Need advice . . .

[Again]

Well, I somehow stumbled across this place by accident . . . but it looks to be a great place to get some help with my current situation. First, I am sure this type of question has been asked many times. I have searched and cannot find too many tips that apply to my problem.

 

I met this girl my senior year at boarding school. It was such an amazing experience to meet a girl like her at a place like "boarding school". We started spending a lot of time together at school since we could not go anywhere during the week. I had never really been in a relationship before, so it was all new and magical for me.

 

One weekend, she went to New Orleans with one of her friends. It just so happened that I planned a trip with one of my friends to go that same weekend. We exchanged numbers and met up when we got there. Keep in mind that I had been seeing her for about two weeks prior to this trip. To make an incredible story short, I asked her if she wanted to start dating while we were down there. She agreed and we had a great time the rest of the weekend getting to know eachother better.

 

The year at boarding school finished out and she went back home (up north). We had no problems at all the whole six months we were together at school and we went our seperate ways feeling good about eachother.

 

Still with me?? Thanks!

 

Throughout the summer we talked a lot. We both planned on attending the same university the upcoming fall. It is located in a wonderful area and is a very reputable place.

 

School started this year, we were both placed in the same dorm! I was so excited and so was she.

 

I have a hard time adjusting to new places and people, I have had an exceptionally hard time here for some reason.

 

She decided that she wanted to "rush" and join the same sorority her best girlfriend is in. I was upset by this because all I have ever seen sorority girls do is be bad and get naked. I know that I am mistaken though, I am sure not all are like that. But I can't stop thinking that she has, or will cheat on me. She will not invite me anywhere anymore because I only stuck around her one night when we were out. Apparently that bothered her, she wanted me to socialize with other people more. I did talk to some people, but not for an extended period of time. I was content with the conversations that I had, and I wanted to sit by her and talk to her.

 

As school has progressed, I have become so depressed. I can't seem to meet anyone. Seems the only way to meet people is to join a fraternity, and I really don't want to join one at this particular school. My depression has led to to act in ways that I never act in front of this girl. It has made her so sad, she hardly wants to do something with me or allow me to go out with her and the friends that she has made. I have been rude to her, and ask her many questions about, what she did, who she was with . . . then I pick at her if she says she met some nice boys - or she went somwhere with some girls and boys.

 

Last part, I promise!!!

 

Rush has concluded and she got into her sorority. Last night, we went for a ride in my car to have a talk. We both cried a lot and she told me she wanted to start focusing on her life in the sorority and start meeting other people. She said that I am dragging her down with my depression. She said it makes her feel so responsible.

 

I went home last night and saw a doctor today. He prescribed me medicine. It made me feel much better today and I can't wait to continue taking it. I talked with the doctor and he gave me tips on how to get involved at school. My girlfriend doesn't want to break up with me, she says, she wants me to start doing more things on my own and start meeting "my own" friends. I agree with this but am very scared. Hopefully the medicine will help out some. I am going to try to explain to her my plan, and suggest that we keep our contact limited until we both get up on our feet (me more so than her).

 

Any tips on what I can say???

 

Thanks so much for reading.

[Redheadchik]

Sounds familiar! But I would be the girl in the story. I went through the same thing with my now ex. Most of our problems started when I began going to college. I too did the rush thing and joined a sorority in which he was not please AT ALL! He would accuse me of cheating just because I was in a stupid sorority which made no sense. He was putting the stereotype on me. I told my boyfriend at the time that he was going to to lose me forever if he didnt change his comments and attitude towards me. I started feeling like we were at two different levels and that he was holding me back from having fun. Keep in mind that I hung out with my bf at the time constantly, I always went out with him on weekends and he would get pissed when I decided to go out with the girls. Things went sour from there. We are still trying to work on things but it will never be the same.

Moral of the story is..... please please stop your mistakes while your ahead. The only thing your going to accomplish is her losing her trust in you and shes going to always feel "guilty" for not even doing anything wrong because you might make a comment about her "dancing with guys" or "having a drink at a party"(examples). When you really start to think about it, its not worth it. If you really like this girl or love this girl, you would trust her. If she still continues to say that you dont socialize enough for her then maybe she doesnt like you for who you are. There are many things to think about. Is she trying to change you or just help you out?

Are you constantly questioning her morals and making her feel guilty because of your sorority stereotype? Sometimes college is a time when people really figure out who they are and its a time when people can really surprise themselves. Maybe you both need to sit and talk about what you are both looking for in eachother. If you end upcomromising yourself and the same for her, then you really arent meant to be together. I hope this helps in some ways. Its harder to explain when im not talking.

[Redheadchik]

Its so crazy, sometimes I need to take my own advice! haha

[Again]

Thanks so much for replying!

 

Well, I haven't really had much time to meet people on my own since I have been here. When I have gone out, it has been with her and her friends. I think she is trying to help me more than anything. She wants me to get involved and meet people on my own. She told me that it has nothing to do with another guy, and I believe that. She also told me that she is not interested in guys right now at all, she just wants to focus on her sorority and acedemic life.

 

I just want to be there with her along the way. We have decided to keep the phone calls and contact limited. This kills me, but I know it will help us both out - hopefully.

 

Our families know eachother and get along great. Her dad loves me and my mom loves her. I heard somewhere that this means something good, in the least. I hope that this "break" is nothing more than that.

 

Anyone else have any advice?