What a mess

[hearingaidguy00]

I've always had issues with anxiety and anger since i was young. I was with a girl for years on and off, i always stated she did this or that she would do this and etc. Of course she would cry and get mad because everything i said was crazy and not true. Maybe i want a reason to be sad? All i know for sure is i have been this way with any girl. My now ex had only been with me sexually. Back in November she broke up with me i called her in jan. and she has a new guy friend/ " **** buddy" apparently they get drunk and high and have sex. Another month and half went by and she shows up at my house. She told me she wanted to be friends for a month to see if i could treat her better. I agreed and she picked a day to come back over. Well she never came back over i was glad to see her but at the same time i was so jealous and pissed. I wasn't very blessed down stairs and this person is and it just drives me crazy. After she left i went nuts and started sending her text messages to her new number. They were like.. I can't believe you had sex with him you're not the same anymore this could never work out he is bigger and blah blah i might of threw in slut and other words. Now we move to the end of Feb i called her and said i thought you loved me she goes i did but **** that you sent me all those crazy mean messages. You ****ed up again. What else can i say? lol it was insane i know but i dont know how to feel, think or anything about her doing someone else. She used to say it the best ... YOU WONT CHANGE I DONT KNOW WHY I WASTE MY TIME.

What if she did like it better with him?

What if i touched her and she thought i sucked and she thought about him?

Could i even enjoy and wanna touch her like before?

:(:(:(

If it's not one thing it's another like if things suddenly got better i would worry about her being friends with him.

I'm hopeless, pathetic, and way overly sensitive i guess

And no confidence

If she didn't want anything to do with me she wouldn't of came back over but i messed it up for good it looks like and it's no shocker.

The thought of anyone marrying someone and secretly thinking about a past sexual experinece that was better kills me i can't even imagine how nuts i would go lol

I tell myself love is what matters duh.. if she didn't love me she wouldn't of came back over and it had nothing to do with his thingy or mine but still i'm nuts. So therefore maybe he was better or whatever but at the end of the day it doesn't really matter. It's just not the same now and it never would be if i touched her this is whats in my head.

It's like how can i blame her for being with someone that treats her better and doesn't bitch at her like i did? I can't i have nothing to say i lost

[Lucky_One]

Hearingaidguy, have you ever talked to a therapist about any of that? You seem to have some issues that might be best dealt with professionally.

 

And I have to ask - how in the heck do you know what this other guy's erect penis is like????

[hearingaidguy00]

I used to have a therapist when i was younger and i think its time to find another one. It wouldnt be hard to surpass me in the size department. My ex girlfriends eyes said it was larger but it shouldnt matter. I guess im crazy and jealous but my penis is what it is and its mine until im dead so....lol

[hearingaidguy00]

I think if she ever came back and wanted to give me a chance or whatever it wouldnt work. i would be worrying if she wanted to be friends with him still and i believe she would and things dont work out good like that

[2sure]

hearingaidguy -

 

All of your posts seem to be generated from your insecurity and lack of confidence - with women specifically.

First, it was all about the hearing aids , which is an issue, I get it. Being confident is hard enough without the addition of something like that.

 

So, you recognize that you lack confidence and maybe even some advantages. Insecurity always seems to manifest itself in lashing out at others - like treating your GF badly and calling her names.

 

Now, you cant get rid of the hearing aids or make your penis bigger or yourself taller , or whatever...but you can change your attitude.

 

Is there another area of your life, that has nothing to do with physical attributes, that you have success in or ambition?

 

If you can gain confidence in another area - it will seep into the other parts of your life.

[hearingaidguy00]

Hearingaidguy is nothing but a name i dont actually own Hearing Aids. Yes im aware it seems i have lots of insecurity issues which i do. My head wont stop with negative thoughts sometimes like what if she liked his penis better than mine and stuff along those lines. Lets say she came back over .... i would be glad to see her but id wanna kill her at the same time and i know feeling like that isnt healthy or normal. I tell myself it doesnt matter if she did or didnt but i know i would feel it in the pit of my stomach no matter what. Im the problem not her she doesnt make me feel this way i make me feel this way because i have lots of problems and it all comes back to my Anxiety Disorder and how i lash out and get angry easy and paranoid etc in public.

 

i understand how she got mad at me and why shes no longer here.

My mind gets invaded by percise very specific questions which turn into worries and doubt,guilt,shame, anger at once.

i have no choice but to move on now and hope she doesnt come up to me in public or call or show up theres just no point no reason nothing to say to eachother. Lots of guys act like me when their girlfriend or wife cheats on them and they have the right to be mad and upset but name calling,screaming,physcial violence is a sure fire way to implant in her head that your insane and a waste of her time. Now my ex didnt cheat on me im just saying guys and women act like real crazies in moments like that.

 

It makes it even worse when you know the truth in your heart but your significant other stares in your eyes and tells you another lie. But no matter what, using all that energy screaming and name calling and feeling like your on the verge of a mental/physical breakdown everyday isnt a option either. I know this better then anyone sometimes things just werent meant to be.

 

AB