sunflower745 Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 Well, I'm engaged to this guy who is very sweet and I love very much. There is just one tiny thing that gets me so irritated. He chats and texts "gal" friends. When I ask him about it they always end up being old high school friends or whatever. Last night I saw the he had 3 chatting programs opened which were: yahoo messenger, myspace IM messenger, and AIM. Like what the hell??? Then I saw he was chatting with this girl before I got to his place and I asked and he said it was an old friend from high school. He told me I could read all the messages they sent cuz he has nothing to hide. We don't even talk that much. When were on the phone he is always quiet. He is usually on his laptop or playing games. There was also an incident that involved him "jokingly flirting" with this girl and said he shouldn't have done that. We almost broke up but he cried and begged me not to let him go. So we stayed. Now, I still find him chatting with girls but he says he only chats with them like once in a blue moon......yeah right!!! UGH!!!!!! What should I do????? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 Yep, one on the hook and 3 others interested in the bait. Sometimes the fish on the hook becomes the bait. See where this is going? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 OP, when a man divides his attention and gains validation from multiple sources, it's easy to be "sweet", as he can count on that outside validation to support him. This is part of the unhealthy triangle of affairs and what can perpetuate them. I'm not saying this is the case here (an affair) but the potential in his personality is there. By being obvious, he has his bases covered. I've done this so I know exactly how it works from the male perspective. If he doesn't make marked changes to respect your perspective, I'd consider giving him the ring back. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 What did the messages say when you read them? When is the wedding, how long have you dated, and how long have you been engaged? Link to post Share on other sites
samiam143 Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 I know exactly how she feels. I was driving me and my guy home from FL, a 4 hour drive at night and he's busy texting away. Like constant texts. It was rediculous. I hate having to drill him with questions but he leaves me out of the loop like when "a friend surprised him from out of town" that's all he told me. This also was the cause of him bailing out on me. I had no idea who this friend even was! I've never felt so jealous. It's bs don't put up with it Link to post Share on other sites
gypsywoman Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 intimacy is a HUGE part of any relationship. "into me see..." if he is spending so much time letting these other girls know how he feels, what he's dong, what he is thinking... he is "subconsciously" telling his mind he has already expressed himself, thus- he won't need to discuss these things with YOU. HIS FUTURE WIFE. if he put a ring on your finger, he can at least give you the respect of sharing his inner most thoughts with the one he plans to share his life with. it's okay to have friends, but it sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do still. what would he say if you were doing the same with men? you are NOT psycho, sweetheart. you want INTIMACY! I don't blame you for getting irritated. you must, must, must confront him about this before tying the knot. Link to post Share on other sites
HappyAgain Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 From personal experience, he needs validation from women. Proceed with caution because the moment he feels he isn't getting enough from you, he'll go elsewhere for the attention. Link to post Share on other sites
949GuitarDude Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 I don't think you're psycho at all. If you're not happy, why not just move on. Or keep him around and date other people like he is. Link to post Share on other sites
Heroic Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 This is called having an emotional affair..... Link to post Share on other sites
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