I don't know if this makes me a terrible person, but jealousy is making me crazy?

[Girasole]

I'm not even sure if I love him anymore, but something has happened and my feelings of anger and jealousy are making me crazy. I feel sick at heart because I feel abandoned and betrayed by a friend, and it makes me crazy to watch him loving and being romantic with another girl, and I'm not sure if I want to spend my life with him or if I even LOVE him and I'm terrified that I'm becoming a bad person.

 

I loved one of my best friends for a long time (he lives in another country). Back in November he wrote me and said that his girlfriend had broken up with him and that "If you return to my country, we can try a relationship, but I can't wait, I need a companion that can live their life with me." I have plans to return, but I wrote him, and for months went without a scrap of news from him. Yesterday I was looking at Facebook, and there was a picture of him loving and being romantic with another girl.

 

I've written him and he hasn't written me back, but every day he and the other girl exchange messages. Ever since he got the girfriend, he's abandoned me.

 

I'm so full of hatred and anger that it's driving me crazy. I'm starting to hate my friend because he stomped all over my feelings. He got the girlfriend and threw me away like garbage... he said that he needed a compainon with whom he could share his life in person and that a long distance relationship wouldn't work, but I feel like if he really CARED about me, he would have waited for me. I talked to him and asked him and he said he needed a companion he could share his life with, and that he was upfront about that... but I asked him why he deceived me... I said "If you cared about me, why didn't you wait for me?" He said, "I don't know." I think that he doesn't want to admit that he lied to me. I don't understand WHY he lied to me.

 

I don't think he's a true friend but it makes me crazy to watch him loving and being romantic while he's shutting me out in the cold. I have a FEW true friends, but I'm scared that if I tell them how I feel, they'll think I'm a terrible person and they'll stop caring about me. I know that's almost paranoid but I'm so scared of being abandoned.

 

I'm becoming evil, I know... I'm full of hatred, jealousy and anger for the girlfriend and I know that it's gonna destroy me and I don't want to be destroyed. It makes me crazy that she came along and spoiled everything for me, and now she has a loving boyfriend and I'm out in the cold. I can't stand it because it's so unfair. I have these angry thoughts about the girlfriend, and I HATE her. I wish that the magical curses I read about in stories were real, and and I have dreams where I hurt her very, very badly... angry dreams. I wouldn't commit a crime but I can't control what I dream.

 

I want to confide in my (real) friends... I trust them but I'm so scared that they won't want me when they find out I have these evil thoughts.

 

I wrote him the other day and told him I was feeling badly and asked him to call me but he didn't write back... and every five minutes he writes something on facebook about how in love he is.

 

I've never had a loving man in my life... I feel like something is wront that I have this effect on men. People just seem to make do with me and then someone comes along that they really love and then they throw me away like garbage. I wish and wish there were someone who loved me too much to ever hurt me.

 

Am I becoming bad? Why is my friend being such an *******?

[chardonnay]

You're not a bad person - it's natural to feel jealous in your situation. But for you own good, you should get this guy out of your life. Remove him from your facebook page and stop writing to him. You need to get on with your own life.

 

Do talk to your friends about this - they will not think you're a bad person at all. They'll be there for you in your time of need, which this is for you.

 

Hang in there, things will get better with time.

[Hoshi]

'he wrote me and said that his girlfriend had broken up with him and that "If you return to my country, we can try a relationship, but I can't wait"'

 

what kind of attitude does this guy have, to think he has the right to just order you back into his life when he breaks up with his girlfriend?

IMHO he is completely using you- to say something like that out of the blue and then shut you out when he has a new girl.

 

it sounds to me as though he thinks, because he knows you are in love with him (from what i gather), he can wrap you round his little finger. i wouldn't listen to this prick. he sounds like a shallow manipulator.

 

you should be directing your anger towards him, the other girl doesn't deserve your hatred even though she is taking him from you. transform all your evil feelings towards her positively, realise he is the one hurting you. use them to pull yourself away from this guy. it will be better for you in the end to try and dissolve all your previous feelings for him, otherwise you'll just get deeper.

to put it in perspective- even though you're in love with him now, would you really want to move to another country and spend your life with a guy who makes you feel like this?

[Ocean-Blue]

Being jealous is normal. At least you're being honest with yourself.

 

But realize that he's made a choice to be with someone else. Unless you get down there, sexy and ready to go, he's not going to look your way. He wants what is near him, at the moment.

 

I persnally don't think jealously is a bad thing. At least it tells you that you're alive and kicking. It's a luxury.

 

You just want him because he's got someone else. Be honest with yourself. You weren't willing to put yourself on the line for him befor.e But now, you're ready. Why? Because he's unavailable.

 

Do yourself a favour and do someone in close proximity. Do whatever you want, while you still can.

[Girasole]

I'm not trying to be mean, but here is the problem with guys in close proximity.

 

Don't judge me as shallow, but I have my heart set on a latino guy (my friend is Mexican). There's nothing wrong with American white guys, it's just that I'm attracted only to latinos... I've just never been interested in guys from the US. There aren't any guys in this area that appeal to me.

[Girasole]

There was a time when I would have swum the sea to be with him.

 

I don't think that I told enough details but I was afraid of boring people... I met him as a college student when I was studying in his town in Mexico. I still plan to go return to Mexico, but there are some problems.

 

When Fulano (not his real name) was dating his last girflriend, I really DID love him with my whole heart, and I was very sad. I decided that the only thing that could make me happy was to realize my dream of going to Spain to study. Well, I have everything planned and ready to go later this year. I made arrangements when Fulano was still in love with his previous girlfriend.

 

When Fulano wrote me and asked if we could have a relationship, he asked me if I could return to Mexico before I went to Spain. I'm going to Spain because I've always wanted to, but also to study and be trained for an international job. The only way I could return to Mexico was to forego my trip to Spain. i told him that after I finished studying, I would be in a position to get a job in Mexico and stay there for a long time. Maybe this is "neciedad" on my part, but I thought that he really cared about me and that he would wait for me.

 

I really loved him then (I'm so pissed off at him I'm not sure that he's "the one" although I still have these feelings of jealousy) but he knew (or I THOUGHT he knew) how much it meant to me to go to Spain and I thought that it would be better for me to go over there and study and get credentialed for a job I could do in Mexico, than to sacrifice my trip and return to Mexico sans credentials and only stay a few days.

 

I have my heart SET on a latino boyfriend or husband. I'm not racist or shallow. I'm just attracted to latinos, but that is a long story. This guy was a close friend (and still is although I'm starting to hate him), and I met him in college.

 

The thing is, realistically, when will I have another CHANCE to find someone? I have my heart set not only on a latino... I have another criterion... I want someone who is my best friend.

 

I graduated from college years ago, and I studied abroad in Mexico years ago. I don't see how I'll ever have another opportunity to cultivate that with someone. I'm 29 and I dread my next birthday because I'm scared that time is running out and I missed the boat.

[Girasole]

When he was with his LAST girlfriend, I just confronted him and told him I loved him. I'm not so sure I feel that way about him NOW, because he's lied to me and doesn't have the balls to admit that he lied, and that he screwed up, or how he really feels about me. I don't understand it, because men are "supposed to" be brave and courageous. I risked everything for him last year when I told him how I felt about him, and he said that he couldn't let his current girlfriend down. He's let me down so many times, though.

 

When he told me we could have a relationship, I was confused because he ignored me when he was dating his last girlfriend (the one who is his ex now), and then he wrote me and told me we could have a relationship if I returned to Mexico. I wasn't in a position to return back. I thought that he cared about me, and he made out like he did, and now that his little hoe has come along, he's ignoring me all over again.

 

It makes me feel jealous that he says I'm his best friend, but every time he gets a girlfriend he ignores me. Just because I'm foreign does not mean I'm an idiot... but he seems to think otherwise.