Would you consider this flirting?

[mr.dream merchant]

My GF laughs at any and everything other guys say to her when they talk to her. Like if they crack a corny joke she laughs. I don't get it because I'm a funny guy, I make most people laugh. When my GF is with me, she's rarely laughing, but instead has a serious face on. She said everyone knows her for laughing and that sometimes she just does it to brush a guy off who's talking to her, but her laugh always sounds pretty sincere. I have two questions about this:

 

1.) Would this annoy you at all?

 

2.) Is this her way of flirting? She consider flirting cheating but everytime a guy chit chats her up for 2 minutes she's always smiling and laughing, it could be the lamest joke ever and she's all smiles.

 

She's said before that she doesn't want me conversating, or sharing laughs, or flirting with other girls but she's at work doing just that.

[Alma Mobley]

Laughing at jokes can be a form of politeness, not flirting. I often laugh at jokes of people I don't know well, not because I'm flirting, but because I don't want them to feel awkward if they tell a joke and it falls flat.

 

1) I would not find it annoying but I can understand it if you do.

 

2) I doubt that means she is flirting -- I don't know the context.

 

She is probably more serious with you as that is her temperament and she is being herself around you.

 

I doubt she put a restriction on you for laughing with other people -- I think she said not to FLIRT, which is different, but you are seeing laughing as flirting. Not the case.

[nicki]

Yup, it would annoy me big time if she was giving something to other guys that she didn't give to me: mainly, her adoration and confirmation that they are amusing.

 

I'd think, "Hey, wait, I'M AMUSING, laugh with me. Pay me that kind of attention."

 

She may love the attention from other people. You say she said she is noted for her laugh. Maybe that's how she identifies herself.

 

She already has your attention, so she doesn't have to laugh, etc...

 

BUT, it's not cool. Guys respond to a woman who is responding to them by laughing and smiling. It's a pretty clear signal of interest.

 

Maybe she is an attention whore. I'd watch out for that. Or maybe she is tyring to give them the brush-off by laughing and then diverting her attention elsewhere?

 

Which is it? You can tell by how you feel when she is doing it. Does it look like she's interested in the guys? If so, then tell her that it looks like she is giving out green light signals to these guys.

 

She should cut it out if it bothers you. A polite smile and a laugh may be appropriate, but it should be restrained when she is talking to other guys.

 

I am very friendly and have been told by past boyfriends that men think I'm flirting with them.

 

I now realize that a huge smile, loud laughter over silly jokes, with a touch on the guys arm IS flirting behavior. I save that behavior for my boyfriend and act more business-like, but friendly with other guys...

[Alma Mobley]

Yup, it would annoy me big time if she was giving something to other guys that she didn't give to me: mainly, her adoration and confirmation that they are amusing.

 

I'd think, "Hey, wait, I'M AMUSING, laugh with me. Pay me that kind of attention."

 

She may love the attention from other people. You say she said she is noted for her laugh. Maybe that's how she identifies herself.

 

She already has your attention, so she doesn't have to laugh, etc...

 

BUT, it's not cool. Guys respond to a woman who is responding to them by laughing and smiling. It's a pretty clear signal of interest.

 

Maybe she is an attention whore. I'd watch out for that. Or maybe she is tyring to give them the brush-off by laughing and then diverting her attention elsewhere?

 

Which is it? You can tell by how you feel when she is doing it. Does it look like she's interested in the guys? If so, then tell her that it looks like she is giving out green light signals to these guys.

 

She should cut it out if it bothers you. A polite smile and a laugh may be appropriate, but it should be restrained when she is talking to other guys.

 

I am very friendly and have been told by past boyfriends that men think I'm flirting with them.

 

I now realize that a huge smile, loud laughter over silly jokes, with a touch on the guys arm IS flirting behavior. I save that behavior for my boyfriend and act more business-like, but friendly with other guys...

 

Wow, just wow. I don't understand the mindset you have described at all.

[nicki]

If she is bothered by you acting the same way around females, then she knows it's wrong to do herself.

 

Have a little talk with her about the rules of "our" relationship. Talk about how "we" should act with members of the opposite sex to show respect to "our" relationship.

