10 years, NO RING!!

[prettybaby]

Since you make your own money; why don't you move out of your parent's place, get your own place for yourself, and then leave him an open invitation so to speak?

 

It's a win-win situation. Even if he prefers to stay at his parents instead of moving in with you, your relationship will be more intimate and go to a new level when he comes to visit you or stays over once in a while. He would probably gradually warm up to the idea that way, and maybe eventually move in with you anyway.

 

I wouldn't emphasize on a ring just yet; although I still think you both should openly discuss these things without any tensions or ultimatums. Kind of feel things out so you know where you're standing and going.

[virtuous]

wow, guys once again. lots to think about.

i guess i wanted to get married or be engaged, to solidify US, our family. It just always seems like our plans our for him, his school, his goals.

 

Maybe he is just trying to make sure we can fully support ourselves before making any important moves, he keeps saying that his love, is the commitment and that should be enough for me.

 

,, You are right though, the 1st like 7 years of our relationship we weren't mature by any means, so if you think of it in a way... We have only had an adult relationship for like 2 years,

theres just so much to consider and think about.

I just want to be with him, I want a commitment of some sort.

...but maybe we need time apart to just figure out when the timing is right. I don't know. I really don't. But thanks again for all the kind words. You guys are great.

 

Kelly

[virtuous]

bean, i didnt take it that way... i get what you are saying, if he is trying to wait until we can support ourselves, that in itself, is a sign of commitment and love for me, and Us...maybe that is what he is trying to tell me.

[Trialbyfire]

virtuous, I'm not going to sugarcoat my advice. It could be that he's making a decision for the two of you or it might be that he's thinking for himself. Either way, it's a smart move to finish your education before taking any other lifechanging steps. Once he's done that, sky's the limit, as far as earning potential, reliant on field of expertise and opportunities for his career choice.

 

The easiest way to ensure for a better future, is to try to finish school with as little debt as possible. Debt is what kills you in the long run, since interest accumulates on unpaid debt, thus continuing to increase debt. While interest rates are low right now, reliant on what kind of loans he's taking or will be taking to finish his degree, there's no guarantee that interest rates will remain low, within the next 4 years. Even if he's not using loans, at least he's not relying on debt to fuel is daily living, by living at home.

 

So virtuous, don't be in such a hurry to get married or even to live together with your man. Now that you're making a living on your own, the suggestion of moving out on your own is a wonderful idea. It will give you the opportunity to learn to balance your budget, ensuring that you end up living below your means, in order to save up for the future. Independence is a great thing to have, especially when coupled with being fiscally responsible.

 

Enjoy your freedom. While I'm sure you love your man, he doesn't have to be your entire life and focus. Make sure you can stand on your own first, before finding someone who can help you stand. A partner is to be leaned on only in times of need, not needed to complete your life.

[virtuous]

trialbyfire:

really nice advice. maybe i need to be more concerned with me, than US. I am of no use to anyone if i dont put me first.

 

UHHHHHHHHH, why is life so hard????(rhetorical, lol, but you can answer if you want)

[manugeorge]

 

Enjoy your freedom. While I'm sure you love your man, he doesn't have to be your entire life and focus. Make sure you can stand on your own first, before finding someone who can help you stand. A partner is to be leaned on only in times of need, not needed to complete your life.

 

This is great advice, I would be itching to live on my own first before moving in with a man. There is nothing like that first independence right out of your parents house, it's like a breath of fresh air.

[JerseyShortie]

Kelly, I don't think it sounds like he isn't committed to you or that you aren't in his plans. 24 is pretty young for marriage for both of you. And while being with someone for 10 years is a long time, being with someone since you were 13 for ten years and being with someone for ten years when you are 25, are a little different. Alot of guys kind of go through the mentality that they need x, y and z in place before they can have a family. I think guys tend to be more one-deminsional in the way that they process information and take things on. While alot of women more easily gravitate to a muti-goal processes. I think as long as he is aware of what you eventually want and is being truthful (which there is no reason to beleive he isn't) about what he wants, and your goals are similar, you will be fine. Hang in there.

[stillafool]

It doesn't matter whether or not its important to YOU...its important to the OP. Don't try and minimize her wants and needs, just because they don't match your own.

 

It's not a matter of what's important to me, I asked why it was important to her and whether she had career plans of her own. She answered that question quite intelligently and now I know her reasons. IS THAT OKAY WITH YOU????????? BTW, I too have a right to how I feel.