Worth The Risk??

[Erik Magnus]

[sIZE=2]Hello All,

 

I normally don't post stuff, but I really wanted to get other peoples opinion on this. I've had a thing for my best friend for about a year and a half now. She's an amazing person, we always have a great time when were out, we talk all the time and so on… Now my problem is, I would love to tell her how I feel, but she's with someone… And I can't make up my mind on what I should do?

 

On one hand, tomorrows not guaranteed and I would hate for something to happen and have her not know how I feel. But… I would also hate for me to say something and it forever change our relationship in a bad way. So I guess the question becomes, are something's better left unsaid??

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[SummerSun]

This IS a difficult situation where a crystal ball would come in handy!!! It is impossible to know how she is going to react, or whether her knowing that you like her will affect your friendship.

 

How long has she been with her current partner? Does it seem serious?

 

Personally, I'm one for risks...you're a long time dead and well, even if you fail, I much prefer to know that I did everything within my power to achieve my dream or for my cause. If you do decide to tell her, then the way you do it is incredibly important - but you will have to be prepared for things to be a little 'awkward' between you for a while as the unsaid will actually be said.

 

Whether a risk is worth it: Think about the BEST case scenario (her telling you she feels the same and you live happily ever after with 2.4 kids and a dog) and then think of the WORST case scenario (she tells you she never wants to see or speak to you again). Now you have to weigh it up. Is the risk of the worst case scenario worth potentially getting the best case scenario. If yes then go for it, if no then don't. Only you can decide.

 

As a girl, I would guess she already knows that you have feelings for her.

[xenonsrt10]

WHY YOU SHOULD:

-simply, you will never know otherwise

-it will let you move on and have less worry

-if she does like you....your golden

 

WHY YOU SHOULDN'T

-it could end your friendship with her for a long time/if not a while

-it it will suck if she says no and you can remain friends with her

 

you need to figure it out man. you have to express your feelings to her.

[vanilla87]

Okay first off, how long have you been friends with this girl? Over 5 years? less then four years? knowing how long, really helps determined alot of things if you wish to progress or not.

 

Also how does she act around you when your with people? how does she act when your alone with her as well? That'll let us know if there is something there that she isn't tell you verbally.

 

Hmm, she has a guy? well don't do anything stupid right now, like openly admit to her that you like her or have feelings for her, unless she is going to break up with the guy, then maybe say something, but she also might be too vulnerable by then as well, so its a 50/50 shot on telling her then.

 

You should play the hypothetical game where you can ask her what she would think if you were to ask her out or how she would reach if she ever found out you had feelings for her and if she doesn't take it well just say its another best friend who isn't sure about this girl he likes and make sure its real person she can believe this would happen to so that you don't worry and get caught.

 

Also just try and maybe focus on another girl for a bit if nothing pans out for awhile, maybe that'll get your friends attention...

[I'm Joe]

I found myself in a very similar situation when I was seventeen... I never said anything and she eventually met and married another man, it led me into a 3 year depression...Upon reflection I think that what I really wanted was a relationship, the friendship we had only served to further my affection for her.... I say go for it. You just think you want to be friends with her because right now being her friend gets you close to her. If you get rejected it will hurt.. but not as bad or as long as if you never say anything.

[somedude81]

Oh boy I really feel for you, I really really do.

 

Since I actually failed at getting my best friend I can not tell you what to do, only to avoid doing what I did do, that caused me to fail.

 

The number one thing you must do is let your intentions be known. Don't tell her, but heavily flirt with her. Your goal is to get her to start seeing you as a sexual being. If you don't get her to see you in a sexual way, even if she broke up with the dude. She would still only like you as a friend.

 

One thing I really regret doing is not trying to kiss her. I had the most perfect opportunity in the world, at a party at my house, both of us drunk, my arm on her shoulder, I simply could have said "come here" and given her a kiss. If she reacted badly I could have blamed it on the beer.

 

I REALLY wish I had taken that chance.

 

Whatever happens, DO NOT GET ANGRY AND BITTER AT HER!!

 

That was the biggest mistake of my life.

[vanilla87]

ICA with the above poster! You need to get her to view in a sexual way, even if you tell her how you feel, if she isn't attracted to you on a sexual level, then you have no shot period with your friend. Do flirt with her, but not to the point she gets weirded out. Try with the basics, tell her something that she is wearing, that you like it or something similar, then go from there.

[Erik Magnus]

[sIZE=2]First off thanks to everyone for the feedback, very appreciated. On an update note, I told her…. She said I have really bad timing and if this was a year earlier she'd be game. She said she can't leave him since he's done nothing wrong. We spent the rest of the day as normal with zero weirdness ( yes I know, a huge plus ). So I guess I can just hope I get another shot, I mean who knows right? I married young and had a great relationship with my now ex wife and NEVER thought I'd be divorced. Just goes to show you just never know. So I'll just remain hopeful…….

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