First time poster... need some insight

[Reggie]

I wouldn't bother Reggie... the guy is solid rock when he's with me fairyflower

 

I was thinking long term:bunny:.

[Awesome84]

Well...one more time I guess.

 

You continually speak of respect and give none. Witness the BW. You call her stupid. Twice. Then you proceed to blame her for the actions of others.

 

How is that respectful to the BW?

 

And how do you explain your comments aimed at me?

 

Is it respect for only cheaters?

Respect only for you?

Do you expect respect to be given when you give none?

 

I do not understand your concept of respect. Kindly explain.

 

I give respect until I have been disrespected... which you did by trying to call me a bitter OW. Which I am not.

 

I am simply stating that usually people come here because they have noone else to talk to or that they are at their wits end.... So bashing her seems rude.

 

I don't condone what she did or what the MM did but I try to offer people better insite than just stating the obvious.

 

Maybe we both misunderstood eachothers post. I don't want no trouble. No disrespect to you at all. I guess I just feel sorry for people... even when they are wrong.

 

* The last sentence... I was talking about the poster being in the wrong for cheating... not you being in the wrong... I just wanted to clear that up.

[White Flower]

 

 

Time to face REALITY. The old fool's going nowhere. He's NOT going to leave his marriage and start all over alone - on his own - to have to do his own laundry, clean his own house, buy his own groceries and cook all his meals, and wipe his own ass. Men are babies when it comes to needing someone to provide all this for them - that's why they rarely leave. He also isn't going to cut his assets in half at HIS age, either - he doesn't have 30 or 40 years to recoup his loses and rebuild his fortune.

 

It's not rocket science that you ADD an element of excitement and ego stroking to Father Time's life. Only an idiot wouldn't see that. That doesn't mean he's LEAVING and it doesn't mean you have a future with him. It means he's a selfish old pig who likes having a younger woman make him feel special while he CONTINUES TO STAY MARRIED TO HIS WIFE.

 

Seriously, Fairy. Aim higher, will you? Or at least start charging this creep for your web-cam sex shows. The whole thing is utterly pitiful.

All good points.

 

Fairyflower, when he admitted that the M was getting better, especially since you steamed up his visions with your pictures SO HE COULD USE THEM TO SPICE UP HIS MARRIAGE. Let him spice up your life or her life but why should YOU spice up their life?

 

You sound like a woman who needs a man to herself. Make him come to you or let him go.

[willing]

Fairyflower, when he admitted that the M was getting better, especially since you steamed up his visions with your pictures SO HE COULD USE THEM TO SPICE UP HIS MARRIAGE. Let him spice up your life or her life but why should YOU spice up their life?

 

With all due respect to you, White Flower, I think you are mistaken when you tell her that she was spicing up his marriage, far from it, she said he became Impotent with his wife, right after she (OW) sent him the racy photos of her.

 

I tried telling her that her OM is using her as a shield in his marriage, to prevent him from getting to true intimacy in his marriage with his W. I say this because of the timing - just when his marriage began to get GOOD, that's when he pulled out his secret weapon - OW, again. you are right, OM is using her in his marriage, but it is not to spice up his sex life with W, but to sabotage any real progress and intimacy with her.

[willing]

I am simply stating that usually people come here because they have noone else to talk to or that they are at their wits end.... So bashing her seems rude.

Have you ever thought that perhaps what the OP needs is what YOU call 'a bashing'? Maybe others call it a 'wake up call' and just what the poster needs, as opposed to being molley-coddled, however nice and pleasant that may be.

 

I don't condone what she did or what the MM did but I try to offer people better insite than just stating the obvious.

We cant all be like you. People are different and react differently. Also, many a time posters have later admitted that they may not have initially liked getting a tough response, but that later on they realized thats what they needed.

 

Why dont you carry on being Awesome and supportive, and let others be their own style and react in their own way? You can release yourself from the job of being the Protector of All and let the original poster benefit from many different people's reactions, not all the same as your kind and thoughtful reply... all posters comments can be valuable in their own way.

Besides - we have Moderators on these boards to do the job you are trying to do, except they are more experienced.

[Geishawhelk]

I'm a prime candidate for the post of slap'emupside-dehead" and guilty as charged.

Awesome, I cannot tell you the times I've been thanked for being harsh but wow, right on the button.

Seriously.

Honestly.

The amount of times I've been pilloried for 'telling it like it is' is miniscule by comparison.

 

9 times out of 10, people are actually grateful for the 'cold bucket of water' approach.

 

Just check my posts if you're not sure, and look at the responses.

 

If you have time, that is....

I've made a few to date....

Just go from January this year........

[White Flower]

With all due respect to you, White Flower, I think you are mistaken when you tell her that she was spicing up his marriage, far from it, she said he became Impotent with his wife, right after she (OW) sent him the racy photos of her.

 

I tried telling her that her OM is using her as a shield in his marriage, to prevent him from getting to true intimacy in his marriage with his W. I say this because of the timing - just when his marriage began to get GOOD, that's when he pulled out his secret weapon - OW, again. you are right, OM is using her in his marriage, but it is not to spice up his sex life with W, but to sabotage any real progress and intimacy with her.

Ah! I did go back and re-read what she said and you are right; however, most serial cheaters do use OWs to spice up their life and some will even say that they use OWs to spice up their M.

 

What is sad about these guys is they KNOW they need to hook these women by allowing them to fall in love with them. Serial guys have a serious ego problem and maybe even sex addiction and in order to get a regular supply of ego-boosting and sex they need the element of love to be alive and well. I see fairyflower's guy as this kind. So much heart and soul being poured into a relationship that will go nowhere and he knew it from the beginning. Evil.

 

He needs to own up that what he started and become more like Boldjack. I think Boldjack should write a book and try to make these guys see the light.

[jj33]

Fairy you will find that the BSs almost universally say that he doesnt really love you.

 

I think part of the reason they feel so strongly is beause they dont want to think that their WS loved the OP.

 

But only you and he know the truth of your relationship. So dont let that get you down. Someone can love you but not be willing to change their life to be with you.

 

To say that means its not true love well that is the opinoin of those posters. They dont know him and they dont know what you shared. Only you know that.

 

I found it easier to move on knowing that he loved me. Because it made the whole horrible thing less horrible. And more like any other relationship where you shared something special but in the end its just not meant to be forever.

 

Everyone is different but I find its always easier to move on with nice memories rather than hurt and anger. The trick is not using that as a reason to stay.

 

If it was just about sex and ego stroking, he wouldnt keep coming back. Thats easy to find. But that is not the point.

 

And why he remains in his marriage isnt the point. What matters is he IS married, he is not available to you and the relatoinship was hurting you. So for your own sake you need to move on.

 

Take good care

 

jj

[OWoman]

she said he became Impotent with his wife, right after she (OW) sent him the racy photos of her.

 

I tried telling her that her OM is using her as a shield in his marriage, to prevent him from getting to true intimacy in his marriage with his W. I say this because of the timing - just when his marriage began to get GOOD, that's when he pulled out his secret weapon - OW, again. you are right, OM is using her in his marriage, but it is not to spice up his sex life with W, but to sabotage any real progress and intimacy with her.

 

Perhaps he's simply transferred his focus from his W to her? My H became impotent with his xW (then W) when he and I became involved - not that there'd been anything happening beforehand; but once I was on the scene he was physically incapable of faking any kind of attraction or sexual interest in her at all.

 

While Fairy's guy may well be serial, he may also be serially monogamous, in that he's only able to sustain one intimate relationship at a time - and perhaps Fairy is now it?

[LovieDove24]

The idea of a rock hard 60 something year old man is making me a little queezy I realize thats really rude to say but its the truth.

[White Flower]

The idea of a rock hard 60 something year old man is making me a little queezy I realize thats really rude to say but its the truth.

When you're 60 you'll find that you want all your parts working. I know I look forward to having all my parts working as long as I live.

[willing]

The idea of a rock hard 60 something year old man is making me a little queezy I realize thats really rude to say but its the truth.

 

Please don't tell us that you are one of those people who cant imagine their parents ever having sex?!

[fairyflower]

All good points.

 

Fairyflower, when he admitted that the M was getting better, especially since you steamed up his visions with your pictures SO HE COULD USE THEM TO SPICE UP HIS MARRIAGE. Let him spice up your life or her life but why should YOU spice up their life?

 

You sound like a woman who needs a man to herself. Make him come to you or let him go.

