cheerie Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 So, what a complicated life I lead! I have an ex who we shall call Bob, who I met two years ago and fell for hard and fast and we both had one of those connections I suppose, all was fine and dandy untill he broke it off after a family death which left him confused and a mess. I was incredibly hurt despite the understanding nature of the whole thing, and we went our seperate ways, I met someone else and he went back to his ex - which of course was pretty difficult to deal with. The guy I was with was a basic rebound (as terrible as that is to admit) and we split a few months later. Bob stayed with his girlfriend and we weren't in touch, untill we went to a friend's occasion where we got together, connection was still there. A few months passed, and I finally met someone I really liked, he lives four hours away from me but he was the first guy I had really gone for since Bob. It was great untill he told me he still had feelings for his ex and we split for a ,month while he cleared his head. In this crucial month, Bob got back in touch and we spent hours on the phone despite his gf, they then split up and he wanted to see me. I was really confused given the new guy on the scene, especially when he came back and told me it was me he wanted. Great.. I thought, but obviously its pretty hard getting over such a shock as the ex gf drama.. so we've been working at it and hes smitten with me. Its been 2 months. I hate to say it, but in a moment of weakness having not seen the new guy for 3 weeks given the distance, I had a few to drink and ended up in bed with Bob. I now can't stop thinking about him and I have absolutely no idea what to do. Bob is going travelling soon, so a relationship is a nogo but nevertheless, I feel I have a huge weakness that won't go away yet a wonderful new guy (despite the drama). Any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Toodle Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 Rebound Central, last call for the Back-up train. Ditch all of them and take some time off dating Link to post Share on other sites
Author cheerie Posted March 9, 2009 Author Share Posted March 9, 2009 Definitely a sensible idea - but I tried this before with "Bob" and sure as hell he keeps coming back... its soul destroying when you can't really let go of someone in the past... despite the determination!! Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 If you're this wishy-washy when dating, how are you going to be when things get serious? You need to tell the (new) guy what you did and tell Bob about the new guy. Sorry, but you come off as not being a very honest person. Woman- up and be honest and make a decision, and stick to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 My advice is to tell the guy you're with what happened. You clearly have issues and he doesn't deserve to be with a girl who can't stop herself from banging her ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 I am just curious but how would you feel if the roles had been reversed and your new boyfriend screwed his ex behind your back? I agree that you need to tell him so he can decide if he wishes to rebuild this relationship. He deserves honesty from you at the very least. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
missdependant Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 take some time off dating You aren't ready for a relationship.. don't treat others like crap just because you are worried about being alone. He WILL find out someday, whether it is sooner or later. Better sooner than later, unless you want to REALLY break his heart.. so you should leave him and tell him why. I had a few to drink....Also, it seems like this is a pretty common excuse? Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 Cheerie, your life is not complicated. It's actually very starightforward. Ex- = Gone. New BF = here. It's you complicating things. Now, here's a novel idea: Close your legs, and say 'No.' Ever tried that? It's truly amazing how it works, you know. It's called "self-Control". Available at any "Conscience and Dignity" store, down the 'Honesty' aisle, near you. Link to post Share on other sites
burningashes Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 So what if the ex's still around? He's called the ex, no? Leave things be, tell the ex you've got a wonderful guy and he can go "travelling" Go be happy with the new guy. Or take a break from dating entirely if you can't do that. Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 Tell your BF what happened, and end it with him. (Or just end it with him.) Not to be excessively harsh, but he deserves to be with somebody who's going to honour her commitments. Right now he mistakenly believes that's you. By continuing to be with him without full disclosure, you're misleading him and taking huge liberties with his life, not to mention his health. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 I hate to say it, but in a moment of weakness having not seen the new guy for 3 weeks given the distance, I had a few to drink and ended up in bed with Bob. I now can't stop thinking about him and I have absolutely no idea what to do. easy, you could give a crap about your bf if you cheated on him. Break up with him. he deserves better. Bob is going travelling soon, so a relationship is a nogo but nevertheless, I feel I have a huge weakness that won't go away yet a wonderful new guy (despite the drama). What a way to treat a wonderful guy. So basically if Bob wasn't traveling, it would make a difference? So your new man is 2nd fiddle to your ex. Again, break up with him. He doesn't deserve to be with someone unknowingly that she has a "huge weakness that won't go away". Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts