Ex wants to be my friend... pathetic

[paperchase]

As mentioned, I don't think a friendship with an ex who dumped you works but I'm sure my ex would welcome us being friends. Why not, she gets to feel good about herself and still rely on me for many of the things I gave her as a lover. Plus, by being her friend I not only excuse what she did to me but I let her know that despite it all I'm willing to settle for friendship. It sounds like under the right circumstances you'd welcome friendship with your ex. I'm not there, man.

 

Now that I see NC only makes her chase me for validation I have no option but to move on. I had really hoped she'd come back for the right reason but now I know better. By the way, my ex didn't technically cheat on me that I know of but she strung me along. We were in an untitled relationship for 3 months where I was working like crazy to address her concerns and she was working like crazy pursuing another man. By the time she said we should date other people, she already had a new boyfriend. I didn't have a backup plan and I was floored.

 

Anyway....

[janjan]

I realized that the only reason I didn't want to change them was because I hoped she'd contact me again some day, and that I'd be able to turn the tables and make her regret everything.

 

This is hard to let go of, but with time you will mostly. It might not ever reach the point where she will regret it in terms of how she treated you, if you consider what we've said about how shame/guilt is about her only really. It's not only some sick game they're playing with you, but with themselves, cycling between feeling good and feeling bad to create drama. it's amazing the lengths some people go to, how twisted they view things, to feel like they have a dramatic life.

 

You know what kind of person she is now, and you can realize waiting for the tables to turn may be a waste. For me and my former love interest, I shifted my view, and take pleasure in the fact that though she portrays her current relationship as bliss, I know her ways will come back to create misery all over again. The guy she's with now, he didn't take something good from you, he took your place in a trap. Hope that helps

[janjan]

Let this be a lesson to all who get their hopes up and think they can have a friendship when their ex contacts them. They don't have conscience and they do not feel regret, they do it for themselves, to validate their low self esteem and to inflate their ego with this "imaginary" power they hold over someone. Screw contact, block them and never look back.

 

word. lol.

 

We were in an untitled relationship for 3 months where I was working like crazy to address her concerns and she was working like crazy pursuing another man.

 

sucks eh!

[D-Lish]

As expected, no reply. She just wanted me to acknowledge her and taunt me with her new marital status... unbelievable.

 

I haven't seen such a twisted and evil woman in my whole life.

 

Should've stuck to my initial decision and kept silent. Damn...

 

That is most likely the case. People like this need that ego driven reinforcement.

I have an ex that does that to me as well. Dudes are just as prone to playing games involving their ego as women are. I ignore and ignore.... he pursues with "why won't you talk to me?" messages- I get drawn back in and have a conversation with him where he tries to get me to admit I miss him.... then he is gone again.

 

Why do people f*** with your mind that that? I guess the biggest reason is because they can, or in other words- we let them. Something in us feels bad for not responding.

 

From everything you have posted.... you've got one messed up ex.

For sure she wants to be acknowledged, she wants to see what kind of control she still has.

 

I'd keep this wretchid girl at arms length for the rest of your life!

[GodofNietzsche]

I have to agree with D-Lish.

 

When I hear your stories, I think of my ex. She just wanted to know that I still had feelings for her and never really considered what that meant.

 

My ex constantly contacted me when I got back from Japan. One night, we had the final blow-out fight. In that conversation (after she said a lot of horrible things to me) I asked "Why are you calling me?"

 

She said: Because I am so disappointed that you didn't call me.

 

She ended it. After it ended, for 4 months she wanted to still talk and like an idiot I did. Then she wanted nothing to do with me. When I got back from Japan, she suddenly wanted to talk.

 

It was ego pure and simple. Truth is, looking back, she never really cared about me as a person. I fulfilled a need and when she didn't need me anymore, I got kicked to the curb. I felt horrible and I don't wanna go back there again.

 

Trust your instinct. You know what she is and what she did. She sucks. That's her fault, not yours.

