Where are all the "good guys"?

[teachrmn]

I had a conversation with a coworker/friend today about her and her girlfriend discussing men. She told me they were discussing good men and that all good men are taken. Ok here is my frustration, WHAT ABOUT ME???? I mean whenever I hear women say this I want to scream. I have been single for quite some time now, and I have had friends tell me that I am a good guy and I have a really good personality. But yet I find that anytime a woman is looking for a "good guy" and I say well "hear I am", they change the subject. (ok I am a bit on the short side 5'3 for a guy) I know that they do not want to hurt my feelings I guess. But seriously ladies, if you want a good guy so bad, but yet your not willing to accept someone because they may have some imperfections, well I don't know what to tell you. I mean what do I need to do, put a freaking billboard up and say "hey what about me"??? I am not sure what I am trying to say here, but dammit, this is so frustrating. I am so tired of woman complaining about men, but yet guys like me (I know the old cliche) finish last or don't end up in the mix at all. Someone explain this too me? I am wrong for venting? I'll bet you most of you women won't even respond to this because they don't know how to answer. If I had a dollar for everytime someone tells me "oh don't worry you'll meet someone some day" I could retire right now at the age of 34.....

[The Blue Pill]

Nice guys finish last of course.

 

Yes, women say that all the time that the "want" a nice guy, but the truth is they only date @55holes.

 

Plus, you're probably in the "friend zone", which is a sack of crap in the first place.

 

Sucks buddy. Join the club.

[teachrmn]

Here here,,,not exactly what I want to hear, but I guess its good to know I am not alone

[The Blue Pill]

There's nothing more frustrating to a guy than to be in love with a close friend, only to have her come to him with all of her problems yet never give him a chance.

 

Being a nice guy is like a double-edged sword.

[kizik]

I think the thinking that went into this thread, as well as the comments, is unfortunately narrow. I am a good guy, and I am not taken. When someone meets me and likes me, and vice versa, they are going to be really pleasantly surprised.

 

Good guys are everywhere. But you certainly aren't going to find them if your attitude is negative. Women love to say we're all scum. Would you like us to say you're all "bitches"?

 

Look, here's the dilemma. You have what you are attracted to, and what's good for you. The two often do not meet. In order to meet a good guy, you have to let the attraction factor take second stage. Now, this is not to say go for guys you are not physically attracted to. We all want someone who is handsome, pretty, sexy, hot... whatever. What I am saying is that women who complain about not finding good guys are often totally focused on finding Adonis, and therefore miss out on "so many men who would have loved you more" (Death Cab for Cutie).

 

Focus on how you feel when you're talking to a guy. If he's like me, he'll make you feel at ease and comfortable to be yourself. He'll listen and actually care about what you have to say. But none of these things will happen if you don't give him a chance because of what you deem to be sub-par looks.

 

American society has trained us all that looks are the most important thing. As I grow older, though, I'd take an average looking girl with a really sweet personality over Ms. Hot Ice Queen Beeotch.

 

PS. As I re-read the OP, I realized that the OP is a GUY and is actually in agreement with me. Sorry. The title of the thread makes it seem like it's written by an unsatisfied woman.

 

My advice to the OP is this:

 

all these women complaining about their inability to find a good guy are just insecure people who don't understand any of the points I just listed, which makes them pretty close-minded and short-sighted. The point being: you wouldn't want to be with them anyway.

[The Blue Pill]

I

 

PS. As I re-read the OP, I realized that the OP is a GUY and is actually in agreement with me. Sorry. The title of the thread makes it seem like it's written by an unsatisfied woman.

 

My advice to the OP is this:

 

all these women complaining about their inability to find a good guy are just insecure people who don't understand any of the points I just listed, which makes them pretty close-minded and short-sighted. The point being: you wouldn't want to be with them anyway.

 

Hahaha thank you, I was so confused reading your post I was like WTF? OP is male! We're all on the same side here.

[kizik]

Hahaha thank you, I was so confused reading your post I was like WTF? OP is male! We're all on the same side here.

 

Even so, I think my comments can be useful to men and women alike.