 

Then if she keeps doing it, you do it, too. I bet she won't like it one bit and will call you on it. Then you can say, "Hey, I thought it was okay for us to do that because you do it. Aren't those the rules of our relationship?." Then you can talk about re-establishing some ground rules for you both to follow.

 

I know it could sound petty, but once I've talked to someone about the boundaries, I make sure they are honored by BOTH sides. If not, I will give myself the same freedom until they restrict theirs....

[nicki]

Alma, I understand what you mean, but I'm talking about friendliness that goes OVER the boundary line into flirting.

 

If the OP is upset over general polite behavior, that's his problem, but if his girlfriend is seeking out the attention of other males, then that's quite another problem with her behavior.

 

But, I agree with what you are saying about being generally friendly and polite with people. Of course...

[Alma Mobley]

Is laughing at jokes, no matter how lame, violating the rules of a relationship? If so, I am effing up left and right!

 

Your rules for a relationship sound very controlling, I have to respectfully say.

[Alma Mobley]

Alma, I understand what you mean, but I'm talking about friendliness that goes OVER the boundary line into flirting.

 

If the OP is upset over general polite behavior, that's his problem, but if his girlfriend is seeking out the attention of other males, then that's quite another problem with her behavior.

 

But, I agree with what you are saying about being generally friendly and polite with people. Of course...

 

I think we posted at the same time and I missed this.

 

He did not provide context, so we don't know how bad the, uh, "laughing' is.

 

However, it is annoying when people laugh no matter what just because... but usually that's for a different reason.

[Alma Mobley]

I wouldn't be too hard on the guy, Alma. Did you read his other thread?

 

No, I did not read his other thread, so perhaps I am lacking in more context.

[nicki]

I think the key is if she is very vivacious and friendly to everyone, including her boyfriend, then that's okay. Laugh, joke, be passionate and responsive...

 

That's her personality and she means no harm. I doubt the OP would be worried at all, because he also receives that kind of attention and response.

 

But, if she is laughing hysterically and over the top to random guys' silly jokes, and not responding enthusiastically and happily to her boyfriend, then that's a problem.

 

Women shouldn't give other men things that they don't give their boyfriend, or try to get attention/validation from men other than their boyfriend. It's a set up for a guy to feel insecure.

[Alma Mobley]

I think the key is if she is very vivacious and friendly to everyone, including her boyfriend, then that's okay. Laugh, joke, be passionate and responsive...

 

That's her personality and she means no harm. I doubt the OP would be worried at all, because he also receives that kind of attention and response.

 

But, if she is laughing hysterically and over the top to random guys' silly jokes, and not responding enthusiastically and happily to her boyfriend, then that's a problem.

 

Women shouldn't give other men things that they don't give their boyfriend, or try to get attention/validation from men other than their boyfriend. It's a set up for a guy to feel insecure.

 

Hm, I was with you until:

 

...try to get attention/validation from men other than their boyfriend. It's a set up for a guy to feel insecure.

No one person can be all things to one person. Some validation from the other sex is nice, even in LTRs or marriage. A little harmless flirting is fine (just not in front of the SO). Everyone needs an ego boost from time to time -- nothing wrong with that. As long as it is what is and goes no further, and you take that boost home to your SO.

[nicki]

Yeah, I agree! Nothing wrong with an occasional little ego boost of, "Yeah, I've still got it going on!" That's okay. No harm. Not going to take it further.

 

It's just when a woman has to do that all the time, in an exaggerated way, with every male around, that it becomes chronic attention seeking behavior.

 

Which interferes with a relationship.

 

I am wondering what the situation is with the OP's girlfriend.

[Lucky_One]

Maybe she has just heard you say the same joke or the same thing before?

 

I know a woman who is always rolling her eyes at her husband when he tells jokes or tries to be funny. And she is doing it bc he tells the same stupid jokes over and over.

[mr.dream merchant]

I just feel at a loss because I see it all the time with random guys who say things to her. She laughs, and it sounds very sincere. She laughs hard at the smallest lamest jokes. And it makes me feel dumb and insecure because as her BF I barely get that out of her. It makes me feel like I can't even compete with some random guy or that maybe I'm boring and too serious. But I know I'm not boring and too serious because I make people laugh all the time. My GF and I got into a huge argument over this. I feel very slighted that she's at work, sharing moments like that with male co-workers, when she doesn't want me to do that same at my job. ****, I don't even have a job anymore because I just got layed off, the same day we argued about this sharing laughs with male co-workers. She doesn't just volunteer this information, I ask about her day at work, and I ask if she made friends, and I ask just to be cute if any guys made her feel special and attractive today. She always says no but I think its because she's afraid of arguing over things that shouldn't matter. But to hear about her sharing laughs and smiles with multiple male co-workers at work, it makes me just want to leave because of various reasons. One being that as her BF, I rarely get to share moments like that with her, and two, why is she doing that when she doesn't want me to? We argued so much about it last night and it carried over into today. I don't even want to have anything to do with her because I feel like if any guy can make her laugh and smile then she's that guy's girl. I don't even feel like she's MY girl anymore, but any remotely funny guy who isn't me's girl. Its a terrible to feel like you're inadequate in areas your GF enjoys and that's exactly what I'm feeling. She told me if that's how I feel then do whatever I want with the female co-workers at my job. When she says that it just makes me even more upset because why should I have to resort to that? Is that what she's doing? My last post was about her mistakenly giving these male co-workers the green light and all hearing about her sharing enjoyable moments with them at work does is make me think that she's going to give them the green light regardless. She told me she doesn't want to personalize her cubicle with pictures of me. Her reason was because other girls are going to say things about how good looking I am when she's not around. I don't believe that one bit, not at all.

[Alma Mobley]

I just feel at a loss because I see it all the time with random guys who say things to her. She laughs, and it sounds very sincere. She laughs hard at the smallest lamest jokes. And it makes me feel dumb and insecure because as her BF I barely get that out of her. It makes me feel like I can't even compete with some random guy or that maybe I'm boring and too serious. But I know I'm not boring and too serious because I make people laugh all the time. My GF and I got into a huge argument over this. I feel very slighted that she's at work, sharing moments like that with male co-workers, when she doesn't want me to do that same at my job. ****, I don't even have a job anymore because I just got layed off, the same day we argued about this sharing laughs with male co-workers. She doesn't just volunteer this information, I ask about her day at work, and I ask if she made friends, and I ask just to be cute if any guys made her feel special and attractive today. She always says no but I think its because she's afraid of arguing over things that shouldn't matter. But to hear about her sharing laughs and smiles with multiple male co-workers at work, it makes me just want to leave because of various reasons. One being that as her BF, I rarely get to share moments like that with her, and two, why is she doing that when she doesn't want me to? We argued so much about it last night and it carried over into today. I don't even want to have anything to do with her because I feel like if any guy can make her laugh and smile then she's that guy's girl. I don't even feel like she's MY girl anymore, but any remotely funny guy who isn't me's girl. Its a terrible to feel like you're inadequate in areas your GF enjoys and that's exactly what I'm feeling. She told me if that's how I feel then do whatever I want with the female co-workers at my job. When she says that it just makes me even more upset because why should I have to resort to that? Is that what she's doing? My last post was about her mistakenly giving these male co-workers the green light and all hearing about her sharing enjoyable moments with them at work does is make me think that she's going to give them the green light regardless. She told me she doesn't want to personalize her cubicle with pictures of me. Her reason was because other girls are going to say things about how good looking I am when she's not around. I don't believe that one bit, not at all.

 

Please look at what I have bolded. I think you two have a very unequal relationship, and you are being controlling and insecure. You are going to drive this girl away from you with your behavior. I don't know what's going on with your relationship, but it sounds like you either need to put your foot down or break up with her as you are not ready for this relationship. Just in this message I see that you are VERY insecure, which is why you are controlling, but this will make matters worse if you persist in this vein.

 

TBH, I think you will lose this girl in the end, but will learn a lot from this experience. Just my 2.

[mr.dream merchant]

How am I being controlling? Because I don't want my girlfriend enjoying herself with other males? She doesn't want me to enjoy myself with other females that aren't family. I'm only expecting of her what does from me. I sat around with my thumb up my ass at work not talking to any females what so ever and then she tells me that she's at her job sharing lots of laughs and smiles with other males. Its unfair.

[mr.dream merchant]

She doesn't always make sure to tell me. Infact, she avoids disclosing that information. I ask her from time to time, not to judge or heckle her over it, just to make small talk. Its interesting to see what guys do and what they say to her.

[Dexter Morgan]

My GF laughs at any and everything other guys say to her when they talk to her. Like if they crack a corny joke she laughs.

 

Why do I get this vision of your GF flipping her hair with her hand as she laughs and touching the guy on the arm while saying, "thats so funny"....."like OMG okay":sick:

 

 

 

I don't get it because I'm a funny guy, I make most people laugh. When my GF is with me, she's rarely laughing, but instead has a serious face on.

 

Thats the key right there. She gives adoration to other guys, gives them the courtesy of laughing at things that aren't funny...but when its just plain old, same-guy-i've-been-with-for-too-long you....its a different story.

 

Maybe you should start flirting with other women. And if she gets pissed then say, "if you want me to quit flirting, then practice what you preach".

[Dexter Morgan]

I doubt she put a restriction on you for laughing with other people -- I think she said not to FLIRT, which is different, but you are seeing laughing as flirting. Not the case.

 

I beg to differ. I've seen this before. Its a show of interest and over-affection for another guy. I highly doubt she laughs at every stupid joke if she didn't find the guy attractive at all.

[Dexter Morgan]

A little harmless flirting is fine (just not in front of the SO). Everyone needs an ego boost from time to time -- nothing wrong with that. As long as it is what is and goes no further, and you take that boost home to your SO.

 

flirting is rarely, if at all, harmless. Its a show of interest in the opposite sex. and if you are in a committed relationship, why is someone showing interest in someone else? highly disrespectful.

[mr.dream merchant]

Dexter your last three posts are exactly how I feel.

[Dexter Morgan]

Dexter your last three posts are exactly how I feel.

 

Thats because I know what I'm talking about:)

 

I've seen it all just about and I can vision your gf doing exactly what I said.

[mr.dream merchant]

Thats because I know what I'm talking about:)

 

I've seen it all just about and I can vision your gf doing exactly what I said.

 

Rofl she did that with me when I met her for the first time. Minus the touching, she doesn't go for touching guys at all. That's a big no no. But when I first approached her she was all smiles and laughs, and she had long beautiful hair but it kept getting in the way when we were conversating so she'd brush it out of her face lol. The tension over this whole situation died down. I told her that I never wanted to argue about it I just want her to see it from my point of view and understand where I'm coming from. Lmao after the tension died down she got a bit upset because when I go to my homeboy's house I sit in the living and conversate with his little sisters. She gets jealous of that, and I told her well now you can relate to how I feel about you sharing jokes and laughs at work with male co-workers. So I guess that little confrontation helped her realize my point of view.

[confuseddd]

Yep, as usual, I agree with Dexter, (Hi Dex!). I have a lot of experience with this. I have an overly friendly guy who annoys the crap out of me.

 

My advice to you is come home and say this:

 

"I helped this girl pick up a crate of tomatoes that fell on the floor today in the grocery store and she started laughing a me because I couldn't grab them fast enough. The harder I tried, the harder she laughed, I guess I looked funny scrambling around...."

 

Watch her face and listen for her comment. See if she tenses up or see if she says anything. Then if she takes the bait, then tell her it was no big deal, you were just trying to help the produce girl. Tell her too bad she can dish it out but can't take it....

 

Sometimes people's personalities just clash and rub each other the wrong way after some time. I'm more of a quiet person and my SO is outgoing...way too much sometimes.

[Dexter Morgan]

I told her that I never wanted to argue about it I just want her to see it from my point of view and understand where I'm coming from.

 

And what was her response to that?

 

 

Lmao after the tension died down she got a bit upset because when I go to my homeboy's house I sit in the living and conversate with his little sisters. She gets jealous of that, and I told her well now you can relate to how I feel about you sharing jokes and laughs at work with male co-workers. So I guess that little confrontation helped her realize my point of view.

 

Alot of women I have been with have been that way. If she is flirting with someone, the excuse is that there is nothing meant by it. But when we simply talk to another girl...then there just has to be some alterior motive.