Author MissingMyHubby Posted March 25, 2009 Author Share Posted March 25, 2009 Still have not responded, but I am having a rough day, saw her friend's uploaded pics of her, I had a dream about her recently, and also am just questioning in my mind what the right thing to do is. I almost want to email her back and explain why I think we went off the tracks and how and let her know I am different and finalize it by saying I forgive her. I take the chance it gives HER what she wants. At this point, I still am on the fence whether I want to forgive her and let her know versus staying in NC and keeping her guilt with her. She's due to marry in 4 months. Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 Texting and text-speak are not appropriate ways to convey what she's trying to say. I mean, "I want u 2 know?" Fail. Ignore. Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 accidental double post. sorry Link to post Share on other sites
Author MissingMyHubby Posted March 25, 2009 Author Share Posted March 25, 2009 So your saying her short little original text to me is pretty much garbage since it wasn't long and drawn out or an "acceptable" form of communication? I can see your point. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 accidental double post. sorry Thank you sedgwick. This little "misread" has already been acknowledged and apologized for. Link to post Share on other sites
openbook08 Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 So your saying her short little original text to me is pretty much garbage since it wasn't long and drawn out or an "acceptable" form of communication? I can see your point. i f**king despise text messages she should have the balls and respect to tell you to your face or at very least when you can hear her voice thru the phone after all the crap exes put us through i really dont see why a few mins of awkwardness on their part should compensate a genuine apology and make a text 'acceptable' if i make sense??? then again i do have a bitter pill when it comes to texts!! Link to post Share on other sites
openbook08 Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 Why break your NC? just delete it and continue on with your life, you don't need any justification from her for her wrongdoings etc. this is prob what i was trying to say!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
drummerprince81 Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 Its a tough call. My girlfriend finished with me 3 weeks ago. Her reasons were mind boggling, confusing and petty, and I guess not genuine enough but she made her choice. She never even officially finished with me FFS. She left me hanging with a lame text message, didn't even contact me in that 3 weeks until 2 days ago when I broke NC to test the water but was responded with a very insincere, couldn't care less attitude. I'm glad I did it, because I know where I stand. She has treated me like garbage too, but I feel like I need to tell her this now because I do not think I'll ever get an apology...I've kind of let her get away with it. I've been the better person all along but it counts for **** at the moment because she is not even feeling guilty. Just be a gentleman like you have been so far mate. Link to post Share on other sites
EmperorR Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 Also to add, Why reply? I wouldn't, I have forgiven my ex and moved on, but in no way if she ever contacts me will I respond back, the time for that is done and over, I don't talk to strangers. You msg her what what person says, she will message you back how's life? Trust me., if she really cared at least give a phone call, what a coward a chicken, after 19 months a pathetic text? DELETE DELETE And now you rhaving dreams and thinking of her, your going to end up hurting yourself again. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted March 26, 2009 Share Posted March 26, 2009 Still have not responded, but I am having a rough day, saw her friend's uploaded pics of her, I had a dream about her recently, and also am just questioning in my mind what the right thing to do is. I almost want to email her back and explain why I think we went off the tracks and how and let her know I am different and finalize it by saying I forgive her. I take the chance it gives HER what she wants. At this point, I still am on the fence whether I want to forgive her and let her know versus staying in NC and keeping her guilt with her. She's due to marry in 4 months. You need to finish disconnecting from her. What is happening in her life, what she wants, and whether she is "keeping guilt" or anything like that no longer has anything to do with you. You need to let her go. Truly forgiving her in your heart, letting her go, and releasing your connection to her will be much better for you than actually saying it to her, which will just keep you bound up in the drama. She's done what she needed to do; don't think that obliges you to respond in any way. Likewise, you need to do what you need to do, and I think that is getting back to the work of looking forward, not back. So your saying her short little original text to me is pretty much garbage since it wasn't long and drawn out or an "acceptable" form of communication? I can see your point. It's not so simply black and white about "acceptable" or not, but you do have to ask yourself, if it were truly sincere and heartfelt, and she intended it to be received as such, would one tap it out on a 1-line text message? So at least put it into context from that perspective... But again, I say, don't waste time trying to get into her head, decide what she deserves from you, what she is thinking or feeling, etc. She is old news. Now spend your energy planning how to move FORWARD. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted March 26, 2009 Share Posted March 26, 2009 You need to finish disconnecting from her. I agree with Trimmer.. wipe her clean out of your life... I think the fact that you know it was 19 months since your last contact should show that you are still too connected to her. If an ex form 2 year ago contacted me there would be no way in heck I would be able to figure out how many months it was since last contact ..I would just think it was years ago.. Cut that cord... Link to post Share on other sites
UCLAMike Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 LOL she has got to be joking. This isn't even an apology or a remorse. All it is is just alleviating guilt while showing absolutely no compassion. "Hey sorry I screwed you over, but umm yeah hope u feel better and forgive me ok? I mean it's the Christian thing to do right? lol k bye" Don't respond. This isn't a genuine apology. Genuine apology sounds different and if u need samples I can show you. Don't let her have it her way till the end. Link to post Share on other sites
