db2008 Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 Newbie here. I know you guys are tough so be gentle. Background: The person I may enter into this with lives in another country. We talk every day (almost) and so far we have NOT had sex. We are really close. He knows better than any friend. We met each other right when we both ended really bad marriages in SF 2 yrs ago. I like him a lot but he only wants to be my F**k buddy. He claims we are not F**k buddies but friends with benefits. I told him in this country (USA) there is no difference. He claims he cares but I dont know. I dont seem to know anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 There is little to no benefit for a woman. Especially if the woman already feels emotions stronger than just friendship for the man (which you profess in your post). Unfortunately (or fortunately depending upon how you view the situation) women are wired to link emotion and sex. For us, it draws us to the other person and it is in itself an act of intimacy. For men, they can separate feelings and sex quite easily. For them sex is not intimacy. They very much can have sex with someone they are not interested in or even greatly attracted to. FWB is a set up that benefits the man and usually turns out badly for the woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Alex_M Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 Well I'm a guy and what you say isn't true for me at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 Well I'm a guy and what you say isn't true for me at all. Then you aren't typical. There are always exceptions to the rule. However, just as the OP said -- this guy wants benefits (only wants sex other than JUST a friendship) nothing more. No romance. He is clearly stating he doesn't want it to lead anywhere. So he IS a guy that can separate sex and more emotional feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 Newbie here. I know you guys are tough so be gentle. Background: The person I may enter into this with lives in another country. We talk every day (almost) and so far we have NOT had sex. We are really close. He knows better than any friend. We met each other right when we both ended really bad marriages in SF 2 yrs ago. I like him a lot but he only wants to be my F**k buddy. He claims we are not F**k buddies but friends with benefits. I told him in this country (USA) there is no difference. He claims he cares but I dont know. I dont seem to know anymore. If you are not emotionally involved.. (meaning you're not in love with the guy) I say go for it.. FWB can be as beneficial to the woman as it is to the man. I have/had many FWB and trust me.. if you love sex.. it's just as good for you as it is for him.. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 I like him a lot but he only wants to be my F**k buddy. Is everyone else missing this in the original post? Clearly she DOES like him - and not just as a friend - but would be interested in more. In this case it is playing with fire and she'll get burned. Link to post Share on other sites
SpanksTheMonkey Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 Sounds to me like you may become more emotionally involved then you should if things go all the way which is normal for women. Were wired that way I think were as men are wired to spread there seed far as they can as much as they can lol. So that being said they tend to not get as attached at times after sex I don't see any benefit for you here really. And I think if you take time and sit down and think about it you don't ether a **** buddy is just that your right. Just really make sure its what you want cause if not it gets lonely afterwords! and another thing hes in another country? How would that work? you talking about phone fun or spending hundreds/thousands for a romp in the sack that part confused me? Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 The rule is simple, cut and dry: If you have feelings for him, don't do it. If you don't have feelings for him- don't do it, because you'd be lying:cool:. Link to post Share on other sites
Author db2008 Posted March 8, 2009 Author Share Posted March 8, 2009 Thanks for the tips ...well I have an update: he just wants to be friends. No FWB. Just friends. Which I am ok with. And yes I do have feelings and I would lhave liked something more but if he does not want it then I am not going to make him (i was down that road with my my marriage and now I am divorced). So I am free to be me, while I am dissappointed at least he told me upfront. Link to post Share on other sites
Author db2008 Posted March 8, 2009 Author Share Posted March 8, 2009 If you don't have feelings for him- don't do it, because you'd be lying:cool:. Ha very good point! Link to post Share on other sites
Author db2008 Posted March 8, 2009 Author Share Posted March 8, 2009 Sounds to me like you may become more emotionally involved then you should if things go all the way which is normal for women. Were wired that way I think were as men are wired to spread there seed far as they can as much as they can lol. So that being said they tend to not get as attached at times after sex I don't see any benefit for you here really. And I think if you take time and sit down and think about it you don't ether a **** buddy is just that your right. Just really make sure its what you want cause if not it gets lonely afterwords! and another thing hes in another country? How would that work? you talking about phone fun or spending hundreds/thousands for a romp in the sack that part confused me? well the country is not overseas its just our neighbor to the north. but it does not matter now... Link to post Share on other sites
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 My tip would be "never again!" But really - I think a few things would help to keep things distant for the woman. No staying the night - no cuddling. Limited contact via phone/email/etc. Only make that contact to arrange a hook-up time. Don't talk about ANYTHING personal at all. And most of all - it'll never work if you've ever been friends because you already have at least a little bit of a connection. But I have to agree that there is pretty much zero benefit from FWB for a woman unless she can compartmentalize - which women aren't so good at. Link to post Share on other sites
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