Ms C Posted October 8, 2003 Share Posted October 8, 2003 Im 31 and feel quite daft to be doing this, but my own 'support network' has proivided very conflicting advice. I'm in the very tentative stages of romance with a guy who has not long come out of a six year relationship -hence our being tentative. He is not the problem, we have a good honest and open level of communication. However one of his friends is a single 41 year old woman who has taken it upon herself to take me to one side and tell me to leave him alone and that I am 'doing his head in' etc. That he will only be thinking of his ex should we sleep together (yep, it's that tentative). I have reponded by tolerating her 'advice' and informing him (with an abridged version) of her actions. He has since reassured me and told me she has done this before, that she is jealous and insecure etc. and I believe him. He has since 'had a word with her' about her actions. Two things bother me: one that he persists in this friendship when it has this history(although that is more a general exasperated why???' type question that I ask about a lot of people!) and secondly that she is likely to interfere in the future -she has since rung to apologise using emotionally loaded language "I didn't know you were upset by what I said...he 'mentioned' it to me...etc" She is also keen to get closer to me -purely, I feel, so that she can interfere more 'effectively'. This feeling is based on the fact that it is only since there has been any spark between me and this man that she has bothered calling me -inviting me round etc. despite having been part of my extended social circle for more than two years. Im looking for tips on how to play it if her behaviour continues, thanks in advance! Link to post Share on other sites
LadyX Posted October 8, 2003 Share Posted October 8, 2003 Well sometimes people just ask for a good cussing out! Do that! Link to post Share on other sites
lipglossboost Posted October 12, 2003 Share Posted October 12, 2003 That's a sticky situation. Even though she is obviously out of line (and annoying, to say the least!) it sounds like he knows that this is her MO and he doesn't take much stock in what she says, so you should not, either. Hard as it may be, the best advice I could give would be to thank her for her "advice" when she gives it and never mention what she tells you to him. His reaction will likely be to play it off as nothing, (which to him, it may very well be, which is good,) but it is upsetting to you and that could cause an argument in an already fragile relationship. In short, she is getting what she wants by getting you two talking about it. Be polite to her, and then forget everything she said, forget about her completely, and focus on nuturing your new relationship and making it bloom. Eventually, she will see that her efforts are fruitless and move on to someone or something else. Good luck! ~Lexi Link to post Share on other sites
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