classmates

[delicious ambiguity]

Hello :]

 

I am not entirely sure how to explain this situation I have gotten myself into. Freshman year of high school (six years ago) I walked into class on the first day and, because of assigned seating, was seated next to this really great guy. Of course, I pretty much kept to myself back then, so we never got a chance to really know each other. He left my high school sophomore year. Didn't see him since. Then freshman year of college I walk in to my class and guess who is sitting right across from me?? That same guy!! He is the only person I knew in the whole college because this college is far away from my hometown. I was like "Wow, small world." I am now 2 years in to college, and we are both in the nursing program. We get along great, we spend a lot of time together, and we have a very healthy friendship. We are both very determined to get through nursing school...only a year and a half left...and we're making sure neither of us gets left behind. My problem is that recently, we have been showing affection for each other and I'm not sure how to handle it. We find any chance we can to touch each other..but not in a sexual way - no kissing, cuddling, holding hands. I'm not comfortable blurring the line between friendship and...something more than friendship....until I know exactly where I want this to go. I know we like each other...I pick up on body language easily and I know he cares for me. He wants me to meet his family, and I just met his friends yesterday (he made a point of telling me that they really love me and I'm "approved"..he said it in a joking way but I know he's serious.)

 

I am smart enough to realize that if we go ahead and pursue a relationship//dating, things could end badly and not only would I lose my friendship with him...but I'd also be stuck in the nursing program with him for another year and a half. But at the same time, I really do think we'd be great to/for each other and it's very difficult to keep myself in line when I am around him.

 

Any suggestions? Anyone ever been in my shoes?....How'd it turn out???

 

Thank you so much!

[Awesome84]

I'm not sure what your actual question is but in my personal experiences... relationships where you are forced to see eachother on a daily basis might not work out (such as school or work). On the other hand... they can work out if you guys are smart about it. Maybe you should continue to get to know eachother better before taking things to the next level.

 

Also, I'd wait until he confesses to you that he wants something more than friendship. That way... you are always in a position of power. At that point you can decide to talk to him and let him know that you guys need to wait until after the program ends to persue anything further or.. you can tell him that you like him too.

 

If it were me... I'd wait... because of the awkward situation of having to see eachother all the time. It doesn't give much room to miss eachother.

[somedude81]

Why are women so afraid of a friendship going badly? Friends come and go. It seems their limiting beliefs and fears are preventing them from doing what they really want.

[Awesome84]

Friends come and go.

 

So do physical relationships.

 

For me....I wouldn't want to mess up a friendship with sex. I have lots of guy friends and I value our friendships. Life is about the relationships you build with people.

 

Having male friendships that aren't based upon sex is a great thing because I can get the 'male' perspective on a lot of things.

 

As a woman who has been there... usually nothing good comes from a friendship that is based upon sex.

 

So my question to you somedude is why do you feel that women want this? All of us do not want to have sex with our guy friends. It's just that simple!

[delicious ambiguity]

Friends come and go.

 

So do physical relationships.

 

For me....I wouldn't want to mess up a friendship with sex. I have lots of guy friends and I value our friendships. Life is about the relationships you build with people.

 

Having male friendships that aren't based upon sex is a great thing because I can get the 'male' perspective on a lot of things.

 

As a woman who has been there... usually nothing good comes from a friendship that is based upon sex.

 

So my question to you somedude is why do you feel that women want this? All of us do not want to have sex with our guy friends. It's just that simple!

 

 

agreed. i have a brother who is very close with me, and so naturally it is so easy for me to befriend guys. it just feels easy and i don't feel like i need to have a sexual relationship with a guy just because i am a girl and he is a guy. you know?

 

going slow and waiting to see what happens is, depending on the circumstances, better than diving right in without taking a second to grasp reality. for example, i know my judgment is blurred because i have feelings for my classmate/good friend...and i just wanted to see what other people's take on the situation is.

[somedude81]

Heh I wonder who sex is more important to, men or women? Both genders have very strong and often conflicting views on it.

 

Yes life is about the relationships you build with people. We are a naturally sociable species. Having others in your life makes your life more enjoyable. That's why I don't understand why women hold off on sex. Doesn't it bring people closer and what better thing to do then one of the most pleasurable activities in the world?

 

Having a friendship based on sex and having a friend that you have sex with are two very different things. I would assume that women would want the closeness and emotional bonding that is said to come from sex. But there seems to be more to it. I wish I could have a girl brain for a day so I can see how they see the world.

 

For men sex is so simple. I do admit my judgment is not complete because I have never had a sex life.

[Awesome84]

i know my judgment is blurred because i have feelings for my classmate/good friend...and i just wanted to see what other people's take on the situation is.

 

TRUST ME! Waiting is better!

[Awesome84]

Heh I wonder who sex is more important to, men or women? Both genders have very strong and often conflicting views on it.

 

Yes life is about the relationships you build with people. We are a naturally sociable species. Having others in your life makes your life more enjoyable. That's why I don't understand why women hold off on sex. Doesn't it bring people closer and what better thing to do then one of the most pleasurable activities in the world?

 

Having a friendship based on sex and having a friend that you have sex with are two very different things. I would assume that women would want the closeness and emotional bonding that is said to come from sex. But there seems to be more to it. I wish I could have a girl brain for a day so I can see how they see the world.

 

For men sex is so simple. I do admit my judgment is not complete because I have never had a sex life.

 

Don't get me wrong... I LOVE sex! But just not with any guy friend. I would only have sex with him if we were in a monogomas relationship.

 

Women like sex just as much as men... but I've been there a few time with guy friends in the FWB senario and only 1 of them I still talk to but thats because we talked it out and we were friends for 5 years before hand. The actual FWB situation ended badly but the friendship is still there. That doesn't happen too often though.

