lovestory5 Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 I am sure that every woman in her life had situations when her second half has made something wrong, a serious mistake - but, for some reason he is not sorry for it, he does not say about the fault. What do you think of it? And what do you do in this case Why is he silent, when we wait for their apologies and acceptation for really essential mistake? Or maybe to have the sense of gilt is only female thing? And men don’t feel it? And on the other hand, there are men who are tender by the nature, more sensitive and deep - often easily accept the fault. They will apologize for every moment. What is better? What do you think? Men, is it really hard for you to say sorry? Link to post Share on other sites
Ocean-Blue Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 In my experience, men do apologize. Every single man I've personally known has done so, if it was warranted. Sometimes, the apology comes a bit later than when one wants to hear it. It's usually when he feels annoyed or is angry. I'm like that too. I get angry, don't back down and only apologize after I cool off. I don't think we can make generalizations about either gender here. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 Give me an example..... I've had to work on this aspect because I've lived giving way too much value to other's feelings. So, I apologize less (which is now lining up with how often people apologize when hurting me) and encourage others to take responsibility for their own feelings, something I've done throughout my life. I found the largest change came within MC as I began to learn healthier tools to both communicate contemporaneously as well as to reject manipulation instead of internalizing it and developing resentment. Apologies now are fewer but far more appropriate, hence hopefully meaningful and well-received. It's kinda like fixing the boy who cried wolf. After a while, no one believed him. The same goes with apologies, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 Why is he silent, when we wait for their apologies and acceptation for really essential mistake? I think that the opposite is true as many guys will apologize just to avoid what they may see as endless discussion and analysis. In my first marriage, I found myself many times in a position where I was saying something along the lines of "Not sure what I did but I'm sorry that you're upset about it". Not a very fun way to live... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 This isn't gender specific and for that matter, not something that can be solely applied to romantic situations. Bottom-line, if someone can't own their portion of the problem, continuing to escalate, then you have a situation to walk away from. It usually but not always, takes two to tango. Life's too short for constant drama. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 My wife came from a family where she rarely heard or saw her father apologize for much of anything....thankfully her mother taught her that its good to apologize when you should, even though her own husband didn't. It shows you are at least owning up to what you may have said or done. I used to work with a fella who always said he was sorry for things, but yet his actions never showed it because he always did the same things over and over again, that he had originally said he was sorry for. To me, its one thing to say it, but quite another to mean it. Link to post Share on other sites
Elilmomma Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 From my own personal experiences I think it's and ego thing and most men hate to admit that they were wrong,or even sorry. Some people find forgiveness as a weakness. I don't know why but it is what it is. My hubby has done and said horrible things to me and he will apologize , and then take it back the next day. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 From my own personal experiences I think it's and ego thing and most men hate to admit that they were wrong,or even sorry. Some people find forgiveness as a weakness. I don't know why but it is what it is. My hubby has done and said horrible things to me and he will apologize , and then take it back the next day. That's him controlling you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovestory5 Posted March 10, 2009 Author Share Posted March 10, 2009 It is really true that the most important thing is to show that you understand your mistake, but not just say these words. And I don't understand how men can feel that it is their weakness when they apologize, abusing the weakest creature woman?????? Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 It is really true that the most important thing is to show that you understand your mistake, but not just say these words. And I don't understand how men can feel that it is their weakness when they apologize, abusing the weakest creature woman?????? The sad thing to me is, its not weak to apologize, its weak they they DON"T. I don't think some people see it that way though..... Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 I don't think you can generalize this to a gender at all. There are lots of women who suck at apologizing too - in all cases it's probably because the person doesn't want to reveal weakness, or has control issues. Sounds like your husband is in that group. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 If I feel I am wrong I apologize but only then. By the way women are not the weakest creatures. Link to post Share on other sites
OregonTraveller Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 I will/do apologize...but heres the problem at our house... Forgiveness is never really done (ask my teens...if they did something wrong...apologized and paid their dues...it takes a long time till its really forgiven). Also I assume your talking about doing something wrong. Not just different. When a wife asks "Why did you.." and he really did not do something wrong, he gets in a defencive mode (like "Why did you take this route") Link to post Share on other sites
pparrott Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 My husband rarely would apologize ~ He would spend more time explaining, justifying & defending his actions & then expect me to "accept" that. (& I did - for years) He isn't like that now - but for more than 3/4 of our married life it's been that way. I just always thought men were like that. Never expected any different. He's screwed up BIG TIME in the last few years & is getting better at the apology. I don't know WHY some men do this. (Or women) Baffels me too! Link to post Share on other sites
Alma Mobley Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 Count me in on the man will apologize. If he recognizes he did something wrong, he will apologize to me. I have had my share of apologizing as well! Link to post Share on other sites
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