My parents kept a VERY big secret from me

[Ocean-Blue]

Of course blood type is genetic...

 

There's A, B, AB, and O, not to mention rh + or -

 

Using this is a quick way to determine if you're NOT a child of 2 individuals if you don't match, but not specific enough to prove you ARE if you do match.

 

Sure, but the OP based his hunch on just the mis-match between his mother's blood type and his own. There was no mention of the father's blood type.

 

Anyway, all of this is moot. The OP is exercising his/her creative muscles.

[mental_traveller]

I have a dire problem and I would like some advice. About 3 months ago my mum was involved in a accident and he needed blood so when i went to the hospital to give her blood I was told that my blood was not a match when I questioned my dad about it he just said "your mum is in real trouble and this is all you can talk about" so I just kept quite. But deep inside my suspicions grew and grew until I could not take it anymore so I went to see a doctor. She suggested that I do a paternity test to find out. I made up an excuse to live with my parents for about a week I finally got hold of some of my dad's hair and nails.

 

The day before I opened the results I stayed up all night praying to GOD that I was their son but when I opened the results it was confirmed that I was not his son. I was so angry and enraged I bought a gun got really drunk and drove to their house 3am at night. When I gave them the results they blindly looked at one another and told me that I was adopted. My mum couldn’t have children so my dad just adopted me and they both raised me as their child. I felt like shooting myself but luckily I was so drunk that my dad was able to take the gun off me and they both took me to my room and put me to sleep.

 

I don't know how to feel right now. I don't know what to do. I am so angry I have been taking it out on my girlfriend by refusing to talk to her and by just walking away after making love to her. I am 23 years old why did they raise me all this time and put me through MIT if I wasn’t their son. I hate myself for all this had it not been a sin to commit suicide I would have done it. I just want this to stop I just want to believe that they are my REAL parents.

 

I'm adopted and feel fine about it, I had a better upbringing and parents than most. The difference is I was told about it as soon as I could speak coherently, so it was just a normal part of growing up.

 

You have no right to feel angry about being adopted. Kids are adopted for a reason, usually that their biological parents were not in a suitable situation to bring the kid up. It's 99% likely that you have benefited enormously from being brought up in a stable home, compared to how you would have been brought up without being adopted (who knows, your biological mother could have been a crack ho, or a psychopath, a criminal, or she could be dead, your father could well be a deadbeat or worse).

 

What you do have a right to be angry about is your parents not telling you the truth about your background. But this is fair grounds to have a go at them, be angry, say they deceived you and were out of line. NOT to kill yourself, treat your gf like crap, or go waving guns around like a juvenile wannabe thug.

 

Let your reaction fit the wrong done to you. Your parents lied by omission about something very important, but their motivation was probably not particularly bad - they may well have thought it would upset you to know (it almost never upsets kids if told at a young age, but they probably didn't know this), or they may have rather more selfishly wanted to 'pretend' that you weren't adopted, by keeping you in the dark. Although both can be fairly criticized, a proportionate response is to let them know how angry you are, ask them *why* they didn't tell you, and then let them know your choice as to how to treat them from now on. That way you can let out your frustration, they will know full well that they've done something badly wrong, and things are now out in the open. What happens then is up to you.

 

My advice is to just confront them verbally (not physically), let it all out, say how pissed off you are, then avoid them for a while and say you need time to think. Don't do anything rash, just let it stew and see how you feel in 3 or 4 months. Then if you wanna get back in touch and mend bridges, you can do it. If you feel betrayed to the core and want nothing to do with them, you can do that as well (although I think that's a bit extreme). It's also important to let them know they must never lie to you like that again.

 

Finally, for your own sake, you should stop taking this so seriously. All it requires to be a biological parents is 2 minutes of squelching noises. Bringing up a child for 18 years is a lot more effort, dedication, and commitment. You need to get a sense of perspective because if you have any real parents it is the ones who brought you up more so than the ones who screwed without protection then left you at an early age to complete strangers.

[mental_traveller]

When is the right time to tell a kid they're adopted? When you're at kindergarden? High school? Would you have handled it better then? Probably not. There's never an easy time for something like that. Some people don't find out until they're in their 30s, 40s or later.

 

The right time is age 2-4 as soon as they can speak & understand the concept. It is extremely easy and almost never causes a problem. Every year it is left it becomes more difficult, and by teenage years you are going to screw them up regardless of how you tell them.

 

Pretty much all the adoption literature, testimony, and psychological research shows this. Why people ignore it is beyond me.

 

N.B. noticed the contradictions in OPs posting. Hah if that's true he's a total whacko. Still, at least you all now know when to tell a kid about adoption

[Lucky_One]

You have every right to feel betrayed by your parents. But you must think to yourself that just because they aren't your flesh and blood they raised you and brought you up to be the person you are today. Yes, you are angry but with some communication with them (and I don't mean shouting and swearing) things will work out. Remember family isn't about genetics its about those you want to be around. You still love this couple and the couple still loves you.

 

Take a couple of deep breaths, thank this couple for taking you in, and if it really and truly bothers you that these people who have raised you your entire life aren't biologically your family. You can have the adoption file opened up and located your real parents. But remember before you do this, this is a can of worms you are about to open.

 

Did you even READ this thread? Because this guy has so many cans of worms open, he could open a bait and tackle shop.

 

Run by meerkats, of course....

[Lucky_One]

My friend you don't know how lucky you are to find such good parents. Your parents have loved you so much that they hid the truth from you. Don't be angry be thakful to them for showing you so much love and raising you up.

 

Do you know each year how many children are left in garabage by their own parents. Do you know how many people abuse their children. Do you know how many foster parents abuse their children. Out of the odds you are extremely lucky to have such parents. Your parents must be woderful people for, when they knew that your mother can't have bab's they have decided to adopt you.

 

Just don't think they are your foster parents......... They have raised you for 23 years..... They love you like their own child, and you too love them as if your biological parents.....

 

Just don't think that you are adopted.... If you try to do anyting stupid (as you said suicide) It will not only hurt you but it will very badly hurt your parents feelings. Is it why they raised you as their won child for 23 years, to see u shoot your self...... and don't show you anger to your girlfriend.... she is not your parents to bare anything you do...... she might leave you.....

 

It's in your hands accept the truth...... just be yourself..... everything will be fine.

 

Another non-reading ijit.