So is it true that you usually find someone when you are not looking for them?

[peteyj]

I think this theory might hold true for most women, but for most guys, not looking probably means not much dating. I could go to a book store just looking to purchase some new book, find it, buy it, and never talk to a soul. Or I might bump into an attractive woman and just say hello and thats about it. Where as a woman might go to purchase a book and guys start up a conversation with them. That's the biggest difference I think. Many women, young and old, are approached every day. So even when they aren't looking somebody else might strike up a conversation and suddenly something might happen from that point. A guy is not approached that often for him to just forget about anything.

 

And the more into you and other things besides dating you get the more that awkward conversation starts up when you do talk. "Oh I haven't dated anybody in a few years."

 

What I've learned over the past few months is women don't want honesty. They just want to hear what they think is the honesty and assume all is well in the world. Who knows. I've tried the honest route and unless I'm just looking for some one night stands, the honest route about recently getting divorced is not something most of the girls I wanted to date actually wanted to hear. And it wasn't about long stories or ex issues. It was simply I've recently got divorced and they assumed the worst.

[Zeta4PhiSius]

Quite frankly I think it's a load of crap unless it applies to women. The guy needs to man up and take charge and become a jerk no matter who he walks all over. That's what women want.

[peteyj]

I don't know if you have to become a jerk, just don't be a pushover. I really could care less if people like me or not, but I don't need to be a jerk. There are plenty of spoiled brats where I live who think their **** don't stink. It's not about being a jerk it's just about moving on and not giving a damn when people like that ignore you or try to put you down. A lot of trust fund kids or girls who date only trust fund kids. It's easy to fall into "i wanna be a jerk" mentality but why go down a route if thats not who you are? Only makes you feel worse about yourself and thats not worth it.

 

But as far as not looking, yeah women can get away with this. I can't tell you how many females I know who are approached in coffee shops, malls, grocery stores, the streets, buses, trains, at work, etc. And not every one of them is drop dead gorgeous. In fact many are just your avg looking female. SOme skinny, some tall, some with a little extra cushion, some small, some in their 20's, 30's, 40's etc etc etc...But many get approached all the time. Which means they don't need to be looking cause they are always approached.

 

On the other hand most guys who aren't out approaching results in guys who aren't ever dating or meeting anybody. Nothing wrong with that but not meeting anybody means you're not suddenly one day going to bump into some cool woman....If you don't approach then it's more likely you aren't going to ever have a chance to date them. That's the difference between most women and men. Most women never need to look or approach anybody. Guys on the other hand become single not by choice if they never approach anybody.

[Woggle]

A man shouln't be a jerk but just have enough self respect to not put up with crap. In fact what attracted me to my wife was that I didn't have to act like a jerk to get her attracted to me. With most women you have to put he rin her place and generally not give a damn about her feelings and she will fall hard for you but she is diffferent. She appreciates the gentlemen in me and that is why I decided to marry again.

[meowry]

Not if you're like me. I make it impossible for anyone to find me.