 

Hi Whiteflower... actually my pics put a damper on their sex life. He admits that he's very vain/superficial (remember I'm 15 years younger than she is... and he claims I'm more attractive - I don't know I've never seen her). Once he saw my pics he couldn't perform with his wife. She got very upset when he consistantly couldn't perform and told him to go to his doctor for Viagra. We all know that Viagra is not an aphrodisiac it is used only for physical problems (ED). He doesn't have physical problems with me or on his own. His doctor will not give him a prescription... I left him because of this. He needs to remove the lense he has on me and re-engage with his W and I'm sure he'll be ok. Most important of all, and you are right, I do need a man all to my own and I've stated that it's all or nothing with him... he chose nothing. I'm moving on...

 

fairyflower

[fairyflower]

The idea of a rock hard 60 something year old man is making me a little queezy I realize thats really rude to say but its the truth.

 

I have to respond to this... The man is better looking than Tom Selleck... and he doesn't even know it... I'll bet you that there are many women in their 40s and older that would find Tom Selleck attractive... nuf said?

 

fairyflower

[fairyflower]

Fairy you will find that the BSs almost universally say that he doesnt really love you.

 

I think part of the reason they feel so strongly is beause they dont want to think that their WS loved the OP.

 

But only you and he know the truth of your relationship. So dont let that get you down. Someone can love you but not be willing to change their life to be with you.

 

To say that means its not true love well that is the opinoin of those posters. They dont know him and they dont know what you shared. Only you know that.

 

I found it easier to move on knowing that he loved me. Because it made the whole horrible thing less horrible. And more like any other relationship where you shared something special but in the end its just not meant to be forever.

 

Everyone is different but I find its always easier to move on with nice memories rather than hurt and anger. The trick is not using that as a reason to stay.

 

If it was just about sex and ego stroking, he wouldnt keep coming back. Thats easy to find. But that is not the point.

 

And why he remains in his marriage isnt the point. What matters is he IS married, he is not available to you and the relatoinship was hurting you. So for your own sake you need to move on.

 

Take good care

 

jj

 

Hi there JJ,

 

I can tell you that we are very much in love. I’ve had relationships in the past and I know a man in love when I see one. My man is in BIG love with me. I also have to say that with my experience and intelligence there is no way that a man could string me along and fake love for 8 years…

 

We are each others best friend and we are so compatible. What is important to explain is he and his W got married in their teens, they were each other’s first love. They have children and grandchildren and a lot of history… that is very difficult to walk away from. During our 8 years I didn’t ever once ask him to leave his W. I was content with our arrangement. I’m a career girl and I love my independence. When we were discovered and were apart for 8 months I realized that I wanted a full-time relationship with him.

 

What I don’t understand is how a man who has two EMRs in his life is considered a serial philanderer. He had one in his 40s with a MW that he met once a month for one year and then our relationship which lasted for 8 years (we saw each other almost every day). I equate a philanderer as someone who has many meaningless affairs. And yes, if all he wanted was ego stroking and sex he could get it anywhere anytime.

 

I’m leaving him behind because he needs to be with his W 100% and work out their marriage. If over time they realize that it’s not working out for whatever reasons (they are not compatible in many ways) they can part on good terms. What is the upside of us being discovered is they are now forced to work out their issues, which is good for the both of them. If we remained together and we were discovered yet again, his betrayal (he gets one chance only) would be the reason the marriage is over and their children would take her side and we would never be able to be together. So, I’m willing to move on and live my life. If they work out I will be very happy for him. If they do not he will come to me with divorce papers in hand and we will carry on together. I would be brought into the family.

 

I have no intention of waiting. Down the road after healing a little more if I find a new love in the meantime I’ll be a very happy girl… Thank you again for your support JJ. You are great.

 

fairyflower

[NoIDidn't]

I’m leaving him behind because he needs to be with his W 100% and work out their marriage. If over time they realize that it’s not working out for whatever reasons (they are not compatible in many ways) they can part on good terms. What is the upside of us being discovered is they are now forced to work out their issues, which is good for the both of them. If we remained together and we were discovered yet again, his betrayal (he gets one chance only) would be the reason the marriage is over and their children would take her side and we would never be able to be together. So, I’m willing to move on and live my life. If they work out I will be very happy for him. If they do not he will come to me with divorce papers in hand and we will carry on together. I would be brought into the family.

 

 

How magnanimous of you!!!

