Is this weird?

[connerb]

So... this might be a little vulgar at times and it might actually not be the right place for this post, but something is on my mind and I found help and comfort here before, so here goes... I've been broken up with my ex for over a year now. Life has been fantastic. I did a complete 180, got in shape, swim a ton, look good, feel good, etc... during this past year I decided it would be best to not see or talk to my ex. Which is what I did. And it made him want me more. I think the whole "not being able to get what you want makes you want it more" thing really works. But that wasn't the intention. I finally decided to give him a break this past Christmas (I was feeling the giving spirit), we saw each other, it was good, we made out a little, he told me he still loved me, and that was it. I was going back to NYC and he was staying in Florida. Nothing more than physical, which is what I believe.

 

Backstory: we dated for a year, he's younger, we lived together, I gave him everything, he cheated, didn't tell me, I found out b/c I got a little std (curable thank god) and I kicked him out. No make-up sex, no nothing.

 

Well, a few months ago (after Christmas) we were talking every night, and he tells me he went out and ran into another ex of his, and, I could just tell in his voice that they were getting back together. Here was this guy telling me he wants to be with me and all of a sudden he's with this other guy. I stop receiving phone calls. Couple weeks ago they start up again. I would have predicted this because the mere thought of this guy getting back together with a past ex who happens to be bi who he cheated on (or was cheated on -- can't remember) was bound to fail. It was only a matter of time. So, he calls, and I don't answer. I erased his number from my phone.

 

Last night though (sorry for the long story) he calls and I make the mistake of answering. I think it's someone else and it's him. And we talk. And we talk. And I'm not really feeling jealousy. It's def not that. He starts to tell me about all this stuff he's doing and I ask questions, probing deeper and deeper. He's going on about how he hooked up with these other guys at the same time and all this other stuff and I start to get really turned on. We have a little phone sex, he's telling me he still loves me, that he wants to be with me, blah blah, but he's still going to go and have sex with one of the guys again. And I think I'm fine with that. I'm actually a little turned on. Or a lot turned on. Here's my question though -- I've always been a voyeuristic person. I love watching other people in the act, but haven't ever had the opportunity to be a part of something like that, so hearing this guy tell me about what he did to these other guys just got me very excited. I'm sure that it's not a good thing to continue talking to him as we're most-likely destined to failure. I like the way I feel now, I like the way my life is now. But I can't help feeling that I'm going to want to hook up with him again, or, that I'm going to want to hear him tell me about his exploits again. Is this perhaps me feeling sorry for myself? Perhaps it's a masochistic tendency? I felt good after it happened, but I know that this feeling will probably fade and I'll wind up getting the short end of the stick.

[2sure]

To be honest, if hearing about his "exploits" didnt make you jealous...and you can honestly say you are over him - then you have friendzoned him and hearing about his "exploits" and being turned on, would not be weird.

 

If you in your heart wish to get back together with him, and if you did, and his exploits did not involve you AND turned you on...it would be bad and hurtful to you.

 

But weird? lol. All kind of relative huh?

[Lucky_One]

I think you got off very lightly getting a "little" STD which is curable.

 

I surely wouldn't give him a second chance to give me a "big" STD which may not be in curable.

 

Don't push your luck.