I'm Joe Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 Im not sure I would classify it as a problem yet, but I have 3 girls who are dating friends of mine that regularly seek my company. I don't want this to get too convoluted to Ill just stick to one of them, but its pretty much the same story for all three. lets call her sally Sally texts me all the time, I go to movies with her, I have taken her with me several times to help me pick out clothes, I sometimes go out to eat with her, She drunk dials me at least once a week. she keeps a picture of me on her phone. I was a bit incomfortable when it first started, her being my good freinds girlfriend but she has made no romantic moves toward me, other than she insists I hug her every time we part ways. and I don't know if it counts but she regularly says when looking at me "If only I were single" she says it as kind of a joke but it seems highly innapropriate for our situation. What do you think, can a man and a taken woman truly be just freinds? or am I being targeted for a future relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 It's called the emotional tampon syndrome. Some women keep extra men around for emotional receptacles like some men keep women around for penile receptacles. The words are a form of mind control. It's called a mind f#ck. Women are expert at it. I've experienced this as single man and as a married man. Now I just see how far they'll go. Real friends are supportive and there for you, not superficially involved. I allow such interactions when they make my day more interesting but don't attach significance to them. That's what decades of such experiences has brought. Hope the movie was good Link to post Share on other sites
Author I'm Joe Posted March 9, 2009 Author Share Posted March 9, 2009 Part of the problem is that I would never date any of them. I had a hard time accepting the "friendship" at first, fearing that there intentions might be nefarious. Hopefully you are right and they are just keeping me around for reasons other than love. Because they are in for a rude awakening if that is the case. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 Sally texts me all the time, I go to movies with her, I have taken her with me several times to help me pick out clothes, I sometimes go out to eat with her Why are you going out with your friends girlfriends? You lookin' to get the ever lovin' dogs##t beat out of you?? She drunk dials me at least once a week. she keeps a picture of me on her phone. I was a bit incomfortable when it first started, her being my good freinds girlfriend but she has made no romantic moves toward me No, but she is laying the groundwork, and you are letting her. By her going out with you, but no making out....its her way of cheating without cheating. other than she insists I hug her every time we part ways. and I don't know if it counts but she regularly says when looking at me "If only I were single" she says it as kind of a joke but it seems highly innapropriate for our situation. ya well, tell your friend that you go out with her and all the things she says....see if he thinks the "if only I were single" comment is innocent. She is fishing, and you are making yourself available. man, I sure wouldn't want a bud like that. What do you think, can a man and a taken woman truly be just freinds? or am I being targeted for a future relationship? You are being targeted. Have you talked to your friend about this? If not, what are you afraid of? Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 Part of the problem is that I would never date any of them. you already are. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 I beg to differ. What is happening here is merely that these ladies have found a man who will give them the parts (note *parts*) of a relationship that they likely aren't getting from their SO's (this guy's friends). I'll bet his friends don't even mind. OP, comment? Classic tampon. I mean it should be in the dictionary OP, I seriously doubt you are relationship material for these ladies. Best way to find out is to stimulate their emotions a bit. It's up to you how you might do that. I'm assuming their male SO's aren't close friends and you don't mind losing their friendship. Let's take Sally.... when she insists on hugging you goodbye, do that, but with your hands lower, on her waist, and kiss her on the cheek. Her reaction will tell you what you need to know Warning: Advice contained within could be dangerous to your health Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 Speaking from a position of a potential "Sally", it is that you are totally safe. That is, my boyfriend does not see you as ANY threat at all. And you fulfill my need for male perspectives and company without causing me any hassles with my boyfriend, AND without my having to be concerned that I'm going to develop romantic feelings for you. It has nothing at all do with me 'keeping you in the wings' for my next romantic adventure -- believe me, I am NOT going to choose you for that. For your own self-esteem and 'studly' reputation, for gawd's sake STOP hanging out with 'me'!!! Put another way. My very good male friend mentioned, in the past 6 months, that he really wishes his wife would get a (male) gay friend. Cos then he (the new guy) would help my friend by doing all the "girlie" stuff with her (emotions, shopping, gossip, etc.) , and she wouldn't keep bugging her husband for that crap, and husband wouldn't have to worry about it getting sexual. Yeah, I hit him cos of his stoopid and sexist and ignorant views. But I know what he's saying. So. STOP acting like your buddies' girlfriends' gay best friend (as defined by my aforementioned dearly-loved and muchly-beaten-up male friend.) Link to post Share on other sites
Author I'm Joe Posted March 10, 2009 Author Share Posted March 10, 2009 Here is the deal in sally's case...Her boyfriend is indeed one of my best friends, he know every time we hang out. Me and him actually both met her at the same time.. I hung out with her a few times before they started dating.. and afterward she just never stopped calling me and wanting to hang out. The Tampon analogy seems to make sense,....Hold it! Just got a text from her....."wanna hang tomorrow?" that's all it says. But anyway like I was saying I think carhill might have something with his tampon analogy.... The weird thing is I have never really had a female friend before. at least not one that wasn't trying to get with me or me with her. Link to post Share on other sites
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 Men and Women Cannot Be Friends I didn't believe it when I first saw "When Harry Met Sally," but the more I see IRL, the more I believe it. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveLace Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 Does her boyfriend know how much she texts you, OH, does he know she said, "if only I were single"? It IS true that you are not a threat...I'd think what she's doing would be more important than what you are doing...to the boyfriend I mean. Whatever he knows, isn't from your current perspective obviously, otherwise I'd think he'd question her intentions as much as you... Anyway if you don't have feelings for her, but you suspect she might, I say clear up any confusion. Tell her that you enjoy her company or whatever but because she's dating your buddy, there's such thing as overkill on the hanging out, to the point where it's uncomfortable for you. At this point she should respond with some reasoning as to why she likes you sooo much...this is all assuming you are really not interested in her, and you are truly uncomfortable with the situation....are you sure that you haven't been finding it to be flattering and entertaining? Do you really want to cut back on the spending time? She's definitely relying on you for companionship, and yes, she probably gets something out of it that your buddy does not give her. But it also sounds like there more on her mind than that. It's your best friend here, so it's in the best interest of you both to address it somehow....I say just don't spend as much time with her, be "too busy" for her more, and her reaction to that might just tell you what's really going on. Link to post Share on other sites
Beautiful Inside Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 hmmm my bf is Italian form brooklyn NY and let me tell you somthing if ANY of his male friends even just calle dme out of the blue he'd ****in beat the **** out of them he said in NY its so different from here in CALI your friends actually keep an eye out for you to make sure your girl isnt cheating or if another guy is trying to get at her theyll be there to kick his ass and let you know....i would NEVER ever call any of my bf's friends what business do i have with them yea i love them all and have known them all since freshmen year in high school but still its about respect. i know my bf wouldnt like me doing that its rude and maybe your friends gf's should ****in get some girlfriends for their own friends... man somtimes girls r so scandalous i swear.... Link to post Share on other sites
mr.dream merchant Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 Why are you spending so much time with your friend's girl like that? Damn son, part of me thinks you love this attention she's giving you. You're both asking for trouble. Real **** duke, quit playing dumb, let this broad get some attention elsewhere, you're her BF's best friend, have some damn respect for his relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts