Good Date, Odd Behavior, Irritation, Bitterness

[ianandris]

So, last Sunday I take this girl out on a date. We'd been talking for a week and a half every day. She'd pass out texting me, and she text me when she woke up in the mornings, things were good. So, I take her out and things go well enough. She was more quiet than I expected. She almost seemed almost a little distracted, kinda sad (she wouldn't talk about it, whatever it was), but by the end of the date I could tell she was warming up. We had some good conversation, the date ended with a good kiss, I invited her to a military ball at the state capital building for the next week (she was really pumped about that) and that was that. She texts me later on that night to let me know that she really did have a good time.

 

Well, next morning, I get a text from her as usual. It takes me a little while to respond, but I eventually do. I was working on a tattoo design for her and had sent her a few emails, so there was contact on my part. Well, she never gets back in touch with me. She doesn't return my texts (I sent 2) or emails for the rest of the day.

 

Next day, no morning text from her. I'm a little curious what's going on. Same thing for the rest of the day, absolutely nothing from her. So I send her one last text to see if maybe something happened. Nothing. I'm starting to get a little irritated at this point. I mean, the week before set a precedent of communication. If I texted her or if she texted me, the other would respond when they could. Sometimes it took a while, sometimes it was brief because one or the other of us was busy, but there was always communication.

 

Next day, still nothing. This is the third day after the date and there hasn't been any real communication since the date that she, allegedly, enjoyed. I'm really thinking about uninviting her to the ball (which is only in a few days, now.). I mean, people get busy, it happens, but you can always find time to drop a line, even if it's to say you can't really talk. Ignoring communcation from someone is just disrespectful, and I refuse to subject myself to disrespectful treatment. Plus, she works writing emails, so there's no question in my mind she's gotten my stuff. The only plausible explanations are:

 

1. She's ignoring me.

2. Some kind of serious emergency happened and either she or someone she cares about is hurt.

 

If 2, well, I don't have a problem with that at all. But she's about to find herself well outside of my circle of interest.

 

Am I being rash?

 

 

Here's the other side of the coin:

 

 

I'm seriously getting weary of rejection. If this is turning out to be what it looks like it is, I'm at a complete and total loss about how to proceed in the future, how to make things work. I mean, I'm honestly doing everything I know to do to stir something up, but nothing, nothing works. It's really hard to develop confidence in your ability to attract members of the opposite sex when you can't get one of them to stay interested for the life of you (bear in mind, I go on dates, the dates go well). hell, there are times I'm honestly jealous of those guys that have crazy, needy girls chasing after them lol

 

*sigh*

 

I'm feeling pretty down, tbh.

[kizik]

Hey Ian,

 

good to see you.

 

Here's a mantra you need to repeat: f*ck em. If someone doesn't call you back, if they ignore you, if they treat you disrespectfully... f*ck em.

 

People's actions are usually not a reflection of us, more like a reflection of their own selfish, crappy personalities.

 

There are literally hundreds, if not thousands, of women in the world. Seriously, I even saw one yesterday.

 

Hope this helps.

[ianandris]

Good to see you, too, bro.

 

lol yeah, I might have laid eyes on one or two myself I'm getting there, Kiz. It's just that the rejection thing seems to be a chronic problem, and it's wearing me down. I don't mind if they flat out tell me they aren't interested, but more often than not they just let communication get aenemic and then they peace out. It's like when you're in the middle of a conversation with someone, walking with them, and all of the sudden they're gone and you don't even realize it until you've already walked a few hundered feet by yourself.

 

I agree that most of the time people's actions are a reflection of their own issues, but when you see the same result repeated with a variety of different girls, it doesn't make sense to keep blaming the girls, does it?

[lazlow99]

Same thing happened to me a while back. It seemed like she was initiating everything for the first couple of weeks, acting really interested and texting me all the time etc. Then suddenly nothing, no replies or anything.

 

I agree with the poster above. If someone messes you about like that what's the point in taking things further with them? Some people are just too self centered.

[kizik]

when you see the same result repeated with a variety of different girls, it doesn't make sense to keep blaming the girls, does it?

 

No. You know what makes sense? Realizing that this is all a result of low self-esteem. Here's what I mean. If you had a great self-image, you wouldn't care if a girl was into you or not. You would already know that you're a prize and therefore you would know that someone will be lucky enough to FIND YOU one day. As it is now, though, you don't value yourself. You're hanging on the whim of a bunch of silly young girls.

 

There's nothing more useless or annoying in this world than a girl who is young, thinks she's hot, and likes to play with men. Don't be one of their suckers, Ian, and you'll be fine.

 

For now, do what you love. Guitar, music, sports, whatever. As you get really good at something, it becomes your passion, and then "f*ck em" starts to make sense. You'll see.

[lovestory5]

Maybe she really ignores you, but it is her bussiness. She is not the last girl in the world. Besides, do you really need such a not well-bred girl, who can't even say sorry, you are not my type. She will get the same in her future. OR maybe the guys did the same thing with her and now she wants to return it back. : ) Don't be sad. The right will like you and you will be happy. It is life. : )

[ianandris]

Laz: glad to know I'm not alone. Girls really suck sometimes lol

 

Ahh, Kiz, sharp as always. I missed your feedback, bro. Brings back memories

 

You're right, my self esteem/self image has taken quite a bruising over the past, oh, 26 years, and there are times I don't value myself the way I should.

 

Telling point: if a girl actually expresses interest in me (not in the idea of me, btw. Big difference), I'm sincerely, honestly surprised. It's only happened a couple times that I can recall. Took me aback both times. I didn't know how to react.

 

"f*ck 'em" makes sense, bro, but you know how it is. There are time when you really, really could use some companionship. "f*ck em" is a lot easier when you've got options. Sure, there may be plenty of women out there, but the vast majority of them aren't accessible to me most of the time. That's why I have a tendency to put up with BS. That's why I have a tendency to get a little upset when things that appear to be going well implode. It's grasping at straws, the idea that beggars can't be choosers. In some ways, when it comes to relationships, I feel like I'm sitting around a table, waiting for scraps to be tossed at me. Never mind that I'm working my ass off trying to get the ball rolling. It's emasculating, really.

 

At any rate, I'm done with this girl. I'm not willing to subject myself to BS of this kind anymore.

 

Lovestory: your completely right. Here's hoping the right person comes along soon.

[yongyong]

well, that's why you gotta juggle multiple girls at the same time.

 

If you were just focusing on one girl and she flakes out, you got nothing to do.

 

At first, I felt bad if a girl flaked out like that.

now I just delete their # but I keep supplying girls # to my phone by constantly going out

 

 

she might contact you out of the blue later

 

I wonder if you can reply to her by saying 'who's this?' it's fun to try it! lol

[ianandris]

Yeah, I've been trying that, but it's been a rough go trying to find other girls to talk to, bro. But, most def, if she texts back she's getting a "who's this."

[2sure]

Ok - the dance is done. She isnt going. In fact , it is possible that she found the function itslef intimidating because it is formal but doesnt want to tell you that. Its true.

 

Or, upon meeting you in person she wanted to decline but was chicken.

Or, something has happened. Unless its a coma - she is beyind rude to leave you hanging.

 

Either way - if that is your picture, you are attractive and your posts articulate. Not clicking with your recent dates is no big deal. Maybe you aren't for everyone...but dont change a thing if your comfortable with yourself. Just keep putting it out there.

 

Now, unfortunately, you dont have a date for your function. But it beats going with someone who either doesnt want to, doesnt know how to dress/act at a formal event, or is otherwise just ignorant.

[ianandris]

Well, it looks like I've been officially snubbed. I was checking one of the online dating services I poke around and, sure enough, she'd been on earlier that day. I have a good mind to send her an email lambasting her for her rude behavior. I mean, you don't agree to go to a military ball on Sunday, then ignore your date for the rest of the week hoping he gets a clue. That's just childish. Say what's on your mind. I'm a big boy. If you're not interested, I can handle it. Plus, it gives me time to possibly find another date. It's too short notice to find someone now.

 

Seriously, I'm getting so frustrated with these kind of antics. I've never, NEVER been on a date with a girl who was up front about not being interested. Invariably, they spread the word by ignoring me, and it's just humiliating. *sigh*

 

I'm just getting burnt out by all of this. I try to put myself out there and it seems like someone's just waiting outside the door with a sledgehammer to bludgeon me every time I step out. I can handle rejection, honestly, if it's direct. It's all this subtle around the back, forked tongue kind of stuff that gets to me. I'm an honest person. I treat people with respect. I just can't seem to find a women who shares those same qualities. The ones I have found like that aren't interested.

 

This is depressing as hell, friends.

[salmagundi]

yeah, I know where you're coming from because I've been there myself.

 

It was a problem I had that it took me a while to solve and I'm not entirely sure how I did it so I don't know quite how I'm going to talk about it but I'll try anyway.

 

There are a lot of shades of 'nice guy' and while I'm betting you're not the thoroughly clingy, woman idolizing self-immolating type who is ready to die for love I think maybe you are the sort of nice guy who is standup as a person but maybe a bit too other-directed to come across as attractive instead of maybe a little desperate.

 

Bear with me, I'm going out on a limb here, I mean...I dont even know you but whatever.

 

What I mean is that when you interact with women do you subconsciously or unconsciously seek their approval...their approbation. I'm betting yes and that's why you hate rejection. That's cool, I don't like rejection either but that's what I mean by other-directed. Someone who depends to much on other people's acceptance for their own identity and self worth. I mean, this is normal, I think, but its still something to be overcome.

 

THere was another poster who said much the same thing, he said that you should just stop giving a **** about what the girls that snub you think and focus on your own life. If I was a psychologist (thankfully, I'm not) I'd call that being...well...self-directed.

 

I think when you seriously get down to making your own life and doing what's important to you whatever that may be it changes how you come across to people. Instead of coming across as somewhat...dare I say...desperate, you come across as independent and self-reliant. This makes you intrinsically interesting to other people, and not just women.

 

I think it changes what women see when they look in your eyes.

 

Tell me if I'm hitting the mark at this point, right now I feel like I'm just typing for myself. Definitely, I have no five point plan, its more a matter of orientation.

 

And its especially about self-esteem because real self-esteem comes (i think...I dunno) from figuring you're own **** out, deciding who you want to be and doing what you feel you need to do. THis isnt coming across as pop-psychology I hope, I think its just common sense for everyone to figure out for themselves sooner or later.

 

But once you get there rejection affects you less because you can see that you are about something and that you have something to offer other people (whatever that something is, you could play a mean guitar or be an airplane mechanic or whatever christ all I'm good for is making killer f*&king café au lait http://www.loveshack.org/forums/images/red/icons/icon7.gift.

 

Anyway, once you get there if they are not interested in you, you can better see how they probably wouldn't have been that interesting to you either...

 

Or better yet, you just won't care...

 

Hope that helps

[salmagundi]

how do you guys make those stupid yellow faces work?

[Isolde]

Well, it looks like I've been officially snubbed. I was checking one of the online dating services I poke around and, sure enough, she'd been on earlier that day. I have a good mind to send her an email lambasting her for her rude behavior. I mean, you don't agree to go to a military ball on Sunday, then ignore your date for the rest of the week hoping he gets a clue. That's just childish. Say what's on your mind. I'm a big boy. If you're not interested, I can handle it. Plus, it gives me time to possibly find another date. It's too short notice to find someone now.

 

Seriously, I'm getting so frustrated with these kind of antics. I've never, NEVER been on a date with a girl who was up front about not being interested. Invariably, they spread the word by ignoring me, and it's just humiliating. *sigh*

 

I'm just getting burnt out by all of this. I try to put myself out there and it seems like someone's just waiting outside the door with a sledgehammer to bludgeon me every time I step out. I can handle rejection, honestly, if it's direct. It's all this subtle around the back, forked tongue kind of stuff that gets to me. I'm an honest person. I treat people with respect. I just can't seem to find a women who shares those same qualities. The ones I have found like that aren't interested.

 

This is depressing as hell, friends.

 

I'd go to the ball with you if I lived in Utah... and if you asked me to go with you.

 

Based on my limited dating experience, it seems the default if one is not strongly interested is to ignore the other person, pretty much. I'd rather have someone explain why they didn't want to or couldn't go out. The worst is "I got busy" when they say that a month after the fact.

 

I'm also with you on the "I'm surprised when they express interest in me" thing. Except, I don't think any guys have ever expressed interest in me. The idea of me, a couple times they've seemed to like that. That's a valuable distinction you make there.

[yongyong]

well I didn't know you were in utah. I think I should have hardest time as asian guy since 90% population is white plus mormon culture lol

I have couple friends who's complaining about 'girls are different in utah', but for me I think it is all about you. come on you can't complain in front of asian dude? lol

 

are you on p of fish? for utah, that site is full of women who is single mom at 20, has trust issue, is on prozac, has low education.

it's not really worth chasing those women.

 

As far as those flakiness goes, I thought that was part of the culture?

 

At first I got really mad like you (I had girls txts me out of blue and if I ask her out she flakes out, she txts me again and flakes out again)

but you should know those girls are insecure who just wants to know if she would be asked out by a guy. (validation seeker)

 

I say don't give a damn about those prozac loaded online females.

[ianandris]

I really, really want to send her a message ripping into her. Any objections?

[yongyong]

first that's just Beta behavior , second it won't affect her anyways.

 

 

I really, really want to send her a message

ripping into her. Any objections?

[ianandris]

Yeah, I know it wouldn't make a difference, but that's not really the point, tbh. I just want to feel a little bit better about the situation, is all.

 

Beta behavior? Don't quite know the hallmarks of beta behavior. A cursory googling didn't pull anything up. Mind filling in the blanks?

[salmagundi]

a beta is 'nice guy'...