[somedude81]

Ah monogamy natures buzzkill thanks to religion and societal norms. I hate the double standard that women are forced to believe. If you want to have sex with somebody, Just Do It! ®

 

How did it end badly?

 

Man I'm hijacking every thread today that talks about FB and FWB. I'm trying to grab all the knowledge I can. I really wish I was with a group of women right now who are feely talking about this stuff. There is so much I want to understand.

[Awesome84]

Somedude.... why are you so hung up on sex???

 

I am far far from religious. It's ALL about women who know what they want.

 

For any woman who wants a deeper relationship (and most of us do)... they wait to have sex... because they know that afterwards the man ends up disrespecting her or leaving her... or something to that effect. They wait until he loves her.

 

It basically boils down to the psychology of men and women. How women think and how men think.

 

- Women tend to get emotionally attached after sex so they are the ones that get hurt usually in the FWB situation.

 

- Men on the other hand are able to not get emotionally attached... therefore.. they end up hurting the woman in a FWB situation.

 

A small percentage of strong women (such as myself)... donot let emotions get involved after sex. But usually that comes from experiences and broken hearts along the way.

[somedude81]

I take it that you haven't read my thread. I would appreciate a reply to it there, if you have the time.

 

It is a funny thought that I am probably more hung up on sex then women are and that may be true.

 

So you are afraid of the leaving. You think that a man will take off after he gets what he wants. I've actually heard that women initiate the vast majority of breakups and divorces so the fear of the man leaving is most likely false.

 

If I were to finally have sex with a girl why would I suddenly want to stop and go without it? It defies all logic. Thats why I asked how it ended. I can only see two reasons as to why a man would leave a woman he's sexing. 1: She stopped having sex with him for whatever reason. 2: He found somebody much better looking.

 

Men do get emotionally attached. But it is something that happens over time. Having sex once with a girl he doesn't know is fine. But with repeated encounters it gets more difficult to stay detached. I'm sure prostitutes have had repeat customers that fell for them.

[delicious ambiguity]

I take it that you haven't read my thread. I would appreciate a reply to it there, if you have the time.

 

It is a funny thought that I am probably more hung up on sex then women are and that may be true.

 

So you are afraid of the leaving. You think that a man will take off after he gets what he wants. I've actually heard that women initiate the vast majority of breakups and divorces so the fear of the man leaving is most likely false.

 

If I were to finally have sex with a girl why would I suddenly want to stop and go without it? It defies all logic. Thats why I asked how it ended. I can only see two reasons as to why a man would leave a woman he's sexing. 1: She stopped having sex with him for whatever reason. 2: He found somebody much better looking.

 

Men do get emotionally attached. But it is something that happens over time. Having sex once with a girl he doesn't know is fine. But with repeated encounters it gets more difficult to stay detached. I'm sure prostitutes have had repeat customers that fell for them.

 

 

 

sex isn't a big thing to ALL girls. i am a sexual person, but i don't have sex with a lot of men because i'd rather not have guys see me as an option - as in: "hmm, should i go see a movie tonight, go for a walk in the park with my dog, or go bang x?" i am fairly sure that most men, especially my age (20) would opt for the sex option. and i don't blame them haha.

 

i don't condone having sex with people. however, i do think that having sex with no strings attached is irresponsible. there are too many stupid people...too many babies without daddys, too many single moms with young kids on welfare, and too many STD's floating around out there.

 

sex can be a bridge or a wall. things can either go awesome-ly .....or horribly haha. quite unfortunate, but true. sex either brings people closer together or drives a wedge between them, for some reason or another, and makes things awkward.

[somedude81]

sex isn't a big thing to ALL girls. i am a sexual person, but i don't have sex with a lot of men because i'd rather not have guys see me as an option - as in: "hmm, should i go see a movie tonight, go for a walk in the park with my dog, or go bang x?" i am fairly sure that most men, especially my age (20) would opt for the sex option. and i don't blame them haha.

LOL wut? Don't want to be an option? Heh I'm sure you would choose choice #3.

 

i don't condone having sex with people. however, i do think that having sex with no strings attached is irresponsible. there are too many stupid people...too many babies without daddys, too many single moms with young kids on welfare, and too many STD's floating around out there.

I think you mean condemn instead of condone

 

Condone

 

1. to disregard or overlook (something illegal, objectionable, or the like).

2. to give tacit approval to: By his silence, he seemed to condone their behavior.

3. to pardon or forgive (an offense); excuse.

 

Condemn

 

1. to express an unfavorable or adverse judgment on; indicate strong disapproval of; censure.

 

But yeah at our age people are stupid. Pregnancy and STI prevention are both each persons responsibility. Heh my Human Sexuality professor says that all women who are sexually active should keep condoms in their purse.

 

sex can be a bridge or a wall. things can either go awesome-ly .....or horribly haha. quite unfortunate, but true. sex either brings people closer together or drives a wedge between them, for some reason or another, and makes things awkward.

I'm still trying to figure out how things can go bad because of sex.

 

Sorry for stealing your thread

[lammie]

Let things develop naturally, if they should, and deal with it then. If the program is small, it's difficult to hide if things didn't work out. I guess us girls always need that definition "WHAT ARE WE?" but most guys like living in the grey, because they either don't realise, they don't like to admit/commit... "what are you talking about? we're fine how we are."

 

Everyone has different definition on "boundaries" and moral differences on the subject. My situation: he drew the line at intercourse but all other activities can be included, i drew the line where he started touching me beneath my shirt.

 

Don't do anything you're not comfortable with, if you're really uncomfortable with the blurry friendship then find out and move on with life. It could be because you guys are from the same town and don't really know people or it seems like you enjoy each others company. If it's the latter, then great, if not then you'll meet more people later in college.