Would you consider this flirting?

[mr.dream merchant]

And what was her response to that?

 

 

 

 

Alot of women I have been with have been that way. If she is flirting with someone, the excuse is that there is nothing meant by it. But when we simply talk to another girl...then there just has to be some alterior motive.

 

 

She was understanding and said that all she did was laugh at a funny joke. I guess she knows she has a problem with hearing or trying to see things from someone else's point of view now, she's a lot less hotheaded. I do agree with you that if she were to see me doing the same thing she'd assume I was flirting and proceed to make a big deal out of it. Why do females do that? Expect things from us males but fail to meet those expectations of their own? I can't sit in my friend's living room and conversate with his little sisters but she can share jokes and laughs at work with co-workers who hit on her? Its really skewed.

[missdependant]

I don't understand why people can't just let their partners be themselves in relationships..

 

She was probably like this before you started dating, and you were too infatuated to look past it in the beginning.

 

Sorry to say, but I really don't think your relationship will work out. So why continue on toward a dead end?

 

Insecurity does nothing but ruin relationships. Especially if it's coming from both sides, which it sounds like it is. She doesn't want you flirting, which I find a natural thing to do and it SHOULD be allowed unless you'd rather your partner go out and actually cheat. You don't want her laughing at other guys' jokes and you blame her when other men hit on her as if it's her fault.

 

Sounds to me like you guys should step back and take a break from each other. The back and forths, the double standards and control-freak behavior isn't healthy for either of you.

[Alma Mobley]

I don't understand why people can't just let their partners be themselves in relationships...

 

Sigh.. same here. Some take flirting as srs bzns, apparently. No point in arguing at that point.

[Gemma-x]

I would say your girlfriend, is flirting, as I do the same. I do it because i like getting attention from guys because I am insecure about myself. Your in a bad situation here, as your getting mad because you think she's flirting but she is only laughing so you can't actually accuse her of anything without causing a huge row, you will say she flirts she will say your jsut being paranoid. I feel bad for u.

[troubadour]

I would say your girlfriend, is flirting, as I do the same. I do it because i like getting attention from guys because I am insecure about myself. Your in a bad situation here, as your getting mad because you think she's flirting but she is only laughing so you can't actually accuse her of anything without causing a huge row, you will say she flirts she will say your jsut being paranoid. I feel bad for u.

 

 

But... you like to take it to the next level, don't you.

[Lucky_One]

She makes you feel stupid and ignored. She won't put a picture of you in her cubicle. She flirts with other guys and likes to tell you when they hit on her?

 

But she wants to marry you, and she wants to get pregnant?

[mr.dream merchant]

I don't think flirting is necessary at all because its you showing interest in other people besides your SO. To me that's just a mild way of cheating and an excuse to get away with it. Oh its just harmless flirting! How is it harmless when you're expressing mild interest and enjoy their interest in you to? I don't understand it. Missdependant I'd take what you say seriously but you yourself get all pissy when there's women texting your boyfriend telling him something is sexy. She was flirting with him, and I'm sure he was flirting with her. You weren't okay with that situation. So how is it you're okay with flirting? Are you okay with flirting with other men but don't want your BF doing the same with females? Like I said, its skewed. I do not think she's flirting with other guys period because like she stated before, she thinks flirting is cheating because its you showing interest, that's limited to due circumstances, in other people other than your SO. I was upset because she's thoroughly enjoying herself around other males, and when she's around me she's less enjoyable. Maybe its me, who knows. Its annoying nonetheless. And Iamaman I got your balls right here duke.

[Lucky_One]

"I was upset because she's thoroughly enjoying herself around other males, and when she's around me she's less enjoyable. Maybe its me, who knows. Its annoying nonetheless."

 

Go on and marry her, sweetheart; I guarantee a long life together of happiness and fulfillment! Good luck!

[Dexter Morgan]

LOL!!!!! I cant tell if the OP is joking or not...If youre not...please dump your girlfriend so she can find a man with some balls and who isnt so whiny.

 

wow, I didn't know a guy was suppose to be ok with his gf showing interest in another guy.

 

 

Then move to Saudi Arabia where you can buy a Virgin and make sure she has no contact ever with any other males.

 

doesn't have a thing to do with contact with other males...it has to do with TYPE of contact with other males where a display of interest is involved......learn the difference.

[lamaman3]

Mr. Dream - its your perspective thats skewed. You expect women to have some sense of fairness. "How can she do it if she expects me not to do it?" Women don't think in fair logical terms like that - they are emotional creatures. They expect you not to take their BS seriously. They arent delicate little flowers like you think and they can take their boyfriend "smiling and laughing" with another woman - in fact they love knowing their boyfriend is desireable! The only reason she tells you she dosent is to see how much she can control you - and since youve fallen right into her trap its no surprise that she isnt as attracted to you. Thats not surprising though considering you believe all her other BS about being able to go visit Julez Santana and all of that nonsense.

 

PS - Heres a little "clue" for you Mr. Dream Merchant. If Julez Sanatana is getting her wet - is it because hes such a nice guy who would commit to her and tell her he will never flirt or laugh with any other woman - or is it BECAUSE HES THE EXACT OPPOSITE. And yet you don't listen to her clues, to the signs, of what really turns her on. You simply do not understand women. Furthermore - you show yourself as a man lacking in all other options which again, is a turn off to her. If you seriously dont like her behavior - do you expect to convince her to change by giving her these logical arguments of what she "should" or "shouldnt" be like because of what would be "fair?" If you think this would work you obviously havent had much experience with women. All that does is make your relationship sh*ttier. If you really didnt like her just tell her once - I dont like that you do that so Im going to find someone else more compatible with me and say byebye! If she wants you back badly enough shell beg for a while and tell you she promises shell change. But she dosent want to change - so what right do you have to tell her how to act - you dont own her - if you dont like it just leave. Shes going to dump you anyways if you keep this up.

 

And yes youre right that she probably dosent have as much fun with you as she does with other guys - but is that really her fault or is it yours? Can you really blame her? Would you have more fun fighting with someone telling you how to behave or telling jokes with carefree people? Did you really think you can FORCE her to have more fun with you or did you just want her to PRETEND to and PRETEND that you are better than any other guy out there? And did you really think that would satisfy your insecurities for long?

 

I don't think flirting is necessary at all because its you showing interest in other people besides your SO. To me that's just a mild way of cheating and an excuse to get away with it. Oh its just harmless flirting! How is it harmless when you're expressing mild interest and enjoy their interest in you to? I don't understand it. Missdependant I'd take what you say seriously but you yourself get all pissy when there's women texting your boyfriend telling him something is sexy. She was flirting with him, and I'm sure he was flirting with her. You weren't okay with that situation. So how is it you're okay with flirting? Are you okay with flirting with other men but don't want your BF doing the same with females? Like I said, its skewed. I do not think she's flirting with other guys period because like she stated before, she thinks flirting is cheating because its you showing interest, that's limited to due circumstances, in other people other than your SO. I was upset because she's thoroughly enjoying herself around other males, and when she's around me she's less enjoyable. Maybe its me, who knows. Its annoying nonetheless. And Iamaman I got your balls right here duke.

[Dexter Morgan]

And yes youre right that she probably dosent have as much fun with you as she does with other guys - but is that really her fault or is it yours?

 

Well if it is his fault, then why is she with him?

 

I'd say it is all on her. She has been with Mr. M for a while and its just a bit boring for some people to handle a long relationship.

 

The other guys are new and intriguing to her simply because she hasn't "had" them.

 

Mr. Merchant....get yourself a gf that isn't fickle.

[mr.dream merchant]

Mr. Dream - its your perspective thats skewed. You expect women to have some sense of fairness. "How can she do it if she expects me not to do it?" Women don't think in fair logical terms like that - they are emotional creatures. They expect you not to take their BS seriously. They arent delicate little flowers like you think and they can take their boyfriend "smiling and laughing" with another woman - in fact they love knowing their boyfriend is desireable! The only reason she tells you she dosent is to see how much she can control you - and since youve fallen right into her trap its no surprise that she isnt as attracted to you. Thats not surprising though considering you believe all her other BS about being able to go visit Julez Santana and all of that nonsense.

 

PS - Heres a little "clue" for you Mr. Dream Merchant. If Julez Sanatana is getting her wet - is it because hes such a nice guy who would commit to her and tell her he will never flirt or laugh with any other woman - or is it BECAUSE HES THE EXACT OPPOSITE. And yet you don't listen to her clues, to the signs, of what really turns her on. You simply do not understand women. Furthermore - you show yourself as a man lacking in all other options which again, is a turn off to her. If you seriously dont like her behavior - do you expect to convince her to change by giving her these logical arguments of what she "should" or "shouldnt" be like because of what would be "fair?" If you think this would work you obviously havent had much experience with women. All that does is make your relationship sh*ttier. If you really didnt like her just tell her once - I dont like that you do that so Im going to find someone else more compatible with me and say byebye! If she wants you back badly enough shell beg for a while and tell you she promises shell change. But she dosent want to change - so what right do you have to tell her how to act - you dont own her - if you dont like it just leave. Shes going to dump you anyways if you keep this up.

 

And yes youre right that she probably dosent have as much fun with you as she does with other guys - but is that really her fault or is it yours? Can you really blame her? Would you have more fun fighting with someone telling you how to behave or telling jokes with carefree people? Did you really think you can FORCE her to have more fun with you or did you just want her to PRETEND to and PRETEND that you are better than any other guy out there? And did you really think that would satisfy your insecurities for long?

 

 

I never really thought of it like that, and to be honest, she was way more attracted to me when I HAD lots of females after me, when I was more on the wild side instead reserved and tied down. She knows I'm desireable and I'm sure that's why she always wants to know who I'm with, what I'm doing, blah blah blah. Iamaman, I'm going to take your advice for a spin for a couple of weeks.

[bean1]

How long do you plan on keeping up that tug-of-war? 10,20,30 years?

[lamaman3]

I never really thought of it like that, and to be honest, she was way more attracted to me when I HAD lots of females after me, when I was more on the wild side instead reserved and tied down. She knows I'm desireable and I'm sure that's why she always wants to know who I'm with, what I'm doing, blah blah blah. Iamaman, I'm going to take your advice for a spin for a couple of weeks.

 

Youre on the right track brother - check your private messages.

[mr.dream merchant]

I was on the phone with her before work this morning. After we got off, her phone dialed my house phone automatically (It does this sometimes). I picked up and from the way it sounded the phone was in her purse. I heard her talking with some guy. She was laughing and saying things like "awww you look like such a loser you're here by yourself". They just kept on conversating while she would make little laughs here and there. And then it got quiet. I hung up and 3 minutes later she called my cell phone. I told her her phone called me again. She replied "So". Then I told her that I heard her flirting with another guy. She said "He was helping me with my stuff I had a million things in my hand". I asked her if him helping you with stuff required all of that conversation and laughing. She goes "What was I supposed to do? Be silent?". She always does this, takes things I say to an extreme. While I wouldn't care if she talked to him while he was doing it, but I heard them, and it was more than talking. She was laughing and thoroughly enjoying his company. To be honest the conversation sounded too comfortable for her so I'm sure she knows this guy well by now. So now I'm sitting here with a liar on my hands.

[angie2443]

I was on the phone with her before work this morning. After we got off, her phone dialed my house phone automatically (It does this sometimes). I picked up and from the way it sounded the phone was in her purse. I heard her talking with some guy. She was laughing and saying things like "awww you look like such a loser you're here by yourself". They just kept on conversating while she would make little laughs here and there. And then it got quiet. I hung up and 3 minutes later she called my cell phone. I told her her phone called me again. She replied "So". Then I told her that I heard her flirting with another guy. She said "He was helping me with my stuff I had a million things in my hand". I asked her if him helping you with stuff required all of that conversation and laughing. She goes "What was I supposed to do? Be silent?". She always does this, takes things I say to an extreme. While I wouldn't care if she talked to him while he was doing it, but I heard them, and it was more than talking. She was laughing and thoroughly enjoying his company. To be honest the conversation sounded too comfortable for her so I'm sure she knows this guy well by now. So now I'm sitting here with a liar on my hands.

 

Loose the girlfriend already! Really, do you want to go through this for years? She sounds immature and if she's young, that makes sense. She probably isn't completely ready for a steady relationship. Find someone who is, or, play the field for a while and wait for her to grow up.

[mr.dream merchant]

Here's what I'm going to do, because after hearing that **** on the phone, its the straw that broke the camel's back. I'm going to sit her down tonight and be like:

 

"Look, after hearing you over the phone, its pretty safe to say that you talk and flirt with whoever you want while lying about it to me. So from this point on, I'm going to talk and flirt with whoever I want, and I'm going to chill with whoever I want, regardless of their sex, their interest in me, I'm going to do me. I'm tired of being held to your little double standard."

 

I really want to throw something in there about not being able to trust her anymore since I pretty much caught her lying to me. Dunno, I'm trying to get laid tonight so I'm just going to drop that on her after the act....lol I know its lame but whatever.

[angie2443]

If you're going to say this, mean it. If you say it and don't follow through, you'll loose your power.

 

Having said this, what are you getting out of this relationship? Are you afraid of not finding someone else, or are you just that attatched to her? It just sounds like a lot of stress. Are you happy most of the time with her?

[mr.dream merchant]

If you're going to say this, mean it. If you say it and don't follow through, you'll loose your power.

 

Having said this, what are you getting out of this relationship? Are you afraid of not finding someone else, or are you just that attatched to her? It just sounds like a lot of stress. Are you happy most of the time with her?

 

 

I guess alot of the insecurities and possessiveness stem from her holding me to these double standards when I knew in the back of my mind that she herself wasn't following up.

 

She would get angry at me for hanging out with my homeboy's little sisters who are 17 and 18. Not hanging out but chilling in their living with them while waiting for my friend to finish up getting dressed.

 

Its like how are you going to hold me to these standards when you yourself don't even respect me enough to reciprocate? Don't tell me I can't conversate with my friend's little sisters when you're at work talking with lord knows how many other guys you know? Her talking to guys, not an issue at all. Its fine with me. But when you tell me not to flirt/conversate/anything else with other females, but I have to hear you over the phone flirting and conversating with a guy at work, what does that say about you? Not only is she a hypocrite to a degree but its like now I can't even trust her word.

 

The worst part in all of this is that to save face she tells herself, and me, till her face turns blue that she wasn't flirting at all. She'll say she wasn't flirting because she's not attracted to the guy, and "Oh, he was just helping me with my stuff." But to be honest I heard the conversation. There was mild flirtation going on there. Again, not a problem at all. Just don't expect things of me when you can't follow up. That's all I'm saying.

 

And the only reason I'm still with here I guess because I hope things will get better in the future. She's a good girl for the most part, its hard to find girls like her these days. But then again I'm young. I'm only 20 years old but for awhile I've been feeling like I'd be spending the rest of my life with her. For sure though this little incident changes alot. I mean not being able to trust her word is big, I don't know what I'm going to do from this point on. I really don't want to throw it away, the relationship, and I'd like to work on things and move forward from this.

[Lucky_One]

Maybe she was hoping the other guy would propose to her? Isn't that her only goal now?

[mr.dream merchant]

Lol Lucky One. She really did come off of it with that engagement bull****. She's over it and doesn't make eye contact with it anymore.

[mr.dream merchant]

We talked on the phone just now. I told her that I'm not going to disregard the opposite sex anymore. I'm going to talk to and flirt with whoever I feel necessary. Her reply? I don't care anymore, as long as you're with me and me only it doesn't bother me. I guess she's so comfortable with it now because she works with a bunch of guys at her new job, so my guess is she's been conversating and flirting with guys anyways, which is why she's so comfortable with me doing it now. I then told her that I'm going to hang out with whoever I want as well, this include all my old female friends who I knew before her. She said "Really? So that means I can hang out with guys to now?" I said yeah, hang out with whoever you want. I then said even girls that have a thing for me I'm just going to hang out with them and keep it friendly. Then she got really upset and started questioning me "Why would you talk to or hang out with girls that have a thing for you?" It made me laugh because wow, that's pretty much all of her male co-worker population. She said "don't be with me if you're going to have any kind of contact with girls that have a crush on you". I just hung up the phone on her after that.

[Dexter Morgan]

I was on the phone with her before work this morning. After we got off, her phone dialed my house phone automatically (It does this sometimes). I picked up and from the way it sounded the phone was in her purse. I heard her talking with some guy. She was laughing and saying things like "awww you look like such a loser you're here by yourself". They just kept on conversating while she would make little laughs here and there.

 

Oh gee, what a f#####g surprise..LOL. I think she has a problem that prohibits her from stroking guys egos and showing her interest in them in return.

 

I bet she doesn't laugh like this all giddy with other women does she? So if not the question would be...why be all giddy and laughing at every stupid thing a man says, but not when talking to another woman?

 

Simple.....she is showing sexual interest.

 

I agree....lose her already. Let her send out her many signals to multiple men and be some other guy's problem.

[Dexter Morgan]

Here's what I'm going to do, because after hearing that **** on the phone, its the straw that broke the camel's back. I'm going to sit her down tonight and be like:

 

"Look, after hearing you over the phone, its pretty safe to say that you talk and flirt with whoever you want while lying about it to me. So from this point on, I'm going to talk and flirt with whoever I want, and I'm going to chill with whoever I want, regardless of their sex, their interest in me, I'm going to do me. I'm tired of being held to your little double standard."

 

Well do let us know how that goes.

 

After you tell her that, go out and have a beer. Grab a guy friend and go talk to some women. If she can do it, then so can you.

 

 

I really want to throw something in there about not being able to trust her anymore since I pretty much caught her lying to me. Dunno, I'm trying to get laid tonight so I'm just going to drop that on her after the act....lol I know its lame but whatever.

 

I dunno. I guess I'm not the typical man. But when a woman totally disrespects me, flirts with other men, goes to a male strip club...whatever, the LAST thing I want is to have sex with her.

[Dexter Morgan]

We talked on the phone just now. I told her that I'm not going to disregard the opposite sex anymore. I'm going to talk to and flirt with whoever I feel necessary. Her reply? I don't care anymore, as long as you're with me and me only it doesn't bother me.

 

Of course she isn't going to bother with it anymore. By you telling her this, it gives her the green light to flirt with anyone she wants and then tell you, "hey, you do it and told me you were going to do it, so can I."

 

I'd say just get rid of her. Whether anyone agrees that she is in the wrong or you are, I think we can agree on one thing.....she is no good for you. She needs a guy who doesn't mind being disrespected and will be a fool for her.

 

 

I guess she's so comfortable with it now because she works with a bunch of guys at her new job, so my guess is she's been conversating and flirting with guys anyways, which is why she's so comfortable with me doing it now. I then told her that I'm going to hang out with whoever I want as well, this include all my old female friends who I knew before her. She said "Really? So that means I can hang out with guys to now?"

 

Boom, see there you go. She wants a green light. Get rid of her. If she wants to be all giddy with other men and flirt her ass off...let her, but she can be some other guy's problem.

 

 

I said yeah, hang out with whoever you want. I then said even girls that have a thing for me I'm just going to hang out with them and keep it friendly. Then she got really upset and started questioning me "Why would you talk to or hang out with girls that have a thing for you?"

 

LMFAO! Priceless comment from a cakeeater.

 

 

It made me laugh because wow, that's pretty much all of her male co-worker population. She said "don't be with me if you're going to have any kind of contact with girls that have a crush on you". I just hung up the phone on her after that.

 

don't contact her, don't answer any calls from her until you are ready to utter the words..."we are through" <click>