[Peter_pan]

ah man. well at least you never have to worry about her again. not matter what she has to say.

 

feel sorry for you man. least you can move on now fully.

 

its funny i contacted my ex. but she got her bf to reply. i deleted it and havnt contacted since

[Surfer Dude]

This is hard to let go of, but with time you will mostly. It might not ever reach the point where she will regret it in terms of how she treated you, if you consider what we've said about how shame/guilt is about her only really. It's not only some sick game they're playing with you, but with themselves, cycling between feeling good and feeling bad to create drama. it's amazing the lengths some people go to, how twisted they view things, to feel like they have a dramatic life.

 

Yeah, drama fuels their passion for life. She once told her friend that she loves the fact her life looks like a TV drama. At first I thought she was joking, but that was no case, it seems.

 

You know what kind of person she is now, and you can realize waiting for the tables to turn may be a waste. For me and my former love interest, I shifted my view, and take pleasure in the fact that though she portrays her current relationship as bliss, I know her ways will come back to create misery all over again. The guy she's with now, he didn't take something good from you, he took your place in a trap. Hope that helps

I understand that waiting to turn the tables is a bad idea. It's based on wish for revenge, which is in turn rooted in ego. A bad place indeed. Honestly, I have no problem with the idea of never seeing her again and never talking to her again. At first (when she dumped me) such idea was unfathomable, but I healed and now I'm even looking forward to never speaking to her again

 

As for the dude who married her, well he's in for pure hell. Somewhere between their wedding and their first meeting (a period of 1 month, lol) she said she'd dump him because he said something she couldn't get over. It'll be a real rollercoaster for them, I'd be surprised if it lasts longer than one year, considering her ability to keep stable relationships with people. I really dodged a bullet with this one.

 

That is most likely the case. People like this need that ego driven reinforcement.

I have an ex that does that to me as well. Dudes are just as prone to playing games involving their ego as women are. I ignore and ignore.... he pursues with "why won't you talk to me?" messages- I get drawn back in and have a conversation with him where he tries to get me to admit I miss him.... then he is gone again.

 

Why do people f*** with your mind that that? I guess the biggest reason is because they can, or in other words- we let them. Something in us feels bad for not responding.

 

From everything you have posted.... you've got one messed up ex.

For sure she wants to be acknowledged, she wants to see what kind of control she still has.

 

I'd keep this wretchid girl at arms length for the rest of your life!

 

You are absolutely right. There are tons of individuals with flawed characters who leech off other people's esteem and just drain value from them. Your ex sounds awfully similar to mine and to that of paperchase. Most breakups probably wouldn't even be that painful if people ended it swiftly and didn't play all these games.

 

I have to agree with D-Lish.

 

When I hear your stories, I think of my ex. She just wanted to know that I still had feelings for her and never really considered what that meant.

 

My ex constantly contacted me when I got back from Japan. One night, we had the final blow-out fight. In that conversation (after she said a lot of horrible things to me) I asked "Why are you calling me?"

 

She said: Because I am so disappointed that you didn't call me.

 

She ended it. After it ended, for 4 months she wanted to still talk and like an idiot I did. Then she wanted nothing to do with me. When I got back from Japan, she suddenly wanted to talk.

 

It was ego pure and simple. Truth is, looking back, she never really cared about me as a person. I fulfilled a need and when she didn't need me anymore, I got kicked to the curb. I felt horrible and I don't wanna go back there again.

 

Trust your instinct. You know what she is and what she did. She sucks. That's her fault, not yours.

 

Instincts, gut feelings... this is the key. When we feel that things WILL go wrong if we talk to them, we're almost 100% right. Your ex seems like a horrible person, no better than mine. These leeches feed by devaluing other people, because they have no self esteem and value themselves.

 

Well, hindsight is always 20/20 and now I know better. There won't be next time, hopefully. I think I can trust myself with these matters.

 

ah man. well at least you never have to worry about her again. not matter what she has to say.

 

feel sorry for you man. least you can move on now fully.

 

its funny i contacted my ex. but she got her bf to reply. i deleted it and havnt contacted since

 

Yeah Pete. I can move on. Well believe it or not, I had already moved on some months ago, even started dating, got new hobbies and friends etc. This was just an unexpected setback, and hopefully there will be no more. Now I don't even care for revenge anymore. I just want to be left alone.

 

Good thing you deleted that mail, he probably wasn't gonna be nice to you.

[Peter_pan]

yeah oh yeah i knew you had moved on. she had to "get you from the grave"

 

yeh i know. id still love to kick hi a$$ anyway. so reading it would have fueled that even more.

 

i hate both of them. and i hate your ex just as much lol

[Surfer Dude]

Turns out she didn't get married after all, she changed her relationship status today. Why would anyone claim they're married and then change their story? In normal circumstances I'd find this highly amusing, but it's best to stay away from all this.

 

Endless drama... or mental illness at it's worst.

[BCCA]

I think you're totally right. In fact, her profile has only 1 friend and she has a very specific info on her life that seems designed to get to me. I'm thinking she did it solely to taunt me again. Marital status, pictures of her husband and her etc.

 

I still don't understand why a cheater and a dumper would want to taunt a dumpee and not let him go. It's pretty sick and disgusting.

 

Oh well... hopefully someday I might have a shot at getting together with a woman who isn't a complete psycho.

 

Often times, when people know theyve treated you poorly, yet try and offer an olive branch to relieve their own guilt, they get really pissed when you call them out or wont allow yourself to be controlled/manipulated anymore. You almost become a toy that they want to play with, and throw little kid tantrums when their toy is taken away.

 

Im sure you realize this, but this girl was extremely immature SurferDude. Shes trying everything she can to make you weep for her amusement and to boost her ego. She also seems unbelievably selfish.

 

Turns out she didn't get married after all, she changed her relationship status today. Why would anyone claim they're married and then change their story? In normal circumstances I'd find this highly amusing, but it's best to stay away from all this.

 

Endless drama... or mental illness at it's worst.

 

It was obviously a ploy to drag you through the mud again and make you feel like less of a person. She doesnt want you to move on, she wants you to wait like a good toy until shes ready to play with you. Youre the equiviliant of a dildo, only used to get herself off, and then tossed aside until the need arises again.

 

Keep ignoring my friend. I went through the same kind of stuff, but if you just completely ignore her for long enough, she'll look for something else to play with.

[Surfer Dude]

Often times, when people know theyve treated you poorly, yet try and offer an olive branch to relieve their own guilt, they get really pissed when you call them out or wont allow yourself to be controlled/manipulated anymore. You almost become a toy that they want to play with, and throw little kid tantrums when their toy is taken away.

 

I'm suspecting this is the case. You have hit the nail on the head, my friend. Every time she feels I'm slipping away (every 2 months or so) she contacts me again. She simply doesn't want to let me go.

 

Im sure you realize this, but this girl was extremely immature SurferDude. Shes trying everything she can to make you weep for her amusement and to boost her ego. She also seems unbelievably selfish.

 

It was obviously a ploy to drag you through the mud again and make you feel like less of a person. She doesnt want you to move on, she wants you to wait like a good toy until shes ready to play with you. Youre the equiviliant of a dildo, only used to get herself off, and then tossed aside until the need arises again.

 

Keep ignoring my friend. I went through the same kind of stuff, but if you just completely ignore her for long enough, she'll look for something else to play with.

She is just vile. The reason why it was so difficult for me to get over everything and start healing, is because she was the sweetest girl in the world in the past. I never thought that the woman I wanted to spend my life with, has the capacity to turn into something like this. But now I'm way past hurting and healing, and I've reached the stage of indifference. I still get somewhat annoyed when she contacts me (obviously that's why I post here) but it's not like I'm going mad. I could care less about that selfish little prick.

 

I will do as you advised, I will ignore all her attempts at contacting me and hopefully she'll get the message. My life is not hers to play with.