 

Seriously, though. If his W doesn't know about the A, your wishing him well in his marriage doesn't come across as sincere as she needs to know what she is up against to actually have a chance helping her marriage.

 

I have the hardest time dealing with things like people sneaking into the backdoor of someone else's family. Thing is, one day, in your comfort with the family, you'll let it slip how long you've been together and BAM! His kids and grandkids are likely to never want to be around you (or him, sometimes) ever again.

 

So, I say, tell his W. Then you'll know for certain if their marriage will work or not.

 

(This is so unfair to do to a woman that's in her 60s)

[Reggie]

The idea of a rock hard 60 something year old man is making me a little queezy I realize thats really rude to say but its the truth.

 

 

:bunny:Actually, it is inspiring:bunny:

[Reggie]

I have to respond to this... The man is better looking than Tom Selleck... and he doesn't even know it... I'll bet you that there are many women in their 40s and older that would find Tom Selleck attractive... nuf said?

 

fairyflower

 

Somebody better alert Hollywood(and Tom Selleck). Selleck is a big Viagra user, though.:bunny:(I'm sure he((Tommie))(((he let's me call him that))) could kick my ass. Thank God for anonymity.)

[Reggie]

Hi Whiteflower... actually my pics put a damper on their sex life. He admits that he's very vain/superficial (remember I'm 15 years younger than she is... and he claims I'm more attractive - I don't know I've never seen her). Once he saw my pics he couldn't perform with his wife. She got very upset when he consistantly couldn't perform and told him to go to his doctor for Viagra. We all know that Viagra is not an aphrodisiac it is used only for physical problems (ED). He doesn't have physical problems with me or on his own. His doctor will not give him a prescription... I left him because of this. He needs to remove the lense he has on me and re-engage with his W and I'm sure he'll be ok. Most important of all, and you are right, I do need a man all to my own and I've stated that it's all or nothing with him... he chose nothing. I'm moving on...

 

fairyflower

 

 

Sounds like we have much the same problem. I'm told that many women, after gazing upon me, cannot be aroused by their mates. Blessing and curse, eh? It ain't easy being this good looking.:bunny:

[tami-chan]

Sounds like we have much the same problem. I'm told that many women, after gazing upon me, cannot be aroused by their mates. Blessing and curse, eh? It ain't easy being this good looking.:bunny:

 

I would PM my response, but I am er..."new"..(ahem..lol) and do not have PM priveleges... this is too funny !

 

Be nice, Reg, she is moving on....more power, fairyflower!

[Athena]

I would PM my response, but I am er..."new"..(ahem..lol) and do not have PM priveleges... this is too funny !

 

 

Hey you!!!!!! Is that YOU?! what happened to the old you? no more PM... LOL... pls confirm

[tami-chan]

Hey you!!!!!! Is that YOU?! what happened to the old you? no more PM... LOL... pls confirm

 

LOL!!! Athena, YOU KNOW what happen...c'mon, you are talking to passive-aggressive little old me!...LOL!!! Does it really take 500 posts???

 

ooopps, sorry OP didnt mean to T/J your post.

[tami-chan]

:bunny:Actually, it is inspiring:bunny:

 

You are killing me, Reg...!!!

 

I have seen really nice looking 60 year old men...They remind me John Forsythe-elegant, sophisticated---but well..I wouldn't know about the other criteria and waiting for "someday" (seems awfully long)...

[Athena]

LOL!!! Athena, YOU KNOW what happen...c'mon, you are talking to passive-aggressive little old me!...LOL!!! Does it really take 500 posts???

 

ooopps, sorry OP didnt mean to T/J your post.

 

Good, cause I too have an alter ego! aha... am gonna wait for your privileges to kick in, girl!!!!! No, of course it doesnt take 500... you had PM ability pretty quickly, remember?

[Reggie]

You are killing me, Reg...!!!

 

I have seen really nice looking 60 year old men...They remind me John Forsythe-elegant, sophisticated---but well..I wouldn't know about the other criteria and waiting for "someday" (seems awfully long)...

 

Forsythe is beyond Viagra, T. But, remember, he had a hot Asian houskeeper on Bachelor Father.

Oh, that's right. You are too young to remember that show. He was semi-hot back then.

Liked him as the evil judge in that Pacino movie(I think it was "And Justice for ALL". Truly a lecherous old bastard in that role. My new role model.:bunny: