imbafl Posted October 9, 2003 Share Posted October 9, 2003 I was married for 17 years to a man that I realize I never really loved. I was separated for over a year when I met my boyfriend. We quickly realized that we couldn't't't be apart and moved in together. He told me from the beginning that he looked at porn. I just never realized the extent of it. He saved it to the computer and browsed from what I can tell, daily. It makes me very insecure. I have never had to deal with any type of porn in any of my relationships in the past. But I also have never loved anyone like I love my b/f. Feelings that I have never dealt with at all. When we go out he looks at women and adamantly tells me that he loves me, loves my figure, and that the women that he looks at are just "art." All men do it. All men are visual etc. etc. etc. No matter how I try, I can't get a grip on it. I do not understand it. I think it is something that I am doing wrong. It literally leaves me in tears. I find myself unwilling to leave the house and leave him alone at home because I know he will be browsing porn. I go to work in the mornings and I know he is browsing porn. He no longer saves it to the computer...that I am aware of anyway. But he looks daily. I constantly wonder if I am doing something wrong. Does he want me to look like them. Be like them etc. It is consuming me and I can't take it. I love him with all my heart, how do I get a grip on this and make it so I can understand it before I ruin this relationship? It is tearing us apart. I can't continue to live like this. (for the record, our sex life is wonderful, so the porn isn't affecting that...yet) Please help me here. I am 35 and he is 36. He has been married twice and I have only once. If any of this helps. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted October 9, 2003 Share Posted October 9, 2003 If your sex life and the rest of your relationship is not affected, then it is not a problem. If he is spending hours per day or if he is spending time on the computer instead of having sex with you, it is. People seem to think men 'prefer' the computers to them. It isn't the case. Link to post Share on other sites
passionateperfection Posted October 9, 2003 Share Posted October 9, 2003 as long as everything is still good in terms of your sex life and your relationship, perhaps you should discuss with him his fascination about porn. maybe you can find out why exactly he's so into it even though you have a good relationship Link to post Share on other sites
Author imbafl Posted October 9, 2003 Author Share Posted October 9, 2003 I have tried talking about it. He only says that all men do it. I have offered to look together, he isn't comfortable doing that. There are other problems in the relationship as far as his inabilty to open up, communicate, and moody. I feel like I am always on edge. Scared of upseting him. All his friends say is "there is a reason he has been divorced twice." There are times that he is the most loving man that I have ever met, but then there are times that I don't know him. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted October 9, 2003 Share Posted October 9, 2003 Then there's a lot more than porn that needs dealing with. Perhaps a counsellor would be the best route. Link to post Share on other sites
hairdrssr82 Posted October 12, 2003 Share Posted October 12, 2003 Ok let's look at porn in a different light. MEN AND BOYS (women too): Think about it this way. All u boys in serious relationships that watch porn, and your girlfriend gets jealous, heated, and pissed off at you for watching it....instead of telling your girlfriend "All guys do it......It's normal.....you're acting crazy.......IT'S A GUY THING.............HOW ABOUT THIS YOU MALE DUM DUMS.......what if it was the other way around?? What if......IT WAS A GIRL THING?? What if instead of naked women all over the frigin internet, it was just tons and TONS of sexy naked men that are WAY MORE ENDOWED THAN ANY OF U. What if all GIRLS watched porn 4-5 times a week and played with themselves when their men were out of the house?? What if YOUR GIRLFRIENDS went to search engines and typed in...oh i don't know....."BIG DICK," "COCKS," "AMATEUR MEN" "HOT LATINO STUDS WITH BIGGER DICKS THAN MY MAN," "PERFECT MALE ASSES,"...........then they sit back in their boyfriends computer chair and get wet and turned on by MEN OTHER THAN THEIR OWN LOVING BOYFRIEND. GIRLS REACHING ORGASM BY LOOKING AT OTHER NAKED MEN THAT LOOK WAY BETTER THAN ANY OF YOU "REAL MEN," and you had the wonderful fun of actually finding the trace of your girlfriend's pervertedness on your computer? Doesn't sound too great for all you loving boyfriends, now does it?? Well how bout this MEN. You may all watch porn, but us girls have a little secret too. We may TELL your that we don't ever feel attraction to other men......BUT WE LIE TOO! US GIRLS wonder was it would be to ride the guy at the video store, US GIRLS daydream what is would be like for Brad Pitt to give it to us hard....and you know what???? US GIRLS fantasize of OTHER MEN THAN YOU when we have SEX with YOU so we can reach orgasm. Not all the time, but JUST ENOUGH that if you could get into our heads, you would be filled with jealousy and rage. We could be completely faithful to our men, but we STILL FANTASIZE TOO. Maybe not always as DISTASTEFULLY as you "MEN" but we sure do it enough that if you only knew what we were thinking, YOU WOULD BE A WRECK. hahahahahahaha! How's THAT for my girls?? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cindy0039 Posted October 12, 2003 Share Posted October 12, 2003 That ought to give some of the men something to chew on. Very thought-provoking. Link to post Share on other sites
Arnold Posted October 12, 2003 Share Posted October 12, 2003 I'm perfectly willing to accept my girl looking at porn. In fact, I encourage it. It leads to a very healthy and interesting sex life. We look at porn together, we look at porn when we're not together. As far as I'm concerned, there is NO harm in it. It's just a fantasy, and that's really what sex is all about. Or at least it should be. Ig you have a good, healthy sex life this shouldn't be a problem at all. It's a little odd that he'd be uncomfortable watching it with you, because I've found through personal experience that that can lead to both people becoming very turned on and having a really really good night. I bet you've never let him tie you up either, have you? Link to post Share on other sites
zman Posted October 12, 2003 Share Posted October 12, 2003 Whoa hairdrssr82, You are really turning me on now! Are you saying that women never look at porn and only guys do it???? Why don't women look at porn as often as guys, or at least more often than they do? Are they just more loyal and better behaved than men? What about all these all male revues women go to? My last girlfriend would be very jealous if I ever looked over her shoulder at another woman, even for an instant. Of course she wouldn't get upset if I happened to look at an old lady or another man, but if there was another women she considered potential competition somewhere in my field of vision, she would get very upset that my eyes might have glanced at her. But then she would go on about how we had to go see some movie because Keanu Reeves was in it and he is so hot! But if I talked about how I thought Alicia Keys was hot, she would get all upset. So it's ok for women to go to male strip shows for bachlorette parties or what not, but when men go to strip clubs there's something wrong with it and it's degrading to women. Women taking off their clothes for men is degrading, but men taking off their clothes for women is just fun and playful. Link to post Share on other sites
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