decide what you want. Glad you enjoyed the ride Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted March 7, 2009 Author Share Posted March 7, 2009 He'd be great for a superficial relationship; a relationship of "convenience", where you enjoy those things/attributes which you share in common but don't have interest or commonality for a deeper connection. Relationships come in all forms. It's up to you to decide what you want. Glad you enjoyed the ride I have to agree with that. If he happens to be in town and I happen to be completely alone at the same time (which I usually am anyway!), why not hang out if you know it'll be fun and maybe get some needs met...then he goes back to work and I'm still free to seek out the more "ideal" guy...which I"ve been doing for gee, over 10 years now since my last, true long term relationship....and I"ve not come close yet, while left with no one to help meet needs in the mean time, as far as affection and compassion, etc...so the way I see it I'd be gaining those things even though not gaining the "ideal". It's clear that he's a respectful and romantic kind of guy..if it's only once a month, sheesh that's a lot more attention that I've gotten in over a year...and if I met the "ideal" guy that actually wants a family and wants me and the feelings are mutual, yea you'd bet I'd dump Mr. Travelin man. Hate to say it but it's true. In conversation he did ackowledge that not wanting the marriage, etc scares most women off right away. I think it's ok to like him as long as I don't give him the idea that I want to get serious or that I share his goals. Maybe that's selfish of me to think I should enjoy myself to its most capacity, until he'd realize that I won't be changing, either...but that's the way it goes...way too soon to even predict that it will lead to such a situation, but let's face it, it's quite possible... Link to post Share on other sites
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