UCLAMike Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 I am concerned from these questions that you are considering whether you hold any sway or control over her feelings, and/or her current relationship. I would suggest that you put those thoughts aside, and choose your response from the heart, and consider not how a response would affect her, but rather how it would affect you. If you feel like you could offer a response along the lines of IG and seibert's suggestions - "apology accepted, good luck..." - and if it will make you feel OK, or even better, to do it, then go ahead. On the other hand, if it would make you feel like you "gave in" or lost ground or something like that, then stay NC, because it would appear that you have not been able to fully let go yet, and it would be more healthy for you to ignore it and focus on your life. Along the same lines, if you are considering your ability to affect her feelings or her current relationship, I just don't see anything healthy - for you - about offering a response in that situation. Bottom line, if you would truly make you feel better to offer a gracious response, then take the opportunity to do it and then move on. If it would stir up uncomfortable or ingracious feelings, then I would avoid it and fall back on NC to continue your healing. This is the best advice ever here. This is your answer. This isn't about her and her guilt. You owe her nothing. She owes you nothing. Do what is best for you, not her. If you simply forgive her and let her go when ur not ready, it will be a setback. If she really wants forgiveness, she will come back later even if you don't respond now. Do what's best for u EDIT: WAIT WTF????????? This apology came as a text message? Ok that's just straight up insincere and disrespectful. Do the right thing. Ignore it. Link to post Share on other sites
TheJoker Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 If you dont reply back she will definatly try again man women are like that. Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 So your saying her short little original text to me is pretty much garbage since it wasn't long and drawn out or an "acceptable" form of communication? I can see your point. Any real apology will be delivered face-to-face or at the bare minimum in an actual phone conversation. I mean, this woman isn't even willing to type out whole words to apologize to you?? Way too easy, and disrespectful. And cowardly. If you dont reply back she will definatly try again man women are like that. That'd be DEFINITELY, and please don't make blanket generalizations. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Ilovehim Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 Okay! So I have read responses here and here it goes. Answers to your questions. "Why is she apologizing now?" Honestly, you don't know that and nobody here does for a fact. I believe she is apologizing because she sees how much she hurt you and she feels bad for her actions. It could be that she is going through a hard time and she knows how it feels to HURT, therefore she remembers how she hurt you and wants to apologize. Or it could be that she is happy, in love, knows what it feels like to truly care for someone and how much it would hurt to lose them, and remembers how she treated you and wants to say she is sorry. Ultimately only SHE knows, but it doesnt matter. What you do know is that she is apologizing. I believe the spology is sincere but also guilt and remorse play a huge part in it as well. Unless you're truly a cold-heartless person, then nobody enjoys hurting anybody, esp. when they love you so much and you loved them at one point too. Now YOUR RESPONSE is completely up to you. What would make you feel better responding or not responding. My ex wrote me an apology and I ignored it for a while because I wasnt ready. Then one day I told him he really hurt me with his words and actions but life went on, i forgave him and had to move on with my life. it was a nice conversation. it didnt make me feel better or worse...but to me it felt better coming off as the bigger person than seeming like i was still bitter over everything... i didnt worry about "is this going to clear his conscience?" probably, who knows..but my intentions were not to keep him feeling guilty...what would i gain out of it?? he knows what he did, he knows he hurt me..his regrets or lack of..are HIS, i have to worry about living my life and so do you... Link to post Share on other sites
ioncebelieved Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 I kind of went through this several weeks ago with ex hitting me up three times within a week. It had been a while since we spoke. During the times she contacted me she asked me had I forgiven her. Truth be told, I HAVEN'T and not sure if I fully will. Which leads me to ask you, have you forgiven your ex? Sometimes people think just because they ask for the forgiveness it clears up everything they did to you. In my case, I allowed so much crap from her, I am not just ready to forgive that easy. Not to mention, it was kind of insulting her making contact (I still have deep feelings for her) just to make small talk as catching up, inquiring of my dating habits since she has been gone. Only you know if you are at the point where you forgive her. Forgiveness is something GOD does because of his nature, but for me it's not quite that simple. In time, maybe I can and you can forgive....Just not today and that's okay too. Good luck and I would not respond unless you want to risk more games. Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 Dude, if she's getting married in 4 mos, then let it go and move on. What she does and why she's doing it, are no concern of yours. It sounds from your posts that you still have feelings. If you respond, you will come across as needy and pathetic. Man-up and ignore her and look to a better future without her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MissingMyHubby Posted March 30, 2009 Author Share Posted March 30, 2009 thanks everyone thus far. ucla your right. i will remain NC. her weak text to me was just that---weak. i am better than that. i confided in a friend some months back, who is a mutual friend, that i was tinkering with the idea of emailing her--water under the bridge stuff. he has a big mouth and prob told her, which then prob caused her to text me what she did since she thought i was "ready." i hope she is wondering why i am not responding. Link to post Share on other sites
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