[teachrmn]

Well put Kizik, and yes I am a male, a frustrated male lol, I like what you had to say, and I can see your point. I guess sometimes I feel like I am losing faith in women. Oh well, if its meant to be then it will happen right? The thing that I find interesting is that not one woman had anything to say about this post as of yet...mmm wonder why that is? Anyways like your comment well put..

[serial muse]

There's nothing more frustrating to a guy than to be in love with a close friend, only to have her come to him with all of her problems yet never give him a chance.

 

Just wondering: Did the guy in question ask the girl in question out on a date and she said no?

[carhill]

Just wondering: Did the guy in question ask the girl in question out on a date and she said no?

Not the OP, but many times, with many women. I grew to love (in a sick twisted way) the classic "I wouldn't want to lose your friendship". Now I can laugh about it. OP, those women aren't friends. They're just using you for an emotional crutch or "tampon", as one LS'er coined. I came to learn this truth much later in life about many of the female friends I had as a younger man. So glad I dodged that bullet

[Taramere]

I had a conversation with a coworker/friend today about her and her girlfriend discussing men. She told me they were discussing good men and that all good men are taken. Ok here is my frustration, WHAT ABOUT ME???? I mean whenever I hear women say this I want to scream. I have been single for quite some time now, and I have had friends tell me that I am a good guy and I have a really good personality.

 

Would it make you feel better if people stopped giving you compliments about your personality?

 

But seriously ladies, if you want a good guy so bad, but yet your not willing to accept someone because they may have some imperfections, well I don't know what to tell you.

 

Exactly the same happens to women. There are some women out there who are very sweet and kind, but simply aren't attractive to the majority of men. Look at the amount of posts here about older women. That's maybe a good comparison with a man being 5 ft 3" in that it age is one of the few things about a person that simply can't be changed.

 

Does a woman of 50 become more attractive to men by saying "hey - you say you're looking for a good, kind woman. I'm a good, kind woman....what about me?" Nope. All she can do is accept that many men will discount her, maintain a positive attitude regardless, cultivate charms beyond youth and focus those charms on the men who value other qualities she can offer.

 

I am so tired of woman complaining about men, but yet guys like me (I know the old cliche) finish last or don't end up in the mix at all. Someone explain this too me? I am wrong for venting?

 

You're not wrong to vent. It's a valid frustration. People want to be loved, and it's distressing to be rejected on the basis of something you can't change. The question is, how do you become happier and more content within yourself? Because bottom line is people will not love or desire you because you get angry with them for not seeing you in that way. Venting doesn't change that. Can you think of anything at all that might?

 

I've seen men of your height out and about with women in what's clearly a romantic context. It's not impossible. Why would it be impossible for you?

 

I'll bet you most of you women won't even respond to this because they don't know how to answer. If I had a dollar for everytime someone tells me "oh don't worry you'll meet someone some day" I could retire right now at the age of 34.....

 

To be regarded as a more sexual guy, you probably need to cultivate aspects of yourself that will seduce women rather than appeal to our sense of justice and fair play. How would you describe your sense of humour? What things make you laugh? Often, being funny requires a person to depart from being nice/politically correct from time to time.

 

Do you have a cute, mischievous face? Is there something about you that might appeal to women's maternal instincts? I can instantly think of two guys I've met who are round about 5 ft 4" who were (when I knew them, at least) very successful with women. They didn't know eachother, but they both had a similar thing about them.

 

Quite reserved, very self contained - very, very cool guys. Easy to talk to, considerate - and yes, "nice". Physically, they were both fairly thin and had a tendency to wear quite large sweaters. It made you want to cuddle them and look after them....and unsexy as that might sound, from a woman's perspective there can be something quite alluring about that. Many of us are, after all, nurturers. That might not be who you want to be, of course.

 

I don't know....describe yourself a bit beyond using terms like "nice" and "good guy". Let's find out more about the essence of you, that could be boosted up and worked to good effect around women.

[Kenyth]

"Good" is a very subjective descriptive trait. "Good", means someone with all the attributes she's looking for. Society makes it poor manners for someone to openly use physical traits as a selection criteria, but that doesn't mean it doesn't work that way in reality. "Looks" is the first filter one passes through in the selection criteria. You have to be good looking enough to get to the next level. That assumes that they're even seriously looking in the first place. Many girls like to flirt, even if they're not looking to find anyone. That's why you don't spend time wooing the uninterested. You're already out of the game with them, so find another candidate.

[Lizzie60]

Sorry to be blunt. .. but short, fat, ugly nice guys finish last.. it's always been like that.. I know it's not fair.. but it's reality.

 

Saying that .. I'm not talking about you.. I'm talking in general..

[marlena]

To be regarded as a more sexual guy, you probably need to cultivate aspects of yourself that will seduce rather than appeal to people's sense of justice and fair play.

 

Ultimately, what attracts a person to another, regardless of age or height or looks, is that undefinable magnetic "pull" whose essence is so irresistible and can not be captured in words.

 

How does one acquire this quality?

 

I am not quite sure that it can be acquired. It is an aura that is as natural as your body scent. I think it has a lot to do with a devil-may-care attitude, a love for challenge, a playful attitude, a risque way of looking at things, which has to do more with one's own deeply engrained life philosophy rather than something that one can be taught to achieve in a crash course of seductiveness.

 

Some people are born naturals and some or not.

 

Niceness or, as Taramere says, being politically correct just won't cut it in a species that primarily responds on an instinctual level.

 

It is a mindset that sends of signals that are hard to ignore.

[stillafool]

I'm sure women could say the same thing. There are lots of nice women out there who would probably love to go out with you but you may not view them as attractive enough. I hear women complaining about the same thing. Maybe you should lower your standards as men expect a woman to do and you will have more women than you can handle.

[serial muse]

sorry, can't resist.

 

http://www.big-big-truck.com/comics/sensitiveguy/sensitiveguy2.gif

[stillafool]

sorry, can't resist.

 

http://www.big-big-truck.com/comics/sensitiveguy/sensitiveguy2.gif

 

 

:lmao:! Exactly my point! It seems that guys only get upset when they don't qualify for the girls they want.

[Dexter Morgan]

we are here waiting patiently......being very selective and careful of all the women that really want a "bad boy", but have decided to settle for a "good guy" as to avoid being treated like crap.

 

Like me, we are trying to see if we can weed out the women that really want a bad boy, but won't admit it.

[Dexter Morgan]

:lmao:! Exactly my point! It seems that guys only get upset when they don't qualify for the girls they want.

 

Not me. Alot would think that men want someone drop dead gorgeous.

 

Not the case, at least not with me. Don't get me wrong, attraction is important.

 

But to me there is nothing more unattractive than conceit and hella superficiality.

 

Alot of the women I like wouldn't even fit that criteria. I like women of all types and really am not interested in the drop dead gorgeous type, and for obvious reasons.

 

As far as your comment above. Apparantly the women we supposedly "want" eventually come around when they want someone that doesn't treat them like sh#t. And it is then when we should be very cautious, take our time, and be selective.

 

so if that type of woman we might, in your opinion, want....yet doesn't want us until she finds out she doesn't want to be treated like crap....why would "she" want us later? because she is settling. no thanks...I think I'll pass.

 

dont get me wrong, I feel I'm attractive, workout 5 times a week, am fit....I'm just not the cocky arrogant jerk who cheats on women that most of "those" women go for.

[stillafool]

Dexter you seem like a good guy to me. I don't blame you for not wanting to settle for anyone who previously didn't recognize all that you had to offer. I would imagine though that by the time that "bad girl" stopped screwing every "bad boy" in town and got back around to "settling" you will already be taken by a "good girl". Since there are tons of "good girls" out there who feel the same way you do about "bad boys" only wanting the "bad girls" I don't see someone like you have to settle for anyone.

[seibert253]

we are here waiting patiently......being very selective and careful of all the women that really want a "bad boy", but have decided to settle for a "good guy" as to avoid being treated like crap.

 

Like me, we are trying to see if we can weed out the women that really want a bad boy, but won't admit it.

 

Have to agree with Dexter on this one. Women spend many years chasing the Bad Boy, and trying to change the bad boy into the Good Guy. Eventually they realize the Bad Boy will never treat her like the Good Guy.

[JamesM]

Ultimately, what attracts a person to another, regardless of age or height or looks, is that undefinable magnetic "pull" whose essence is so irresistible and can not be captured in words.

 

How does one acquire this quality?

 

I am not quite sure that it can be acquired.

 

Bingo. However I DO think it can be acquired. The goal is not to be attractive to ALL women...it is to be attractive to the one(s) you want.

 

It is all about selling yourself.

 

I have seen short skinny guys have any woman (so it seems) that they want. I have seen fat guys get the woman they want. And I have seen the high school jock go from relationship to relationship and never find one who he is satisfied with...or one that wants to stay with him.

 

I have no clue how I convinced my wife to marry me, but I think it comes down to how I sold myself to her....not because I had some inner charisma that attracted women to me.

 

:lmao:! Exactly my point! It seems that guys only get upset when they don't qualify for the girls they want.

 

And this is a great point. Many men are attractive to alot of women, but when they don't get the ones THEY want, they feel as if they are not wanted.

 

And sometimes what they think they want is not what they should be wanting.

 

Not me. Alot would think that men want someone drop dead gorgeous.

 

 

The point is...men don't want drop dead gorgeous women, but as has been said, they feel that they are ignored when they don't get the women THEY want.

 

For instance, I may want a red headed women who I think is gorgeous, but she has no interest in me. Meanwhile, Miss America would love nothing more than to be my wife. I don't really care, because the one I want doesn't want me. The one I think is most beautiful does not think I am husband material. Meanwhile, most guys would call me stupid for not taking Miss America.

 

It is all relative.

 

Sell, sell, sell. And since I am one cliches...you don't get wet if you stay out of the rain. And you won't improve without practice.

 

All easier said that done.

 

teachermn, I can say this...dwelling on what is your perceived imperfection will do nothing for your chances with women.

 

kizik.....

I am a good guy, and I am not taken. When someone meets me and likes me, and vice versa, they are going to be really pleasantly surprised.

 

IMO, the problem is that you are waiting for someone to find you. No one wants to be the best kept secret in business, and you should not want to be that gem of a guy that no woman ever finds.

 

 

Again, sell yourself and be where the single women your age are.

 

BTW, I am married...hence I am one of the good ones. Fortunately, I don't need to practice my own advice anymore.

[Dexter Morgan]

Have to agree with Dexter on this one. Women spend many years chasing the Bad Boy, and trying to change the bad boy into the Good Guy. Eventually they realize the Bad Boy will never treat her like the Good Guy.

 

Exactly, and when she settles for a good guy, then she is sacrificing something else.

 

I'll leave it up to the honest women here to tell us what.

[kizik]

kizik.....

 

 

IMO, the problem is that you are waiting for someone to find you. No one wants to be the best kept secret in business, and you should not want to be that gem of a guy that no woman ever finds.

 

 

Again, sell yourself and be where the single women your age are.

 

Hi James,

 

nah, that may be how I made it sound, but it aint the truth. I'm always putting myself out there. Met a cool girl the other day but *d'oh!* forgot to ask for her phone number. She told me where to find her though.

 

No, I'm not waiting. But I'm also not pressing the issue. I find I get really down when constantly rejected. Honestly, I've got enough going on in my life right now that girls are kind of unimportant.

[stillafool]

 

And this is a great point. Many men are attractive to alot of women, but when they don't get the ones THEY want, they feel as if they are not wanted.

 

And sometimes what they think they want is not what they should be wanting.

 

 

The point is...men don't want drop dead gorgeous women, but as has been said, they feel that they are ignored when they don't get the women THEY want.

 

For instance, I may want a red headed women who I think is gorgeous, but she has no interest in me. Meanwhile, Miss America would love nothing more than to be my wife. I don't really care, because the one I want doesn't want me. The one I think is most beautiful does not think I am husband material. Meanwhile, most guys would call me stupid for not taking Miss America.

 

It is all relative.

 

 

This is exactly it James! And, women go through the same thing when they don't receive the attention from the guy THEY want.

 

I get so tired of everyone bashing the so-called "bad boy" and "pretty women". Most bad boys do eventually settle down because they want the same thing most men want. When they do settle down it is usually with one of the pretty girls they have been dating. They may not be a so called "bad boy" anymore but a great husband and father. On the other hand they could end up treating their wife like crap. But,that is the chance that girl is willing to take because of whatever reason. I imagine that even though he treats her bad she was still in love with him and if she had married anyone else she still would have felt she had settled.