I just have a general question for married/committed couples

[Nikki88]

This is my first post. I am just looking to get a question answered at this point.

 

I am just wondering how many here have opposite sex friends that they keep in touch with on a regular basis while in a committed relationship via phone/text/email?

 

Thanks!!

Nik

[quankanne]

*raises hand*

 

my husband actually met my best guy friend while he and I began dating in college, and is pretty cool with me going down to see friend and staying over with him (and friend's wife, as he's married). Also have another close college friend who is a guy, and DH knows him as well, no problems there.

 

I think what has made the difference is that (1) I've always been up front about these guys as friends and (2) they're also DH's friends, even though I hang out more often with them/their wives by myself than he and I do as a couple.

 

is someone giving you flak about having an opposite-sex friend?

[whichwayisup]

I went back and read your other threads. I take it your SO is still intouch with his ex?

 

Other than the emails or texts, has he given you any indication that he's cheating on you? Has he gone on a business trip and seen her?

 

I understand your insecurities and fears from your past, does he know this stuff? How you feel? Does he reassure you everything is alright?

 

Maybe you need to meet his ex so you can feel it out the situation and feel more secure that she is indeed an ex and poses no threat.

[sb129]

I have several good male friends who my H has no issue with, some of them are exes.

Likewise with him.

No big deal

[Nikki88]

My situation is a little bit different. I do have male friends and my SO has female friends and I don't have a problem with that for the most part. Here is my problem. We are sitting in the living room and I get a text...I always so "oh it's so-and-so" and will answer and be done with it. My SO gets a text and he will sit there texting and I always wonder who it is and he never volunteers this information. Is it ok to ask? I mean, it's just weird for me to sit there if he is chatting and try to be totally oblivious to what is going on. Now don't get me wrong, he doesn't do this all the time and he is a really good guy. I can honestly say I dont see him ever cheating on me. This is just one little thing that is out of my comfort zone.

 

Thanks,

nikki

[LiveandLearn]

It USED to not bother me that my boyfriend (now husband) had female friends until he gave me reason to be bothered. He always disliked me getting too chummy w/ males and was bothered by the existing male friends I had. It honestly didn't bother me one bit that he didn't want me to become close friends with any males. But he always managed to befriend women. And what's good for the goose should be good for the gander, right?

[carhill]

No contact with any friend of the opposite sex with whom I have ever had a romantic relationship with. Can't imagine staying in contact with an ex, unless children were involved.

 

Any opposite sex friends are friends of the family. We all interact together. The same goes for any opposite sex friends my wife has. Our interactions are in person. Old farts use phone, text and e-mail to set things up but quality time with friends is spent in person. I would consider her interrupting our quality time to text on her phone to be rude and the same would go for myself. Hope that helps

[seibert253]

I have two fairly close female friends who I either see or talk to practically every day. Share an office at work with one. My wife and I jokingly refer to them as my "girlfriends". When i talk about my "girlfriends" around other people who know I'm married, I get some pretty interesting looks sometimes. If i were single I could date either, or both, if I wanted. But each know I love my wife more than anything in the world, and that's were it ends.

[terra]

I have tons of opposite sex friends but they are pretty much all homosexual, which I think pleases my boyfriend immensely. I am a bit jealous of his girlfriends but as long as he finds ways to talk about me I'm cool with them.

[OWoman]

I am just wondering how many here have opposite sex friends that they keep in touch with on a regular basis while in a committed relationship via phone/text/email?

 

We both have many friends of the opposite sex, some of which are joint friends and some of which are not.

 

But I agree with Carhill about the rudeness factor. If I'm with my H and a text arrives, I wouldn't dream of answering it anymore than I'd dream of taking a phone call during lovemaking or reading my email over dinner. Technology allows communication to be asynchronous - the other person doesn't evapourate into a puff of smoke if you don't text back instantly. I'd rather enjoy the company I'm with than hack them off for a 30 second rush of text messaging.

[Heroic]

Me and the missus dated folks in the same social circle way back in college, so she has dated 2 of my good friends and I dated one gal she knows. We got together years after that, all that said we always deal with those individuals as a couple.