Messed Up

[lsb]

Hi. I need a little bit of advice. I feel like I really messed up in my relationship.

 

What I ended up doing was this - me and my boyfriend often frequent this gay bar (we just go there because it is close and the food is good). Usually we just sit there, eat and leave. But on Sunday they were having karaoke and I was feeling tense and wanted to loosen up a bit. So I got a martini. I ended up drinking two of them. Well needless to say I acted ridiculous. I ended up singing a song, dancing with one of the guys, and for some reason I ended up putting my arm around some guy sitting at the bar. I have no idea why I did this and it so unlike me. Even worse, someone asked if we were together and I said sort of. I dunno what I was thinking other than I guess I thought he meant were we married. But either way I still said it and boyfriend heard me. We have been going out for almost five months now. And now I don't feel like he can trust me when I go out drinking with friends, so I feel like I can't do that anymore. He asked me - "I wonder how you act when you are out with friends in a regular bar?" I feel so horrible. He did make a comment about these things but dropped it after that. I just now feel like how he thinks of me has changed, like as if I don't take our relationship that seriously. Even more, he is in AA and has been sober for 3 years, so I feel even worse about getting drunk in front of him.

 

It is finally dawning on me that I have been the one with my guard up this whole time so scared that he could cheat on me and yet here I am acting like this. I can't tell if I am blowing this out of proportion or not though and want some serious feedback about this. I love this guy and I don't want to lose him. This is also my first real relationship. I think I'm gonna stop drinking from now on too. Thank you for listening.

[Dexter Morgan]

Well needless to say I acted ridiculous. I ended up singing a song, dancing with one of the guys, and for some reason I ended up putting my arm around some guy sitting at the bar. I have no idea why I did this and it so unlike me. Even worse, someone asked if we were together and I said sort of. I dunno what I was thinking other than I guess I thought he meant were we married.

 

No, you know what he meant. the "sort of" reply was so you can keep options open.

 

if I was somewhere and a woman asked me that and I said "sort of", I'd expect my SO to slap the piss out of me.

 

The only reason for anyone to say "sort of" is if I they were interested in the person asking the question.

 

 

But either way I still said it and boyfriend heard me. We have been going out for almost five months now. And now I don't feel like he can trust me when I go out drinking with friends

 

I think he is right to think that. Maybe you shouldn't be drinking.

 

 

so I feel like I can't do that anymore. He asked me - "I wonder how you act when you are out with friends in a regular bar?" I feel so horrible. He did make a comment about these things but dropped it after that. I just now feel like how he thinks of me has changed, like as if I don't take our relationship that seriously. Even more, he is in AA and has been sober for 3 years, so I feel even worse about getting drunk in front of him.

 

You shouldn't be drinking at all if you can't control your urges, much less in front of a recovering alcoholic. But then again, he willingly is going to these places with you.

 

 

It is finally dawning on me that I have been the one with my guard up this whole time so scared that he could cheat on me and yet here I am acting like this. I can't tell if I am blowing this out of proportion or not though and want some serious feedback about this. I love this guy and I don't want to lose him. This is also my first real relationship. I think I'm gonna stop drinking from now on too. Thank you for listening.

 

I think thats a wise decision. So have you been out with the "girls" since this incident? If so, did he say anything about it or get mad?

[lsb]

I know what I did and said was wrong. But there was no way I was interested in the guy who asked me if we were together. He was gay. Honestly, the whole situation was so weird and odd. I never thought I would have to deal with a guy asking me if my boyfriend was available. It's weird.

 

But I have went out before this incident and not even came close to doing anything like that. I was so aware of the situation because I know what guys are looking for in a regular bar. At a gay bar, its like I know they were not after me.

 

But yeah, from the beginning I didn't drink around him. I felt funny. But as I got more comfortable around him and he didnt seem to mind, I drank only two times. This being the second. The first time I drank more and acted not so bad. So I guess I just thought it would have been fine again. But it wasnt. I feel so bad, I wish I never drank at all in front of him now. I don't know what I was thinking.

 

I havent went out since this incident and I now don't want to. I just know what he is gonna be thinking. Its just that its fun to go out with friends and dancing. But I screwed up and I guess I cant now. I know I dont control myself too well when I drink and that is really the problem why I shouldnt drink. But its just weird cuz I wouldnt even touch a guy when I was with friends. I mean I know Im not like that. I dont know why I was with him, other than I thought it was safe since they were gay.

 

But I really shouldnt have drank in front of him even if he says its okay. I feel really bad and stupid.

[mr.dream merchant]

I know what I did and said was wrong. But there was no way I was interested in the guy who asked me if we were together. He was gay. Honestly, the whole situation was so weird and odd. I never thought I would have to deal with a guy asking me if my boyfriend was available. It's weird.

 

But I have went out before this incident and not even came close to doing anything like that. I was so aware of the situation because I know what guys are looking for in a regular bar. At a gay bar, its like I know they were not after me.

 

But yeah, from the beginning I didn't drink around him. I felt funny. But as I got more comfortable around him and he didnt seem to mind, I drank only two times. This being the second. The first time I drank more and acted not so bad. So I guess I just thought it would have been fine again. But it wasnt. I feel so bad, I wish I never drank at all in front of him now. I don't know what I was thinking.

 

I havent went out since this incident and I now don't want to. I just know what he is gonna be thinking. Its just that its fun to go out with friends and dancing. But I screwed up and I guess I cant now. I know I dont control myself too well when I drink and that is really the problem why I shouldnt drink. But its just weird cuz I wouldnt even touch a guy when I was with friends. I mean I know Im not like that. I dont know why I was with him, other than I thought it was safe since they were gay.

 

But I really shouldnt have drank in front of him even if he says its okay. I feel really bad and stupid.

 

So you acted that way because you knew they weren't after you? What if they weren't homosexual? Would you still have acted that way? Its possible for a guy to be straight and not be interested in you. To me that's not any kind of justification for how you acted.

[lsb]

Yeah I dunno. I mean I am pretty sure I wouldnt have. But I guess I really don't know that. I just never saw myself like this. I usually am so careful. I guess I really just have to take responsibility for this and admit I was completely wrong regardless.

 

My friends like going out and that is what we do. And it is usually fun. I guess I can't go anymore. I can't for sure say that I wouldn't be like that. Alcohol really makes me a different person. I mean I am usually very shy and reserved. And it makes me a lot more outgoing. Does this mean I should completely stay away from Alcohol since I know it makes me like that?

 

It scares me because I know I love him and don't want to hurt him. Why wouldn't that occur to me when I am drinking?

 

I think I have a hard time admitting that Alcohol is bad for me because it ends up making me more fun and outgoing.

[lsb]

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[PrincessPeach]

At the very least if he doesn't already know your friends you should introduce them. If you want to go out with your friends it will be better for both of you if he knows who they are and feels that he can trust them as well as you.

 

I am glad that you are of the mind that it is you who needs to do something to ensure his trust in you rather than the so many people who think saying it won't happen again and making promises without actually doing anything different to avoid the situation.

 

Anyone can say that they won't do something again, and most of them would have said that they would do that thing before doing it the first time. But they still did, so why couldn't it happen again if they change nothing?

 

Make sure you want to do something to make sure he trusts you that it won't happen again. It doesn't necessarily have to be extreme. Talk about it with him and ask what would make him feel better about it. Would meeting your friends or him getting to hang out with them more often make him feel better? If you agreed to be the designated driver for your friends would that be okay with him? Don't commit to doing something forever, like never going out drinking with your friends again unless you are positive you want to do that. But also make sure that you don't do nothing at all either.

[Dexter Morgan]

I know what I did and said was wrong. But there was no way I was interested in the guy who asked me if we were together. He was gay.

 

Maybe you thought you could turn him;)

[jnj express]

If you can't handle your licquor, then don't drink, and if you are in a serious relationship why are you even contemplating going out with your friends, you should only be with your SO. If you want to go out with the girls, then make sure it is doing things that will not be in a situation where you can drink and get hit on. Either you want to be with your SO or you want to be free which is it, if its with your SO, then act properly.