Becoming physically attracted to a friend - how should I go about handling this?

[nana yaw II]

Well, i met a woman on the internet about August last year. I've haven't met her in real life yet, but nevertheless she seems nice, kind and gracious. I do know that persons on the internet aren't always who they say they are, but my gut tells me she is being sincere in our chats on MSN and Facebook. After all, we should trust our instincts, right?

 

The thing is, and i know this may seem dumb, i am getting physically/sexually attracted to her. She has sent me a lot of pictures of her, not racy/sexual or anything, but...well I think she is cute anyhow.

 

I don't want to tell her I find her cute, since I don't want to drive her away. I know i shouldn't be dependant on others for human contact, and it's not about that, but i enjoy our chats a lot and would miss being able to chat with her. I think if i told her, "hey x, I think you look cute in your pictures and you have nice hair/a nice body" then it would put her off, since she has more conservative values/morals. She feels fine chatting about sex, but she is a committed Christian and doesn't look on sexual flirting that highly. Also, it's not really my style to pester women on the internet about how cute/sexy I find them. I have a lot of female Facebook friends, but I try to get to know them first as people before even thinking of hitting on them. I just don't think it's nice nor respectful to pester women in that manner.

 

So, what do you think I should do here?

[Tony T]

Listen up!!! Any chemistry you create in any fashion has to be done right now in your head with images of the person you think this gal is. There is simply no way in hell you can know what the chemistry is going to be between the two of you until you see her in person. Oh, you may get aroused when you see her legs or something but when she starts eating with her mouth open with snot pouring down her nose you may suddenly get turned off in a big way.

 

Please don't be foolish. Until you've met this gal in person and spent a lot of time with her, don't be thinking there's any big deal going. The chemistry that sifts through a computer screen or a telephone is a whole lot different that the in person stuff. Actually, there's less than a ten percent chance this will be a keeper. However, that's a good enough chance to pursue it but not nearly enough of a chance to get all shook up at this point.

 

You are physically/sexually attracted to images of her that you have created in your brain. I don't care how many pictures you see of somebody, it will never, ever substitute for seeing someone in the flesh.

[nana yaw II]

Listen up!!! Any chemistry you create in any fashion has to be done right now in your head with images of the person you think this gal is. There is simply no way in hell you can know what the chemistry is going to be between the two of you until you see her in person. Oh, you may get aroused when you see her legs or something but when she starts eating with her mouth open with snot pouring down her nose you may suddenly get turned off in a big way.

 

Please don't be foolish. Until you've met this gal in person and spent a lot of time with her, don't be thinking there's any big deal going. The chemistry that sifts through a computer screen or a telephone is a whole lot different that the in person stuff. Actually, there's less than a ten percent chance this will be a keeper. However, that's a good enough chance to pursue it but not nearly enough of a chance to get all shook up at this point.

 

You are physically/sexually attracted to images of her that you have created in your brain. I don't care how many pictures you see of somebody, it will never, ever substitute for seeing someone in the flesh.

 

This is true.

 

Thanks a lot for your advice man!

[carhill]

Having dated via the internet in the distant past, I can tell you the key is to meet in real life as quickly as possible. Build rapport (or see each other as incompatible) in person, because that's where relationships live or die.

 

I can say from experience that all the women I met quickly, without building any attraction fantasies about prior, all turned out to be decent, normal people whom I would have introduced to a friend, even if our interactions did not play into a romance. The few I installed on pedestals turned out to be nightmares, nightmares of my own making. Keep in mind this was many women over nearly a decade of phone and internet dating from the late 80's to late 90's, when I met my wife (on the internet). We aren't getting along too great these days, but I'd still introduce her to a friend as she is a decent, normal person. That's only determined by getting to know someone in person, up close.

 

Now, when you do know someone in person and you do admire them and develop feelings for them, those pictures can be a visual stimulus to sexual feelings and attraction. That's coming from a completely different place, one of real intimacy.

 

Hope that helps!

[nana yaw II]

Having dated via the internet in the distant past, I can tell you the key is to meet in real life as quickly as possible. Build rapport (or see each other as incompatible) in person, because that's where relationships live or die.

 

I can say from experience that all the women I met quickly, without building any attraction fantasies about prior, all turned out to be decent, normal people whom I would have introduced to a friend, even if our interactions did not play into a romance. The few I installed on pedestals turned out to be nightmares, nightmares of my own making. Keep in mind this was many women over nearly a decade of phone and internet dating from the late 80's to late 90's, when I met my wife (on the internet). We aren't getting along too great these days, but I'd still introduce her to a friend as she is a decent, normal person. That's only determined by getting to know someone in person, up close.

 

Now, when you do know someone in person and you do admire them and develop feelings for them, those pictures can be a visual stimulus to sexual feelings and attraction. That's coming from a completely different place, one of real intimacy.

 

Hope that helps!

 

thanks also, your comments are helpful.

 

I'm not necessarily expecting anything here with her, but as i said at this stage it is more of a sexual attraction from seeing her photos. the issue is that i don't want to jeopardise our contact by saying how hot i find her or anything, since it would seem i was just trying to get in her pants and i wouldn't want that.

 

Thanks again.

[wuggle]

since she has more conservative values/morals. She feels fine chatting about sex, but she is a committed Christian and doesn't look on sexual flirting that highly.

 

So, would it not be possible to say you think she is really 'interesting' rather than 'cute' and that you would 'love to get to know her better', and ask if you could meet somewhere. Just play it as possible friends wanting to meet rather than a sort of date, that way if there is no chemistry nothing lost.

[nana yaw II]

So, would it not be possible to say you think she is really 'interesting' rather than 'cute' and that you would 'love to get to know her better', and ask if you could meet somewhere. Just play it as possible friends wanting to meet rather than a sort of date, that way if there is no chemistry nothing lost.

 

Ok. thanks to you also.